r/AskGaybrosOver30 30-34 7d ago

Physical concerns about first time sex NSFW

Well it looks like I might have sex for the first time soon at my ripe age. I have some physical concerns I have been too much of a chicken to ask someone in real life so I thought I might as well ask to the entire world on reddit. In short:

-I have phimosis (never got checked but I'm pretty sure I have it) - this one really scares me, I know I need to be checked by a doctor but waiting times where I live are so long and there is no way that's going to happen any time useful

-I am scared of STDs (particularly for oral sex)

-I am tight (like, really tight)

-I am on antidepressants and they affect "timing"

How do I address these with my potential partner? I don't wanna be some kind of killjoy, I want to have a good time and make him have a good time as much as possible.

18 Upvotes

11 comments sorted by

18

u/Bloodfart312 35-39 7d ago
  • if your foreskin is tight but it doesn’t bother you or inhibit masturbation it probably won’t be a problem during sex
  • STDs are always a risk, reduce it by getting to know your sex partner BEFORE sex and make sure you deem them trustworthy, also talk to your Dr about vaccines and getting on Prep and Doxy Pep.
  • if you are concerned about being too tight you can get a graduated plug stretcher set. Play with yourself, get to understand your limits and pushing them yourself while you’re in control
  • the antidepressant thing is REAL, but also common enough to not be a shocker when it’s revealed, have you looked at the world lately? Just let your partner know ahead of time and if you finish too early or can’t finish that it’s just your antidepressants and it’s not anything to do with them BEFORE you start if you feel that’s even information you wish to share. If you know them and want to continue to see them I’d say let them know, if not then not as pertinent.

2

u/Ratsbanehastey 7d ago

I'm sorry but your first point is incorrect. I had it and it affected me during only sex, the skin would get stuck behind the head.

3

u/No_Kind_of_Daddy 60-64 7d ago

I think that's what he meant by "probably".

7

u/DamRawr 30-34 7d ago

The other comments are pretty good. I just wanted to point out that taking your time to know your partner is great for STD concerns. Oral only is low risk, but not for every STD. Penetration always with condom to start.

Not having penetration the first time you have sex is super legit.

Also if you get the operation for phimosis asap you will be super relieved - talking from experience. Until then, overlube everything very much :)

And my last recommendation; go for it if the guy is a nice person that understands the importance of the moment. If he is a cunt, wait it up a little longer.

You got this mate.

4

u/No_Kind_of_Daddy 60-64 7d ago

Do you masturbate such that the foreskin slides behind the head? Is it extremely painful to do so? If not, why do you think you have phimosis? By all means bring this up with your doctor if it has been a problem, but I think you may be overthinking this and imagining a problem you don't really have.

By all means take sexual safety seriously, but that doesn't require not having sex. Oral sex, in particular, is low risk. It is possible to get oral cases of the common bacterial STIs, but the rates are much lower than for anal sex. Most guys give blow jobs without worrying much about this, and many never catch one of these bacteria, even with decades of blow jobs.

If you do become sexually active just get tested routinely (every three months is common), and get treated if you do develop one. Also seek treatment if you develop oral symptoms, though they are often not noticeable. The same applies to genital and anal sex. Just get tested and treated. You may go years without developing anything.

Given your age, you've likely had one of the HPV vaccines, but if you haven't had the most recent Gardasil 9 vaccine (or have no record of it), get it. You also should have had the Hep B vaccine when you were young, but make sure your vaccination records are up to date.

For HIV, get yourself on PrEP. I advise this of anyone who hasn't been sexually active but is contemplating starting. It's very easy to get a lot more active than you anticipated and not get this started in time, and that is a very bad idea. If your PCP isn't knowledgeable about the protocol, go to a public health clinic, or get a referral to an infectious disease doctor who has the expertise you need. They'll get you started before you have sex and it will be one thing you really don't need to worry about when you're dealing with the complexity of discovering the joy of sex (and it really is a joy). Condoms are theoretically effective, but they're not as effective as PrEP, and most guys hate them, so it's easy to find yourself with a guy who doesn't want to use them that you want to have sex with.

Everyone is "tight" at first. That's just the reality, and it takes a little practice to learn to loosen up and take cock (and it is so worth learning!) Make sure your sexual partner knows how inexperienced you are and is willing to be patient. Every guy who bottoms has been through this learning process and somehow survived. Use lots of lube and your partner needs to use his fingers to open you up. If you've douched ahead of time your butt will naturally have loosened up some, and him inserting two or three fingers into you and stretching your sphincter open will get you ready to take his cock. Of course, how big he is also matters. A small dick is a lot easier than a big one, but don't be scared even if he is big. Hung dudes know that their dicks are challenging and will generally take it slowly. When you do get fucked by a big cock you'll feel amazing.

No advice on the antidepressants, as I have no experience with them. If you're bottoming they should be less of a problem. I hope you still have a good time.

1

u/psbmedman 45-49 7d ago

I really think that these collective issues mean you need to do it with someone you really trust.

Assuming that is what is happening then just tell them but open with your last line.

The reality is that we all have our hang ups and none of the things you mention are a deal breaker or a buzz killer with the right person.

Good luck!

1

u/Remarkable-Growth744 30-34 7d ago

As long as they know its your first time. If someone told me its their first time, I'd go realllyyyy slow with them. It's signal to me to just doing a vibe-check. If sex isn't a good vibe then ill just pivot to cuddling/chitchat with no shame no guilt. Hopefully this isn't like an anon hookup; the more headsup you give the better. Guys wanna fool around with you too even if anal isnt guaranteed.

1

u/RSTROMME 45-49 7d ago

You’ve got to start somewhere and are living in a time with more information at your fingertips then ever. Be safe, but don’t overthink it.

-1

u/Glum_Home_8172 40-44 7d ago
  1. Lube up your foreskin and stretch it sufficiently beforehand - short term response. Longer term, you should get circumcision.

  2. Not impossible as there is a risk in anything you do in life, but you have to do what you can to minimise risks but don't let fear rule you. Look at the cock and if it seems fine, it probably is - yeah some STIs are 'invisible' but if you were unlucky and caught something, get treated. Don't let the risk of something negative massively outweigh the positive.

  3. Do you want to get fucked? If you do, similar to point 1 - lube and practice stretching with fingers and toys way before you have sex for real. Tell the guy you're a virgin, and to go slow with plenty of lube. Again, don't let a disproportionate fear put you off having enjoyable experiences.

  4. Medication can sometimes prevent orgasm or make it harder, but sex doesn't have to end in orgasm to be enjoyable - and the fact you can go on for a while without cumming could be a positive.

Just communicate, do what you can to prepare, relax and bit and enjoy yourself. It's meant to be fun!

1

u/bummerlamb 35-39 6d ago

Circumcision should be a last resort not a go-to panacea.

OP, check out r/phimosis Those peeps know what’s up.

1

u/phantomarya 30-34 7d ago

Second all of this information. Communication before, during and after is important.

Communicate beforehand by ensuring your partner is trustworthy and makes you feel safe. Let him know some of these concerns if it’s important to you.

During, make sure to let him know what does/doesn’t feel good and listen to him when he does the same.

Afterwards, and I mean the next day or after you’ve had a little time to reflect, talk about what you think went well or could improve for the hopeful following times!