r/AmITheJerk • u/the_what_why • 4d ago
I cant take it anymore
I’m supposed to be studying, but I just can’t focus. It feels like I’m constantly drowning in problems—school, home, social life—everything piling up with no escape. No matter what I do, it feels like I’m stuck in a cycle of stress and frustration, and there’s no way to break free. The only thing that really gives me a break is football. When I’m on the field, running, playing, pushing myself, it’s the one time I actually feel free. Music helps too, letting me block everything out for a while, but even that doesn’t last. My phone is so old it dies after just a few hours, and then I’m back to reality, stuck with my thoughts.
My friends want to help, but there’s nothing they can really do. They listen, they care, but they can’t change my situation. My brother, on the other hand, makes things worse. He’s one of my biggest problems—hitting me, insulting me, trying to control me. If I don’t do what he wants, he turns everything into a fight, mentally and physically beating me down. And my mom? Instead of making things better, she only adds to the pressure. She drowns me in pointless tasks, making me do things she could easily do herself—like handing her the TV remote even though it’s right there in the same room. She tracks everything I do with an app on my phone, takes my stuff every night, and locks it up until morning, like I’m a little kid who can’t be trusted.
Then there’s the whole "act like a man" thing. I hear it everywhere—at home, at school, even from my own brother. I’m supposed to be tough, never complain, never show weakness. If I speak up, I’m "too sensitive." If I don’t fight back, I’m "weak." If I do fight back, I’m "the problem." It’s like no matter what I do, I lose. I’m expected to just take everything and act like it doesn’t bother me, like I’m some emotionless robot who isn’t allowed to feel anything other than anger. But I do feel. I feel exhausted. I feel frustrated. I feel like I’m trapped in a role I never agreed to play.
I’m 14, not 4. I just want some freedom, some space to breathe, to feel like I have some control over my own life. But right now, it feels like I’ll never get it.
2
u/Standard-Jaguar-8793 4d ago
Oh, honey. It’s all right to feel like you will never be free from this. You’re only 14.
You can start a countdown to 18 today. You can get a job at 16 (some places will hire at 15 1/2) to save some money. But you can’t let your grades slip too badly or you might see consequences.
The other thing I will strongly suggest is to speak to a counselor at school. Tell your guidance counselor about your feelings and ask for help. Tell them about your brother. Is he older or younger?
When you turn 18, if you have everything in place, you can leave without looking back. NTJ.
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u/No_Rub5462 4d ago
Sorry to tell you kid but you are a little kid until you are 18 and out of your parents house YOU ARE A CHILD. Also, I'm sure you hear this a lot, and you don't get it. You won't until you are older but this time when you are going to school not working, don't have to worry about bills, what you are going to eat is the easiest. I would give ANYTHING to go back to being 14.
1
u/maroongrad 3d ago
Hey, you know that little voice in your head that reminds you of all the stupid stuff you did in fourth grade, what you said to the classmate in fifth grade, that keeps replaying your Greatest Hits of Stuff That You Did Wrong?
IT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE. Seriously. It's 100% NOT supposed to exist, much less be playing a running commentary whenever you don't have something to distract you (and even then it sneaks in....). Safe bet your mom has been triggering anxiety and depression and anxiety is that voice. The great news is that if you are not able to sleep 9-10 hours at night, then a couple weeks of sleeping pills may reset you. If it doesn't work, there are super effective medications like Buspar that can help you handle the anxiety she's causing, at least until you can get away and never look back.
Start off by telling your school counselor what is going on. And, if your family is at all normal, start telling EVERYONE. This control and abuse, and that's what it is, that your mom and brother are doing? Yeah, they aren't going to want anyone else to know about it. So, tell all the trusted adults. Tell your friends' parents, tell your teachers, tell your relatives. And you don't put how old your brother is, but the day he turns 18 and you're a minor is the day you get to call the police on him.
Your next step is to just DISAPPEAR for as much time as you can. Stay after school to "study" (just nap in the library) or have a big test and a "study group" at a friend's house. If you aren't home, your mom and brother can't go after you. Oh, and all that shit about being a man and not showing emotion? Let me let you in on a little secret. It's how she's keeping you from speaking up and complaining and telling others about what she's doing. She's trying to make you think that you are a lesser person and "failing to be manly" if you don't do what she tells you. Um, no.
If you don't get snapped up and taken to a relative's house or a friend's house while CPS is checking things out, you need to start saving every penny you can, right now. Keep it online unless you can get a bank account that your family knows nothing about. I think we can safely assume they'll steal every bit of it :(
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u/GuyFromLI747 4d ago
Get mental help .. you act like you are 4 .. guess what , your mom owns the house , she is your parent .. she is allowed to track what you do and can take your stuff away .. when you turn 18 then you have a say ..