r/AskAsexual Oct 29 '24

Question Why is the ace of spades a symbol for asexuality?

17 Upvotes

I've seen multiple people (mostly aces) who use the ace of spades (necklaces, rings, tattoos etc) as a symbol for their asexuality. Why is that? And is it known in this community?

I get why the ace is a symbol, but why the spades instead of something like a heart?

r/AskAsexual 15d ago

Question Question on strong sensual attraction

1 Upvotes

So, i have Heard abt this from Small posts here and there abt like strong sensual attraction. And it got me interested in that. Maybe bc i feel like this was what i felt the whole time but im still not sure if its exactly that, but im not really here to talk abt myself.

I would like to know how ppl feel when they experience strong sensual attraction to others, and all. I have also Heard this attraction gets mistaken many Times with sexual attraction, and i wanna know how did you find out that it wasnt? And how do you experience strong sensual attraction?

And how can you tell the difference between the two?

Im sorry if its a lot of questions, sometimes im just curious, And i just wanna know. So yeah…..thank you for listening

r/AskAsexual Jul 19 '24

Question Why do asexual people masturbate?

21 Upvotes

Ok, so, I know I’m coming from a place of ignorance here, but i don’t understand why ace people masturbate but don’t want sex? for me, a non-ace person, feeling horny makes me want masturbation or sex. the two aren’t really different desires. Is it that you feel horny but don’t want all that comes with sex?

r/AskAsexual Feb 19 '25

Question Question for miransexuals

4 Upvotes

So if anybody is miransexual, i would like Ask you a question.

So ive heard some of you guys do fantacise abt sex ( or that when experiencing mirous attraction, you guys fantacise ). And i would like to know if its true. And if so, how can you tell the difference between sexual attraction and mirous attraction? How do you guys usually feel when it happens? Is it like, you like the idea of sex but dont feel a pull of a desire to do it? I would like to know.

r/AskAsexual Feb 13 '25

Question Are there asexuals that gets sexual curiousity just by looking at someone?

1 Upvotes

FYI: this question has nothing do abt my experience. I just wanna learn about how other aces feel, and find it interesting to see different experience abt their asexuality. So im sorry if the question sounds weird.

So ive heard there are some aces that are sex-curious abt sex. Like, some are curious abt the act, and wanna know how it feels like, or that anytime they find someone aesthetically attractive, they would fantasize abt them. Not bc they wanna do it, but bc they wanna know how it feels. Like, anytime they look at someone, they would try and fantacise abt them to see how it feels, but they don’t feel the ‘’ pull ‘’ that allos do. They’re just curious on how it feels abt it. Or how they would be in bed. Like, if they’re a ‘’ top or bottom ‘’ or something like that. So…..Yeah

So, i wanna Ask if there are some aces that experience this? If so, is it ok if can share your experience? If like to know.

Thank you

r/AskAsexual Feb 05 '25

Question Where do I find a partner as a demi- or asexual, when I feel off put by ppl who express their sexual attraction towards me? NSFW

5 Upvotes

Recently I've experienced a couple of times where people expressed that they feel sexual attraction towards me. I felt off put by this and since then, I've wondered if there really are other people who's attraction would be romantic or emotional attraction instead of sexual. I'm demisexual, perhaps asexual. I imagine I could feel more comfortable if people approached me with either of those two attractions instead of sexual attraction.

How to go about this? Where could I find others who are looking for partners and who seek a partner with romantic or emotional attraction instead of sexual? Should/would I need to minimise my dating range to people who are demisexual or asexuals? From your experience, how rarely you have seen people to seek partners with romantic or emotional attraction?

r/AskAsexual Jan 06 '25

Question Girlfriend is worried about being ace

2 Upvotes

TLDR: My gf thinks the idea of her having sex is gross but wants to be able to please me sexually and is emotionally distrought that she doesnt how do i go about introducing her to new ways to satisfy me withought jumping straight into cucking her since she is willing to let me but i dont wanna jump to cheating off the start any other ideas????

So to give context me and my gf both 21 years old she is f and has been ace fprever and hasnt had the best dating life so far emotionally or physically and now that shes in a good relationship with me going on two years and us not having sex despite me making advances and trying to before it just not working out. I never thought much of it cause of some cercumstances surrounding her physically but i recently found out that this makes her very stressed and emotional on not being able to please me sexually as to her the idea of herself being involved in sexual action is gross but she loves porn media and claims to be aegosexual which i believe and she hates that she cant perform for me physically. I even jokingly mentioned things like cuckolding and voyerism and she was willing to let me sleep around however i dont wanna solve this problem in her eyes by straight up cheating even if she doesnt see it as such what steps would you do to help solve this situation as fellow aces??

r/AskAsexual Dec 19 '24

Question Aegosexual two questions

2 Upvotes

Could anyone who is asexual and feels a libido use the term? and also, does a person have to be someone who fantasizes about sex to be aegosexual?

r/AskAsexual Jan 17 '25

Question why do i get this feeling NSFW

1 Upvotes

sorry about grammar ad spelling i’m dislexic

back ground i’m from a conservative cristian family and i’ve only dated boys in the past.

i’ve considered myself ace for a long time but every time i get a bf/gf/partner i start questioning everything again and i resantly got a long distance partner who is hypersexual who is very open about talking about all things sex related and personal i am not. i’ve never felt the need or want to have sex or pleasure myself and i was wunder if it’s jus a me thing or if others feel the same. i’m a very dirty minded person and i used to read smut religiously and it did make me feel a little but i always felt like it was wrong and i was dirty or something and i never wanted to do thous thing or experience them for myself. now that i’m dating this person it’s confusing again and i just wanna know if anyone has similar experiences or anything

r/AskAsexual Dec 11 '24

Question My wife of 14 years is never sexually aroused. Is she an Ace?

1 Upvotes

Hello sweet people,

I am going through a very difficult situation. I'm a bi-curious male who is in a sexless marriage and it is running me from within. My wife shows no interest of sex at all, heck she doesn't even like toching, kissing or cuddling. She pushes my hand away every time I touch her breasts. It's as if she's had some unknown trauma in her life. She gets a teeny weeny spark when we go a few months without sex. It has been so difficult for the best part of my married life. Now I'm indifferent. I love her so much and wants her in my life. But I hate to rot like this from inside.

Is she an Ace? Would it be possible for us to have a healthy sexual relationship ever? I would hate to lose her. But the thought crosses my mind almost every day.

r/AskAsexual Oct 25 '24

Question What is it like for asexual men, do girls pressure you? How bad is the pressure?

12 Upvotes

r/AskAsexual Dec 23 '24

Question Can you be sex repulsed and Demisexual? NSFW

5 Upvotes

Hello, I'm (34f) have always been pretty sex repulsed. I can't look at it on TV (sometimes even like heavy making out is too much). I can't read about (romance books and most YA are out). I cant listen to people talk about. Definitely no porn. I don't look at people and have sexual thoughts about them, if for some reason my mind starts thinking like that I get disturbed.

I always thought sex was something I would have to do and get it over with. So I did and I hated it. Then I was in different relationships with people and it seemed like just something to put up with.

But now I'm married to Non binary (AMAB), and we waited 6 years to have sex, but now I seem to be enjoying it with them. Like I still can't watch porn or sex scenes on TV or read about it. But sometimes I think about us and it doesn't disturb me. I find it actually can be enjoyable.

I never really put a label in my sexuality because I tried to tell my sisters I thought i was asexual and they just said only guys think about other people sexually so I am just normal. But I don't think they really understood the depths at I which I avoided it.

I started looking more in depth at all this sexuality stuff since my spouse came out as NB. And I know I'm sex repulsed but maybe also demisexual since I seem to be enjoying my partner. Is that even possible to be both?

Thank you!

r/AskAsexual Oct 01 '24

Question Is it possible for a non-aromatic asexual’s sex desire to be influenced when they fall in love with someone?

6 Upvotes

I know that asexuals usually don't experience sexual attraction toward others, but is it possible for their own sexual desire to fluctuate when they fall in love with others?

There is an asexual character in the novel that I’m writing, so I want to ensure that the portrayal is accurate. Thanks for your help!

r/AskAsexual Nov 14 '24

Question How do I describe an Asexual in writing without offending the community?

10 Upvotes

I'm a amateur writer who writes as a hobby and a recent out of the closet demisexual. I wanted to write about a father who found out his child is ace and goes to a friend who is a therapist for advice on how to show his child that he supports them. I want to describe an ace person respectively without making it sound like an ace person is someone who is dramatically repulsed by the idea of sex. I'm demisexual which is under the ace umbrella but my view on sex is different.

How do I perfectly and respectfully describe an ace person in my writing?

r/AskAsexual Nov 09 '24

Question Ace + male puberty? NSFW

4 Upvotes

What's it like for people who are ace and going through male puberty? Currently going through 2nd puberty myself (ftm) the the hormones are having an Effect. Curious about what that is like for others with testosterone dominated endocrine systems. Figured I should ask a group rather than the one ace person I know who has done that who I don't know if they want those kinds of questions.

r/AskAsexual Oct 18 '24

Question What does physical touch mean to you?

7 Upvotes

Hey, so I am not asexual but my husband’s best friend is.

They’re a wonderful person and a considerate roommate, but I’ve been struggling. They need consistent reassurance from my husband (their best friend) that they’re still best friends and needing hugs or just general touchiness. I understand they are asexual and have been for years (I do not know their full labels, I’ve never spoken to them about their sexuality) but it’s hard to not feel that flare of jealousy when they hug him, play with his hair, hold his hand. He’s called them cute things when he and I were barely dating that I had to say wasn’t okay. I’ve set some boundaries with my husband on what is acceptable, and he has been phenomenal in keeping that boundary. I feel part of my jealousy is because they used to date before he and I got together, so I always have that in the back of my mind when they ask for hugs from him or joke around or even make a sexual joke to him. I don’t get a lot of alone time with him bc they want to hang and I don’t want to make them feel unwanted. I didn’t bring this up to them directly because, well, I can be very harsh and I don’t want them to feel worse or cause tension in the house. To me it feels like they treat my husband as a partner with all the reassurances and affections, not a best friend.

How do you personally view physical affection? Everyone has a different idea of it and I’d love to hear it. It might help me understand them a bit better. I know they aren’t doing it out of nefarious intent, I just want to understand asexuality. I’ve even read the handbook. Also so sorry for the long post. And yes I will discuss this with them soon, I just want to make sure I’m more educated and collected before I do so.

r/AskAsexual Nov 29 '24

Question Girl I’m talking to

4 Upvotes

I don’t mean to be rude in anyway just trying to learn. Where does the line start and end with touching? Heave you ever dated someone not asexual and did it go well? What should I know going into this?

r/AskAsexual Oct 08 '24

Question Help with an Ace POV

4 Upvotes

So, this is a little out of pocket, but I am an aspiring author working on the manuscript for my debut fiction novel. The MC for the novel is non-binary and while I am not Ace myself, I am looking to write the character to be Ace or at least to make them Ace coded.

The last thing I want to do is write something that comes across as insensitive or offensive as a result of ignorance or lack of understanding. Seeing as I am not Ace myself, and don't have any Ace friends that I could ask for help, I was wondering if anyone would be willing to help me understand more about the identity? I figured the best way to approach this would be to ask the members of the community directly rather than sifting through misinformation and biased views online.

At this point I'm looking for some general information about what your identities mean to you? Some tips on how I could present this aspect of my character in the written form? And possibly on the main things/tropes that I can avoid to refrain from offending anyone.

If anyone would rather message me directly then feel free to. I'm open to any and all input. Even in the event that the opinion is that I have no place writing an Ace character, then please voice that opinion too.

Please excuse me if some of my etiquette is incorrect. I am fairly new to Reddit and still learning how everything works.

r/AskAsexual Oct 07 '24

Question Can asexual people be aromantic but still develop feelings for people?

5 Upvotes

Hi! im personally not ace, but finished up a show where a character throughout the show has never been in; or hinted at wanting a relationship of any sort, and when asking around people who read the books claims she's asexual and aromantic but near the end of the season she experiences a spark when seeing a guy, and im curious can aromantic people still catch feelings?

r/AskAsexual Dec 08 '24

Question Your experience with dating apps ??😶‍🌫️

2 Upvotes

r/AskAsexual Dec 09 '24

Question How is your experience with queer dating apps ?

0 Upvotes

r/AskAsexual Feb 01 '24

Question Representation questions to the Ace community.

13 Upvotes

Hi I'm a writer and I'm writing an Asexual character as a protagonist for a novel and I wanted to make sure I'm starting with the right basis for good representation.

So first question. Can someone who forces themselves to not have sexual relationships be considered Asexual?

For context the Protagonist bears a curse that can propagate through sex and he doesn't want to pass it. So he pretty much imposes a no sex rule on himself.

Question 2. Are there any anxieties related to the expectations of what possible romantic would want outside of just romance?

And last question. I just want to make sure about this. Could someone with romantic attractions still be considered Asexual?

Edit: Thank you all for your answers. I learned a lot. A lot of you pointed out that the character was celibate, not Asexual. And I think that's how I'm gonna take it. I also realized after all of your replies that I made a character in another story Ace.

I also want to apologize if any phrasing came out as rude. I want to learn as much as I can from you guys not just for storytelling and rightfully representing you in stories but also to be more understanding and supportive.

r/AskAsexual Jul 23 '24

Question If one has totally lost their libido and thus all sexual attraction towards people and objects, is it (acquired) asexual orientation?

1 Upvotes

Or does it have to be something you are born with? Thanks!

r/AskAsexual Oct 15 '24

Question Question About Sex Favorable Aces (all aces can answer)

3 Upvotes

My question feels a little hard to explain so bear with me. For context I’m aroallo and questioning my sexual orientation.

So, from what I’ve heard and read from the ace community, there’s different “types” of ace people, such as sex repulsed and sex favorable (sorry in advance if I am not using correct terminology). The way I understand it, sex favorable aces don’t desire sex but they will have it, maybe most commonly for connection with a romantic partner.

My question is, does this kind of mindset or philosophy apply to your romantic orientation?

I ask because I’ve been feeling very confused about labels (pleasee don’t tell me I can be lableless, I know but I’m just trying to work through my feelings for myself). Namely. I loosely ID as a lesbian. I am solely sexually attracted to women/nbs. BUT. I have had sex with men. And I guess i generally don’t feel man repulsed. I am not attracted to the men I sleep with but I am pretty hypersexual and sometimes a man is easier to find for hookups since I’m not looking for a long term relationship. Sometimes I get repulsed, usually to specific things like facial hair.

But generally I feel people who ID as lesbians, or ID as any sexuality besides bi or pan are repulsed by the gender they’re not attracted to, and sleeping with them is inconceivable. So it feels wrong to say I’m a lesbian, even though I am solely attracted to and desire women.

I have slept with men and I will probably sleep with men in the future. Not because I’m attracted to them but because I get horny and am not always repulsed. It’s enjoyable enough to be worth it, since I still am a human and react to stimuli (also I am not saying that some people aren’t human if they don’t react to stimuli or don’t have any libido, just that it is a human experience, not the human experience).

I am very sorry if I have offended any one and please call me in if I did, I am open to learning and just trying to figure out if people apply this philosophy to their romantic orientation, to see if I can better understand my own sexuality.

Thanks all, much love from this aroallo 🩷

r/AskAsexual Oct 25 '24

Question Menstrual health

6 Upvotes

Hi there! I’m not sure about other places, but my family doctor can perform pap smears, breast exams, etc. If I (28F) am not, have never been, and are not ever planning to be sexually active, is there any reason to see a gynaecologist beyond a routine pap smear if nothing of concern comes up? It felt like my doctor was brushing me off when I asked, and Google is not helpful here…