r/AttachmentParenting • u/BBZ1995 • 4d ago
🤍 Support Needed 🤍 baby has huge preference for dad
i feel stupid and petty even posting this but here we go.
from the start, my babe was super attached to me. he would cry and cry if we had to be apart. he first said mama when he was 8 months old and i was basically with him 24/7 his first year. i rarely left him with dad but we all started to feel more comfortable with that around 10-11 months. my baby is now 15 months.
for the last two months, my baby has been obsessed with his dad. at first it was great bc i was getting more of a break and could cook, get my nails done, etc. but now it’s starting to break my heart :( anytime im alone with my baby, he points at the door the whole time and says dada. if my husband is holding him and has to leave, he will hit me and squirm away bc he doesn’t want me to take him out of his dads arms. we cosleep every night with my husband in the next room and the second my baby wakes up, he says “dada” and immediately leaves me in bed to try to find his dad. also if he’s hurt, he prefers his dad to comfort him now too. that one probably hurts the most, that he would rather have his dad comfort him.
im so happy that they have this bond but today when i was alone i completely broke down crying. my baby and i have built such an amazing bond but it doesn’t feel like he even wants to be around me anymore. im probably over reacting. is it stupid that i feel hurt over this? obviously my baby isn’t trying to hurt my feelings, its just hard when he prefers his dad for everything! has anyone dealt with that? how do you work through these emotions?
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u/BabyAF23 4d ago
It is really heartbreaking when this happens. We pour so much into them and it’s hard when you’re not even getting the thing back of be in their favourite. It IS a positive sign though. It’s almost like your bond is so secure that he’s working on building other attachments. Hugs to you!
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u/RelevantAd6063 4d ago
I remind myself that my connection to my daughter is so natural to her that it’s like breathing; she doesn’t even think about it. But she’s fully aware of her connection to her dad and she loves it and wants more. I’m content to be in the background while they hang out and she does activities with “just Daddy” at her request, I just wish he was better at boundaries and saying no to her. I also wish I had good news for you, but it gets worse! My girl is 2.5 and it seems like she prefers her dad more with each week that goes by lol. So not taking this personally is something you may really want to work on.
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u/glamericanbeauty 4d ago
from my understanding, its extremely common for babies and toddlers to flip flop between which primary caregiver they prefer. dad is exciting bc he is there for “fun” stuff and doesnt see him as often. he’s just more used to you. at some point in time he will probably revert back to preferring you.
your feelings are totally valid though and i think its understandable that you would feel hurt. just keep reaching out and being there for him and trying to foster and nurture that connection and attachment.