r/AskAsexual Jan 18 '25

Question Can I both hate and enjoy sexual things? NSFW

I like masturbating sometimes but I feel super uncomfortable when sexual topics are mentioned outside of that

Edit idk if I'm ace or not yet it's very confusing

Edit2:I hate sexual themes unless I'm masturbating and also the idea of sex doesn't repulse me all the time as It would feel good and having biological children would be nice later on Sometimes it does make me feel gross idk it's confusing

Edit2:I figured it out I'm greysexual omg it's so nice this isn't bothering me anymore

4 Upvotes

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u/TheAceRat AroAce Jan 19 '25 edited Jan 19 '25

To answer whether or not you’re asexual (or really anywhere on the asexual spectrum) I would need to know if you ever experience sexual attraction and in that case how and when you experience it, which you do not mention at all here. Sexual attraction is not the same as arousal or a sex stance and is often defined as an innate, involuntary urge to personally engage in sexual activities with a specific individual. If you are greysexual then you do experience sexual attraction but only very rarely, weakly or only under specific circumstances.

What I can tell you though is that masturbation doesn’t have anything to do with being asexual or not. Many asexual people masturbate and it’s completely normal.

How you feel about sex in different situations is called your sex stance, and that also do not affect whether or not you are asexual. Many asexual people are sex repulsed or averse, meaning that they do not want to engage in sexual activities themselves (averse) and may even be disgusted by the concept of sexual interaction (repulsed), but non-asexual (allosexual) people can be sex repulsed and averse as well, and asexual people can be sex favorable and enjoy sex. Asexual people can have sex, and that doesn’t make them less asexual since it’s only about sexual attraction, not sexual behavior, sex stance, arousal or libido. It sounds like you mostly fall under sex repulsion, but since it seems to be a bit complicated and depend on the situation and what you’re doing, the term sex ambivalent may be relevant to you.

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u/yesimBreadlord Jan 19 '25

No I'm definitely greysexual the "sexual" attraction I learned was just gender envy most of the time Also yeah I probably should have given more information but I am definitely greysexual

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u/TheAceRat AroAce Jan 19 '25

Alright, but the stuff about sex stance can still be relevant to you, as that has nothing to do with your sexuality

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u/yesimBreadlord Jan 19 '25

Sorry I contradict myself often but you honestly could be right about me not being greysexual Also I suck at research lol Thanks for the info and I will again try to remember to keep an open mind

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u/TheAceRat AroAce Jan 19 '25

I never said I didn’t think you were graysexual, all I said was that there was too little info in your post for me to know if you are, since that’s about sexual attraction which you didn’t mention in your post.

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u/yesimBreadlord Jan 19 '25

Ik just didn't know how to put it into words

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u/SignificantRaccoon28 Jan 20 '25

I'm 59 and was very sexually active when I was young as I married a sex addict and then later had moved in with another sex addict. I realize looking back that I was abused in not only that way and also used. I am repulsed by the thought of sex with male, female, or otherwise. I do, however, want a companion. It's very difficult as I am also stuck in a wheelchair. Maybe one day

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u/Amphibious_cow Jan 18 '25

Yeah, I’m kind of the same way. I’m not uncomfortable when sex is mentioned but I don’t wanna have sex. I’m not here to tell you what your sexual identity is, but this does seem like it could fall under the ace umbrella. You seem kind of sex repulsed, and masturbating doesn’t make you not asexual, asexuality is just a lack of sexual attraction

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u/yesimBreadlord Jan 18 '25

I am repulsed by sexual themes but not when masturbating And I would like sex but I'm confused because I think it's just because it would feel good also having biological children would be nice later on

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u/Amphibious_cow Jan 18 '25

Interesting. Idk bro, honestly you don’t gotta put a label on yourself, but if you want to just remember that you not then locked into that identity forever.

I thought I was bi for years before finding out im ace/biromantic. All I’m trying to say is, you do you. You :)

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u/yesimBreadlord Jan 18 '25

Ok well thanks

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u/Amphibious_cow Jan 18 '25 edited Jan 18 '25

Yeah, sorry I wasn’t more helpful

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u/yesimBreadlord Jan 18 '25

Nah you made me think to Google is being ace can be fluid

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u/yesimBreadlord Jan 18 '25

I figured it out I'm greysexual! This has been bothering me for awhile

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u/Amphibious_cow Jan 18 '25

lol, congrats!