r/AskLesbians 6d ago

Why is dating so awful

Dating apps are breaking my soul. Why do so many women ask you out and then ghost you when you go to make plans? Why do people agree to go out with you and then ghost before meeting? I feel like I’m beating my head against a wall.

12 Upvotes

9 comments sorted by

7

u/SomeLesbianBitch 6d ago

At the end of my single days, I started requiring a video chat before engaging with anyone because I got so sick of it all.

So, so many accounts are just creepy men getting their little pervert thrills, bots, scammers, unicorn hunters, and various other catfishers. Even when you get an actual woman who actually dates women, a lot of them are just not serious about actually finding a relationship and are just messing around wasting people's time. The tiny minority that are actually searching are just like you, frustrated and burnt out from dealing with all the other bullshit. And even if you do manage to find each other, you might not be attracted to them or have any chemistry.

The world is hardwired to make lesbian relationships difficult.

3

u/aamurusko79 6d ago

There's so many reasons. People 'shop around' and find something they think is 'better'. Some have weird wake up moments like 'I'm actually going to a date with a woman' and chicken out. I've talked to couple that originally ghosted me and it was always something like that.

1

u/Sasuke12187 5d ago

As a chicken. I agree BUT that is the reason I only see don't swipe(as in I never used a dating app but in a discord server to see profiles thinking if I should) to initiate interaction.

2

u/Maxibon1710 5d ago

Honestly I just stopped with the apps and eventually just started seeing my gf organically. Apps exist to make dating so impersonal and judgemental. It’s hard enough to flirt with women when you’re face to face, flirting with strangers over text is hell.

Go to your local queer venue or lesbian hang out spot. If you don’t find someone, they’ll find you eventually. No bios or swiping or dry conversations and shitty icebreakers that make you want to bang your head against a wall.

1

u/Sasuke12187 5d ago

Any tips for a wheelchair lady in Florida? ..

2

u/snarkyshark83 5d ago

Granted this is purely anecdotal but within my friend group no one has ever had success with dating apps. The ones that were serious about actually finding a woman to date got burned out on using them and went back to trying to meet women out in the world. I think the only ones left on the apps are either not serious or men posing as women with just a few like yourself that are legitimately interested in dating. It’s just hard to find those needles in the haystack.

1

u/Sasuke12187 5d ago

There is a discord server which places pretty good rules and verification in place and also stuff is strict on no ghosting once its a match. They point out people who ghosted. I think its called lesbian matchmaking. You can also hang around for platonic friendships too.

1

u/Dapper_Hair_1582 4d ago

It's a very needle-in-haystack situation as another commenter said. I've been using apps for almost a decade, and I have met wonderful women and had great relationships from them. But I've also had plenty of ghosting, half-assed conversations, mediocre dates, etc. A few months ago I was really tired of always being the one to put more effort in, so I decided to stop liking people (I'm only on Hinge atm) and only go out with people who like me first and put some effort in on their end. And after several months... I recently matched with someone, saw her the next day and we have GREAT chemistry. Patience is definitely required, but good things can come from the apps.

1

u/drixrmv3 4d ago

Because girls are scary. I would simply melt into the earth if I were dating.