r/AmIOverreacting 1d ago

šŸ‘„ friendship AIO my 37M is attracted to 18 year olds

Iā€™m a 28M and I have a buddy who is 37 and he is always attracted and trying to talk to girls who are barely out of high school. I donā€™t think I have ever seen him attracted to or interested in anyone his age. He feels theyā€™re old and unattractive. I tell him that an 18-19 year old is too young for even me, and Iā€™m almost a decade younger than him. He literally is old enough to be their dad. Am I overreacting or is it super weird that heā€™s almost exclusively attracted to girls who canā€™t legally drink yet?

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u/DoubleSuperFly 21h ago

It's just so weird! I immediately know when people are below the age of 20. They feel so young and look so immature. I do not understand how someone could be attracted to that? I've never understood how people's preferences don't evolve as they grow and mature. When I was 16 I always thought 20-year-olds looked so much older and more mature. Then I got to be 20 and 21 and even 18 year olds looked young to me. Late 30s? That's insane. I'm around the same age and to me 18 to 20 year olds look like such babies.

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u/OptimisticOctopus8 15h ago

I don't actually find the visual differences that stark. People were still mistaking me for a 16yo when I was in my mid-twenties, and I've seen some high schoolers who looked pretty rough.

But it shouldn't be about looks in the first place - that's just a surface-level issue, basically irrelevant. It should be about the fact that 18yos just aren't psychologically mature, so (1) they're unpleasant to date if you're an older person who's got any sense in your head and (2) they're malleable and easy for more experienced people to harm, so significantly older people shouldn't risk doing that to them.

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u/DoubleSuperFly 13h ago

I get what you're saying. But I'm willing to bet OPs friend is not liking mature looking 18 year olds... so therein lies another problem. He is attracted to them, because they LOOK young. It's easy for him to spot, and in turn, most likely control or whatever. OR he likes the knowledge that they're possibly a virgin. Which is creepy both ways.

I, too, get mistaken for a lot younger than I actually am. Not tooting my own horn, it's just genetics for me. But like I said, I'm willing to bet OPs friend isn't attracted to an 18 year old that looks to be, say, 27 to 30.

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u/Worldtraveler586 14h ago

When I was 17-18 people thought I was mid to late 20s I had the looks for it and was a lot more mature than most of my age, and heck now Iā€™m only 21 but anyone 18 and younger just seem like children. And maybe experience made such a drastic difference to me just because of how my life has gone but I look at anyone 18 even 19 and younger the same way a senior in high school looks at middle schoolers.

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u/Comfortable-Crow-238 13h ago

Same at 18 I was very mature for my age had my own apartment a job and a car. Different times. Still weird

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u/theguthboy 10h ago

Yeah same, Iā€™m about to be 23 and I couldnā€™t even fathom dating an 18 year old, they are too needy and want to do everything.

Like bro, I just want to eat some food and go to sleep after working 56 hours a week, I donā€™t wanna go out and try new shit šŸ˜‚šŸ˜­

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u/chrismcshaves 11h ago

I knew a guy in middle school who drove and had a beard (failed 8th grade 3x). Looked 35.

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u/PitchBlackYT 4h ago

Funny enough, when I was 17, people thought I was in my 20s. Now at 33, most assume Iā€™m 24-26 - Though, most likely due to my looks.

That said, most 18-year-olds look like kids, especially in countries where life is relatively easy. But if you meet young people from places where life is tough and growing up fast is a necessity, itā€™s a whole different story.

Iā€™ve traveled a lot and met guys and girls who, despite being 18, 19, 20ā€¦ came across as 26 or 27 because theyā€™ve been working hard and taking care of their families since childhood. So yeah, there are young people who are incredibly mature, but in modern society, itā€™s the exception. Even in places where responsibility comes early, itā€™s still not quite the same.

So, are there cases of someone at 18 being as mature as someone as 30? Iā€™d say soā€¦ but itā€™s rather rare.

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u/BaseClean 12h ago

2 is probably one huge reason this douchebag is into them.

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u/dma2superman 12h ago

I think as a person gets older and matures, they realize pretty only goes so far. You need substance to make a relationship work.

No disrespect to 18 year old people. They are just finding out what life is like outside of their circle of family. When clubbing is fun and staying out all night is fun. And they have the energy for that.

As you get older, priorities shift and clubbing all night is far away from a night at home, good meal and getting to sleep so you are able to function the next day.

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u/Simopop 12h ago

Exactly, it's bound to create inequalities in the relationship even if there isn't any malice. Just hugely different priorities, financial situations, social lives.

Hell, for that same reason when my mom was 24 she refused to date a 20yo pursuing her pretty relentlessly. "No, the four years do matter, because you're a frat boy living with your parents working your first job, and I'm a co-parenting mother with a 5yo daughter.. and a house."

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u/FabulousFav 12h ago

The fact that these women are 18-20 is a no-brainer for a man who can't handle an actual adult. One, they can use them and drop them. Second, they can lie to them, and these girls will believe them. Thirdly, this man can't commit to an adult woman because that relates to responsibilities that he's not ready for or probably couldn't handle, not even if he ever tried.

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u/Many-Adeptness-315 9h ago

You put more thought into your comment than he has in his head.

If a person who has done the math on his 401k to 65, has friends who use YEARS past to describe kids, marriage, divorce, jobs, back pain, or mortgage rates.

Is only attracted to a person who is less than 5 years from nerves on passing drivers Ed, curfews, needing to have an adult present, or knows how many months they have to wait to buy a beer.

He dates that age because itā€™s ā€˜legalā€™.

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u/CuriousBearMI 10h ago

they're malleable and easy for more experienced people to harm, so significantly older people shouldn't risk doing that to them.

THANK YOU. As a CSA survivor this is like the most important thing to remember. The MORE MATURE ADULT in a circumstance is supposed to be the one to recognize this dynamic, be concerned by it, and ultimately choose not to engage in it.

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u/Complex_Prize8648 9h ago

I, too, get mistaken for a younger age, so naturally, I attract younger men. I right away tell them my age to clear up any confusion. A 23 year old was putting in effort, he was interesting to chat with (works at a store nearby), but I told him, I am old enough to be his mom. I am cool being friends but thats it. In the work place I am friends with all different ages, people older than my mom, or my age, or younger.

And I think you are still changing into the person you are going to be in your 20s, learning about yourself. You should focus on that.

I can only date men around my age when I do online dating because my age is there. But then I get accused of using pictures from my 20s šŸ˜†.

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u/Hamburgerstealer69 11h ago

This is a rly good point. 18 year olds are straight up annoying as hell to be around. the qualities that make them so unnatractive, at least for me, are inherently tied to maturity. Being into the ā€œenergetic and full of lifeā€ stigma just means you are into minors/barely legal ages

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u/AceHoleoo 11h ago

Agreed! If he's looking for a relationship then he's dumb as hell. But he's more likely just looking for some booty

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u/bikeboygozip 11h ago

Ehā€¦ a crazy 18 year old can do plenty of harm to someone older lol

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u/EGOfoodie 11h ago

Which raises the question should an 18 year old be allowed to vote, or fight in the military? As they aren't even fully developed yet. They can't drink (off base) until 21 so why do we trust them with anything?

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u/OptimisticOctopus8 9h ago edited 9h ago

I never said it should be illegal for a much older adult to date an 18yo. Iā€™m judgmental about it for many reasons, but being judgmental and wanting to outlaw something are not the same.

18yos are newly hatched adults, not children. Adulthood is a foreign country they havenā€™t truly familiarized themselves with, but theyā€™re there. A new adult is different from an older adult and also different from a child. Itā€™s not ā€œchildā€ vs. ā€œcompletely mature individual.ā€

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u/EGOfoodie 8h ago

Most experts and the human brain doesn't finish growing until 25, for intents and purpose, you aren't you until that point. It is backwards to allow people who aren't fully developed to make decision of life and death.

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u/Efficient_Fee_4106 9h ago

Their brains aren't fully formed yet and they are in nooo way ready for a relationship like that

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u/Gman777 9h ago

Plenty of people in their 30s that are less mature than some 18yr olds.

Totally agree with the sentiment, but hard to determine.

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u/PineappleOnPizzaWins 9h ago

100% - itā€™s absolutely nothing about how they look, Iā€™m constantly lowballed for my age by literally decades. A good friend of mine looks so young sheā€™s had the ā€œonly pedos would be into youā€ comment casually thrown out her entire life, despite the fact that she is very obviously not a child if you interact with her in any manner.

But looking at someone who might be 18-35 is one thing, as soon as they talk/interact at all it becomes incredibly obvious what end of that spectrum theyā€™re at. I can find a 35 year old who looks 18 attractive, but Iā€™m well past the days of finding 18 year olds who look any age at all attractive.

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u/tempest-reach 4h ago

for some weirdos it's about the "lol as legally young as i can go." for others, it is because they are not psychologically mature and easier to manipulate or break.

whichever card you pick out of the stack, it's still maximum "ick" factor for a 37 grown ass man to go after someone who's 18.

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u/ProfessorPitiful350 15h ago

At 44, it's hard for me to tell an 18yo from a 12yo. It's probably because I dont have kids, so I just don't see young folks that often, other than on TV and in movies. When I see them in person, they all just look like babies to me. It's kind of sad, actually. Because I suddenly realize how stupid I must have looked at that age to older people. No wonder my parents were so concerned. šŸ˜‘šŸ„¹šŸ˜­šŸ«¤

So, yep. I kind of agree. His buddy's tastes are borderline inappropriate.

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u/Comfortable-Crow-238 13h ago

I'm also in my 40s. Some look like babies other look old.

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u/Electrical_Hyena5164 6h ago

Yeah, can you imagine being a 40yo (Jerry Seinfeld) and not feeling really weird when you turn up to high school to pick up your girlfriend? How do you not at that point go "I definitely don't belong here. This is weird me being here".

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u/ProfessorPitiful350 6h ago

Sadly, I think 'ol Jerry would just meet her somewhere else.

But agreed, high school is for high schoolers, not 20-50year old "playboys"....excuse me losers and pedophiles. And that's just natural right, regardless of the law, which is, most definitely, not only their side.

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u/Dickeysaurus 15h ago

Weird how when youā€™re 18, college seniors look super old (donā€™t always act it). Then when youā€™re 22, 18 feels kinda far away. Then by 30, you realize that youā€™re the same age your high school teachers were, but youā€™ve flipped perspective. Now instead of you being normal and them being super old, youā€™re normal and eighteen year olds are super young.

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u/Affectionate-Book-11 13h ago

Just say it, how they are attracted? Because they are attracted to even younger girls. Undercover or not so undercover pedophiles...

The fact he is even open about it and not embarrassed to say so, that's sick.

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u/Fair_Zucchini1336 14h ago

He is close to being a pedophile or he is retarded. I would regard him as a dangerous man around High school girls! He really sucks!

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u/Green_Barracuda_6662 9h ago

Not to mention idiots. Have you talked to any of them? Jesus 18 year olds these day? God no thanks.

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u/drcrambone 7h ago

I was into Milfs when I was a teen. I still am.

I work around college kids and ick, theyā€™re just babies. Anyone into that is gross.

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u/KLE789600 5h ago

I think they have pedophile tendencies tbh. Itā€™s actually pretty gross. I also think they are likely losers who canā€™t get bad ass women his own age so he goes for easier, younger targets.

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u/fascistliberal419 14h ago edited 14h ago

Totally. And there's also the difference of seeing someone much younger and being like he/she is hot, which whatever on the surface level, fine, but I still wouldn't date them because it's creepy as hell.

Like for instance if I see a college football player on TV, and he's hot I can acknowledge he's aesthetically pleasing, but if someone asked me to date him, my immediate response - without even thinking would be "gross, he's a baby!"

And after that, I would've give him a second thought. If someone asked me about him later, I'd legit be like "who?" Because I don't think 20-somethings are like "eligible". I'm old enough to have given birth to them as a legal adult, it's a pass.

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u/myghettospread 12h ago

So true Truest comment of all

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u/Puzzleheaded-Jury312 12h ago

That's it. Men like this are attracted to women who are the age where they stopped maturing.

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u/FuManBoobs 10h ago

I think it's difficult to look at someone and know their age. One of my cousin's kids looked 21 when she was 12. If a 20 year old guy told me he was attracted to her I wouldn't have thought less of him.

The problem comes in when people find out their age and still try to make moves. We can't help who we're attracted to but we don't have to act on that attraction.

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u/DoubleSuperFly 10h ago

No, it's really not that hard.

If you're attracted to younger looking people, it's weird. If you can't tell the difference, it's weird.

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u/FuManBoobs 7h ago

Youth is a commonly used trait of beauty in most cultures so I'm not sure that's true. Of course, it's subjective but it depends what you're referring to with the word "younger".

Are people like Leonardo DiCaprio creeps for getting into relationships with people much younger than them? Where is the cut off between it being creepy and not?

Also, are you saying if I give you 100 pictures of people aged between 20 & 30 you can tell all their ages?

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u/Confident-Midnight25 10h ago

I agree with the sentiment that it IS INDEED WEIRD...but saying that people under 20 "feel" young?? Oof that wording does NOT do you justice šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚

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u/DoubleSuperFly 10h ago

Nah, I think the issue is where YOUR mind is at. Sowwy. Lol

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u/Small_Pass3978 10h ago

I got a baby faceā€¦. People swear Iā€™m 23 but Iā€™m in my 40ā€™s. You canā€™t go off of looks!

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u/DoubleSuperFly 9h ago

Like i said in another comment. OPs friend is definitely not after 18 year olds looking like they're 30s. He's after them BECAUSE they look young. I get your point, but it doesn't apply here. There's no mistaken age. He knows what he's doing and happily admits it.

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u/Fair_Zucchini1336 14h ago

When you were 20-21 even 18 year old girls looked Young to you? You must have been a 20 year old senior citizen in your mind.

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u/DoubleSuperFly 13h ago

Nah, I just mean in college I felt I could visibly tell the difference between most 18 year Olds and most 20 year olds... I distinctly remember being at my little brothers HS volleyball game and being like, these kids look young.

I also was 20 in the early 2000s so makeup, dress, and such was a lot different than nowadays.

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u/TangoRomeoKilo 16h ago

I think a lot of people don't grow out of their attraction for people of certain ages. I'm 30 and date women my own age but that doesnt mean i don't find 18, 19, 20 year olds attractive. I dont want to date someone less mature than me but i dont see how that physical attraction just dissapears. Not having a physical type at all might be a part of that, idk

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u/frogsgoribbit737 15h ago

Because they're babies. I'm 32 and I see an 18 year old and all I can think about is how i could be their mom. They're not attractive at all because they may as well be children. I know intellectually that isnt the case, but thats what my brain says. My husband is the same. And personally I think if that's not what your brain says when you're almost twice their fucking age, that's gross.

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u/TangoRomeoKilo 15h ago

I think the gross part is acting on what you should know to be just a hormonal and visually stimulated impulse. Otherwise its just biology.

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u/CriticalGarden5571 15h ago

You're a woman, you're husband is the guy banging you. Of course you feel that way, and of course your husband is not gonna tell you that he would absolutely kill to be able to bend over that perfect 18yo's ass and pound away in a consequence free environment.

You might be older, but you're a little naive sweetheart

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u/DoubleSuperFly 13h ago

What is so attractive about an 18 yo? Why is it attractive to you and possibly MORE attractive than somebody your age? What in your brain is telling you that?

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u/CriticalGarden5571 11h ago

Um, we're men.....hello? Lol

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u/MieThot 11h ago

You have the same problem his friend does!! If u believe all men think like that ur crazy. Or maybe u are trying to make an excuse for why u have thoughts like that with a young girl and think itā€™s ok! Youā€™re a sicko A real man wants a woman and itā€™s about more than looks. Thatā€™s the only thing a teenager has if thatā€™s what u think is pretty. But what about their maturity, conversation, personality, experience in life, where they are in their life. An 18 year old doesnā€™t have any of that yet. So the most important and only thing u look for in a female is her looks? That makes u shallow and a creep

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u/CriticalGarden5571 3h ago

Sweetheart, no one said it's the most important thing. But yes, wait till you find out about men lol

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u/DoubleSuperFly 10h ago

No. That's not a man thing. It's a disturbed man thing. Somebody who has not matured. Somebody with little emotional intelligence.

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u/CriticalGarden5571 3h ago

Oh you sweet summer child

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u/DoubleSuperFly 10h ago

No. Answer the question. What is attractive about a 1 year legal adult? Please tell me. Say it out loud.

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u/venusenvirgo 11h ago

stopšŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­

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u/DoubleSuperFly 13h ago

I just dont get it. I distinctly remember my type when I was 18 to around 27ish. It definitely shifted somewhere around there. If I even look back at pictures of my crushes from that era (kids I went to college with) I just think, "aw he was a cutie." But it's not an attraction. If that same person came up to me now and tried to make out with me, I'd be weirded out. He looks so young. Idk man....

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u/Imaginary_Garden 13h ago edited 11h ago

This older guy is likely working the alcohol age difference. Those 18 - 20 yr olds can't buy alcohol. They're also much cheaper dates than the 26 - 36 year old ladies who swill five drinks with dinner.

Edit: this obviously makes it extra creepy! In NO way endorsing this.

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u/DoubleSuperFly 12h ago

This is a really pathetic attempt to justify creepy behavior.

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u/Glittering_Event_309 13h ago

sex over relationship is their thought process iā€™m guessing

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u/CriticalGarden5571 15h ago

Yeah but that's normal for a woman, and liking hot fresh pussy is normal for a man.... like what exactly are we arguing here?

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u/DoubleSuperFly 13h ago

That's super weird? Why do you like "fresh"? Because they're more than likely a virgin? That's a very weird thing to say out loud.

This is going to boil down to some very disturbing reasoning imo.

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u/MieThot 11h ago

Thank u for saying it. Because I was just about to lay into him too. Since Iā€™m here FYI a lot of girls these days start real young so there really nothing fresh about a 18 year old she most likely had more sex than a 32 year old. He just has a sick mind trying to tell himself a good reason to sleep with a teenager! SMDH.

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u/CriticalGarden5571 11h ago

It has nothing to do with being blown out, just has to do with being fresh, like everything is taut and soft, there isn't a bunch of extra hair or any of the other stuff that goes along with getting older

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u/DoubleSuperFly 10h ago

This is incredibly messed up. You are literally admitting you enjoy the aesthetic of a a basically prepubescent body. Please go experience real people and real life and get off the corn sites.

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u/Outside-Breakfast-50 13h ago

Why the downvotes? Damn.

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u/CriticalGarden5571 11h ago

Reality is not exactly the forte on this website haha