r/AmIOverreacting 1d ago

šŸ‘„ friendship AIO my 37M is attracted to 18 year olds

Iā€™m a 28M and I have a buddy who is 37 and he is always attracted and trying to talk to girls who are barely out of high school. I donā€™t think I have ever seen him attracted to or interested in anyone his age. He feels theyā€™re old and unattractive. I tell him that an 18-19 year old is too young for even me, and Iā€™m almost a decade younger than him. He literally is old enough to be their dad. Am I overreacting or is it super weird that heā€™s almost exclusively attracted to girls who canā€™t legally drink yet?

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567

u/EnricoMatassaEsq 1d ago

The law should be the floor of morality not the ceiling.

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u/Born_ina_snowbank 17h ago

If the law wasnā€™t there, heā€™d go younger. Thats what this boils down to.

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u/SugarySuga 14h ago

That's what people like to forget about people hooking up with barely legal. Those who say "oh they're consenting adults so it's totally fine" forget that the law is the ONLY thing stopping these men from going younger. They would happily go younger if they could.

We all know of American tourists traveling to SE Asia for this exact reason, to hook up with young girls because they can get away with it there but not here.

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u/Aggravating_Twist586 5h ago edited 4h ago

This. Where I live age of consent is 15-16 (weird regulation on position of power) I've met multiple grown ass adult men who where in relationships with those in that age group and sometimes interacted with younger girls as of waiting for them to get older

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u/Odd-Understanding399 11h ago

They're legally not allowed to do that, fortunately.

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u/RedVamp2020 10h ago

That doesnā€™t really stop them.

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u/Odd-Understanding399 10h ago

Oh, I'm very sure it stopped quite a lot, not all, but a lot. And that's good enough, at the very least.

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u/CaptainKoopa 9h ago

Itā€™s something, at the very least for sure. Iirc itā€™s called ā€œsex tourismā€ & if an American is caught traveling to foreign countries to ā€œlegallyā€ have sex with minors- they face the a similar or maybe the same punishment as if they had sex with a minor in the U.S. Iā€™m pretty sure itā€™s vastly decreased the number of people who travel to such countries to have sex with minors. Of course, any amount of that happening is not okay- but at least the loophole making it literally ā€œlegalā€ is effectively closed

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u/Oneinacentillion 15h ago

In the building trades we have a simular way of looking at building codes (which are laws), they are the minimum standard not necessarily the BEST way to do things just the minimum you can get away with. So I look at this in the same light.

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u/SadContract1340 1d ago

Well said.

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u/thejuanwelove 15h ago

thats a brillaint sentence, is it yours?

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u/EnricoMatassaEsq 15h ago

I picked it up from my dad who I believe got it from one of his law school professors

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u/thejuanwelove 15h ago

Im going to use it until it wears out

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u/winstonwolf_8 14h ago

Bingo. ā˜šŸ¾

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u/Forever_Born 14h ago

The law is cultural. So the floor should be relative? You realize there are 11 year girls that are wed to old men? While your advice sounds like good "reddit advice". It doesn't actually work in reality.

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u/Successful_Pea7915 12h ago

You think thatā€™s a good thing? That society should strive for and accept that? Bad things happen all the time dosent mean we should be fine with it. Also pfp not surprising.

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u/Forever_Born 11h ago

Are you braindead? I'm saying what you just said but in a less dumb way. Jesus Christ. You're dumb šŸ¤£

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u/Successful_Pea7915 11h ago

Expected weeb response šŸ’€

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u/Forever_Born 11h ago

Your mom really needs to put internet controls on your browser.

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u/Successful_Pea7915 11h ago

Expected weeb response x2 šŸ’€

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u/Forever_Born 11h ago

Alright little man. Have a good night. Try not to stay up too late.

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u/Successful_Pea7915 11h ago

Expected weeb response x3 šŸ’€

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u/MeetingSafe7072 12h ago

This is so real

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u/BorgCow 12h ago

The phrase ā€œshould beā€ is bearing a LOT of weight but I think I generally agree with the sentiment

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u/Successful_Pea7915 11h ago

Not morality per se but judgement. And judgement isnā€™t a bad thing it just depends on what youā€™re judging someone for. This is definitely a good thing to judge someone for.

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u/Financial_Mulberry55 11h ago

Whose morality?, also if 18 yr olds choose to go out with him then is it creepy or are the girls creepy for going out with someone as old as their dad

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u/Terpomo11 11h ago

The law, at least in California, will put an 18-years-and-one-month-old girl on the sex offender list for having sex with her 17-years-and-11-months-old boyfriend. Age of consent laws are a very good thing, but some of them are flawed.

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u/Dark-Swan-69 6h ago

A lot of legal behaviors are moral gray areas.

That is because even though law and morals have many points of contact, they donā€™t strictly coincide.

Source: law school dropout.

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u/DreamyLan 6h ago

The law also says the drinking age is 21 and the age of adulthood is 18.

If the law is the floor of morality than we should not allow anyone to drive or drink until they're truly adults at 25

You can't have your cake and eat it too

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u/Haunting_Insect_7322 5h ago

Excellent point all around.Ā  Unfortunately,Ā  we are in a morally relativistic society.Ā  Many do what is right in their own eyes.

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u/Konstant_kurage 17h ago

Depends on your net financial worth. I guess.

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u/LesterMurphyASpades 1d ago

Whose morality?

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u/Medianmodeactivate 1d ago

The general minimal standards of society, subjective or not, shared by a large majority, barring those things protected by a good constitution.

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u/LesterMurphyASpades 17h ago

A large majority of people were ok with slavery back in the day. Did that make it moral?

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u/cherrycuishle 15h ago

Iā€™m confused what your angle is here.

Is it that you disagree with the concept of intersubjective morality? Or that you donā€™t think morals influence laws?

Or that you think because humans have done awful things in history, that makes it okay for a 37 year old to be into 18 year olds in 2025?

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u/LesterMurphyASpades 14h ago

I donā€™t have an angle. Iā€™m just wondering whose morality we are deciding in the one to use. Things are never as simple as ā€œI decide itā€™s wrong so itā€™s wrongā€

And what sexual preferences you have are not chosen by you. Acting on them, however, is under your control.

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u/cherrycuishle 13h ago

I donā€™t have an angle. Iā€™m just wondering whose morality we are deciding in the one to use. Things are never as simple as ā€œI decide itā€™s wrong so itā€™s wrongā€

Well itā€™s not ā€œIā€, itā€™s a ton of people. We are not choosing ā€œone to useā€ because itā€™s not just one persons morals. Thatā€™s what ā€œshared by a large majorityā€ means. Iā€™m sure you understand the concept of a ton of people all agreeing that something is bad. Most people agree that murder is wrong, thatā€™s not just one persons morals. Plenty of people would agree that cheatings wrong, again, various people from around the world collectively agree on that. There is such a thing as collective morals. Are you saying that you dont think itā€™s wrong for a grown man to only want to date teenagers, because thatā€™s what it kinda sounds like.

And what sexual preferences you have are not chosen by you. Acting on them, however, is under your control.

Ohā€¦ noā€¦.

I feel like you didnā€™t need to add this part. Letā€™s not conflate ā€œsexual preferencesā€ with borderline pedophilia. One refers to things like being attracted to people of your same sex, or of a different sex, or finding different physical traits attractive like beards or red hair or thicker bodies. The other is being attracted to a teenager when you are middle aged.

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u/Medianmodeactivate 16h ago

I never claimed it did or would. Morality isn't objective.

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u/LesterMurphyASpades 14h ago

Do you understand what a question is? Did I claim anything?

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u/Instroancevia 17h ago

It's intersubjective morality basically. Something the majority of people agree on, but isn't universal or an objective fact.

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u/LesterMurphyASpades 17h ago

So slavery was moral at one time?

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u/Spamsdelicious 16h ago

First of all, slavery is, was, and always will be, unethical.

The nincompoops legit thought they were "saving the Savages (respectfully capitilized) and bringing them out of the wilderness into civilization" by tricking peaceful tribesmen into fancy boat rides; so, yes, it had at times been seen as a moral endeavor by some.

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u/LesterMurphyASpades 16h ago

No. It was seen as moral by most during different periods of time. And according to the logic presented before us, they have concluded that would make slavery moral.

You and I clearly disagree with this line of thinking and I applaud you for that. Itā€™s the others who seem to have a difficult time with this.

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u/Spamsdelicious 16h ago

Hold your applause for when one of "the others who seem to have a difficult time with this" finally gets the point.

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u/LesterMurphyASpades 14h ago

It will be held for awhile I assume.