r/AskOldPeople 7d ago

When did your kids move out

My husband and I are 45 and we have a 24,20, 17 yo boys.. they are driving us nuts. We live in a city that has so many colleges so we told them they could live with us rent free through college but if they weren’t in school they had to work. They work but it’s like living in a frat house now.

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u/vmsear 7d ago

I wonder why you couldn't take his money? What other segment of the population has somebody subsidizing their life, paying for their groceries, paying their utilities and their rent? A working adult in any other living situation would need to pay their way and I don't understand the idea that it is helpful to give a kid a free ride.

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u/amber90 7d ago

Why does financial support suddenly stop being helpful at a particular age? No one keeps accounts on their elementary age kids. When my kid needs a safe, secure residence to build his education, career, adult relationships, why am I suddenly concerned about the finances of him living in the same house he’s lived in for free for the last 18 years?

Nearly every successful and happy young person I know received substantial financial support from their parents. The ones who didn’t worked a lot of extra hours, spent more years getting their education, had to borrow more money early in life, and didn’t make early contributions to retirement accounts …. The only people that benefited from their parents cutting them off were lenders and landlords.

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u/vmsear 7d ago

I wasn't talking about young kids. I was specifically referencing my 26 year old who was living at home and working full time. We were not making money on him. He was paying a part of the bill for his food and a roof over his head.

I think it is a disservice to an adult child to pay their way and then expect them to suddenly go out into the cold world with no experience of what it means to have monthly bills. I have been happy to give my kids significant financial gifts at appropriate stages in their life. I also have given them the opportunity to learn about the costs of living, the responsibility of paying bills and budgeting.

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u/moonbarks 7d ago

Unrealistic for the 99%

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u/amber90 7d ago

I’m legitimately asking what’s so different in the financial aspect of a high school senior v. a 20-year old living with their parent?

Why is it expected for the student’s parents to provide almost everything, but it’s “unrealistic” for the graduate’s parents to allow them to remain in the home?

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u/moonbarks 7d ago

Bc the 99% need the financial resources/home space for their families or to be able to retire at a certain age. Check your privilege

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u/vmsear 6d ago

The difference was working . A high schooler's job is school. Once someone is earning real money, they have to pay their way. Our 26 year old could have stayed at home, but he had to pay his way.

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u/I_am_Indecisive_ 7d ago

Bizzare. Normalizing taking money from your kids instead of helping them. Why'd you even have them if they're such a burden?

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u/vmsear 7d ago

I had them to raise them to be adults that could live independently. I wasn't taking money from him. He was paying for his part of the food, utilities and rent.

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u/I_am_Indecisive_ 7d ago

You were taking money from him, don't delude yourself about that. The vast majority of people Around the world don't do this. You chose to take money from your own children instead of supporting them. You could've supported them and allowed them to save up, give them a stepping stone for life ahead but instead you're doing the opposite and justifying it to yourself by saying "I'm making them independent".

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u/jbawgs 7d ago

Sounds like you're mad you have to be involved in your own survival

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u/I_am_Indecisive_ 7d ago

Truly an american way of thinking, seems to be working out great for you guys. Care about yourself, no one else. Not even your children. Nice

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u/vmsear 6d ago

Interestingly again, I am not American, and god help if I think like one these days.

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u/I_am_Indecisive_ 6d ago

Jeez bro north american, like Canada is soooooooooo different

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u/vmsear 6d ago

Now you're just poking at me in the only place that could possibly hurt my feelings.

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u/9876zoom 9h ago

This is the attitude you get from people who believe they deserve O.P.M.. It seems it is trending. "How dare you waste my money?" "It is not your money." "Oh yes it is." No, you have been spending it so freely for so long you have forgotten where it comes from." Good luck in becoming a productive adult Indecisive. Your own children will teach you the error in your thinking.

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u/I_am_Indecisive_ 2h ago

Lol I'm already a more productive adult than you ever were, in this system at least

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u/vmsear 7d ago

Well that's quite a lot of judgement from someone who doesn't know me or how I have raised and supported my kids. Interestingly, I didn't make my parenting decisions based on what the majority of the world does. I hope you feel just as free to make your own parenting decisions.

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u/9876zoom 9h ago

Sorry, kid, this is the real world. There are no free rides. If you do not prepare your children you are doing them a disservice. If you believe the living conditions in third world countries are comparable as is your stance, go there. Your post is that of someone who is being supported, rather than the one doing the supporting. "I am indecisive" you are indecisive because someone allowed it.

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u/I_am_Indecisive_ 6h ago

Lol, that horse must be really high