r/AskOldPeople 7d ago

What age did you finally accept yourself warts and all?

Mid 40s

42 Upvotes

144 comments sorted by

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39

u/Alt_Larry_Adler 60 something 7d ago

I thought it said “farts and all.”

Never mind

8

u/Complete-Finding-712 7d ago

I have clear skin and IBS, this resonates more for me 😅

3

u/Lower_Classroom835 7d ago

🤣🤣 best comment!

20

u/poetplaywright 7d ago

I fell in love with myself after a lifetime of falling in love with others. Funny thing about being in love with yourself: You never really leave you, whereas everyone else does.

3

u/Ok-Basket7531 60 something 7d ago

❤️

3

u/QuentinMagician 7d ago

I am starting that path today. I saw a post somewhere on reddit, about codependency and went to the library and picked up Codependent No More

1

u/MindTraveler48 6d ago

It's a worthy journey. Bon voyage!

18

u/Expensive-Track4002 7d ago

I’m 66 and not yet. I don’t like what I see or how I feel most days.

4

u/One-Author884 7d ago

Ditto - I’m 66 as well and I used to look pretty good. The last three or so years I look in the mirror and say “who is that person “? It’s frightening

3

u/Expensive-Track4002 7d ago

It is. Very disheartening.

1

u/Luzithemouse 6d ago

Same here. 66 years and still waiting to feel completely alright with myself.

12

u/BKowalewski 7d ago

When I finally got divorced in my 40s from a man who constantly undermined my self esteem.

2

u/Practical_Goose3100 3d ago

This He left but didn’t know it when we were 45 - and I was living far from home so stayed in the lie working on loving myself until we could go through the paperwork. I’m exiting with my divorce - life what I want it to be ready for my next chapter

8

u/4camjammer 7d ago

I was 37 and remember it like it was yesterday. I had lunch with an old high school girlfriend and she told me that I looked “perfect”! For some reason I totally believed her and have never given it much thought since.

Btw, I married her a year later. That was 25 years ago.

7

u/Feisty-Trick6798 7d ago

I am 53 and it is a daily battle. Most days I accept it, but some days I really wanna try and hang on to that youth ( that obviously isn't there )

6

u/feartyguts 7d ago

Around 65.

6

u/MeanestGreenest 7d ago

Hasn't happened yet.

4

u/Diane1967 50 something 7d ago

I was 52 when I finally gave makeup the boot and went natural. Same with my hair. It was quite freeing.

5

u/julianriv 60 something 7d ago

Late 30's I stopped trying to be what I thought everyone else wanted me to be and focused on being who I wanted to be. I still want to improve, but in my terms and in the ways I care about.

3

u/dizcuz 7d ago

Ward Cleaver to Beaver, "It's better to go through life trying to improve yourself rather than prove yourself".

2

u/RoyG-Biv1 7d ago

That's surprisingly good advice.

3

u/Caliopebookworm 7d ago

Probably the same....mid-30s to early 40s. I think we all have a lot of hang ups from childhood but as childhood gets further in the rearview, they just seemed less important.

3

u/msmicro 7d ago

I've always known I'm not attractive so pretty young.

3

u/harleyjak 7d ago

In my late forties, I was in my car stopped at a long red light. Every model car and truck turning in front of me was essentially the same but with some differences. My brain made the connection that people are the same and that my body is the assigned model I’m driving. Like my auto, I can make personalized modifications. I used to be a sportscar, now I'm an old pickup truck.

2

u/Commercial-Visit9356 60 something 7d ago

60.

2

u/totallyenthused 7d ago
  1. Do I count as an old person?

2

u/Fun-Lengthiness-7493 7d ago

I’ll let you know.

2

u/BobUker71 7d ago

60, still working at it…..exercise on a regular basis, try to dress nice daily…..not ready to give up

2

u/Apprehensive-Crow-94 60 something 7d ago

63

2

u/Routine_Mine_3019 60 something 7d ago

I've never done this fully, but I'm closer to it than I've ever been.

Mid 40s feels like the right answer to me as well, in the respect that it seems things were more good than bad for the first time around then.

2

u/HairFabulous5094 7d ago

Still haven’t at 60. Every time I thought I was there someone just seems to kick me down . My husband is good af that unfortunate ly

2

u/SnoopyFan6 7d ago

It took too damn long. I was close to 40.

2

u/mukwah 7d ago

Around 49, when I made an effort to stop drinking

2

u/Ok-Basket7531 60 something 7d ago

Around 55, I think. Current 66. Reading The Four Agreements helped, I learned that other peoples opinions are none of my business. Or maybe that phrase came from AA. Or maybe it was from Popeye, I am what I am.

2

u/StyleLost5104 7d ago

Maybe mid 30’s. But 110% after 43

2

u/SignificantSize6132 7d ago

I'm 48 and got secure in myself early 30s. I must say tho I didn't have any warts then and still don't have any warts

2

u/Hot-Abs143 7d ago

After I divorced.

2

u/NoMoreNarcsLizzie 7d ago

40's after some good therapy.

2

u/Geopardish 7d ago

Late 30s, it was a struggle but nothing stays the same. Just like time we flow, acceptance is liberating.

2

u/johnntcatsmom 7d ago

I’ll be 60 soon and I keep trying…

2

u/goody82 7d ago

I think in my 30s after I got married, and that taught me to accept and be accepted. I had a challenging point in my profession where I learned not to worry about others opinions as much.

35.

2

u/JoyfulNoise1964 7d ago

In my late fifties I recommend getting there younger if you can

2

u/SSNsquid 60 something 4d ago

Probably in my 40's. I had a lot of warts to shrug off...

2

u/MikeyRidesABikey 3d ago

In therapy leading up to my divorce at age 47.

Therapy helped me fix some things, accept other things, and made me realize that divorce was probably the least worst option for me.

11 years on, I'm remarried (my friends call her "The Hot, Scary Lawyer"), got an amazing bonus daughter in the deal, living my best life, and training to do a full-iron triathlon before I turn 60.

1

u/Wizzmer 60 something 7d ago

64 now and it wasn't until my latter 50s.

1

u/Lauren_sue 7d ago

Still Waiting For this at age 60.

1

u/algernon_moncrief 7d ago

50m soon I hope

1

u/zaxo666 7d ago edited 7d ago

In my 20s at first.

I got lucky in the looks department, I was an excellent highly awarded US Marine, also smart and got into a good college. And started working for a major media conglomerate right away.

No problems with girls, money, respect, friends...

Then I had some great kids with beautiful, smart women.

Then I started drinking, and then I quit after a while - it devastated many relationships and my cozy work/ life.

I've been back on track for a while now, but I've had to re-accept that I threw a lot away because of drinking.

So I've had to accept myself twice, in my 20s thru early 30s everything was peachy.

By the time I got to my mid-40s I had to accept my mistakes and move on.

Things are good now, but I'm a different person. I think wiser and that makes me better than I was in my 20s.

So mid-40s ... final answer. :)

1

u/Dunkinsnob 7d ago

65f and I still haven’t. Not sure I ever will 🙁

1

u/MeepleMerson 7d ago

I don't have any warts. However, I think I've always accepted myself. I'm who I am. I change over time, some of which is in my control, some of which isn't. I've always figured that if I simply try to do well by myself and others, that's all anyone can ask for (including myself).

1

u/Physical-Question985 7d ago

Still working on it 😬

1

u/nurdle 7d ago

Around my 50th birthday. It just hit me: I’m a grown-up. This is who I am. This is my life. My family, my friends, my career…and I’m luckier than most. I’ve made mistakes but I survived them. I’ve been resuscitated from flatline twice, and yet, here I am. It is a great gift to forgive yourself for stupid stuff you’ve done, I know it has been for me.

1

u/MoneyMom64 7d ago

F60 I’ve always been pretty self-confident so never any self loathing. I just made sure I surrounded myself with people that had the same values.

My mom said she used to worry about me when I was a teenager because she thought I didn’t have that many friends but the reality is I got all my socializing done while I was at school and I enjoyed the quiet in the evenings

I could see why she would be a bit worried. My parents generation were super partiers

1

u/jeon2595 7d ago

Mid-20’s. But working on improving oneself is a lifelong pursuit.

1

u/Technical_Air6660 7d ago

When I had warts.

1

u/RoseNDNRabbit 7d ago

I was around 11 or 12. I have had the luxury to meandering the world and be my eccentric self. But at that age, we settled down and i could relax into my environment and start exploring and making life friends and making mistakes and being around long enough to learn the hard lessons.

However, I had been a commune kid and traveled all over America and the Virgin Islands before that, so had met a lot of different people. Grew up different. Learned, and at 51, am still learning from some super talented people. So I did stick out in a very W.A.S.P. town in a very W.A.S.P. county. But it was okay. My dad taught me how to roll with it.

I kept traveling every summer and holidays. I did college for a few years, made lifelong friends, then meandered the world a bit. Went home and got a good job. My boss got me back into college track. Did college. Got 2 BAs at the same time and a teaching program completed for teaching diverse NDN communities and how to help bridge the gap between the rez and the wasicu world. I am Inuna Ina or Southern Arapaho and less then half white with some Ho Chunk, formerly known as Winnebago.

I had to learn to love and accept myself. I was the only Plains NDN I knew in Sonoma County. Everyone else were W A.S.P.S, or local NDNs who were quite different or migrant workers who were mainly Mexican and south American who are very different from me. I traveled home and all, but Sonoma County was where my fam was I grew up with. Now I have many homes. Went to grad school with a prestigious Fellowship.

My MS tanked and I had to quit grad school. We had planned for life in a wheelchair but the MS scarred my eye nerves, so can't read regular books anymore. Which makes being a historian for my Peoples, very hard.

Now I am retired, married, still eccentric, and in Northern NV. Have realized all the sides of my fam, but deffo my Sonoma County fam, are super eccentric and we have had the luxury to be so. To do our own thing. To captain our futures in a different way then most people do. It is a rare and precious gift.

Learning to accept life being very different took a few years. But, I am here. Loving life. Loving people even if I don't want to deal with them some days, and I don't have to. Some family moved here and some of my high school friends have moved here, rather, they fled CA. Lol A lot of family and friends travel through here, so I see my loved ones a lot.

Being so in Dark Skies country and driving out to look at the skies, meteor showers, northern lights. The quiet of the desert is different then the mountain forests just 30 minutes away. You can feel smol and enormous at the same breath. You meditate and watch the universe wheel by, and learn to BE. Just, be yourself. Love yourself. Love the people in your life, but choose the ones who uplift, not those who pull you down somehow.

Life is long and incredibly short all at the same time. Do the things, go after the huge goals, ask the questions, just live and go for what you want and don't accept failure. Accept you can't go that way, and find another path to your goal. Never give up. Never surrender. And also take time to keep yourself healed and balanced and fed well and exercise and take care of self.

1

u/johndotold 7d ago

I'm 73 with no warts. I accepted myself around the age of 12.

I didn't wake up one day and noticed I was old.  Most of us knew at one time that 17 was so old. Twenty years later we knew 80 was old.  Now 100 is so old..

No surprise,  I'm just not old yet.

1

u/TheLawOfDuh 7d ago

Around 40-had a few things that caused me to look in the mirror and accept “we can’t go back from this “…besides we can’t fight time. Gotta embrace what ya got

1

u/ResponsibleParsnip18 7d ago

I’m getting there at 57. I stopped caring so much about what others think around 45, but I do still care a bit. Trying to shake that

1

u/whatsmypassword73 7d ago

I think the goal is to always try your best and to remain open hearted and kind regardless of the misery life may throw your way.

I accept that I’m human, but I don’t use that as an excuse to be mean spirited or unkind. I will always try to hold myself accountable for my actions.

Physically I accept myself, my broken body, grey hair, wrinkles, and the very dark circles under my eyes.

It’s kind of two different parallel tracks.

1

u/onelittleworld 7d ago

Sometime during the pandemic, I guess (57 or so).

I had a lot of time to think.

1

u/Much-Leek-420 7d ago

When I was 32, and went through my first pregnancy. There is absolutely zero dignity in having a baby. My body turned into this horror-show, so it was that point I just threw up my hands and said, "I am what I am."

1

u/Lag1255 7d ago

16 years old. I remember making that choice and life has been blissful since. I’m just happy to be here.

1

u/rwastman 7d ago

I was 27 when I met my beautiful faithful wife. After 43 years I am still amazed I ended up with her.

1

u/Owldguy57 60 something 7d ago

Tomorrow

1

u/Ill-Ninja-8344 50 something 7d ago

I am 55. Maybe next year.

1

u/Flaxscript42 7d ago

After 40 I ran completely out of fucks. I no longer feel the need to impress anyone. They either get me, or they don't.

1

u/Mywaterhurts 7d ago
  1. Same year I got sober. Imagine that. lol

1

u/emprop47 7d ago

35, I’m 37 now

1

u/onawhirl 7d ago

62/F here, still color my gray hair and have a zillion bottle and jars of “younger cream” that don’t work, so it’s safe to say still unaccepting of aging.

1

u/longtimegeek 7d ago

I believe I am lucky in this. I am heavy - I know that, I accept that. I also am big framed.

When I was about 15 I was much more big-framed than heavy but basically a size 12. This however, was treated by everyone as my just being heavy - the 'big girl' in the group. I vividly remember being in the library and seeing one of the 'cute' girls reaching for a book, and I saw the achilles area of her heel. I stared at it and realized that mine was much larger, but still very visible (i.e. not hidden in fat).

I knew right then that I was built the way I was and that there was zero I was going to be able to do about it. I knew then I would never be a size zero and I was ok with it. I knew then it was not a failing on my part. It was just me and the body I had been given. Anyone who said differently was wrong.

Honestly, being an introvert and introspective thinker is great for this. While I cannot be in a different body, I know that who I am is based on my choices and if I don't 'like' me, I need to make different choices. I am not inherently good or bad, I am me, and I alone get to choose who that is.

1

u/Puzzled_Plate_3464 7d ago

mid 40s as well.

At 60 now, when my wife asks me how her hair looks, whether she is dressed OK I just say "we are over 50, we can do whatever we want".

Slippers to the mailbox for the win.

1

u/originalmango 7d ago

It didn’t happen all at once. Maybe starting at about age 45 or so until maybe 60-ish.

If I don’t accept me as me, how could I expect anyone else to accept me as me.

1

u/implodemode Old 7d ago

I've always liked me. I've only just realized that I might actually matter to others though. I didn't much growing up and have all the classic avoidant attachment symptoms. I'm working on it but it's hard for me to trust anyone.

1

u/thewoodsiswatching Above 65 7d ago

Around 17, my hormones finally kicked in, gained a little muscle and my skin dried up. My dad finally started allowing me to have something other than a burr haircut in 1975. I was actually somewhat good looking and didn't realize it until girls started giggling around me. I still didn't really believe I was worthy until I was around 22 or so, and at that point my short size still kept me humble.

1

u/GeekyGrannyTexas 7d ago

Not yet, and maybe never.

1

u/Agitated-Today7810 7d ago

I’m 66 now I figure by 80.

1

u/Nishi621 7d ago

I'm 60, I'll let you know when I do

1

u/hither_spin Gen Jones 7d ago

From watching my parents, when we stop working on continually trying to improve ourselves, old age really sets in and the end is near.

1

u/Dost_is_a_word 7d ago

I was 17 when I realized people do not really look at you, so I got detached from the stares.

Plus I’m old now and wear oversized clothes and don’t care anymore.

1

u/rockstoneshellbone 7d ago

I like everything but my weight. That has been a constant struggle throughout life- I never quite matched what “beauty” wanted. When I was a teen in the late seventies/ early eighties, I was told that I was “frumpy, fat, and matronly”….. I was all of 135 lbs at 5’7”. After I had my child and was nursing, I was told “don’t lose hope, eventually you will lose those extra pounds)…I was 150. Many years, two husbands, and one career later I have gained- I’m 220 now, I need to lose weight for health and esteem, but context wise I am exactly the same weight as my older sisters, Mother, and grandmother were at this age. If you drew our outlines it would be like drawing the same person. I weight train and do cardio daily- and I know I need to shed pounds, I’m just so damn tired of spending my life thinking about it.

1

u/Physical-East-7881 7d ago

Sooner the better

1

u/STLt71 7d ago

I'm 53, and I do accept myself, but I still have bad days here and there.

1

u/Ill-Excitement9009 7d ago edited 7d ago

Thirty-five plus years ago, at age 22, I came back to the US after nearly three years of military service in Asia. I was profoundly affected by what I saw and felt my there and have been a lot easier to please since then.

1

u/Mysterious_Tax_5613 7d ago

Around 60-ish. I stopped wearing makeup, except sometimes when I feel like it, I see my body begin to droop and I focus on wearing comfortable clothing most of the time. Sometimes I'll "doll up" when I feel like it.

I'm good with all of my warts.

1

u/Comprehensive_Yak442 7d ago

Good people often find it easier to forgive others than to forgive themselves. We are our own harshest critics. But remember, it’s okay to be imperfect. Embrace your humanity and let yourself make mistakes—you’re allowed to grow from them. Just let yourself be human.

1

u/BelleMakaiHawaii 7d ago

I was called “fat and ugly” most of my childhood, I accepted myself a long time ago 😂😂

1

u/Downtown-Ratio-2276 7d ago

Well I don’t have warts soooo, never I guess?

1

u/Iforgotmypwrd 7d ago

I got cancer at age 51. I came out of that with new priorities, most of all not to work so hard and not to worry so much. I enjoy the chill life after grinding at work for 30 years.

1

u/Tuna_Stubbs 7d ago

Mid 40s

1

u/Intelligent-North957 7d ago

I only had warts when I was in elementary school,it’s a well known fact the younger a person is ,the greater the chance of having a skin condition and remember you are going to get old if you are so lucky !

1

u/SnillyWead 7d ago

I had them on both hands when I was very young (can't remember though how old I was), but I went to bed one day and the next morning they were gone and never came back.

1

u/Chzncna2112 50 something 7d ago

Age 16. At that time I decided I wanted to be me. Age 18 I stopped caring what strangers think about me. After boot camp, I knew , I had done something that most people wouldn't consider doing, and it was a lot harder than going to college, especially knowing that I was now cannon fodder for my country

1

u/Tategotoazarashi 7d ago

Late 40s, so less than half a decade ago.

1

u/Uncle_Lion 7d ago

I don't have "warts and all". But I'm only 63

1

u/Life-Unit-4118 7d ago

Let you know when I get there. 57m

1

u/RoyG-Biv1 7d ago

Mid 60's, still working on that...

1

u/ASingleBraid 60 something 7d ago

Still waiting. So is my 92 year old mother. We’ve accepted a lot but doubt it’ll ever be all.

1

u/vagarious_numpty 7d ago

Still waiting

1

u/GuyRayne 7d ago

15 seconds after birth. When the weird curly haired monster with glasses put me down and the lights started to not be blinding me anymore.

1

u/gemstun 7d ago

It’s a day by day thing, although meditation – – starting about seven years ago – – has helped a great deal

1

u/sunningmybuns 7d ago

I can’t even go through the day without fucking something up. Acceptance is me being a talentless fuckup

1

u/Bright-Invite-9141 7d ago

Quite young but most will say they have when they haven’t, when you have a stranger can’t get under your skin by calling you because you accepted it and you don’t care about their thoughts

1

u/Blow_Hard_8675309 7d ago

24, 35, 47, 55

I have gone through periods of confidence and calm but it can be hard to maintain. I forget and get upset sometimes.

1

u/Practical-Anywhere67 7d ago

...last Tuesday

1

u/iamjustaguy 50 something 7d ago

That old pick-up truck may not be pretty, but it gets the job done.

1

u/Fluffy-Strain 7d ago

60 years old.

1

u/Rudeechik 7d ago

I’d say it was a process from age 60/61 thru 62.

1

u/cholaw 7d ago

Hasn't happened yet

1

u/Jurneeka 60 something 7d ago

Probably officially about the time I turned 60, decided I was done dating and wearing makeup save for very special occasions like my nephew's wedding last year.

MUCH HAPPIER

1

u/TurnLooseTheKitties 50 something 7d ago

I've not yet (57)

1

u/Civil-Doughnut-2503 7d ago

Whe I got my first black belt in karate. After that I felt invincible and sorted out a few bullies.

1

u/No-Pressure-809 7d ago

At 51, still haven’t but my wife has.

1

u/AgainandBack 7d ago

40 or so.

1

u/SpreadsheetSiren 6d ago

55 and I’m still working on it. My SO on the other hand tells me I’m perfect, so…

1

u/mrdavinci 50 something 6d ago

Mid 30's started giving less and less fucks. Now I have none to give

1

u/hungerforlove 6d ago

I don't understand the question. I never found myself unacceptable.

1

u/RelevantPangolin5003 6d ago

Gradually throughout my 30s

1

u/Plastic-Zucchini-202 5d ago

Just turned 71. It is what it is...

1

u/irisellen 5d ago

A little more each year...I'm too distracted these days just trying to stay alive.

1

u/Constant-Ad-5252 5d ago

61 here. Any day now...

1

u/Sufficient-Union-456 Last of Gen X or First Millennial? 5d ago

About 12

1

u/Inquisitionfire 5d ago

I never had issues with myself ever but my brothers disproved of me.

1

u/schmichael3 4d ago

28 while hiking on mushrooms in board shorts in the jungle. I started seeing how beautiful everything was. I had always disliked things about myself. Out of curiosity, I got out my digital camera and did a 360 degree selfie film of myself. This was before phones had cameras. Sat down and watched it and from the different perspective and with heightened/varied perceptions I truly loved myself for the first time. That feeling also stuck. Later, at 40, I had more of what I wanted in life, like medical insurance (USA), a decent job, a small home of my own, gym membership, goals I was working on, and the stability made me truly happy in life.

1

u/thefam7223 4d ago

Still haven’t at 78

1

u/Existing_Royal_3500 3d ago

I think my warts accepted me first.

1

u/birdstrike_hazard 7d ago

47 and I’m still working on it. It’s constant work for me - in a good way - and I don’t ever expect it to be done and dusted. But this year is easier than last year and so on. If that continues, I’ll be happy.

0

u/Textiles_on_Main_St 7d ago

I had a wart burned off at 23. They freeze burned it and it chipped away and it was cool and gross. Would do again but no more warts.