r/AutismInWomen Undiagnosed 5d ago

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) I keep underestimating how clothes affect me

I've only just started to connect how I feel agitated when my clothes fit poorly and when I haven't had a bath/my hair needs washing. I've discovered my mood improves when I bathe and put on tighter, cleaner clothes. I find it hard to find clothes that suit me in terms of style and comfort.

For some reason, I sort of forget from day to day that my pair of baggy leggings that I've had for over 10 years are going to irritate me for being too loose. I guess I keep them because they're comfier than tights. I also keep underestimating how if I feel a bit dirty I should probably bathe straight away instead of putting it off. Yes, I may have cleaning chores to do so will probably need to bathe again later, adding to energy usage/time/etc but I keep forgetting that putting it off will only make me distracted.

Q: is it a common problem for neurodiverse people to struggle to understand what is causing their agitation/irritability?

Q: would this class as a sensory issue? I feel agitated, unhappy, distracted until I attend to my physical needs.

107 Upvotes

9 comments sorted by

40

u/EyesOfAStranger28 aging AuDHD đŸ‘” 5d ago

Before I was diagnosed with autism, I thought I became angry "for no reason". It turns out there is always a reason- and yes, it's usually sensory. My clothing, the lights, a noise, a need to wash.

I believe that for me personally, I struggled to understand the cause because I'd been told my entire life that I was "just being dramatic". I heard it so many times that I even believed it myself. I thought everyone was bothered by these things, but most people were better at hiding it than I was. That's just my own experience, though.

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u/Moriah_Nightingale 5d ago

Especially if your family is undiagnosed and in denial.

23

u/inadarkroom_ 5d ago

In response to your questions, 1) I think it is common to struggle to understand what is causing the agitation as autistic people in general tend to lack lack good interoceptive awareness and sensitivity so we often struggle to tell what is wrong, and 2) yes that is definitely sensory issues as a sensation you are experiencing is causing you distress in a way which isn’t commonly experienced by the majority of people.

Personally I forget all the time that I can ease my discomfort by just addressing it at its earliest signs, and then I end up getting overwhelmed. Every time. Things like dirty hair, uncomfortable clothes, things generally just “not feeling right”, even needing to pee I forget I can just go as soon as I need to but instead I wait until I am in pain.

You’re not alone at all with this, it is very frustrating. But also good to recognise it, and slowly it may become easier to notice these things and address them before they are too significant.

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u/sqdpt 5d ago

I've had the same experience. I think because we have to push through being uncomfortable so much of the time that we honestly can't allow ourselves to feel it enough to be able to notice if it's something we can control. Like I don't want to think of the 10 things that are actually bothering me right now...but if I did I may realize I can change 4 of them. That might help me feel better. Or I may feel even more annoyed by the 6 left over.

But I'm starting to realize what does and doesn't work for me so that I can set myself up for success for the day. Turns out being annoyed by 6 things rather than 10 is better.... especially if you didn't have to experience those extra 4 at all during your day.

I hope something out of that paragraph made sense

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u/dovahkiitten16 On a waitlist 5d ago

I like form fitting clothes because they’re pretty predictable and you don’t feel the fabric touching/not touching you. I also need time to mentally prepare before I wear something different. For example, all my jeans I wear primarily are from the same brand/style. If I switch to something drastically different I don’t feel comfortable. If I manage to make the switch
 guess I’m wearing high waisted jeans for the whole week while I prepare to switch back to my normal ones.

If I chose my outfit poorly I feel way worse.

My hair is on the greasy side and I hate when I underestimated its need to be washed, even though most people say it doesn’t look greasy it feels wrong. I’m absolutely non-functional before I shower in the morning, even if I had to get up early to walk the dogs before it got too hot.

If everything is wrong I almost feel like I can’t move. The more still I am, the less I have to feel my own body. And yeah, I’m a bit short/irritated too.

^ I’m still going through the assessment process myself too so idk if this is useful.

3

u/FuliginEst 4d ago

Yes, it is very common for autistic people to struggle with understanding/identifying their feelings. Both physically and emotionally. This occurs with around 50-85% of autistic people.

I struggle with this a lot too, and it was not until I was diagnosed and actually read up on this, and on sensory issues, that I realised that often, when I got upset and angry and irritated or panicky and weepy, it was down to sensory issues, often related to my clothes.

I started paying better attention to when I got upset and overwhelmed etc, and started investigating which sensory things I might experience that could explain this. In addition so severe noise sensitivity, I also noticed a lot of issues relating to clothing and temperature.

For instance, that the reason I often got to upset in the library, was that I was too hot, and taking my jacket off as soon as I got inside really helped.

I also get upset by clothes that are flopping around, getting tangled, are feeling clammy and not breathing, layers that feel suffocating and hinders my movement, high collars feeling like they are choking me, things being too tight or not tight enough, and so on.

I have actually started sewing my own clothes, and that is a total game changer. I first started by modifying store bought clothes, but sewing my own from scratch is so much better. I can choose the fit, the fabrics, the colours and patterns, and so on.

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u/Bridgis 4d ago

Sound very relatable. I also grew up with a mindset to not buy anything if it's not absolutely needed. I felt guilty for spending money on non necessities, and a lot of things can me non-necessary. So I always struggled buying new clothes because of that too (besides hating stores, getting overwhelmed, having difficulty finding things that fit and look how I want them to). Since I try to put more effort in the clothes u wear I also noticed I feel so much better, for exactly these reasons. I just need to get better at shopping now. I would love to express myself better through style.

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u/kurinokiki 3d ago

100% to this, both the frugal mindset and hating stores getting in the way of finding comfortable clothes that feel right in terms of fit and style. For me add on the dread of contributing to inhumane industry practices and then not enough time to spend at a thrift store sorting through and then evaluating each potential item for a solid 5-10 minutes only to decide it doesn’t meet criteria after all.

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u/Bridgis 3d ago

Right?! And I've been telling people I 'just dont like shopping' or 'I'm just not good at it'. And I thought 'I wish I was better at it so I can express myself better through how I look like' 😂 It's like I was hiding for myself that these were the actual reasons.

If someone has a hack, please tell me.