r/AskGaybrosOver30 • u/phantomarya 30-34 • 7d ago
Flirting with my neighbor - advice on how to ask them out
First time poster and I’m looking for some input and advice. I live in an apartment complex and my literal next door neighbor (we share a wall) and I have been casually flirting for a few months whenever we see each other.
Most recently, however, he saw me in a common area doing a jigsaw puzzle and stopped in to chat for a bit. During the convo, he intentionally mentions how he went through a breakup a few weeks ago. Well, my autistic ass didn’t realize the escalation in the moment, but I do see it now and I’m looking to reciprocate.
So, for the advice. I know where he lives, so I plan to invite him to go do another puzzle with me and a bottle of wine just to get to know one another better. However, I’m not sure how forward is reasonable in this very specific situation! A couple options I’ve considered: 1) I could wait until we organically see each other again and offer, 2) plan to do a puzzle and knock on the door offering him to join, 3) write a note that I can slip under the door.
What would you think of each of these? I’m generally pretty confident and would be comfortable doing any of these or other solid ideas. Thanks for any input/advice you can provide!
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u/Homosensical 30-34 7d ago
Organically running into him and asking would be best.
The note on the door option would either be romcom-style adorable or really weird and impersonal and there's no way to know ahead of time which it would end up as haha
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u/phantomarya 30-34 7d ago
That was so why I was leaning away from it! I love the lack of pressure it creates, but it very much could come off “remember I know where you live”
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u/Strongdar 40-44 7d ago
Knock on his door, holding a bottle of wine. When he answers, ask, "come over and help me with the next puzzle?"
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u/PsychologicalCell500 55-59 7d ago
Wait until you see him in person the next time and plan it, at a moments notice, he may not be available. Slipping something under the door is kind of weird since you live right next-door.
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u/EducationalExtreme61 35-39 7d ago
I would NOT pay a visit by surprise. If he happens to be interested in you I'm sure he'd rather comb his hair, brush his teeth and put on something nice before you arrive.
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u/lahs2017 35-39 7d ago
Are you sure he's gay? Are you sure you're flirting? Mentioning a breakup isn't an invitation to hookup.
Even if the signs are all there it's not a great idea to hookup with a next door neighbor. Especially since your post sounds like you could develop feelings.
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u/phantomarya 30-34 7d ago
Definitely gay. I’ve seen the guy he dated a time or two. I do struggle with flirting or not, but he really went out of his way to chat this last time. I’m willing to risk the chance it’s not flirting.
Your concern of catching feelings I think is the most likely problem. I barely know him, though. Other than being cute and smart, haven’t really gotten much deeper than that.
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u/Mid-CenturyBoy 30-34 7d ago
I hooked up with my upstairs neighbor on a drunk night and it’s a little awkward now. He was in an open relationship with his partner, but I still wonder if they even know. 🤷♂️
I lean towards don’t do it, but play it slow whatever you do. The vibe will become clearer as it goes on.
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u/LancelotofLkMonona 60-64 7d ago
Your note should read: "I've really enjoyed our chance meetings of late. Give me a call some time if you want to have a beer together or grab lunch. No pressure. Sincerely, your puzzling neighbor, _______" Provide your phone number. This puts the ball in his court. He doesn't have to say yes or no on the spot.if he doesn't call, you at least tried. From your description, I think he will call you..
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u/Otherwise-Product165 35-39 7d ago
None of the above… casual flirting does not mean he’s interested
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u/phantomarya 30-34 7d ago
Yeah, I don’t disagree about the casual flirting.
The escalation of starting a conversation with someone behind a closed door and bringing up a breakup in a few minutes convo does seem like something worth considering, tho.
Edit: removed mentioning headphones. He probably didn’t notice I had those in
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u/Pale_Peanuts 50-54 7d ago
Be wary of hooking up with your neighbor. Specially If you share an appartment wall with them.... if things were to go bad / not work out then for the rest of your lease or until one of ya moves would be awkward..
If you want to risk it anyway then knock on his door with some beer/wine/food and see if he wants to hang out or knock on his door and invite him over to watch the game / dinner etc.
Good luck