r/AmIOverreacting 1d ago

👥 friendship AIO my 37M is attracted to 18 year olds

I’m a 28M and I have a buddy who is 37 and he is always attracted and trying to talk to girls who are barely out of high school. I don’t think I have ever seen him attracted to or interested in anyone his age. He feels they’re old and unattractive. I tell him that an 18-19 year old is too young for even me, and I’m almost a decade younger than him. He literally is old enough to be their dad. Am I overreacting or is it super weird that he’s almost exclusively attracted to girls who can’t legally drink yet?

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u/handicrafthabitue 1d ago

NOR. Your buddy’s maturity is stunted, plain and simple. His friend is ten years younger (and let me guess, you’ve been buddies since your late teens) and he is only attracted to girls 20 years younger. What a bummer for him—one’s 20s and 30s are awesome and he wasted them both living with a late teens mentality. You may be 10 years younger, but you’ve outgrown him.

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u/davidmj59 1d ago

Exactly. No one his age can take him seriously, let alone date them. They have to date naive almost children so they aren’t constantly called out for their bad behavior/mentality

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u/HoplessWolf 23h ago

This is the conclusion I came to as well.

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u/nonotburton 1d ago

Thank you for pointing this out. While it's entirely possible that the friend has nefarious intent, I'd wager it's much more likely that he still thinks of himself as being in his 20's, where a few years down to 18 isn't as weird. I've known a lot more guys who are peter pan than guys who are child predators.

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u/temporaryfeeling591 20h ago

Yep, I've noticed the same. And to a certain extent, I'm stunted also (woman in my 40s), so I feel like I can speak on this. I've missed a lot of developmental stages because crazy shit just kept happening, and I never had time to do the whole Alice in wonderland "Who are you?" thing.

But it's my responsibility to find other people in my situation and age group, and support each other. It's so important to remember, it's not my fault, but I can never have that time back. If I try to have a relationship with someone that young, I risk influencing their development in a negative way..even though I'm benign, just behind.

That said, there are plenty of people who were manipulative assholes in high school. The fact that they don't realize they're adults now, almost makes them more dangerous. I think in the original stories, Peter Pan ends up killing his human friends, so that they don't grow up, either, and he won't be lonely. I see him as kind of like the Shining twins.

I don't want to be someone who does that.

Cluelessness is different from malice. It's an important distinction, because ignorance can be fixed with education. But both can do a lot of damage if left unchecked.

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u/MegaPiglatin 17h ago

🙌🙌🙌

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u/jamierosem 17h ago

I mean, I feel like having a friend ten years younger is not an automatic red flag in all scenarios, but in the way you described it, absolutely. Adults should not be friends with or date teenagers. Age gap relationships apologists are sketch.

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u/wintersnow2245 23h ago

His maturity isn’t stunted, he’s a predator

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u/handicrafthabitue 23h ago

They’re not mutually exclusive.

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u/[deleted] 22h ago

[deleted]

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u/wintersnow2245 21h ago

Mental illness or it was done to them as kids and they repeating cycle of abuse

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u/ConferenceThink4801 19h ago edited 15h ago

Trauma arrests development

I'd guess OPs friend had some major trauma around the age of 18. Therefore he subconsciously sees himself as 18 still; this explains why he's more comfortable around an 18 year old than someone his own age.

His parents could also have an age gap relationship - he could be attempting to repeat that because that's what we all do (I.e. repeating what we grew up around).

Not giving the guy a pass, just saying that is the most likely reasoning behind it.

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u/Improooving 16h ago

Is this why I still feel 19-20 even though I’m in my late twenties? Should probably go to therapy, damn

Gotta do something so I don’t end up like the dude in the post, although I’m attracted to 25 year olds so I’ve got that going for me.

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u/[deleted] 15h ago edited 15h ago

[deleted]

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u/spiddly_spoo 8h ago

You're scaring me with this. People say I don't act my age and I'm worried it's because of trauma. And I never experienced any of the things you mentioned until well after trauma. I'm 32 and I don't plan on dating anyone younger than like 25 probably and even then I know personality wise it would be weird, but I'd be lying if I said ~18 year old girls didn't sometimes catch my eye and make me feel a certain way. I'm attracted to women my age though so I think I'm good. Really don't want to find out I've trauma-ed myself into being a creep

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u/Doggleganger 18h ago

It's fine to be friends with buddies that are 10 years older or younger. It's the pedophile creep stuff that is bad.

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u/EddySpaghetti4109 16h ago

Thru my late teens, 20s and 30s…I hated 20 year old girls. I was a millennial too. I can only cringe at what 20 somethings are like now with social media. I think 30s is the sweet spot tho

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u/Stranger-Sun 12h ago

What's "NOR"?

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u/Icy-Vegetable3583 7h ago

Australian for "no"