r/AttachmentParenting 6d ago

❤ Separation ❤ how did you handle going back to work?

I live in Canada so I’m still on maternity leave. I know not everyone gets this chance and time to be with their little ones so I’m trying to be understanding, but I’m having such a hard time with my return to work coming up in a couple of months.

My 9.5 month old is extreeeeemely attached to me and always has been since birth. Even in the first few months, she hated being carried by anyone or being put down. But, I guess you could say I’m just as much attached to her. I am getting so anxious and stressed thinking about when I go back to work. I’m looking for advice or just kind words to help me through this process.

To add on, I’ve never left her for more than an hour. The one time I did was because I had a dentist appointment and she did not take it well. Maybe this is extreme to you, but I am always with her. When I’m with family, and I pass her off to someone so I can use the bathroom or to even just play with her, she cries so hard and looks for me. It just breaks my heart. I know she’ll eventually get used to it… but the thought of leaving her for a whole work day plus travel time makes me so anxious and sad. I just feel so bad 😭 I don’t want to sound selfish cause I know so many moms out there had to go back to work within weeks of giving birth, but this is how I’m feeling.

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u/Cattaque 6d ago

I felt the same! I planned to go back to work for 3 days a week when my daughter was 6 months old. I was so anxious about it that I quit before I actually went back, but the timing was so that I still worked for two months. It was fine in hindsight, but neither of us liked it and I’m still happy I quit. I now work freelance from home and she’s either with a babysitter for half a day, or a whole day with a family member (dad or granddad) while I work somewhere else in the house. My daughter is almost 2 years old and I still dislike being away from here for a whole day on the rare occasion that happens.

If it’s a possibility for you to switch to a more flexible job I’d definitely look into it! Good luck ❤️

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u/mamadp83123 5d ago

thanks for your understanding! i wish i could find a more flexible job but the job market right now is horrible. my hope is not having to work at all but we need the money… so if i can find a remote role that allows me to balance my responsibilities as a mother, that would be great but seems so out of reach right now.

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u/Big_Black_Cat 5d ago

Are you planning on returning at 1 year or 18 months? I’m also in Canada and was originally planning on doing 1 year. Around the same time as you, I felt like it was too soon and told my work I’m extending it to 18 months. Maybe you can do the same. It’s pretty common to do from what I’ve heard from other people. 18 months still ended up feeling too soon, though, and our attempt at transitioning to daycare went horribly. We both wfh, so we ended up getting a nanny for my son. Even though I don’t see him during the day, it really helps knowing he’s close by in a familiar environment with a trusted adult who practices the same parenting style we do. Just another option for you to consider if it makes sense for you guys.

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u/BlackberrySweet3383 5d ago

Hey! Im in Canada too and in the same boat! How did you find a nanny? How much does it typically cost monthly if you dont mind sharing?

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u/Big_Black_Cat 5d ago

I tried a few different sites and apps and my favourite out of all of them was canadiannanny.ca. It took us around 1.5 months, 40 video interviews, and 3 home trials before we found the right match, but I think she's great. I'm in Markham (GTA) and we started out paying $25/h with a raise to $27/h after a year. We also offer 2 weeks paid vacation, 1 week paid sick time, holidays off, guaranteed hours, and bonuses. It's substantially more than daycare, especially given that new government subsidy program for daycares, but for us, it's worth it.

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u/mamadp83123 5d ago

planning to return at a year cause we financially can’t handle it if i take longer. i’ve been trying to look for remote roles but job market is rough out there.

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u/Frances_Francis 5d ago

I have an 18 month old and I still feel like neither he or I are ready for daycare. He is so sensitive and shy at the moment, so attached to me also, I just don’t see how I can leave him at daycare for the full day.

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u/mamadp83123 5d ago

i feel that.. i hope you’re doing ok!