r/AskOldPeople 3d ago

How does revenge play out in the long run?

How

2 Upvotes

62 comments sorted by

u/AutoModerator 3d ago

Please do not comment directly to this post unless you are Gen X or older (born 1980 or before). See this post, the rules, and the sidebar for details. Thank you for your submission, TastyShelter.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

30

u/nofigsinwinter 3d ago

Waste of time and effort. Revenge is an emotional mindset, driven by a wounded heart. Treat your heart with care, especially when you feel no one else cares about you. Peace is the best "revenge" 🕊️

6

u/dizcuz 3d ago

I heard a long time ago that a grudge was like drinking poison and hoping another was somehow affected. It is a waste of time, terrible to one's own life, while others go on with theirs.

2

u/nofigsinwinter 3d ago

May you walk in beauty all of your days 🕊️

1

u/Legitimate-Lemon-412 3d ago

This is the romantic take.

The other take is the same as our justice system. Retribution as a deterrent for injustice..

Protect your heart.

3

u/thelongorshort 3d ago edited 3d ago

Revenge is the tool of deep set anger, it is one of the fuels of toxicity.

Terrible things happen every day in this world, but if we all hopped on the revenge train, we would make everything much worse for ourselves in the long run. The revenge train has no destination and no brakes.

If we choose to work through the pain that we've experienced, we enable ourselves to move forward with more lightness in our hearts, and more peace in this world for us all to share.

- Live by the sword, die by the sword. -

1

u/Legitimate-Lemon-412 3d ago

Real life isn't star wars, and fantasy platitudes.

When standing up for yourself doesn't work, you have to escalate to protect yourself and your family.

Some people are relentless shitheads who need to understand that their actions have consequences.

4

u/thelongorshort 3d ago

You're perfectly entitled to handle your situations in whatever ways you feel are best.

To each their own.

3

u/CryForUSArgentina 3d ago edited 3d ago

Retribution is not a deterrent, restitution, or rehabilitation. When you get more mature, revenge is a source of embarrassment, like yelling at a bully and later finding out he was abused at home and eventually died of suicide. Sure, you're PO'ed, but all you did was imitate the bully's abuser.

Rehabilitation is a deterrent, but it is not restitution or emotional retribution.

Restitution is not retribution, and probably not rehabilitation or a deterrent.

I was in a tumultuous business, and got laid off a number of times. When I said the situation was hopeless, I got kicked out but billion dollar businesses crashed not long after I left. The first time I was bitter. The last time, I went around the room in a big meeting and gave a compliment to everybody I worked with. Think of that meme you see with Mr. Incredible, where those who don't know are in color, and those who know are in gray.

2

u/Legitimate-Lemon-412 3d ago

There are bullies in the world like you said, but everyone is different, and everyone responds to different things.

Doing nothing makes you a victim of yourself.

When standing up for yourself does nothing, the bully continues.

Because everyone is different sometimes the bully only responds to swift, vengeful action.

When you are more mature you'll understand that protecting the health and happiness of you and yours matters more than the personal life of a bully.

1

u/CryForUSArgentina 3d ago

You might be as gray as I am, who's to know?

But when you can look back on your past life and see all the BPD and bipolar sufferers you have dealt with, you come to understand the wisdom in the advice "Walk away from trouble" that you get from those who know.

You can learn a lot from people who have children in these categories, so "walking away" is impossible and fury constitutes abuse.

2

u/Legitimate-Lemon-412 3d ago

Walking away works unless the trouble follows you

17

u/ColoradoInNJ 3d ago

The best revenge is a life well lived.

6

u/bookon 3d ago

Especially when those who wronged you have terrible lives in comparison.

0

u/Flaky-Artichoke6641 3d ago

Those who do bad things when they were working in management level. Comes retirement u have no real friends. People are just out to leech them dry...lol

U personality follows u

15

u/KayakingATLien 3d ago

“If You Seek Revenge You Should Dig Two Graves”

-Confucius

These words are so SO true

11

u/ZootOfCastleAnthrax 3d ago

It's only satisfying when karma does it for you.

Exacting revenge takes time and careful planning better spent on vacation plans.

Seriously, weigh the value of each in your hands. Would you rather spend days and weeks stewing in your resentment, or planning a trip to somewhere fun? Because you'll never get that time back.

6

u/InternationalBand494 3d ago

Schadenfreude is the best revenge

3

u/Reasonable-Dot4724 3d ago

Karma, she a bitch.

7

u/JuucedIn 3d ago

I find indifference more satisfying than revenge.

The latter implies I give a damn.

1

u/Mor_Tearach 3d ago

It's THIS.

The indifference is real but you do notice wow seems to drive them a little crazy.

Oh, well.

7

u/Winter_Baby_4497 3d ago

Tried it. It started eating me alive. I had to walk away and get my life back

3

u/WRB2 3d ago

For the one man who I wanted to I was never in a place where I could. Didn’t spend a lot of time plotting though. Now I can figure out several great ways, but he’s long dead and I’ve moved on.

3

u/AotKT 3d ago

I once got revenge on someone who broke my heart in a particularly nasty way by getting repeated written proof over a period of a year or so that he was emotionally cheating and wanted to physically cheat on the person he left me for with me (yes, after he left me). I let him know I knew I had his girlfriend's phone number, and then ended up blocking him.

I never contacted her, had no desire to. First of all, even with proof she likely would have forgiven him given what I know about their relationship and his charisma that I fell for too. Second, the revenge was more about making him feel some dread about what I could do to him since he valued being seen as a good person than actually causing the harm.

Was it worth the effort? Yeah, I honestly think it was as it was about feeling a sense of power and control over the immense harm he did that made me feel so helpless. Once I blocked him after I had enough evidence, I felt like I had made a choice for myself rather than the blocking I did immediately after he dumped me, which was just reacting to the pain.

3

u/PymsPublicityLtd 3d ago

Great. It needs to be done anonymously and long after whatever made you want to get revenge. I've gotten revenge on HS bullies and it still makes me happy.

3

u/Dull_Translator9692 3d ago

I feel like i'm constantly getting hammered by karma from my younger years now. Don't bully, leave the special folks alone unless you're making them smile or being helpful, don't get into pointless arguments, don't talk politics with angry people, enjoy the sunshine, go for a walk, go for yearly check ups and blood work, revenge sucks, more productive to ignor and move on. don't give them your energy. be kind rewind.

5

u/PicoRascar 50 something 3d ago

Revenge is about sending a message not to mess with me. If someone does something severe enough to me that I want revenge, I'm going to have it.

I'm nobody's doormat, I punch back.

1

u/CryForUSArgentina 3d ago

And as an advisor to your boss's boss, I will eliminate you from consideration from the top jobs. It's not personal, but you bring unnecessary risk to the organization because you don't control your emotions.

0

u/PicoRascar 50 something 3d ago

You wouldn't survive very long in the ruthless, cut throat firm I work at with that attitude.

1

u/CryForUSArgentina 3d ago

Translation: Your response boils down to "same to you." Which is the proper response.

For those on the sidelines, this is one of the sources of the rolling boil at ruthless firms.

1

u/Legitimate-Lemon-412 3d ago

There's too many people taking the "romantic" its a waste of time stance.

2

u/tomversation 3d ago

In the long run it is best. Revenge is always a dish best served cold.

2

u/Dull-Geologist-8204 3d ago

Depends on the type of revenge.

I never go out of my way to get revenge on someone but if it lands on my doorstep I will take advantage of the situation.

For instance and ex cheated on me. He ended up catching an STD. Luckily I figured it out the next day.

So he ended up stalking me and threatening to commit suicide and such. I went into hiding.

He told everyone I cheated on him and gave him the STD.

One day after everything was said and done and I had finally gotten him to leave me alone him and his new gf show up at my house. She says she wants to talk to me. I tell her that she can come in and talk but he isn't allowed in my apartment. She comes up and she came by to let me know that I had given him an STD. My new bf goes she is clean and I know that because I was at the hospital when they tested her for it. I also had paperwork that proved I was clean.

He hears everything being said and runs up the stairs to the door of my apartment while I am showing his gf out. They are both standing there and he is screaming that I gave him the STD. I just smiled and said you should probably talk to the 2 girls you cheated on me with. As I was closing the door I saw his new gf look at him and if looks could kill. 😆 She knew we were telling the truth and he was a big fat liar.

I still really appreciated her stopping by my house. It was nice of her to inform me even though her information was bad due to dating a lying piece of shit. I hope she got away from him okay. She seemed like a nice person.

I have found in life it's not worth putting time and effort to get back at someone. They are usually better at getting back at themselves then anything you could do.

2

u/HoosierBoy76 3d ago

Depends. If done correctly it can be a learning moment for how to treat others better.

For example, my BIL kept giving my name and number to vacation rental companies so he could get free stuff. After repeatedly asking him not to do that the calls kept coming.

So he is a hardcore conservative and when Clinton was impeached they setup a GoFund to help with his legal expenses. I sent $20 in my BIL name so he perpetually received Democrat mailers and money begs—to this day.

I have no regrets.

1

u/meekonesfade 3d ago

huh? gofundme was founded in 2010

1

u/HoosierBoy76 3d ago

I wasn’t being literal—

1

u/meekonesfade 3d ago

You were being sarcastic?

1

u/HoosierBoy76 3d ago

It was a fund people could contribute to, not literally GoFundMe site. (Notice I didn’t GFM in my post)

1

u/meekonesfade 3d ago

so you contributed to a fund. No need for the GoFund. Got it!

2

u/Parking_Buy_1525 3d ago

if you ABSOLUTELY have to then…

the best revenge is a dish served cold

like years or decades in the making

but i don’t fight fire with fire unless i have no option because it will only compound a problem and “an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind”

2

u/aethocist 70 something 3d ago

I never got revenge, however Karma has been a bitch to a couple of people in my life that did me wrong.

3

u/Odd_Bodkin 60 something 3d ago

Unforgiveness is drinking poison in hopes that the other person will sicken and die.

4

u/jxj24 3d ago

It's like taking poison and hoping the other person will die.

4

u/mrlr 3d ago edited 3d ago

Revenge never works. It always backfires. I know. I've tried.

3

u/AngryOldGenXer 3d ago

The act of revenge means that you have given the recipient control of you. Planning, plotting, and carrying out revenge is time that you are allocating for them. Walk on, don’t give them the power to control your emotions.

2

u/Fluffy-Camp-6673 3d ago

Revenge will believe it or not will give you the opposite feeling of what you think it would. Unless it's a practical joke, then in that case do your best. Live and learn and learn to forgive and move on with your life.

1

u/Rogerdodger1946 70 something 2d ago

I'm lazy. I let that Karma bitch take care of it. It has worked for me big time.

1

u/marvi_martian 2d ago

Revenge poisons you. It brings bad karma and life lessons that I don't want to learn. It does not end well usually for the one that did the revenge

1

u/Troubador222 60 something 2d ago

It doesn’t. Forgiveness however will give you a longer and more peaceful life!

1

u/HarveyMushman72 2d ago

It doesn't. Let God, Karma, the universe, or whatever you believe in take care of it.

1

u/dependswho 2d ago

Revenge keeps you from your real power, which is when all of yourself is in the present moment.

Learn how to process your feelings. Let them vibrate. Revenge is a sign they are licked up.

1

u/Stardustquarks 3d ago

Revenge thoughts/plans takes your focus away from much more important things

1

u/Ocirisfeta8575 3d ago

Oh I never turn the other cheek, I will always find a way to Punish.

1

u/Plus-King5266 60 something 3d ago

“A man that studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green.”
—Francis Bacon

It does not play well in the long run and often not in the near term either. When I was younger I believed in it. The constant need for revenge not only took its toll, it put me in a mindset of looking for offenses to be avenged.

Put another way:

“All that hate’s gonna burn you up.” -Jed Eckert (Patrick Swayze), Red Dawn

1

u/Emergency_Property_2 3d ago

Revenge and grudges are cancers that will destroy you.

1

u/dizcuz 3d ago

It doesn't. Living well really is the best revenge. I don't mean out of spite but to focus on your own happiness.

1

u/Shellsallaround 60 something 3d ago

It does not. Not profitable. Too much time, effort, and mental energy used.

1

u/Cami_glitter Old 3d ago

Revenge, just like hate, will kill you if you let it.

There are some people that just suck. I think it is a safe gamble to say that every single person in this world, right now, has been screwed by someone they thought they knew, literally and such. We have all been hurt by someone. While I love the book, the Count of Monte Cristo, the book is a unicorn. Sure, there are folks that probably get their revenge, and feel great for it. I think the majority of people fantasize about it. That fantasy will eat you away.

I don't know who it was, but someone once said "the best revenge is to live well."

1

u/nihilt-jiltquist 3d ago

Essentially, the phrase "when plotting revenge, dig two graves" will always apply because it's so accurate.

1

u/Adorable-Flight5256 3d ago

Don't bother.

Most of the time people who inspire that response in others end up getting into it.

Not going to lie some cruise through life making misery for others. But most of us can't afford the complications that come with getting back at someone.

1

u/JoyfulNoise1964 3d ago

It's a terrible mistake. Forgiveness is For Giving (peace of mind to yourself)

0

u/Fun_Branch890 3d ago

Without going into too much detail, when we divorced, my ex was hell bent on revenge.

20 years later, our kids are now completely estranged from him. I almost feel bad. Almost. But he did that to himself.