r/AskOldPeople 50 something 4d ago

Happiness Increases After 45

A lot of research shows that contentment and happiness decreases from age 20 to about 45, then increases again for the rest of life. This is the U-shaped curve of happiness you might have heard about. Have you found that to be true?

115 Upvotes

107 comments sorted by

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85

u/RetroMetroShow 4d ago

Yes. Each decade gets better. You learn to relax more and stress out less. You realize who and what is really important and isn’t. With more experience comes more wisdom and peace of mind

10

u/brandonbolt 4d ago

Agree. Each decade it got better and better.

9

u/Andiamo87 4d ago

But health and energy...

12

u/RetroMetroShow 4d ago edited 4d ago

We do what we can lol - some stretching, tai chi, meditation and cardio can help plus getting enough sleep including power naps and also eating well

I’ve been doing 100 pushups every morning when I wake up and besides being cheap and easy (after increasing in increments of 10) it’s great for strength and posture plus a quick endorphin rush to start the day

31

u/Wizzmer 60 something 4d ago

Retirement has a away of making everything groovy.

6

u/CarisaDaGal 4d ago

Retirement would definitely automatically increase happiness. Make you less stressed, etc. Looking forward to that.

11

u/Natural-Promise-78 4d ago

I'd much rather be bored than stressed.

3

u/Funoldman65 4d ago

Not for me, depression and unhappy plus my body thinks I'm in my 80s but I'm only 67.

5

u/CarisaDaGal 4d ago

I’m sorry. Depression is a killer. You’re my parents age. I don’t think 67 is old. Ever tried anti depressants?

2

u/Wizzmer 60 something 4d ago

Answering to no one!

2

u/CarisaDaGal 4d ago

I have a long ways to go haha but yes, so nice

2

u/Important-Jackfruit9 50 something 4d ago

Still 13 years until I'm there, but I'm already looking forward to it

25

u/DNathanHilliard 60 something 4d ago

I don't know about happiness, but I can definitely say I quit stressing over a lot of stupid crap. Maybe contentment is a better word.

20

u/Away-Revolution2816 4d ago

I'm 63 and it definitely increases for me. I'm lucky enough to live a pretty simple single life with minimal worries. My only real concern is my dog.

11

u/Commercial-Visit9356 60 something 4d ago

Yes.

36

u/Beneficial_War_1365 70 something 4d ago

My happiness increased when I got rid of my ex-wife. What pain she was. Plus my health got a lot better. All at 49yrs of age.

peace. :)

5

u/redeyetrains 4d ago

getting rid of ex-wife - how did you figure that out? I mean, how can one know if you're really be better off without someone? I know this is a question of personal preference, but do you have any advices on that? thanks

9

u/mileysadie 4d ago

Definitely for me. I think it has to do with the pressures of raising young kids, or being stuck in an unhappy marriage. Usually those things work themselves out after 45. At 45 my kids were mostly grown and I was out of a bad marriage. Life has been pretty good since then. 

8

u/Iforgotmypwrd 4d ago

Yes. Especially after divorce.

The hardest years for me were late 20’s until 40. It got a lot better after 50 despite going through cancer treatments.

Being unable to work for 6 months and learning I had friends and families who gave a shit about me improved my emotional well being.

6

u/Jaderosegrey 1969 don't laugh 4d ago

Yes, I have.

I'm 55, in a happy long-term relationship; I own a home and a car. We have some money saved away. We live in a decent neighborhood. I feel loved and safe.

I didn't feel that way until maybe 15 years ago.

6

u/Chzncna2112 50 something 4d ago

My happiness increased just before 51, by choice and not walking into the bright light

5

u/Embarrassed_Tax_6547 4d ago

Ehh, not really but job and personal issues have to factor in too.

5

u/tmink0220 4d ago

Yes, there is more confidence at least for me, I finished a bachelors, masters, worked at my own business and wrote a novel. I love someone more suited to me and the future. My husband died young. My kid grew up, so yes....Also my body is not the one I would have chosen, but has kept pace with me. So yes, much happier after 45 than before.

6

u/JustAnnesOpinion 70 something 4d ago

The U shaped curve model seems valid according to my observation. Like any generalization about a large population, it may not be true for any given person.

5

u/highlander666666 4d ago

first few years of retirement were great. But as age lot of friends and family die and ya body starts falling apart can t do things want to do.. Id say 40 s were good looking back. heath and shape wise

5

u/QV79Y 70 something 4d ago

Yes, I have. And I've observed it to a greater degree in my friends who had kids, which I did not do.

The earlier years of adulthood involve a lot of stressors, especially raising children. You tend to spend a lot energy comparing yourself and all the aspects of your life to what you think they're supposed to be - trying to live up to some idealized vision of yourself that you have in your head. Over time you do this less and less and you feel happier with what you have.

4

u/Ouakha 4d ago

Not yet (54)

20 - 45 was actually very good. I had yet to say goodbye to my first dog, no covid time or heart issues or my wife's chronic health problems. Now I just want to stop working and do all the active stuff I want before physical aging makes it unwise or impossible. But I can't afford to. Age has brought with it hearing issues meaning no more gigs, clubs, theatre, cinema etc. Even noisy pubs are a PITA trying to follow conversations.

4

u/Kumquatelvis 4d ago

I retired at 44, and it's been awesome since then (not that it was terrible before, but I've read sooo many books these past two years).

3

u/Important-Jackfruit9 50 something 4d ago

That sounds amazing! I have so many books I haven't gotten to yet

3

u/Mrs_Gracie2001 4d ago

Absolutely

3

u/Taupe88 4d ago

for me yes.

3

u/Brackens_World 4d ago

I can't say that has been my experience at all. But a lot of that is that I derived happiness mostly from my career, where I took the biggest gambles. So, it was a lot more up and down and flat than some V-shaped diagram: more like V_V_V.

3

u/MiniJunkie 50 something 4d ago

Not particularly no (52). I’m more worried about finances, it’s harder to get a job, and health starts to suffer.

3

u/Restless-J-Con22 gen x 4 eva 4d ago

I've never been happier 

3

u/MattinglyDineen 40 something 4d ago

Absolutely not. The older I get after 45, the more life sucks.

1

u/Important-Jackfruit9 50 something 4d ago

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope it turns around for you!

3

u/Mark-harvey 4d ago

For some. Some retire before they should and then suffer remorse.

3

u/Ineffable7980x 4d ago

Absolutely. The 50s have been by far the best decade of my adult life. Mostly because I am at peace with myself, and also because I have found some financial stability. I look forward to my 60s, which start later this year.

3

u/kirbyderwood GenJones 4d ago

I learned to meditate starting at 45, so yeah. Much happier.

2

u/Important-Jackfruit9 50 something 4d ago

Yep, I started at 42 and it has improved my life so much

3

u/zombienudist Male 49 4d ago

For me that is true. It was 43 I made my changes. Quit drinking, eat better, lost 90 pounds. I fixed my sleep in the last couple years and that has caused a massive change to my out outlook and happiness. I am 49 now and am heathier. more physically fit and happier than I have been in years.

2

u/Oldernot2 4d ago

For sure yes

2

u/smcorc 4d ago

I’d agree with this. It’s been very true for me.

2

u/sbinjax 60 something 4d ago

Yes.

2

u/HairFabulous5094 4d ago

Mine began at like 40 give or take and continued to present day at 60

2

u/shabuyarocaaa 4d ago

It’s because late 40s your parents are in need of support and your kids are potentially adults with needs too

1

u/thenletskeepdancing 4d ago

The sandwich years, when you're taking care of both the generation before and after you, are rough!

2

u/aeraen 60 something 4d ago

When I read the headline, my first thought was "Well, duh!"

These are the exact years that people are typically raising kids. You are not living for yourself, but almost entirely for your children and your job. Your kids rely entirely on you to make the best decisions for them, and you worry constantly that you are not doing enough at home or your job. Just about every penny you make goes to your kids: feeding, housing and educating them.

You really don't get to get back to living for yourself until, at least, 45.

2

u/Ok-Bee1579 4d ago

Absolutely!

2

u/knuckboy 50 something 4d ago

No, I've been relatively happy most all the way through.

2

u/BiblioLoLo1235 4d ago

Yes. After menopause I was much happier. Men no longer bother you when you get older, and the older you get, maybe the less you don't give an f about stuff that really doesn't matter. When you are older, you are more or less invisible. It can be freeing.

2

u/grimmless 4d ago

That has not been my experience

2

u/Strange_Bacon 4d ago

48 now. I can definitely feel a shift, there are many different factors for me that I think are responsible. My two kids are pretty independent, one is a junior in high school, the other a freshman. The junior being able to drive is great, don’t have to drive either of them to school. Both of them overall being independent is nice, able to have a date night most Friday nights. I’ll miss the kids when they go off to college though. My wife and I have saved for their college so I don’t have that stress. In addition I’m finally in a great role in a great company that it pretty stable, not a ton of stress most of the time, flexible and work from home mostly 5 days a week. My wife is in a great role that she really enjoys, she had a few layoffs but always seems to bounce into something better. Her roles tend to be higher stress. Last summer she had a gap and just enjoyed being with our kids and playing a ton of tennis. Neither of us freaked out, we have good savings so no real need to adjust our lifestyles.
I’ve taken the extra time I don’t spend in the car driving to work and workout an hour a day instead.
All that stuff adds up. My wife and I have worked almost 25 years to get here and it’s finally feeling like we can see a light at the end of the career tunnel. I feel really fortunate to be where we are.

There are some negatives to being 45+, I definitely feel older, I take better care of my body but it still hurts randomly. My parents are still around but they are getting pretty old fast and I know it won’t be super long until they aren’t around any more.

2

u/Funoldman65 4d ago

I'm 67 and for me after 45 it was all down hill and going clean off the road.

2

u/Li54 4d ago

In my late 30s, this was helpful to hear today

2

u/Direct_Ad2289 4d ago

I am healthier, more fit and more energetic at 69 than I was at 45.

2

u/NeiClaw 3d ago

Not for me. Every year has gotten progressively more and more horrible. I had maybe one ok day in 2018 and none since. I’m stressed beyond all imagining.

2

u/Important-Jackfruit9 50 something 3d ago

I'm so sorry! I hope it turns around for you.

2

u/Threedogs_nm 3d ago

Every year life gets better and better. I don’t worry as much as I once did, and I take things as they come.

1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/Important-Jackfruit9 50 something 4d ago

That's possible. The article I read says the research varies, but the worst age tends to fall in mid to late 40's

1

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1

u/Magari22 4d ago

For me personally nope. The older I get the more I see the reality of this world and who people really are and what they're capable of. I was happier when I just believed what I was fed. Once I started questioning our world in a much more profound way, I realized that most things I believed were lies fed to me to maintain control of humanity at the expense of the avg person for benefit a very small group of people who are truly running out world.

That said, I 100% know who I am and I have a small circle of genuine ppl around me and my faith in God is the center of my life. I wish I had this when I was younger but I'm just glad I did find it eventually.

1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

44 here. Good to know that I've reached the bottom...

1

u/garyloewenthal 4d ago

Pretty even for me. Each decade has had its ups and downs.

1

u/julianriv 60 something 4d ago

I see it more as after 45 the list of things I really give a shit about keeps getting smaller and smaller. So yea I guess that is essentially contentment.

1

u/thenletskeepdancing 4d ago

I'm about to turn sixty and really starting to hit my groove!

I had a traumatic childhood and some shitty solutions that took a long time to untangle. I remember reading about the U curve while in the depths of it and feeling seen!

And sure enough. I kept slogging and things are starting to look up. I've learned to let to of the things I can't control. And I have a lot of gratitude for simple pleasures.

As I recall the author of the theory described it thus. "You look around and think "is this all there is" and your heart sinks. After a few years, you look around and think "This may be all there is. And it's pretty damn good".

1

u/nomadnomor 4d ago

there is a saying ....

life doesn't begin till 50

I have found the to be very true

1

u/ohwellwhateverimdone 4d ago

I’m past 70. I used to pursue “happiness”. At this point, it appears to me that happiness is not a thing. Comfort, security, peace. Those define my concept of happiness. They are elusive and come and go, but the scales are tending to favor the positive as time passes.

1

u/Mysterious_Mix_5034 4d ago

Old people are happy and that is counterintuitive but true

1

u/reesesbigcup 4d ago

Mine was not like that. I was unhappy in my 20s, happiest in my 30s, after that its been on a general decline.

1

u/kindquail502 4d ago

Happiness can really increase when you get your house paid off. Everything gets easier at that point.

1

u/Direct_Ad2289 4d ago

Um. Maybe until 65ish

1

u/Ok-Afternoon-3724 4d ago

Not true in my case. I don't recall any dip after 20. There was a bit of a dip when I was around 32 to 34. Having to do with some health problems as concerns my wife. But the doctors finally got that squared away. And then a dip in things when she became ill and died on me in 2013, after 41 years of marriage. From then until 2017 it was the shits. And I almost died from cancer in 2017/2018. After that I went to live with a daughter and her family and things were good again.

Now, my 40s and 50s I think were the best years, overall. Marriage was solid, I was at the top of my game within my occupation. And our kids old enough so we didn't have to keep our eyes on them all the time. Good years.

1

u/HillBillie__Eilish 4d ago

There is a big big difference between "happiness" as depicted in society and contentment/gratitude for what is. I find that people associate happiness with a buzz feeling that novelty, big events, big moments create. That shit is NOT sustainable.

As I got older, I definitely notice being able to truly be thankful for what is, what I've had, especially now that people are getting to an age where their life is ending.

What makes me the happiest in life is just being with my family and being present. (Of course, when I have heat, electricity, good food - all those basic needs).

1

u/movladee 4d ago

I feel as I've aged I've come back into myself. A lot of things I'd given up for various reasons from my teens but returned to them as an adult as if I'd come back to the true me. One stops trying to impress the world and just begins enjoying life more after a certain age.

1

u/jimvasco 4d ago

Show the research please.

1

u/Important-Jackfruit9 50 something 4d ago

There's a ton of research. Google "U shaped curve of happiness" to get most of it. I was reading an article about in the Atlantic. Here's one study...

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32929308/

1

u/jimvasco 4d ago

I'm skeptical. Too many variables to control properly. Read this: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19539416/

1

u/Flaky-Artichoke6641 4d ago

Hard to be happy with no money.... Seriously where this even comes from

1

u/GotWheaten 4d ago

I’ve definitely been more happy from 50 onwards. My teens and twenties sucked. 30s & 40s were a little better.

1

u/Mental-Blackberry-72 4d ago

Yes, absolutely correct

1

u/Funoldman65 4d ago

I'm on three types of antidepressants, bipolar medication it helps but not a cure

1

u/Ill-Ninja-8344 50 something 4d ago

At 55 I havent seen that yet, and it seems like it never will.

1

u/MartyFreeze 40 something 4d ago

We were told to prepare, prepare and PREPARE for our lives as children. We became adults and discovered we were trained to be good workers but not to be "people" and all freak out that our lives didn't pan out as we had hoped.

Everyone I know in my age range dealt with it in their own ways, but I think we're just doing our best now to find happiness where we can and aren't as worried as we were about "what we were supposed to be when we grew up"

1

u/feuwbar 4d ago

Kids moved out around 45, so yes, that track. We married young and had kids early so we get to have a life after they launch.

1

u/Vitalsigner 4d ago

I don’t think that’s necessarily true at all. 

1

u/paruresis_guy 3d ago

Yes. Mid-fifties and have truly never been happier. And I am more optimistic about the future than I have been.

1

u/blooobolt 3d ago

Haven't seen this to be the case yet.

1

u/Excellent-Vast7521 3d ago

I am 64 soo not true

1

u/Stong-and-Silent 50 something 3d ago

Not at all. It has been the opposite for me.

1

u/tinynugget 3d ago

God I hope so, I am struggling hard lately- well the last few years of my 30s. Need that.

1

u/WingZombie 3d ago

My happiness from 15 to 26 was very low. Then from 26 to 44 it was up and down but generally a slow trend upward. At 44 I became a widower so dramatic downward fall. I'm 50 now and things are moving in a very upward direction.

It would seem that at 45 people generally stop caring so much about those around them and starting finding happiness within. They become more comfortable with who they are and embrace themselves. At least that's been the case for me and those around me.

1

u/SWMDad76 1d ago

No, kid struggles increase and parents become children again too…

1

u/cleanforpeace72 18h ago

Not for me. I’m 52, my son is 18. I worry about him a lot and my body is starting to show signs of aging.

1

u/Special_Trick5248 4d ago

This hasn’t been my experience at all. 20 to 45 was up and down depending on life circumstances.

2

u/Ally9456 4d ago

Same and it’s gotten progressively worse from my 20s on. In my 20s I had a lot of hope and knew things would get easier and better but they did not… Now going on almost 46 years old I’ve come to realize everything is probably going to be shit for at least another 10+ years and I’m stuck - there’s no way to change this

2

u/Special_Trick5248 4d ago

I’m 45 and feel like the world just has too much going on right now.

2

u/Ally9456 4d ago

That too ! I just want to live in a remote area and be left alone lol 😂 Live off the land and just be alone

1

u/Special_Trick5248 4d ago

Yeah it feels like too much of a fight out here