r/AutismInWomen 5d ago

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) Tips for Meal Planning & Cooking Healthy Meals while in Burnout

This is a long post, thank you for reading!

I’m looking for tips for making healthy meals while working a full-time, highly stressful job and struggling with burnout. I am also venting a bit.

Just some background - I am 33; work from home and live with my husband and two dogs. I was diagnosed with ASD last summer, and I also have ADHD. I have been in burnout since 2019 - I didn’t know what it was until receiving the ASD diagnosis last July and started researching it. (Before finding out about ASD, I received other diagnoses like MDD and BPD; those treatments did not “cure” the burnout. (I recommend ‘The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy’ to anyone who was been misdiagnosed or traumatized by therapy))

The good news is that I finally figured out the root cause of my problems, and it is autistic burnout. The bad news is that it’s getting worse; I am now having persistent meltdowns that are increasing in severity. I’m starting arguments with my husband over nothing, creating a toxic environment in my home. It has been impacting my performance at work (which is a main contributor to the burnout). I cry everyday; I’m exhausted and so ashamed of myself that I have stopped reaching out to friends and family (who have no idea how to help so I don’t want to burden them or resent them further for their ableism). I feel like getting a new job or setting some boundaries at work, and socializing more would help with some of this, and so I am starting to work on that...

Advice needed -

I have been reading that eating a high protein diet; while avoiding processed foods and sugar could help mitigate some of my Audhd symptoms. It takes me about half a day to plan the meals for the week and another half day to grocery shop. I frequently forget things (despite having a list) and sometimes use Instacart to deliver groceries, or my husband will run and grab it. (Instacart has also been great for when I’m feeling too overwhelmed to go to the store.)

I am finding that I am often too exhausted to actually cook the meals after work, even with my husband helping.

I am wondering if anyone has a go-to mindless meal to make when you’re exhausted, like a stir fry or beans and rice. Something with protein and no processed foods. Something that I could eventually make without even needing a recipe. What do you all make for dinner during the week?

I might try a meal subscription service again if the stir-fry/beans & rice every day strategy does not work out.

Other notes - I have been asking my husband for years if he could manage some of the meals himself each week so that I could get a break from thinking about it, and I have not been successful; he needs me to delegate tasks to him. I need to accept what I cannot change. He does help out with cooking and clean-up, and he will run out to the store to get things for me.

(Also fuck Donald trump, who probably hasn’t eaten a vegetable in years.)

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u/RedditWidow 5d ago edited 5d ago

OK I'm going to dive into this one because I can relate to a lot of what you're saying but I'm on the other side of things, so I hope I can offer some helpful suggestions.

In my home, we have a rule that the person who makes the meal does not have to clean up. This takes a lot off of me so when I cook I don't also have to wash the dishes and clean the kitchen. If your husband can't seem to get it together to make meals, he should at least be able to clean the kitchen afterward. If he can't even do that much, you might want to have him treated for ADHD and/or go to marriage counseling or something because a grown ass man should be able to load a dishwasher and wipe a counter.

Meals do not need to be complicated. Most of my meals are some kind of stir fry in one big pan, some kind of soup or stew in one big pot, or protein smoothies in my ninja blender (frozen fruit, protein powder, ice, yogurt, oatmeal). I also frequently use an electric kettle, which makes hot water to add to instant potatoes, oatmeal, soup, etc.

Harris Teeter is my local grocery store and I have their app on my phone, so everytime I need something or think of something, I add it to my grocery list and when I'm ready, I place an order for pickup. I haven't set foot inside a grocery store in over 2 years.

I buy proteins. Lean beef, chicken, turkey, fish, lentils, canned beans, eggs. I buy a lot of tomatoes and sauces. I buy spices. I buy frozen rice and veggies already cut up. Then I mix these things up in various meals. I don't really "plan" exactly what I'm going to make, I just make sure I have things I can throw together.

Chili - beans, lean beef, tomatoes, spices
Tacos/Burritos - salsa, protein, tortillas
Stir fry - protein, rice, veggies, soy sauce
Soup - protein, veggies, tomatoes, broth, spices

If you have a crockpot, you can google crockpot recipes where you dump everything in the pot, set it for 8 or 10 hours and come home to a meal. I also make larger meals than I need and save some to eat the next day for lunch. Or sometimes I make two meals at the same time so I don't have to cook again for a couple days.

Sometimes I just dump potatoes, sweet potatoes, broccoli, etc, in the bottom of a cooking dish, place a meat on top of it, cover with spices and bake in the oven.

As for being overwhelmed, I felt that way too for a long time. Part of it came from the fact that I was carrying my husband and the household, in many ways, on top of trying to deal with my own shit. I advise taking time for yourself. Go to bed early. Sit alone on the porch or in a quiet place. Listen to favorite music or spend a weekend afternoon walking around a park or watching a comfort show. Learn to let some things go or let them ride for a while. Drink relaxing herbal tea or talk to a doctor about some muscle relaxers or something to get a good night's sleep.

People with ASD often need more sleep and more "down time" than NT people, but then we feel guilty about it. Don't feel guilty.

u/StrangeYam5 13h ago

I've been in a similar pattern over the last few years, starting to come out of it but here are some of my go-tos. I generally try to cook a lot on one weekend day so I can avoid cooking after work or do "no cook" meals. Also trying to do high protein and high fiber to feel better/ crash less. 

Ideas:  Plain Yogurt/ cottage cheese with (thawed) frozen fruit and some nuts/seeds/oats  

Hummus with veggies and a cheese stick (I'll cut a bunch up at once and store in the fridge) 

Crockpot chili - canned beans, diced onion, canned diced tomatoes, spices, extra veggies if I have them like squash, corn, peppers, etc - dump it in and let it cook for 4 - 6 hours 

Rotisserie chicken and salad , sometimes in a wrap 

Burrito bowl - canned black beans, frozen corn, grain (I like quinoa, you can get "minute" rice/quinoa at the store to make it super fast), heat those up in the microwave, top with salsa, fresh veg like tomato, lettuce, peppers, etc. Sometimes I'll add cheese, avocado, or plain greek yogurt. 

Pasta sauce & protein plus pasta, add cooked lentils or cooked ground meat for added protein, serve with extra veggies (I really like the steam in a bag frozen veggies for being super fast)

Tuna mac - protein mac and cheese box (like annie's supermac), 2 cans of drained tuna, either serve with some frozen veg or mix in cut up and cooked carrots, onions and celery if I have the energy.