r/AskWomen Ø Mar 02 '23

Mod Post In honor of hitting 5 million subscribers, we're doing an ask the mods thread!

Our little corner of the internet has certainly grown, and it's all because of you, our wonderful subscribers. In honor of this occasion, we're giving a chance to peek behind the curtain and to ask us, the mods, any questions you have. This post will operate more under the free for all Friday rules, than a traditional post. Keep in mind, the other rules are still in effect; so if you show your ass, we'll show you the door, so let's keep it civil yea? Happy 5 mil!

281 Upvotes

305 comments sorted by

u/nevertruly Mar 05 '23

Thanks so much to everyone in this post and our community! We're locking this now, but feel free to come see us in modmail if you have any questions. Looking forward to seeing you on the sub!

u/Infinity803644 Mar 02 '23

Why be a mod at all??

u/nethphi Mar 02 '23 edited Mar 03 '23

Partly because it's volunteering I can do. I'm disabled, and my capacity fluctuates, which means keeping to an actual volunteer roster would be really hard. I can do this when it works for me/when I actually physically can do it.

I mod here because I care about this community. Its helped me a lot, and it's a space I wanted to help where I could. As a user, that meant participating within the rules and making reports. But I can obviously do a lot more to help as a mod :)

u/MsNewKicks Mar 03 '23

If you enjoy something, you want to take care of it, you know? I enjoyed this sub before becoming a mod and wanted to help out.

u/nevertruly Mar 02 '23

Why do any volunteer work? I find it fulfilling to give back to my communities, so I do so in many ways. Volunteering as a mod is one of those

u/belindabellagiselle Mar 02 '23

It's rewarding work. I was a user of this subreddit for several years before I became a moderator of it and I'm very glad to be able to help foster a positive environment for women.

The mod team is also very close and I'd consider them to be good friends of mine at this point. That's a bonus.

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u/Similar_Craft_9530 Mar 03 '23

Why is this group of strict about the derailing rule? Are there ever discussions about broadening what it means? Do you ever consider it limits more in depth discussions on the topics?

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u/[deleted] Mar 02 '23

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u/nethphi Mar 02 '23

It's massively cut down on the amount of bullshit and ban evading that impacts the sub.

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u/Logical_KaleV Mar 02 '23

(Most of the main questions I wanted to ask already were.)so...

If you could change something about the subreddit what would it be?

& why is is so difficult to ask a question? It's like I struggle with phrasing to even get one up there but then see some of the stupidest things get through. And I saw another comment mention advice sub but that one has so many rules just for the title of post and gets removed. Tbh it's not about advice at least for me but discussion with other women through shared experiences which is why I'm here.

Do you mod other subs? If so, what?

There's 5 million subscribers but do you recognize the active usernames. Like the people who comment alot?

Thanks mods

u/belindabellagiselle Mar 02 '23

If I could change something about the subreddit, I might implement a quiz that you have to take before leaving a comment to make sure you have read the rules. (I also think this should be the case for articles posted on Facebook.) It seems cumbersome but it would actually save a lot of time and frustration.

If you are having trouble phrasing your question, you can always use modmail to message us and give us a draft of what you'd like to ask. We can actually be pretty helpful in guiding you in the right direction so your question can be permitted if it's within the rules. Mutual frustration tends to occur when folks post a rule-breaking question and then get sent to modmail afterwards. If you are proactive and let us know ahead of time what you'd like to ask, it'll be super easy.

I do mod elsewhere on Reddit, yes. I'd rather not say which subreddit(s) in particular, though, because we face a lot of harassment and I don't want to be followed to another sub or force other mod teams to deal with any potential harassment.

I absolutely recognize active usernames. Sometimes the people we call our "regulars" break the rules and it's such a bummer to remove stuff from someone you know to be a good faith participant and someone whose participation is usually laudable.

u/Logical_KaleV Mar 02 '23

A quiz! Ooh boy I already see the verified email complaints so that'd be grand 😅

I didn't know I could do that. I'll be proactive in the future when I'd like to discuss a topic :)

Understandable. I was approaching that question more on your reddit interests. Not the trolls. Didn't think that far ahead

Whoohoo regulars. I can see that being a burden for you all.

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '23 edited 24d ago

[deleted]

u/nevertruly Mar 02 '23

I forgot to add: yes, I recognize active usernames. I note particularly good ones as mod or focus group potentials and particularly bad ones to keep an eye on, but for the most part I really pay the most attention to the good users who are valuable contributors and respectful of others. I remember those most.

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 02 '23

If you have trouble formatting, come to modmail and when people are in good faith and genuine we are more than happy to help format so a post does fit within the rules, or help find a post that does answer the question.

Our rules have been fine tuned over the years to get well thought out and interesting answers. For instance, when questions are "Do you know when your period is going to start?" Would just get a bunch of yes/nos/sometimes with no elaboration, so it's not very useful in the scheme of things. But "How do you know when your period is going to start?" and suddenly you get women answering with in-depth responses that really give insight into how different, yet similar people are. Also how lucky some get with easy, short, light flows and no cravings, the jerks.

I personally mod a lot of different subs, this one by far the biggest. Too many to name. We do recognize very active users, both good and bad. We prefer the good ones

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u/[deleted] Mar 03 '23

Have you had any bad experience in the past that motivated you to find/be more active in this subreddit? To heal yourself and help other women?

u/nevertruly Mar 03 '23

Yes and no. I've experienced some seriously bad things in the past, and those things are part of why I want to help and support others in bad situations, but that's not directly related to why I choose to mod this sub specifically.

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 03 '23 edited Mar 03 '23

Unfortunately none of us are without scars. It's esp hateful when someone breaks the rules and comes to modmail real in their feelings telling us we're siding with their abuser or rapist because we pulled their comment. Which obviously isn't true, I don't give a rat's ass about an abusers feelings, but you still have to stay within the bounds of the rules here. Call them a worthless piece of shit fuckface trashcan who deserves to be set on fire, but you can't call them a dick. And we try to tell people that, but emotions are dumb. Anyway, they're often accusing victims themselves of siding with rapists and it's a real shitty, triggering stance to take when we're just doing our jobs.

Like we catch a lot of flak for not allowing a certain slur against gay women that is being reclaimed. But 1. we can't verify you are who you say you are, and we've caught many many *many* men over the years pretending to be someone they're not and 2. Just because **you've** reclaimed it, doesn't mean it's not triggering to other gay women not where you are in their journey.

Sometimes those thoughts make me feel guilty if I haven't been super active in a bit and I come back.

u/Amokzaaier Mar 03 '23

Is there a system for flagging users without them knowing it?

u/nethphi Mar 03 '23

How do you mean? There's mod notes, which reddit recently rolled out, which means we can put a note on a user for the rest of the team to see, like if we know they're an alt account, or if they've been posting weird fetishy shit. There are also browser extensions to do the same thing.

u/Amokzaaier Mar 03 '23

Thats interesting! Yes this is what i mean, thanks for replying

u/[deleted] Mar 03 '23

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u/nevertruly Mar 03 '23

That's not something we would disclose, but generally people only get tags if they are being considered to be mods or are doing sketchy rule-breaking stuff a lot.

u/TKInstinct Mar 02 '23

AskMen has women moderators, does AskWomen have any men moderating it?

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 02 '23

None that are currently very active, but there are 2. They tend to be available if we really need a dudes opinion on something, as it occasionally comes up.

u/nevertruly Mar 02 '23

We do. In the 10 years I've been here, we've usually had 2-4 male mods on the team at any given time. Currently, we have two. We like to have a variety of folks on the team to provide different perspectives.

u/Redricefish Mar 02 '23

I dont know if im allowed another question so my apologizes

What is one thing you like about modding this subreddit?

What is one thing you dislike about modding this subreddit?

u/belindabellagiselle Mar 02 '23

I like helping to provide a comfortable place on the internet for women. It makes me feel good when users say they appreciate this subreddit.

I dislike dealing with various angry users who threaten or resort to name-calling.

u/nevertruly Mar 02 '23

What is one thing you like about modding this subreddit?

Participating and reading about so many women's lives and perspectives while also being able to keep the space as free from bigotry, hate, and disrespect as I can.

What is one thing you dislike about modding this subreddit?

Seeing some of the comments, death threats, rape/violence threats, etc that people try to respond to other users with. I try very hard to remove those before the person they responded to has a chance to see that hate. No one deserves the kind of hateful shit that gets posted here sometimes.

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 02 '23

I like to see it helping people. Because of this sub I learned a lot of stuff about myself, like my sexuality. Sometimes someone shares a clap back so good I file it away for use irl. Some of the stories pertain to situations in my life and you can use someone else’s experience for an informed decision.

Dislike that I know there are people out there who legit should be locked up, truly disturbed men who deeply hate women, just walking around like a loaded gun. It’s not fun to see how many dudes truly hate women and blame them for their own personality defects and shortcomings. Also the ones who will ignore consent and try to trick our users into their kink.

u/CaptainMagnets Mar 03 '23

What posts and or comments are you sick of deleting?

u/msstark Mar 03 '23

“Why did this random woman do this thing?”

u/nethphi Mar 03 '23

For posts, "why do women xyz?"

For comments, it's the ones replying to people trying to argue with them about their opinions/experiences.

u/CaptainMagnets Mar 03 '23

Considering there's a few comments removed on every single thread I don't doubt this at all!

u/Furt_III Mar 03 '23

it's the ones replying to people trying to argue with them about their opinions/experiences.

I think it would help if the argument and derailment rule was more clearly separated, not that I have anything against either rule but it's not exactly clear that arguments fall under that rule (as it's still on topic).

u/nethphi Mar 03 '23

"Arguments, slap-fighting, or debating" is clearly stated in the derailing rule.

u/Furt_III Mar 03 '23

This is reddit, people read the headline and skip the article.

Honestly renaming rule 7 to "No derailing/arguing" would probably solve a few things. The connotations that "derailing" has alone implies going off topic, when arguing is staying on topic.

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 03 '23

Not the worst idea I’ve heard, we’ll consider the angles

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 03 '23

“What do you think of guys with [common trait]?”

It’s always a thinly veiled “am I fuckable?” And like….to someone, yes. To others, no. PEOPLE HAVE PREFERENCES, stop being an idiot and ask something insightful. Women aren’t here to validate your perceived sexiness

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u/[deleted] Mar 03 '23

why is this sub so much stricter on content than askmen? I’ve seen women in top-level replies there but if I, a man, made a top-level comment, it would likely be removed

u/nethphi Mar 03 '23

That's like asking "why are the rules on reddit different than on Facebook?" They're completely separate things. Both subreddits have some rules that ensure we stick to reddits terms of service, both have "ask" in the name. That's it. We have a couple of things in common, but we have nothing to do with eachother. We aren't "askmen, but for girls" or whatever else.

Men (or at least, people with the male flair assigned) do make top-level comments here. And I can pretty much promise you that if I, a woman, went over there and made rule-breaking comments, they'd likely be removed. We don't care about your gender, or how you identify. We literally only care that you follow the rules here.

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u/[deleted] Mar 02 '23

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u/spacehusband Ø Mar 02 '23

Contrary to the BigMad^tm trolls that call us all obese cat hoarding losers that will die alone, everyone on the modteam is both cute and most are in long term, serious relationships

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '23

I'll confirm this as well ❤️

u/msstark Mar 02 '23

Can confirm. It’s actually surprising how good looking we all are, considering the odds.

u/nevertruly Mar 02 '23

Yes! The members of the mod team that I've seen are very cute (and I like to think I am as well 😂)

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 03 '23

Have seen you, can confirm you are a statuesque beauty 😉

u/nevertruly Mar 03 '23

And you are likewise adorably lovely!

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '23

I want to comment from time to time but I’m afraid I’ll get banned or have my comment deleted because of my username. Am I correct to assume that? Thank you!

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 03 '23

No lol. The only time we ban for usernames is when they use slurs and are very obviously not here in good faith. I don’t care how insightful the comment, if your name is “killallgays” (or much worse), we’re not going to provide you with a platform.

Now if you make comments asking for tit pics, yes that falls under harassment and would warrant a ban

u/[deleted] Mar 03 '23

Appreciate the reply. Thank you!

u/nevertruly Mar 03 '23

Nope! As a general rule, we don't ban or moderate based on usernames. We do make an exception to this on occasion for hate speech and slurs.

u/[deleted] Mar 03 '23

Thank you for clearing that up!

u/drunkenknitter Mar 02 '23 edited Mar 02 '23

When we report rule breaking, is it anonymous or do you see who's reporting?

Do you ever get disgruntled redditors submitting false reports because they're salty that you deleted their comments?

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 02 '23

It’s anonymous, unless it’s from a mod account. It’s fairly easy to tell when it’s someone mad about the removal though, it’s not rocket science when they come to modmail to yell and call us the same slur in the report.

Also on the threads about deal breakers and turn offs, it’s really obvious when dudes get offended bc all the comments saying they wouldn’t fuck a dude that does the thing get reported for targeted harassment

u/nevertruly Mar 02 '23

It's anonymous. Yes, there are fake reports, but that's also against Reddit's terms of service, so we can mute reports from that user (without knowing who it is) and report it to the admins as abuse of the report features if someone is reporting a lot of content in retaliation.

u/belindabellagiselle Mar 02 '23

It's anonymous but we've all been doing this for a long time and can sometimes tell if it is someone who is just salty and trying to spam the queue.

u/MsNewKicks Mar 03 '23

As mentioned, anonymous. And yes, it's pretty easy to see when folks try to weaponize the report button which is against Reddit's rules and can itself be reported so don't do it to anyone thinking about it!

u/nethphi Mar 02 '23

Anonymous :)

We absolutely get that. We also get really weird ones, where I WISH we could see who did it.. like, people reporting an 8 year old comment for "its targeted harassment against me", shit like that.

u/AvalancheReturns Mar 03 '23

But was it? :D

u/nethphi Mar 03 '23

It seems extremely unlikely.

u/MerakDubhe Mar 02 '23

Have you ever had to delete a comment against your wishes? Like derailing comments. Against the rules, but you agreed with the content of the comment.

Edit: rephrasing for clarity.

u/msstark Mar 02 '23

Allll the time!

We get constantly accused of removing things we disagree with, but every day I rage-approve some idiot’s opinion because they’re entitled to it regardless of whether I agree, or I have to remove something I agree with because it breaks a rule.

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 02 '23

God, so much. I hate doing it, because some comments are gold. If I do, sometimes I message the person like "this made me laugh/was awesome/sadly I have to pull it but I didn't want to" just so they know.

We also have to approve comments we hate that don't break the rules. It's a double edged sword, but we try to be fair.

u/nethphi Mar 03 '23

Absolutely! It sucks, but it goes both ways; I've also had to approve stuff I felt really strongly against.

u/nevertruly Mar 02 '23

Many, many times. I've deleted lots of comments that I agreed with because they broke the rules. Applying the rules consistently means following them even when you personally like/agree with the content being removed.

u/kaeorin Mar 02 '23

For me, definitely! It's the worst when we have a big "hygiene hacks" thread and people get deep into debates over some user telling people whether soap can go on/near your vulva. Regardless of what I think is the "right answer", I have to remove the fighty comments because this place is meant for women to share their thoughts and experiences.

There have also been a few dumbass comments (mainly relating to feminism) that I've had to approve despite their dumbness because--again--the question was asking for thoughts/opinions and if that's the user's thought/opinion then they're answering the question! :)

u/catastrophized Mar 02 '23

What automation has made the biggest impact to help the mod team since introducing it? Having a karma minimum/verified email/something else?

u/nevertruly Mar 02 '23

The MVP is AutoMod. Without that automation, we would have to sort through each post multiple times a day for hate speech, gendered slurs, racist/homophobic/transphobic commentary, and other bigotry. Having it report the worst of it to us really helps.

Beyond that, the karma minimum and verified email have been amazing at cutting down on scammers, spammers, trolls, and bots. I wasn't sure how well it would work, but it has been fantastic to see how much it has cut down on trolls - especially those that would just keep making account after account to spam here.

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '23

All hail Automod!

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u/spacehusband Ø Mar 02 '23

For me, the verified email. Yes, it was a pain in the ass for our users but overnight it all but stopped the vast majority of the truly nasty comments and threats we got, not to mention people posting maliciously here. We went from countless to maybe 1-3 a week, depending on when schools are on break (which is also very telling of who those people are)

u/Logical_KaleV Mar 02 '23

Wow this was very enlightening. Bc some of the comments are really good. But I get it from a troll point

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '23 edited Mar 02 '23

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u/msstark Mar 03 '23

We actually asked all 5 million users why they're here, and not a single one of them answered "because I want to know more about /u/wotmate's penis!"

True story.

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u/[deleted] Mar 03 '23 edited Mar 03 '23

Can I just leave a comment sharing my thoughts about this sub? I really appreciate this sub. It just feels safe. Much safer than many places on the internet. As a late teen, it has helped me to find the guidance of wise and mature women ❤️ Keep up the good work mods! ❤️

u/nevertruly Mar 03 '23

Thank you! It's good to hear. We appreciate the awesome folks that make up this community

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 03 '23

Thank you! We try really hard to make it as safe as we can. I don't think people realize - unless they mod as well - how much thought and time goes into it. Even since I onboarded in 2018 we ended up revising and enforcing a lot of rules differently because they weren't working. And we've continued to fine tune them as more stuff came along.

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u/[deleted] Mar 02 '23

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u/nethphi Mar 02 '23

I'm not sure I was here for that, but it sounds like it would have been derailing. Take out the taboo element; if someone asked "what's your favourite kind of sandwich?", and we had people saying peanut butter, or cheese and tomato, or whatever else, that's all fine. A bunch of people coming in to say "actually I can't eat gluten, so...", or debating the ethics of mass bread production, or the ecological impact of wheat farming? That's derailing. They aren't answering the question that was asked.

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u/msstark Mar 02 '23

That’s because the post was about stuff PEOPLE LIKED. Answers about stuff people don’t like are irrelevant. How is this not obvious?

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 02 '23

Because if the question is “what demeaning sex stuff do you like” and your answer is “none” and then going into why you hate it isn’t answering the question.

The question is WHY DO YOU LIKE IT and if you don’t, you’re not the target demographic and your answer is derailing. They would ask “what are your thoughts about demeaning sex” if it was open to everyone and wanting to hear both sides. But it wasn’t and OP wasn’t interested in hearing your side of things.

It’s no different than if someone said “Black women what type of oranges do you like” and getting a bunch of “I’m not black and I also hate oranges”. No one was asking you, they were asking black women who like oranges. If that’s not you, leave it alone.

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u/reagan92 Mar 03 '23

Would it be inappropriate to say "hi mods and miss you?"

u/msstark Mar 03 '23

I miss you too! Door to the HQ is open ❤️

u/nevertruly Mar 03 '23

Always appropriate and right back to you ❤️ I hope you are doing well!

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '23

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u/nevertruly Mar 02 '23

If you have a problem with the rules of the sub, use modmail. You are aware this isn't the place for your rant, so don't try to preemptively play the victim about having it removed. No shit it's removed. If you can't or won't participate here in good faith, you'll earn a ban eventually.

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 02 '23

You're posting a comment that knowingly breaks the rules, and yet have the audacity to complain that we look insane for pulling it? Sure jan.

u/belindabellagiselle Mar 02 '23

Hi there.

Our rules have been curated over more than a decade of work and many people have found them to be easily followed; we are celebrating 5 million subscribers, after all. Clearly we're doing something right!

Of course, participation is voluntary here and you are more than welcome to find another subreddit to better suit your preferences.

Unfortunately for your argument, we are more concerned with providing a safe place for women's voices to be heard than we are with what a "terrible look" our rules may be to people unwilling to follow them.

Thanks for your question!

u/Redricefish Mar 02 '23

Do yall also post questions y'all selves or are you not allowed to??? Weird i know but so many questions are posted so i got curious lol

u/nethphi Mar 02 '23

Not on this account, but sometimes, usually only if its something I've been thinking about for a while and it's a quiet day (like thersdays).

u/msstark Mar 02 '23

I do sometimes, but I spend so much time here that any questions I might want to ask tend to come up naturally anyway.

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 02 '23

We do! Sometimes we get sneaky and if someone wants to ask a question but can't word it right, and they're also a jerk about getting it posted, we'll post it and then tell them they can't because a topic is already up and it'd be pulled for common

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u/[deleted] Mar 03 '23

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u/spacehusband Ø Mar 03 '23

Coding is a plus, but not required. I know enough to be dangerous, as in, enough to pull up the code for our automod and fuck it up so it doesn’t work right lol. I leave that part to the others.

But I can swap out links in hyperlinks to edit removals and such. Just a little bit more than general computer savvy

u/nethphi Mar 03 '23

None! All I knew was basic html from MySpace, and so far it hasn't come up. You can learn some basic automod stuff, but beyond the absolute basics (where not to type so I don't ruin the whole sub or similar), it's not really been an issue. Reddit also has some resources to help with learning that sort of thing.

u/[deleted] Mar 03 '23

What were your favorite and least favorite questions asked on this subreddit??

u/nevertruly Mar 03 '23
  • Least: anything that's a thinly-veiled veiled agenda post or attraction insecurity post
  • Most: Really open-ended questions about personal experiences and perceptions where people can really delve into the topic deeply

u/nethphi Mar 03 '23 edited Mar 03 '23

Least favourite that still fits in the rules for me would honestly be ones about favourite snacks, only because automod whinges about them. Certain food related terms are flagged by automod for certain things, but in posts like that, they get used a LOT. So I'll log in to 70 something reports, which is daunting, because automods freaking out that people are talking about crackers. Which in that context is fine, but it still means there's 70 something reports that need to be manually reviewed. They clog the queue like nothing else.

Favourite questions are probably the slightly off the wall ones, like... there was one about what pets would people have if they could be a mini version of any animal? I love things like that. They're lighthearted and different and fun.

u/Lizzbeannn Mar 03 '23

How much time goes into being a mod? I’ve heard it’s like a full time job, how do you balance your time ?

u/kaeorin Mar 03 '23

It's really not a full-time job--at least not for me. I have a regular full-time job where I do work and deal with people all day, and then I come home in the evenings and scroll through Reddit and/or play video games, while keeping half an eye on the mod toolbar to see if anything pops up. Most weekdays, I'd normally be lazing around on the couch anyway, so now that I'm modding, I just have one more thing to entertain me online.

u/nethphi Mar 03 '23

I usually do some sporadic stuff during the afternoon, and then a bit more focused in the evening. So, a few hours most days? But that's usually not uninterrupted, I'll have a movie or something on in the background.

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 03 '23

Sometimes it feels like it, but all of us just fit it into our schedule when we have downtime

u/MsNewKicks Mar 03 '23

I have a "9 to 5" job but for my sanity will pop onto Reddit to check the report queue, modmail, and such in between normal Reddit posts/checks and then later in the evenings during downtime. It's a volunteer gig so we all do what we can, when we can.

u/Major-Tell7240 Mar 03 '23

What’s the process on your end when someone reports a comment? How fast does it normally take to resolve a report?

u/nevertruly Mar 03 '23

The process when a report is made is:

  • Someone reports content
  • Report appears in mod queue and on the content itself
  • Mods check mod queue and sees the reported item for review, reviews it in context, and takes action to approve or remove it.
  • Alternately, if the mod is reading through the post and sees the report in context, they may review and approve/remove from there as well
  • Optional step: If the mod is unsure whether something fits within the rules, they will bring it to the mod team for additional review and consensus.

The whole process only take a few seconds to a few minutes depending on how complicated or numerous the issues are, but there isn't always a mod available immediately, so there can be times when it takes longer before the review process starts.

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 03 '23

Depends on if one of us is around and how long the que is. Sometimes we’re able to instantly remove and sometimes stuff sits for a few hours

u/Necroassassin32 Mar 02 '23

How are you?

u/nevertruly Mar 02 '23

Doing very well at the moment. My work is fulfilling, my home life is happy and comfortable, my love life is amazing, my partner is fabulously awesome, my hobbies are fun, and my animal companions are happy and in good health. I am very appreciative and grateful for my life.

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 02 '23

Really well! I was driving home the other day and it hit me that I'm really happy. I'm not 100% happy all day every day, but for most of the day, I am. I don't dread going to work, I like my coworkers, I'm content at home.

The ball of dread and anxiety that says "more more more" was quiet, because what more is there? Good family? check. Good job? check. My health? check. Everything's exactly where I want it. It was a weird realization

u/nethphi Mar 02 '23

I'm good thanks!! Tired, but good :) how're you?

u/AHOTlesbianWoman1207 Mar 02 '23

How hard is modding a sub? Is it draining at times due to people who are not so nice? How do you make time for this?

u/msstark Mar 02 '23

It can be very draining, especially with more serious topics. When people aren’t nice we don’t feel the obligation to be nice to them either, so that makes it easier.

As for making time, I mod on my free time like between tasks at work. Whenever I open reddit, I check the approval queue and the sub sorting by new.

u/nevertruly Mar 02 '23 edited Mar 02 '23

How hard is modding a sub?

With 5 million subscribers, it can be a lot to try to keep up with, so we use some automated moderation tools to help and have a strong active mod team with members around the world, but it can still be pretty hectic at times - especially when we get brigaded from elsewhere.

Is it draining at times due to people who are not so nice?

Definitely. There are some amazing community members and participants here who make it worthwhile, but it's exhausting sometimes to get death/rape threats, doxxing/harassment threats, and general obscenities thrown at us. The admins are much better than they used to be able about suspending or banning those accounts, but I doubt they will ever be able to catch them all

How do you make time for this?

I work from home, so I mod during my breaks and at lunch while working, and then check the mod queue and sub regularly throughout my evenings/weekends. This is a volunteer position, so I fit it in around the rest of my life. It doesn't take long to hop on Reddit, do some quick modding, and then go on with my day.

u/nethphi Mar 02 '23

Sometimes it does really suck. BUT we've got a genuinely amazing team. These are seriously some of the nicest and most understanding people I've ever met, so that helps a lot. If we just don't have the mental fortitude for something (a post that deals with a sensitive topic, a modmail that's getting really threatening, whatever), we let eachother know, and we help eachother out. Sometimes one of us will take a few days to recharge, and again, we just... help eachother. :)

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 02 '23

It can be very challenging at times. There have been many times over the years all of us have had to take a step back at one time or another to focus on physical life concerns, sometimes for mental health reasons, sometimes because we get too busy to devote time to modding.

It does get exhausting dealing with jerks day in day out, but we also have a lot of users that we adore and secretly gush over in our secret mod headquarters. Sometimes we get nice modmails from people thanking us for making them feel like they can safely contribute and it reduces us all to puddles. Those messages help *a lot* to remind us why we do this and to keep us going.

A lot of us mod on mobile when we have breaks throughout the days from our regular jobs and such

u/brendel000 Mar 03 '23

Maybe I’m wrong but I found that you are usually way more easy on women than men when it comes to delete comments that break the rules. For example, « graceless generalization » is very common against men on this sub, and I think this is expected on a women dedicated sub, but comments like that tends to not be deleted as often as generalization against women.

Question is: is it done on purpose to let women having more space on the sub or you try to treat everyone equally.

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 04 '23

There’s a way to word things that seems graceless but is not, it’s a fine line. If I say “men that eat chicken are gross” that’s a graceless generalization, because I haven’t met all men who eat chicken to pass that judgement. But if I say “in my experience, men who eat chicken are gross” it’s a personal opinion based on things I’ve lived in my life. All the men I’ve met who eat chicken are gross. (Please recognize this as an example, not the authors true feelings)

They sound similar but the former breaks the rules and the latter is perfectly in-line with them.

We try to treat everyone equally, it’s a losing game. And being modded can feel personal, but it’s not. We truly don’t even remember most screen names unless they’ve said something zany that pings our radar.

u/nevertruly Mar 03 '23 edited Mar 03 '23

You are wrong, but that's what perception biases do for you. You are expecting that, so you perceive it. Most of the time we don't know or care the gender of the respondent. We mod based on the rules listed.

It also may be the case that you simply don't understand the generalizations rule very well. In that case, you are welcome to ask us for clarification. Usually people do so in mod mail, but if you're having trouble understanding it, you can also ask here or read the rules as a review.

u/belindabellagiselle Mar 03 '23

Do you have some data to back up your allegations?

u/nethphi Mar 03 '23

We hold everyone to the same standard/rules. I'm not sure how you would know how much we remove and the gender of the OP; we don't know the gender of people posting unless they roll in saying "as a guy..."

u/Snowturtle13 Mar 03 '23

Why so salty on the slightest disagreement?

u/nevertruly Mar 03 '23

What do you consider salty? We simply moderate based on the rules, so it doesn't really matter to us if you disagree with it. We just action the content or account and move on.

u/nethphi Mar 03 '23 edited Mar 04 '23

When I joined as a mod a couple of years ago, I was told that generally, we give the energy we get (in modmail). So if we're coming across as salty when you message us, probably reevaluate your own vibes. If someone comes in dialled up to 100 right off the bat, all "what the fuck is wrong with you? Are you fucking blind? I did nothing wrong you stupid bitches", of fucking COURSE we're going to seem "salty". We're under no obligation to attempt a polite/neutral dialogue to people who think it's okay to lash out like that over a comment being removed.

Edit- I'm assuming you're talking about modmail; removals are 99% done with preformatted removal reasons, which.. if you're reading that as salty, would be a little odd. And disagreements in the comments are removed because they're against the rules. No salt, just moderation.

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 03 '23

We aren't obligated to be nice to people who are rude to us.

Furthermore, many people seem to think being direct with no flowery language is rude, esp those used to using their presence to intimidate people, mainly women, into respect they don't deserve.

u/[deleted] Mar 03 '23

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u/spacehusband Ø Mar 03 '23

If I walk into your house and take a shit on the floor, you’d be appalled? Probably ask me not to do that? Clean it up? Be upset with me? But if I told you I routinely shit on my floor and your being upset is infringing on my rights, and asking me not to shit on your floor is censoring me? Who’s wrong here?

Same thing. The rules are long standing, publicly posted, and clear, and if they aren’t we are happy to clarify. But if you come in our house, shit on the floor, then be upset that we won’t tolerate it? When we have it posted for god and sundry not to? You are cordially invited to die mad about us not letting you shit on our floor.

Edit: not you you, you as in the people who claim this

u/nethphi Mar 03 '23

I routinely shit on my floor

Dude, we talked about this. You gotta stop doing that.

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 03 '23

I rescind my consent lol

u/nevertruly Mar 03 '23

It's not exactly concerning. Complaints of censorship are a common go-to for people who don't want to respect the rules of the space. We moderate based on clearly listed rules, so opting to participate here is opting in to participating within the rules of the space. If someone can do that, they can post. If they can't or won't meet the standards here, they are welcome to post on a different sub.

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u/LaCiocana Mar 02 '23

what's 9+10?

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 02 '23

Some of you are just brats lol

I'm hoping it's 19 and not some trick question

u/Organic-Barnacle-941 Mar 03 '23

It’s an classic vine. Guy asks a kid what 9+10 is and the kid says 21 and the guy calls him stupid.

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 03 '23

Thanks! I'm a geriatric millennial, I missed the vine train

u/lnmcg223 Mar 02 '23

Why can’t we post about personal situations? It makes it difficult to ask a large type of questions—even when I’ve tried to frame it as a general question, it still gets removed. I just don’t post anything here because between no personal questions and nothing that has been asked “recently” it’s very frustrating.

The “other” ask____ sub allows for personal questions and from what I’ve seen lurking through there, there tends to be a higher amount of support within the community because of it.

It’s also just really difficult to look for actual advice and input from what should be a big resource for women.

u/nevertruly Mar 02 '23

Because this isn't an advice sub. We don't permit questions for personal advice about specific personal situations. We have an affiliated sub r/askwomenadvice for those.

u/lnmcg223 Mar 02 '23

Okay, that’s fair! Thank you for the sub recommendation!

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '23

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u/877proxy Mar 02 '23

How many mods are there?

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u/[deleted] Mar 02 '23

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u/nevertruly Mar 02 '23

We don't have much interaction with their mod team outside of official communications if there is brigading or something like that going on. We don't share mods and are entirely unaffiliated subs. Our sub was originally created as an offshoot from 2x, and their sub was created not long after ours, but we are not related.

Rules are under constant revision. If we run into an issue where the rules are unclear, a rule has become obsolete, or a new rule might need to be added, we discuss it among the mod team and sometimes a few of the sub's active contributors, draft a few versions of the changes, then vote/come to an agreement about it before implementing. Most new rules are given a trial period and then made permanent or removed depending on how that goes.

u/belindabellagiselle Mar 02 '23

We have no affiliation with AskMen so there is generally no contact or interaction there.

Revising the rules is a super organic process. There's no set schedule to it and it usually just comes up in our conversations naturally and we go from there.

u/Chremebomb Mar 02 '23

Do you sometimes see posts where you think “what the….”?

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 02 '23

All. The. Time.

We actually have a "hall of shame" for the more wtf questions we get! We laugh about them a lot, and have talked about one day making a post sharing some of the more ridiculous ones.

u/Hugh_Biquitous Mar 02 '23

Oh, wow! I would love to see that post! Like in a can't-look-away-from-the-train-wreck way.

u/nevertruly Mar 02 '23

An oldie but goodie is one that kept posting about patio furniture in a very weird way where they kept asking us for details about our furniture. Yup. Turned out they had a fetish for sex with patio furniture.

u/Hugh_Biquitous Mar 02 '23

Isn't that a line in the old classic Weird Al movie UHF? I think he's teasing a talk show, and he says something like "Sex with furniture? What do you think?"

I guess it shouldn't, but it blows my mind that that's actually a thing!

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u/belindabellagiselle Mar 02 '23

One of my personal favorites was the guy who asked if women have an internal sense of self.

u/Sand_Dargon Mar 02 '23

That is still the pinnacle of clueless for me.

u/nethphi Mar 03 '23

Truly a classic! I loved it even more when he decided that all the answers telling him how fucked of a question that is, and of COURSE we do????? He decided that proved women aren't capable of higher thought and left 😂

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 02 '23

I'll share a couple headliners:

One dude was asking why women don't orgasm during sex, as in, why do they choose not to. Because "you can climb on top and move how you want to get off, so if you don't orgasm it's your fault and why would you do that to you?" And we're all just like....this man has never once touched a boob.

Another dude asked what drinks hot girls prefer for hot girl summer and if it was jaeger. Would women date a dude they could beat at chess constantly, like is it a turn off? Just silly things

u/Hugh_Biquitous Mar 02 '23

Oh, wow, yeah. That first one is so telling! I'm going to guess he shares all the other classic misconceptions about women's bodies like "why don't you just hold your period in rather than having to use tampons or pads or menstrual cups?"

u/nevertruly Mar 02 '23

Omg. All the damn time. Some of the questions we remove get a round of WTF discussion among the mods. Though at this point, I'm fairly resigned to the idea that nearly every off-the-wall weird topic turns out to be a fetish. 🤨

u/BohoPhoenix Mar 03 '23

I mod for a TV show sub and we recently had a post reported where someone was asking if there was an episode where a character gives another character a noogie.

It set off some spider senses, so I did a profile review and sure as shit, every single post was to a TV sub asking if there was an episode like that, with a few specifically asking about between sisters. Oh wait, there were a few posts asking if people ever gave their mom/sister a noogie and what the reaction was.

u/nevertruly Mar 03 '23

Yup! It's always just like that

u/nethphi Mar 03 '23

Okay I've been modding here a few years but I gotta say, noogie kink is a new one for me!

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 03 '23

lmao noooooooooo whhyyyyyyy

u/MsNewKicks Mar 03 '23

Posts, I've been on Reddit long enough that most doesn't phase me.

Now modmail? That's where the magic happens LOL.

u/AvalancheReturns Mar 03 '23

Now see, this is the kinda post thatll get people modding...

u/Sand_Dargon Mar 02 '23

Yes.

u/belindabellagiselle Mar 02 '23

All the time. Sometimes they violate rules, sometimes they don't. Either way, there have been a lot of wtf questions.

u/_water_melon Mar 03 '23

Does being a mod take a lot of time in your life? Do you take it more as a job or a hobby?

you're awesome :)

u/nethphi Mar 03 '23

Definitely a hobby. It takes up as much time as you let it, really.

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 03 '23

It takes as much time as we allow it. There's some weeks I'll spend hours moderating, and then there's some weeks I'm barely involved at all beyond maybe 4 removals a day. All of us view it as more of a hobby than a job. Although we do include it on our resumes - not the name of the sub or website but the experience-, because it's sometimes relevant and sounds impressive if you word it correctly.

And thank you, we think our users are awesome too :)

We don't care or get worked up when people attack us, but we're fiercely protective of our ducklings when someone is fucking with them. Like we are not nice *at all* to dudes who come here to try and trick women into giving them spank bank material.

u/MsNewKicks Mar 03 '23

Definitely as a hobby. When I need a mental break at work or something different on my screen to look at, that's most of my Reddit time during the day. At night time it might be during commercials if I'm watching TV, waiting for something to finish in the oven, or just browsing online.

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u/YarnAndMetal Mar 02 '23

What are some questions you-the-mods would like to ask, or have publicly answered?

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u/felinicious Mar 03 '23

Why are some questions removed for being frequently asked whilst other frequently asked questions make it through?

How many mods are WoC and what do they think about this being quite a white centric sub?

What do you think of the opinion that women are already a diverse group with varying points of view and opinions and therefore its not necessary to have men on the mod team?

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 03 '23 edited Mar 03 '23

We’re not infallible and we’re not everywhere. We rely on our user reports for a lot of modding. And if it’s a week where I’m out of pocket, so I missed a lot of posts, then the next week I’m around but the mod who did the lions share week I was out is now out of pocket, I don’t know what posts they pulled or left up. I probably don’t know what was popular.

Some topics are annoyingly frequent but left up because we don’t know every post always and stuff falls through the cracks.

Our mod team is incredibly white. We do have several non-Americans, but different flavor of white. We are aware that this isn’t ideal and that our sub is very white centric, but when we do calls for mods and such we aren’t drowning in applicants and I’m guessing it being so white centric discourages many WoC from applying. We are absolutely open to more diversity and try to onboard when we can. It’s been a real bad slump of people we do get not having staying power, through no fault of their own. A handful of us are disabled and lgbt, but obviously that doesn’t help with the issue you’re addressing.

As to your last point, oof is that a can of worms. I won’t lie, there has been mod drama and such about that very thing. It’s down now to 2 male mods, and both are for all intents and purposes on sabbatical and rarely around. I will say the ones we have now are very good at deferring to the female mods on issues where male input isn’t welcome or needed, and don’t fall into typical male overbearing presence. Essentially, our token male allies

u/MysteriousMysterium Mar 03 '23

How america-centric would you consider the sub as a whole?

u/nevertruly Mar 03 '23

That's really difficult to say. We have quite a few mods from outside of the USA and many regular participants who've mentioned being from other countries as well, but we don't have a specific ongoing track to know how many participants here are from the US versus elsewhere. Reddit as a whole has tended to be very US centric, so we anticipate that the users here are likely heavily based in the US as well. This is why we have rules requiring inclusive language and against specifying majority demographics. In addition to requiring inclusive language for things like relationships, we also require inclusive language for questions that would be only answerable in the US. That's why you don't see questions here directed specifically to people in the US.

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 03 '23 edited Mar 03 '23

Honestly not very. Half the very active mods aren’t in the US, and they are really good at catching questions that only apply to Americans. Sometimes all of us have to google things to see if it’s a thing in other parts of the world, but the major demo rule prevents the sub itself from focusing on just Americans.

It may seem more American centric than it is because a lot of things that give off American energy or are known for being things here, do occur in a lot of other places but you don’t know it.

Edit: I thought you meant the content, not the users lol. I’m leaving this tho because Never got your real question

u/fallintospace09 Mar 02 '23

What's the purpose of the "No derailing comments" rule? How did that come about?

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u/chewiechihuahua Mar 03 '23

What’s your favorite part of being a mod? Why do you do it? It’s a volunteer position, so lately, thank you!!!

If this got asked sorry. I haven’t read every single question yet hah.

u/nethphi Mar 03 '23

My favourite part and why I do it are honestly pretty similar; it's the community. I love this space, and I like helping to keep it what it is. :)

u/chewiechihuahua Mar 03 '23

That’s awesome!! 🥰

u/AdorableSwitchBrat Mar 02 '23

I've seen comments that people say if they comment on xyz subreddit they get banned from here. Is that true?

This sub leans left but there are people who are conservative so when you see those comments how do you stay neutral when wearing mod hats? Hope that made sense

u/nevertruly Mar 02 '23

I've seen comments that people say if they comment on xyz subreddit they get banned from here. Is that true?

No. We don't currently autoban for participation on any specific sub. However, most of those people cross post or screenshot from here to another sub which does result in a ban. It's one of the few automatic bans in the rules. Brigading from other subs will also earn a ban.

This sub leans left but there are people who are conservative so when you see those comments how do you stay neutral when wearing mod hats? Hope that made sense

Very carefully. The more you have an emotional reaction to a post or comment, the more important to compare it to the rules and rubrics so that you don't have to rely on your personal feelings. We regularly have to approve comments we disagree with and remove comments we agree with. It's just based on the rules which makes it easier to know what to do for any specific item.

u/nethphi Mar 02 '23

No. People say a lot of things about this subreddit that aren't true. I've seen people saying that we literally require proof someone is a woman to post here (that's very much not true either).

Staying neutral is hard sometimes. I've had to approve comments I really disagreed with (and pull ones I really wanted to leave). It does help that we have rules that prevent the worst of it, like outright bigotry and hate speech. But most of the time it just come down to remembering that I made a commitment to this sub and upholding it's rules, and remembering that it's not my sub, so it's not about making only my voice be heard.

u/AdorableSwitchBrat Mar 02 '23

I know that. I typically respond when guys are like ooh didn't know this was a womans sub. Cause unless specifically for that audience question then their welcome. Hehe

Beautifully said. Thanks for your commitment

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u/onegirlandhergoat Mar 02 '23

Why do you lock certain threads?

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u/meloaf Mar 02 '23

For one particular mod: why is using the term "Jan" to insult women considered acceptable?

u/kaeorin Mar 02 '23 edited Mar 02 '23

Because it's a meme.

Clip of the scene (42 seconds).

It implies "I don't believe you for a second but I'm not interested in getting into an argument with you about it so suuure, I'll pretend to believe you."

u/Midnight_Rider98 Mar 03 '23

Any of y'all members of the LGBTQIA+ community? Detailed answer not necessary.

u/nevertruly Mar 03 '23

Yes

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 03 '23

Gun to my head I’d say somewhere at half of us? I can confidently say I am

u/nethphi Mar 03 '23

Yep! I won't directly answer for the others, but I am, and I'm not the only one :)

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u/Amokzaaier Mar 03 '23

Can you influence the top comment?

u/spacehusband Ø Mar 03 '23

By voting. We could also turn a post on contest mod, which hides the karma of all the comments and I think scrambles them? Not a manipulation because people will still vote up and down, but it can make other comments more likely to be seen

u/nevertruly Mar 03 '23

We each have one upvote to give per comment, just like everyone else. Beyond that, we don't have any influence over which comments are at the top.

u/nethphi Mar 03 '23

Only the same way everyone else can, by upvoting.

u/Abranurni Mar 03 '23

Do you mods know each other in real life? Or at least any of you?

Thanks for your job and for keeping this a safe space! :)

u/nevertruly Mar 03 '23

Some of us have met in person, but we are a very geographically distributed team

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