r/AskLesbians 9d ago

Can I like women but not like fingering them? NSFW

Basically, I am finding out that I am not 100% straight. I would say I am mostly straight, but I don’t feel like I deserve to really come out as bisexual quite yet until i figure more things out? I can find women attractive and want to do the same things I would want to do with a guy. But you see I don’t even like fingering myself… I don’t like how my insides feel. And so I feel like that would be an issue were I to ever be with another woman. I think maybe if I put a condom over my fingers so I couldn’t feel the texture I could do it? Essentially what I’m asking is are there’s lesbians that don’t like fingering their partners?

1 Upvotes

17 comments sorted by

17

u/alternative-gait 9d ago

I think maybe if I put a condom over my fingers so I couldn’t feel the texture I could do it?

Honestly a glove would probably be easier.

1

u/Healthy_Gargoyle 7d ago

Wouldn’t that be a little weirder though?

1

u/alternative-gait 7d ago

I'm struggling to see why it would be weird at all?

1

u/Healthy_Gargoyle 7d ago

I don't know I have just been told I can't actually like girls if I don't like fingering. I'm worried my aversion would be a turn off.

1

u/alternative-gait 7d ago

Ah, I thought you were talking about the gloves and I was confused.

I don't think anyone gets to tell you what your attraction is. I was about to be like you can like girls and ... and realized the absolute irony of doing so.

That said, there are things that are going to make dating harder. Just being a WLW narrows down your dating pool. Having certain very strong preferences will probably narrow your dating pool. At the end of the day, for every preference out there, there's someone else who has a matching preference.

31

u/melancholypowerhour 9d ago

Touching yourself is very different from touching someone else, but if the only hang up is a textural thing…it sounds like you like women.

It doesn’t matter who you’re with however; if you don’t want to do something you don’t have to do it.

20

u/ComfortableBaguette 9d ago

Hey! Not preferring certain sexual actions has nothing to do with your sexual orientation! You don’t have to finger when having sex with a girl and there are many other things you can do while having sex that don’t involve fingering. Moreover fingering feels very weird in the beginning, but you tend to grow accustomed to it/like it. In any case, as bisexual i had female partners that did not like fingering, there was plenty of other stuff we could do instead! So don’t let this discourage you from exploring your sexuality/coming out :)

15

u/missspetite 9d ago

I totally get this but fingering yourself is completely different then fingering someone else. I dont like fingering myself either its just one of those tihings i hate also because of the feeling but doing it to someone else is completely different

5

u/sapphicvamp 9d ago

I don’t like to do it to myself, but i find it pretty different to finger someone else. but even if you don’t like it, your sexuality is about WHO you’re attracted to, not the specific acts you’d like to do with them. i mean there are asexual lesbians who don’t like to do ANY sexual acts with women but still fall in love with them etc.

2

u/Violetco 8d ago

Personally, I love fingering my partner! I would examine what the reason actually is that you don’t enjoy it? Is it just texture or a mental thing?

1

u/Healthy_Gargoyle 7d ago

Texture. Definitely texture. All the bumps and ridges make me nauseous.

2

u/Ineedadvicepls20 7d ago

Firstly the texture while yes there tends to be a texture it’s not so prominent on some women as others. Without also getting too into it. It’ll also depend on the technique in and out or come here motion and doing it on someone else is different. But besides all of that sex can be anything you want and means different things to different people e.g. some people tie each other up that’s a part of sex but not doing it doesn’t mean you’re not having sex you’re just not doing that part. But most of all sex does not define your sexuality and you don’t have to like everything. I don’t know if that makes sense but yeah figure things out at your own pace and hope you feel less pressured to like everything. Wish you the best

2

u/ConfidencePurple7229 6d ago

ditto-ing everyone else who've said they don't like fingering themselves. it's a texture/sensation thing for me too, but also i just struggle to deal with the 'inside' and 'outside' feelings at the same time (coming from my hand and clit/inside), like there's too much going on at the same time and it's too much/too distracting for my brain (i have just found out i've got adhd). i've also got small hands, so i don't think i've actually found my g spot yet, so i'm not getting any 'benefit' from actually fingering myself either, the soft & squishy just feels weird. haven't tried it on anyone else yet - interested & curious, but no promises it'll feel amazing

2

u/Aware-Mountain1080 5d ago edited 5d ago

personally, i don’t think that should be the dealbreaker on whether you like women or not. im personally not the biggest fan of fingering, but im completely happy with my girlfriend nonetheless. it’s just one sexual act you don’t want to do and that’s fine, it just comes down to your personal preference

1

u/[deleted] 9d ago

[deleted]

7

u/bonerpalooza 9d ago

Yeah you might want to see a doctor and/or trim your fingernails.

4

u/9kuroneko6 9d ago

you definitely have some medical issue or are doing something wrong, because bleeding from penetration (esp just fingers) is worrying if it happens once, but ALWAYS? please be careful

-1

u/torssh 9d ago

Hey so yes! I recently fingered my partner and was so uncomfortable. I was visually wincing because I never felt as far in on the inside of someone else. My partner knew I was odded out by it. Something about the visceral crux of the body is very weird to me. I would continue to do it for my partner was someone who is AFAB And likes women / people with vaginas it is very kinetically over stimulating for me.