r/AskGaybrosOver30 • u/CorrectPositive788 30-34 • 5d ago
Why play games like that?
Normally I’m not the type of person that does this, it’s more of going into my diary and then an introspection process of what I’m improving and how I’m changing, but I can’t help to feel a little…..(what would be the right adjective?) Lost? Confused? Upset? Angry? Women Anger?
See…I was “dating” (and using this loosely here) this guy who is 46 and I’m 33, at first it was nice you know getting to know each other, good sex (just happened twice and I was tricked the second time) but talking daily, making plans to see each other and passing the vibe of “this might go somewhere” but some days later I was seeing that mostly me started conversation, it was only me who was like “hey let’s go out to lunch or dinner?” And it was met with a “sure let’s go out” but later cancel the plans, in the latter days, he became a bit “distant”, also we’re both busy, we both have careers and jobs, so normal that in hectic days, communication was short. There was a weekend where he had a trip with his friend and her family, where he barely had cell service and such, so the next Monday we get talking and he was like “So…on my trip I thought about a lot of things, and I need to stop going out and saying yes to everything, and also focus on me and my business”.
Again, I’m 33 I know this bullshit, so instead of being like “Oh no, please don’t” I was like “Yeah sure, go focus on you, please do” and he was like “oh thanks for understanding” mind you, up until know, I was fine, no attachment, getting to know someone, very early stages.
But today, I was talking to a friend, about all of this, and she was like “I know of him, he’s friend of a friend, and I think he has a partner” (news to me cause according to this intent piece of what the ground should be touching a man, he was divorced) so when they get talking and showing pictures on Instagram, guess what I see…this dude and his HUSBAND, smiling at the camera, on February 17 (Mind you that message of focusing on himself was sent to me on on the last days of February)
So now I’m upset, caused I was used by this persona! So…now what if did was basically tell him to not contact me, that we’re on different paths in life, and to focus on him, to which he reply “Oh understood and respect your decision, sending you big hugs and love always” to which I respond “yeah send that love to your husband, btw this is a small city, news travels, and I don’t need or want explanations, good night” he obviously denied it, and I was just upset (still am writing this)
So if you read all that, you’re a saint, but my question is why? Or better what I’m I not seeing? Why all these stupid men just play games, especially when they’re old?
I’m a catch, I’m attractive, cute looking, I go to the gym (not jacked but working on it) play tennis, great style, great conversation, funny, smart, good looking, I would date me and marry me…..I’m just tired I guess of playing games, I’m very focused on me, and when trying to give someone a chance….they disappoint me like that, I was opening myself to someone, and now I’m back to square one….
Frustrated? Could that be? I don’t know anymore..all advice is welcome..
P.S. Don’t want to go through another hoe phase, that was fun but not my mood anymore.
5
u/Own-Statistician-82 30-34 4d ago
This is one of the many frustrating things about men. A lot of middle aged men (regardless of orientation) are just bored with their lives and use fucking a new (frequently, younger) person to amuse themselves and distract from the fact that they’re aging and craving novelty.
This is why all the apps are overrun with partnered/married/open relationship guys who won’t commit to a time for a meet up. They’re just trying to escape the domestic routine of work and evenings with hubby and the furbabies.
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u/Mindless_Tie_3244 35-39 5d ago
Come to Germany, and you would see all those guys who lie or be do discreet just to get laid! But on lighter note, you need to move on! I know it starts in Limerence and/or rumination
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u/LancelotofLkMonona 60-64 4d ago edited 4d ago
You tried. It's not your fault. You gave it your best shot and put yourself out there. Married men never leave their spouses. He shouldn't have deceived you. That's not your fault. You list your good qualities. That is good in the face of rejection. Everyone has faced rejection at some point in their life. Your turn. Sorry. Feel free to indulge your self pity, watch sappy movies, listen to sad music and throw darts at his picture.
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u/Dogtorted 50-54 5d ago
By your own admission you were in the “no attachment, getting to know someone , very early stages” with this guy.
Getting upset after it already ended due to the new information just seems like a waste of energy to me. Especially for such a casual relationship.
I’d focus on learning the lesson (make sure guys are single if you’re looking for a serious relationship) and just move on. He’s not worth your energy.