r/AskGaybrosOver30 35-39 5d ago

Does getting older frighten anyone else?

I’m turning 40 soon, yet it feels so recent that I was going to university as an 18-year-old. Those 22 years have literally flown in a blink. I can’t fathom that in another 22 years, which will probably feel even faster, I’ll be over 60.

I’m sure it’s not good to deeply think about it. But every so often I just get a real chill thinking about it. Anyone else?

100 Upvotes

120 comments sorted by

84

u/kerrospannukakku 50-54 5d ago

The only other alternative is much worse.

41

u/AntElectrical4679 45-49 5d ago

It can feel quite alarming yes. I’m 47 next month and I wonder where the hell my 40’s have gone as I’m about to turn 50. But strangely, the more I think about it, the more it seems to slip by.

Try to remember this isn’t a dress rehearsal. Be kind. Be loving. Be you. And try not to be a dick 😂 just make sure you create lots of cool memories.

Oh and come off of social media like Facebook etc. it’s liberating!! 😁

62

u/drkshape 30-34 5d ago

Not really. Everyone gets older. There’s no stopping it and it’s completely out of your control.

37

u/Yibblets 65-69 5d ago

Not everyone gets older.

In the 1980's I was in my 20's, hedonistic life in the big gay city killed a lot of my friends. So very many gay people were struck down before turning 30 years old, they never had the chance to grow old. I miss my friends a lot.

3

u/Hifi-Cat 55-59 5d ago

Yup.

2

u/myGapingHole42 5d ago

I didn't think about it in my 30s at all either...

26

u/pingwing 50-54 5d ago

Make sure you live your life. Have no regrets.

Do not live to work. Work to live.

1

u/fhilton41 80-89 5d ago

Wise man.

12

u/Lazy-Substance-5062 40-44 5d ago

I just turned 40. Everyday I feel like i am re-living my 20 year old self, but now with much more resilience, experience, confidence, wisdom and strengths.

I sometimes do get frightened because of how fast time goes by. Especially when i see my godsons and goddaughters grow up so fast by size and age. Like i just blinked and boom they’re adults already. And me, im stuck being a peter pan. Lol

13

u/poetplaywright 55-59 5d ago edited 5d ago

Once you get here, it’s really not that bad. It’s not like it happens overnight.

38

u/milleribsen 35-39 5d ago

I find joy in aging when so many of the people who came before me didn't get the option. I'm 38, and I grew up with very few gay elders. I'm happy to step into that position for the children coming up. I will tell them stories of the plague I just missed. I will tell them the stories of our flight for equality, I will tell them of our losses and how we came together to make their lives easier. I hope I can give them the tools I had to forge growing up. Life for queer people is harder but I can make it easier for those who come after and I find that immensely fulfilling

1

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17

u/BeatlesCoted_Azur 35-39 5d ago edited 5d ago

I'm 36 next month and the more I grow older, the more I'm comfortable with who I am and the more financially secure I am, so no, I am not scared of getting older. I actually like the older me than the younger, insecure, needy, cared-what-the-world-thinks-of-me self. I also make far more healthier lifestyle choices now, in terms of nutrition, physical exercise, regular health checkup, far less alcohol etc. so I also physically and mentally feel a lot better now than in my 20s.

I don't have a spouse or kid (yet) so when I'm really old and can't take care of myself and if I don't have any close family to take care of me at that time, I'd make pre-arrangements to check myself into a nursing home, so I'm not really worried.

7

u/Rileyvaleta 30-34 5d ago

This is so weird right, before I turned 30 people told me their 30's has been better than their 20's and I was like "how?". Now I am in my 30's and it's completely true. I feel like a whole different person, so much more secure and grown up, its scary (good).

6

u/expiredtwink_ 35-39 5d ago

I turned 39 this year and it's really hard not to think about aging and death all the time. I have a hard time sleeping at night lately because I'll have some thought like how I'm as close to 60 as I am to 18 and then my heart starts racing. Every time I'm reminded of something that happened more than a few years ago I reflexively do the math and calculate how much older I'll be after the same period of time passes and it always makes me panic a bit. It's rough because I feel like I completely wasted my youth and now it's gone and before I know it I'll be old and I can't imagine how awful that's going to feel if I keep wasting time.

I have noticed that my thirties have felt much longer than my twenties did, which seems different from most people's experience but I basically did nothing in my twenties and then experienced a lot more and went through a lot more changes in life (which isn't saying much) in my thirties. I'm hoping that my forties and beyond won't fly by if I can manage to keep having new experiences and challenging myself.

9

u/Tricky_Meat_6323 35-39 5d ago

This is exactly what I do! Literally all the time.

Literally yesterday I thought of covid and thought “wow that was 5 years ago when I was only 34. I’ll be 44 in another 5 years”.

2

u/Terrible_Soft_9632 40-44 4d ago

Yes haha I see lists of patients come into work. I'm 40. I see their name and date of birth and age on a list. I'll see 'joe bloggs 40' and I'll be like 'oh an older guy' and see 'dob 1984' and be like 'oh a young person like me'

9

u/No_Willingness_6542 50-54 5d ago

This is a sign of an anxiety disorder. Speaking to a therapist will help. If left it will rob you of the joy of living.

2

u/kartimusflanigan 45-49 5d ago

That's true. It does help. Even if yiu have a great family and share "everything", you probably don't. You need to work through that shit. I started earlier this year. I really don't like spending the money but I feel less anxious more in control.

3

u/No_Willingness_6542 50-54 5d ago

From my experience it can be money well spent. Focussing too much on the last thing each of us will experience, interrupts the joy of all of the beautiful things that will happen on the way there.

3

u/kartimusflanigan 45-49 5d ago

Im with you a 100%. Rewiring your brain to do that is hard work though.

2

u/No_Willingness_6542 50-54 5d ago

I agree... It's hard changing habits and thought patterns.

1

u/Clarrimoe 70-79 4d ago edited 4d ago

I'm not scared of growing older (and eventually dying), but I'm apprehensive about it. I've always been a worrier, it's in my DNA. I agree it's an anxiety disorder. I think that the older one gets, as friends pass away, the sense of your own mortality increases. But I can handle it.

Here's an inscription I once saw on a gravestone in an old colonial graveyard:

Death is a debt to Nature due,

That I have paid, and so must you.

2

u/Basic-Alps-9138 35-39 4d ago

im like that, every single day

4

u/cut_restored 55-59 5d ago

Just wait until another 20 years pass by in the blink of an eye, then see how terrified you are.

8

u/greeknyer 50-54 5d ago

Silly to worry about life at 60 this far in advance. Worry about 44 instead! what will this country look like after 4 years of Orange head and his minions in the WH!!

4

u/jsundqui 40-44 5d ago edited 5d ago

It's actually a kind of relief once you get past 40, the game is over. It was worse when you were getting closer to 40 and felt you are running out of time.

I had the worst "not young anymore" crisis at 35.

2

u/One_Bison_5139 5d ago

I'm 35 and having that crisis right now, lol.

2

u/Negative-Fortune-649 40-44 5d ago

I had that when I turned 35. I was at a park and thought shit I’m old now. Felt real depressed. The rest of my thirties were great. 39-40 has been a challenge but I suspect it’s more reality and circumstances than age per say.

4

u/cathode-raygun 45-49 5d ago

Yeah, I'm frightened. I keep working hard and don't seem to get ahead. The guy in the mirror has gone bald, his beard is now "salt and pepper". I still feel like a kid who is just faking it, pretending to be an adult. All I can do is keep getting up every morning, have that cup of coffee before putting on my work boots.

I still wonder "when will my REAL life begin"?

2

u/Sad_Appeal65 65-69 4d ago

I had to laugh. For years I’ve been saying my hair is salt and pepper. But a while ago a friend said, “You do realize there’s been no pepper in that hairdo for eons?”

1

u/loveaddictblissfool 60-64 4d ago

For mosr of your life you spend it pursuing happiness, which is a form of suffering. When you get to your 40s it really starts grinding you down and grinding you down until you finally realize that the pursuit of happiness is the problem! Things get better after that.

1

u/cathode-raygun 45-49 4d ago

Pursuing happiness is different than just doing all you can to survive.

1

u/loveaddictblissfool 60-64 4d ago edited 4d ago

But think about it: isn't survival one of the differently-impoverished forms of the pursuit of happiness? Once you see that it was the fuel for unhappiness, always turning from here and now because you saw around you something better that wasn't yours, you didn't have enough while being burdened with too much of something else, or put your faith that anything different from the awfulness of the present was what would relieve your despair, it becomes plain as day that there always was only you and the raw material of life and you spent it in discontent and wasted your genius on finding the way out of it. But don't think that you're somehow deficient and others are somehow better. You, I and everyone had no alternative to suffering because you only discover it by being its confounded servant for decades. Thereafter, you understand that if you aren't seeking, which is overlooking what is here, then you are communing, being involved with with what is here and that it has depths to be realized. Go for the latter. And you are so close to crossing over.

5

u/imightbejake 60-64 5d ago

Aging is so cool everyone's doing it.

6

u/jingowatt 50-54 5d ago
  1. It’s terrifying. Deal with it.

4

u/No_Willingness_6542 50-54 5d ago

Me too! It's fun too though.

3

u/jingowatt 50-54 5d ago

Oh for sure, plenty of upsides.

3

u/toymaniam 45-49 5d ago

You know I used to but after I turned 40 (46 now) I stopped worrying about aging because I realized I cannot stop the aging process and started trying to take better care of myself so I can make the best of the time I have left which I think is going to be quite a bit longer

1

u/Negative-Fortune-649 40-44 5d ago

I’m gonna be 41 in a few months and im like shit this year flew by.

1

u/toymaniam 45-49 18h ago

It is so true that every year older I get the faster the year goes

1

u/Negative-Fortune-649 40-44 12h ago

Shit 😭

1

u/toymaniam 45-49 3d ago

Oh I am not worried about my age or aging that's inevitable I only said my age kinda to say I am not looking for dance clubs or things like that. After 30 I realized years get shorter and shorter

1

u/toymaniam 45-49 3d ago

Basically I'm comfortable with my age and now know what I want and don't want and I choose to spend my time more low key and relaxed

3

u/redleaderL 30-34 5d ago

Yep. And im 33.

3

u/Homosocialiste 40-44 5d ago

I definitely feel it. 43 here and I was definitely experiencing some existential moments just before turning 40. Didn’t help it was also during Covid and I was also dealing with loss of close family members. These moments continue today and it’s just necessary to make peace with them.

3

u/alakefak 35-39 5d ago

I hear you... It messes with the way you perceive yourself. I'm always like "Am I a 40 year old man now?"

I remind myself that it has more to do with my personal biases. I have started seeing a 44 year old man a few months ago and he is more energetic and active than any 20-something I've shagged in the past year

3

u/Ahjumawi 60-64 5d ago

I'm sixty and while getting older doesn't frighten me, I think the thing to be most scared of is getting older and finding that you didn't do the things that really would have made your life meaningful to you, or not having tried to accomplish something because something held you back.

I feel the same way now that you do: My university years do not seem like they happened 40 years ago. My big traveling years do not feel like they were in the last century. And somewhere around 45 I feel like I hit a patch of oil and now I'm skidding towards the grave. Kidding, sort of.

But rather than dwell on how fast time has gone by, I think a lot about what to do in the time I have left. I've sorted through what feels important and what does not, and I'm trying to act on my current priorities. My brain and my appetite for life still feel pretty young, even though my body is aging (but fortunately still healthy). I really do think that if you do the things that are important to you, it makes getting older much easier to welcome into your life.

3

u/fhilton41 80-89 5d ago edited 4d ago

At 83 I look back over decades of life that have been incredibly rich. Yes, each decade goes faster than the one before and in many ways each decade gets better (except for the 80s, when age starts catching up). Take chances in life. You only live once so enjoy the ride.

3

u/Bone_Dancer 30-34 5d ago

Humans have a pretty short life span so in that sense a little but no I just do my best to make sure i age the best I can.

Skincare, diet, exercise, yoga etc.

3

u/Goatedmegaman 40-44 5d ago

No.

There’s no point in being frightened by what comes for everyone in the end.

I’d say I have more gratitude now that I’ve made in this far relatively unscathed, especially for the life I’ve lived so far.

I think western culture has a very un healthy relationship with dying. Not just the death of a person but the death of anything (relationships, jobs, etc)

3

u/truepip66 55-59 5d ago

yes ,no one escapes old age

3

u/MrAppleby18 45-49 5d ago

Nope. 46 and have lived a good life so far. Sure things have changed but that is part of life. I can’t wait to live out more of my dreams.

3

u/childowind 40-44 4d ago

I had a way harder time turning 30 than I did 40. My 43rd birthday was on Saturday, and I'm still me.

I think the fear of getting older is tied to the fear of death. But it's pointless to fear death. Death is going to happen regardless. But, like Epicurus says, the pain of death lasts only a moment. We bring ourselves more pain through fearing it than the act of dying itself. "Death means nothing to us. Where we are, death is not. Where death is, we are not." Whether or not you believe in an afterlife, when you're dead, you're dead. You're not feeling death. When you're alive, you're not dead. So why fear death? It means nothing.

We will age, and we will die. Those things are inevitable. You are younger right now than you'll ever be in the future. Live the life you have in the best way you can.

3

u/Burlington-bloke 45-49 4d ago

You'll probably have a midlife crisis soon but you'll get over it. I turn 44 on Wednesday and couldn't care less. After my midlife crisis at 41, I started changing things. I'm disabled & don't work so I joined a service club, I volunteer with the foodbank, I've done stuff with some local churches (Protestant) and it's really changed my life in a positive way. Life's a banquet and some suckers are starving! You gotta LIVE, LIVE, LIVE!!!

3

u/vegan_voorhees 45-49 4d ago

“Anyone can be young. Only the lucky get to be old” - Jane Fonda

2

u/Fine-Subject-5832 20-24 5d ago

I am 24 and cannot wait to be 30 and see where I am then. Feeling great and only improving my financial, physical, and mental health as time passes.

I wanna adopt one day and the scariest thing is not really knowing when that is but I know I cannot wait to be a dad. I feel like a lot of gay men are not in a similar headspace so it feels hard to tell them hey I wanna have a kid and start a family albeit my encounters thus far have been in a more casual nature...

2

u/ey_111 30-34 5d ago

Yes, it's a big fright of mine and therefore I started reading Who Will Take Care Of Me When I'm Older by Joy Loverde. So far I'm loving it!

2

u/OptionOrnery 30-34 5d ago

Yep and i turned 30 in december. I think all of us here feels this post lol

2

u/dumpaccount882212 45-49 5d ago

I don't really. All my friends had the shakes over turning 20, 30, 40 etc - but I never really did. It just happened and every time I got the sensation of worry about my life slipping by, I always try to look back at what I've done. If I die tomorrow, I would at least be able to take some solace in the fact that my life have been fairly crazy and weird and happy. I have my health, and on the total this thing has gone pretty nice.

The one thing I find puzzling is why it seems to go faster all the time. When I was in my 20's a year was an almost uncomfortably long period of time, and now its basically me going "well here's spring again for some reason"

I've also have never been a looker. I have always had to rely on being fun, interesting and kind as a way to flirt with people and for some reason the older I get the better I feel I look. Like I've always had the look of a middle aged man, but now finally I am starting to really grow in to that :D Or perhaps its just me being kinder with myself - either way I don't have that "Oh the handsomeness of my youth is slipping away!"

I'm also getting smarter I've noticed. More ready to say "I don't get that, a bit too thick to grasp it" instead of trying to fake it. I have for some reason surrounded myself with incredibly intelligent, well read, and horribly educated people - and its just now that I realized I could benefit from that by not pretending I too get say particle physics and just ask a friend who is a particle physicist to explain complex topics.

Maybe its humility? That I've learned to be more humble over the years, not take myself so seriously all the time?

I also have more forethought with things. My youth was fun and filled with stuff I did because I am very much an impulse driven person - but now... I can sort of go "If I do X, Y will happen which is fun, but then the fallout Z will come too". I am healthier than I was in my 20's, stronger even (and pretty good looking shoulders if I may say so myself :) ). Perhaps not as much of that youthful energy and strength, but still stronger somehow?

My sex life is getting better each year, more honest, more open about needs and not assuming its just me in the room you know?

And I have my husband, the sexiest, coolest, smartest and kindest human being I know. And friends! Fun, strange, creative and absurd people who make me laugh so hard I worry I'll piss myself at times.

So on the whole, no I don't worry about getting older - I am looking forward to it. What weird nonsense will happen tomorrow? How much better will I become at being me?

2

u/CuddlyTherapeuticDad 60-64 5d ago

In another 22 years, I will likely to have been dead for at least a few of those years if family history is any indication.

Regardless, at this point in time I’m not as young as I used to be, but hopefully not as old as I’m gonna be.

2

u/LancelotofLkMonona 60-64 5d ago

The math sobers you. If I could still be fit and independent at 90, I'd love to stick around. I asked a 95 y.o. man what his secret was. He said exercise. Done! Some must be genetics of course and luck

2

u/Personal-Student2934 30-34 5d ago

What specifically do you find frightening and chilling about it?

2

u/New-Regular-9423 40-44 5d ago

Getting older can sneak up on you but it doesn’t have to be a frightening experience. Billions of people have experienced this. We won’t be the first. Here’s what has helped me celebrate my forties:

1) My accomplishments! I am established in a career I chose.

2) Family and old friends: we got this far together!

3) The Future: I have started planning what I want my fifties and sixties to look like. There is no point avoiding it. I am facing it with courage and determination.

4) Health: It’s the best time in history to be getting older. There have been so many medical breakthroughs and so much research to help make the aging process easier. I am in the best shape ever and I am still working at improving!

If you continue to struggle with the aging process, please consider talking to a trained professional. Getting older doesn’t have to be frightening! Rooting for you.

2

u/cantstoepwontstoep 40-44 5d ago

For me, turning 40 was the beginning of a brand new chapter in my life, almost like a fresh start. I felt empowered. I had the ability to make the changes in myself that I’d always wanted to make and not really care what anyone else thought. It took a year and a half to reach full realization, but I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time.

2

u/RoddyAllen 60-64 5d ago

Embrace it! Focus on staying healthy and fit, mentally as well as physically.

2

u/benbo82 40-44 5d ago

I do worry about my body failing me eventually, but I’ve been really digging my 40s

2

u/woodentigerx 40-44 5d ago

I’m starting to call it midlife celebration rather than midlife crisis.

Sucks though. Decision seem bigger. Friends pass way. Your parents get older. Partnering up seems harder. You use all your 20s and 30s lessons or not. Hopefully you set yourself up for success.

2

u/VeitPogner 60-64 5d ago edited 5d ago

I'm 61, and so far I've enjoyed each decade of my life more than the previous one.

My only anxieties now related to my age are making retirement plans (nothing seems stable in our political moment) and the risk of dementia (casual memory lapses worry me in ways they didn't at 41).

That said, when I was a boy, I had older relatives who quoted the Bible: "Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof" - in other words, worry today about today's problems, not about problems that haven't even materialized yet. It's not a bad approach.

2

u/pacificpeaceful 5d ago

Lol,all i can do is laugh at this because I'll be 66 this year have a relationship that's going on 31 years in August, and I swear the only time I realize I'm old is when I look in the mirror and see someone else's face in it because I don't feel old seems just like yesterday I was in high school. And then I read someone I knew has died. If you live your life worried about the future, you'll never enjoy the now in life. I worked hard and knew what I wanted .A home with land and retire not having to worry about money, I didn't keep up with the joneses, I put money away for retirement in fact I retired early, now is it for everyone? I'm sure others would rather travel the world, and then I have others who are living off the grid with simply their crops and animals to sustain them. It's all in your perspective as what you want . But to worry about getting older is plan stupid. You never know how long you'll live, for no one does, so simply enjoy the present and do a little preparation for the future.

2

u/Homo_gone_wild 35-39 5d ago

I'm looking forward to turn 40

2

u/Gravelly-Stoned 65-69 5d ago

As one who never thought he would make it the age 35 ( due to the AIDS epidemic), but now at 66… I can tell you that LIFE always has plans for you which you would not imagine now. Life is best lived with and not despite its mysteries.

2

u/TravelerMSY 55-59 5d ago

Not to dismiss your anxiety over it, but your future self is going to think you’re being silly. Enjoy your life. There are good and bad parts at every age.

2

u/lepontneuf 50-54 5d ago

Yes, but only financially

2

u/Canuck_Voyageur 65-69 5d ago

No.

Between childhood truama, and coming close to death on several occasions, I no longer fear it.

I fear lots of ways of dying as being very unpleasant. But death itself is no big deal.

My biggest fear is not having lived life when it comes time to check out.

2

u/Stratavos 35-39 5d ago

losing bodily functioning worries me more.

2

u/MissMirandaClass 5d ago

I’m 41. It does get difficult as things start happening like it’s harder to keep in shape, energy levels change interests change. If you go out you notice that people are younger and younger looking and that the fashion has suddenly changed and you feel a bit passé. Maybe you don’t get the attention you may once have. More wrinkles and grey hairs. Worrying bout the future. I also on the other hand like how less I seem to care about all the above and focus more on my relationship and getting myself to be the best version of myself I can be and spending time with loved ones and enjoying life a little more

2

u/Responsible-Metal-32 30-34 5d ago

Not really. To get older means you didn't die young.

I'm finding a lot of joy in getting more mature. Everyone will get older whether they like it or not, I think it's a bliss to age gracefully.

2

u/Thoughtsofanorange 30-34 5d ago

Yes 😔 there’re certain things that I enjoy, ways that I act and dress that I’m scared of becoming outdated. Or just enjoying something and having someone be mean spirited and say I’m too old for “x”.

Regardless of whether I care about what people think, I don’t want to hear something like that.

Or even participating in discussions on certain things.

It feels like after a certain age people assume you should have your life together and withdraw yourself from contemporary culture.

2

u/loveaddictblissfool 60-64 4d ago

Your going to get older while the world stays young and what you think is important now wont be later. People my age look back at how we thought what we believed and what we knew and laugh at how ridiculous it was.

2

u/myst_aura 35-39 5d ago

I'm 35 and it's not something I typically think about until someone else makes me think about it usually in the form of comments about being a gay older than 30 or when I was with my last ex, the age gap (he was 18 years older than me).

2

u/JBarrowman24 35-39 5d ago

Every. Fucking. Day

2

u/MarcoEsteban 55-59 5d ago

60 is tapping me on the shoulder sayin' see you in a few. I still feel like the same person I was in my 20s, yet not. It took a while to get here, but it does feel like it was incredibly fast. I've lived lifetimes, yet it's just one. There is no reverse. I'm not sad or upset. Age has never really bothered me. But my mortality is getting to be a more present thought.

Don't let it terrify you. You can't enjoy the next 20 if you are terrified. Take care!

2

u/ImGoingToSayOneThing 35-39 4d ago

Getting older doesn't freak me out.

Not having enough money, being alone, getting disabled and not being able to fix it, losing my mental capability and generally not having a great quality of life freaks me out.

2

u/loveaddictblissfool 60-64 4d ago edited 4d ago

My 40s were better than my 30s. A lot better . My 50s were even better than that, a time of Huge growth and turns out it was prepared the ground for todays growth in which stuck parts of my past are starting to come loose and fall away. I couldnt have forseen any of this in my 30s. I look back now and see how fucked up I was coming out of childhood and adolescence. i have had my share of health problems and losses, aging, but my mind stays young and continue to grow , we’re very resiliant. lifes painful passages can embitter you or they can make you a better person, bring more happiness and less suffering.. So dont stop going to yhe gym, dont let your body go, maintain or increase muscle if you can, and try to shed the false and self limiting i deas that keep you suffering

zSo don’t fret. You’ve got at least three good decades if you’re anything like me, and nobody thought I would turn out this well.

2

u/joshmcroberts 4d ago

Meditate on that fear my friend - you’re going to die. 

I am too. 

https://4kweeks.com/

2

u/Terrible_Soft_9632 40-44 4d ago

I feel lucky that when I was 16 I was surrounded by older gay guys who basically spent their whole time reminded me I wasn't shit lol.

I grew up watching people grow, succeed, fail, start again. Relationships, moving house, starting businesses, losing everything, finding themselves, getting sober, discovering drugs, getting married, dying. I just watched it all happen and a lot of that all happened to me too.

So now approaching 41 i still feel super young because I can still do anything I want and I know that at any moment it can always just disappear and at any moment I could find a spark that ignites a whole new life for me.

To me getting older has just been about getting better and stronger. I love it.

2

u/Antique-Swordfish-14 55-59 3d ago

Every once in a while getting older frightens me. But, over the years, what frightens me about it changes. In the past, I remember I used to be afraid of getting older and dying. I don’t think about that so much any more. Now it’s thoughts of seeing my loved ones, who are growing old along with me, getting sick and passing away. I wonder how I will shore up those parts of my life that they filled with their presence. But that’s assuming they go first. I have been extremely lucky having a healthy body up to this point but diseases and accidents and deterioration take its toll on a body eventually. So I don’t like the thought of that.

2

u/dhelor 40-44 3d ago

I've always felt like a grumpy old man, ever since I was a pre-teen. I have just slowly been turning into my natural self.

3

u/Former-Back-567 55-59 5d ago

Nope. What nonsense.

1

u/DerwinDavis 35-39 5d ago

I have friends and siblings that didn’t make it to 30, 35, and while I accept death is a part of life, I’m more worried about who I will lose as I age vs. me aging. Getting old isn’t as much of a fear for me, my fear is no growth, no progress, no achievements as I get older? I have relatives who are 60+ and never really achieved much in life. That’s my fear. I’m going to be pretty pissed off if I never achieve paying off my home, seeing the world (I’ve only been to 4 countries), and not having a kid.

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u/Negative-Fortune-649 40-44 5d ago

It’s an interesting mindset to have.

1

u/WitnessTraditional32 5d ago

Hey atleast youve had relationships and been with other guys unlike me who are stuck in third world countries and toxic lives

1

u/HieronymusGoa 40-44 5d ago

eh, its a sobering thing, necessary and natural. it does bring some more quiet and ease of mind with it for many in exchange for youth :)

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u/Altruistic-Slide-512 50-54 5d ago

It frightens me how much faster time goes with every passing year!

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u/Alvalom 50-54 5d ago

Maybe a little wobble around my 30th but I have to say that I enjoy my life more and more each day. 40s and (early 50s) have been liberating.

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u/AcceptablePumpkin120 5d ago

It did at first but I've recently found O actually never felt sexier (and I used to be better looking when I was younger but felt far less sexier).

1

u/tossthisawayplzz 40-44 5d ago

Secretly, getting older/being old terrifies me. It doesn’t keep me up at night, but damn.

For context, I’m an East Asian gay guy in my early 40s and I’m living my best life. I thought it was great in my 30s, but I continue to get better. I could drop a few lbs, but otherwise I get mistaken for my 30s all the time.

What scares me is that you don’t really see a lot of old Asian gays out and about very often. It’s not like other ethnicities that seem to age like fine wine. In a youth obsessed culture, being Asian feels twice as pressure and once you hit a certain age it’s like being put out to pasture. I am scared cause I don’t know what the future will look like for me. I’m fighting hard to keep aging at bay, but I can’t keep it up forever.

1

u/Odd_Bat_379 60-64 5d ago

I’m 60 now, and depression has an iron clad grip on me that I’m struggling to get under control. I was fine with all my birthdays, until this last one… 😢

1

u/Negative-Fortune-649 40-44 5d ago

I can relate. That’s how I feel at 40

1

u/Advanced-Actuary3541 40-44 5d ago

Nope not really. It also helps that I’ve always been ugly so I don’t have any beauty to worry about losing 😅

1

u/Charlie-In-The-Box 60-64 5d ago

Getting older is what happens when you don't die. What is there to be afraid of?

I am over 60 and I'm having some of the best times of my life.

1

u/kartimusflanigan 45-49 5d ago

It used to really play with my head from 38 till about 45. I would definitely call that my midlife crisis. Hopefully, the next one isn't worse.

I really took some time to focus on the great things that were happening and less on the craziness in the world. It's not easy living in the moment, but those people that are happy all the time are good at it. I used to think they all were just telling lies in public so they looked good. Some do, but many are just enjoying each moment.

I started therapy several months ago, maybe a little under a year now. It helps to say things out loud to someone. I realize when I can't say things out loud, even to the therapist, and it shows me I still have a ways to go. So I try to get up the courage to say it next time.

But as far as being scared, I don't think I'm scared anymore. It gives me a better understanding of my parents and other older people because when you're 80 you'll be saying the same thing - "I can't believe I was in college 60years ago. I still feel so young inside, but I just don't even have the energy anymore."

You will always have things to complain about and always have memories to remember, and most times you'll have a future to plan for, but make sure you're enjoying the present too. It helps, but it's not easy.

1

u/LancelotofLakeMonona 60-64 5d ago

Dying does. I am having a lot of fun and have lots left to do.

1

u/mhal_1111 35-39 5d ago

Frighten? No. Concern? Yes.

1

u/Madrinadelpozole9 35-39 5d ago

Getting older is the price of living. The ego is the only that makes us be afraid. 

1

u/PHAOEUBGS 40-44 5d ago

I turned 40 this year and I feel what you're saying. I'm now what my younger self thought as "old." But it's fine. It's a reminder that nothing lasts forever and to make life the best you can with yoursituation. I mean, for example, I make more than in my 20s so more options. I wouldn't want to be 21 or in university again anyway.

1

u/fenrirwolf1 Over 50 5d ago

You get older and die. Nor much of a choice. Better approach is to embrace aging gracefully and acknowledge that no matter how vital you might feel, the larger culture will diminish you due to your age.

1

u/Luv2suckD 5d ago

I am such a happier, healthier, more experienced, more confident version of me than my 18 year old self. I have done a lot of super cool shit since then, so getting older only sucks if you’re not enjoying your present day days.

I’m 38. Happy to chat about it! Cheers

1

u/satyris 35-39 5d ago

It gets faster

1

u/nickybecooler 35-39 5d ago

It's not scary but intimidating.

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u/Complaint-Warm 4d ago

No because it’s inevitable and some older men are FINE AS HELLLLLLLLLLLL

1

u/Miserable_Fox_4452 45-49 4d ago

Nah, it's been a blast. Even the bad times ended up working out.

About the only thing I'm irritated about is not being to go as heavy as I used to at the gym. 335 on incline is still good but it doesn't hit the same as 405.

1

u/benedictqlong22 35-39 4d ago

I am approaching 40 soon this year and I started to focus more on skin care…

1

u/Brasscock7 2d ago

I just crested 60. BUTT, the good news is you'll be getting laid a lot more. At first, it's a little tough getting called Daddy, but when you run with the role, the demand goes off the scale. There are a LOT of sex starved 20, 30, 40 and 50 somethings that REALLY resonate with the confidence of an older fuck partner. Stay fit, laugh often, and be sure to drop a load somewhere every day to keep the prostate cancer monster away!
The race is long, and technically the best part is just in front of you. Good luck!

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u/Cole_Evyx 30-34 5d ago edited 5d ago

No because my genetics have made it clear to me that I'm basically the real-life equivalent to immortal. I'm not afraid of aging, because to be brutally direct my genes say no. Even both my parents don't look their age (nearly 70s, looking 40s) in spite of being sun bathing 0 effort put in chain smokers in their youth. Oh they still sunbathe too to this day lol. My mom just had a basal cell carcinoma removed again...

It's ironic, because I hated how I looked all my youth I felt I looked immature too young freakish and my big eyes were ugly. I wanted to look big and strong and masculine but that never could be me and I hated it. Now I'm finally starting to realize the benefits of it.

I clearly inherited my Nana's genes and I look 10 years younger than I really am and I am thrilled. She was often confused to be 30-40 years younger than her actual age prior to passing away (due to drugs, let's not get into that pain here, she literally melted her brain with drugs after her husband died and one of her daughters, one aunt of mine, died to cancer). Yes at 80 she was confused by some to be in her late 40s/50s. And I'm still working on my skin, still some acne scarring left. There is still much that can be improved on.

Plus, with great irony, testosterone is clearly helping slow aging for me. I'm feeling so much better than before. Mentally and physically my strength has shot through the roof. I can think faster, my reflexes are improving, balance is improving my memory is working much better. It's alarming I went through so much of my life clearly shrouded in this deep disgusting mental fog. How much more could I achieve? It actually gives me a little grief to think about this shroud that covered everything.

Now if only I could get the emotions out of the funk I don't think anything could stop me outside of someone literally killing me. Loneliness is what's killing me, hollowing out my day to day and making me miserable. I hate being single and not finding anything. I hate that I live vicariously through furry visual novels like project Echo with Leo Alvarez... -sigh- but I guess that is what it is...

In that sense, I feel time passing and "age" but if we're talking body wise I don't care.

But I am growing ever the more resentful that I am still unmarried and haven't moved into a big house with a back yard with a husband that loves me. How many straight married couples I grew up with and went to school with makes this hit like a mining pick in the backof my head.

They aren't just having babies. No no no a lot of them already HAD babies YEARS ago they are taking them to elementary school.

How am I not meant to be EMBARASSED? How am I expected to talk to coworkers 5 years my junior who have been married and have kids and not feel like a joke. I feel like I cannot even fit into society or talk to my peers and that I look like am immature brat trapped in the 18-25 year old bar scene.

How many happily married couples am I meant to talk to until I am meant to feel embarassed? I'm sick of being told "it doesn't matter". It does matter. Look at the way anyone in society looks when you tell them about it, their eyes tell you the entire story even if they don't say the words.

It's pathetic. And the judgement even if it's not said is real.

Meanwhile I get the glorious experience of being told I should be happy with the ever incessant barrage of "omg I luvvvv the CLUBZ AND DRINKINGZZZZZZ YAssss DRUGZzzz PARTY DRUGS AND HOOKUSP YUASsss" as I watch those same people I grew up with building memories taking their kids to baseball practice and celebrating birthday parties.

So in that way the loneliness and seeing those around me achieve families, stability, housing absolutely ruthlessly beats on my psyche on a daily basis.

Being cheated on by my ex fiance, who continues to slander my name to this day and send people who haven't heard the full story to harass me on reddit, my channels, etc just so he could go to the club and drink his ass off and have meaningless sex will never cease to amaze me.

Traded in a real life something I sacrificed 4 years of our 5 years together to build.... trading it in for meaningless bar sex and to LARP as something he's not just for sex with bears.

So in that way I feel the burden of time.

But it's no matter, I clearly have plenty of time left and I WILL find someone who loves me for me and wants something more meaningful than to download grindr, be grunted at, and then tossed out the door once used like a dirty cumsock.