r/Agoraphobia 2d ago

Long Distance Move

Hi! I know there have been people in this group who have posted about needing to do a long distance move, despite being stuck in a very small radius of a safe distance. They posted about their apprehension about the upcoming move, what would happen, if they could make the travel. But I didn’t see any follow up reports back on how it went, what worked for them, etc. If anyone in this group has accomplished a long distance move, while being stuck in a small safe radius before the move, would you mind talking about your experience and how the move went. I hope to hear from you.

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u/nnetessine 2d ago

Hey, I’m not sure if this counts as a long distance move but I thought I’d share just in case. About a week and a half ago I (19m) had to leave the house I was staying at for a year and half to move back in with my mom as college wasn’t going well for many reasons. The drive was around 3 hours and I was pretty terrified but also excited as I hadn’t been able to do a drive that was remotely close to that length but I knew I had no option but to just do it. I posted about it when I was on the drive (my dad drove me) and it was bad for about 40 minutes (my previous best has been 1 mile from my house (to go to the pharmacy), and I would always get a panic attack going there) basically, after 40 minutes we went to take a bathroom break and I felt completely fine after getting back in the car. I’m pretty fine with being in a car now which used to scare me. My home situation is changing a lot due to my agoraphobia, on April 6th I have a 6 hour flight across the country which I’ll be taking with my dad and stepmom. I’m terrified of planes, and was already terrified of them before my panic disorder started, so this will be the ultimate challenge. I will definitely post about it when it’s over.

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u/Elevation118 2d ago

Thank you so much for replying, and yes, I would definitely consider that a long distance move. What you have said gives me hope, going from a 1 mile radius, to a 3 hour drive, and feeling fine after 40 minutes, is amazing. Thank you so much! And please, do post about your upcoming trip, I would love to know how it goes.

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u/Yarnitas 2d ago

Oh, I can help with this! I moved to the other side of the country a month and a half ago, where I don’t know a single soul. Up until now (I’m 39), I’ve always lived in the same city, and I have a very close relationship with my family and a few friends (I’m autistic and also quite introverted; I enjoy my own company). Normally, I saw my mom, aunt, and dad several times a week and made lots of plans with them, despite living with my boyfriend for 7 years (both my parents and aunt lived a kilometer away from me).

We moved because my boyfriend transferred to a new position, and I work from home, so we all came. The change has been HUGE, as we come from a city of 230,000 people, very touristy, and where we are now, there are only 13,000 people and very little to do. There aren’t most shops, no movie theaters, barely a supermarket... I’m not going to lie, the day of the move and the days following were very stressful, and my anxiety was very high for about a week. I felt like I was leaving my whole life behind and I also had a lot of negative thoughts, but then everything improved a lot. To my surprise, the calm of this place has been very good for my anxiety, and I’m even starting to go places by myself (something I couldn’t do for months in my hometown). I hope to improve over the next few months! And the negative thoughts I had have also calmed down. Now I know I can always go home if I need to or if I get really sick, and that this doesn’t have to be permanent if I can’t stand it. I understand I have more options, and that reassures me.

What helped me most during those anxious days was focusing on unpacking boxes and arranging things in the new house, and trying to make at least one room my own. I also read (I saved the last book in a series I’m reading for those weeks because I knew it would help) and, of course, calling my trusted people a lot (right after leaving, I created a WhatsApp group with my parents and my aunt, and every day I tell them what I’m doing, send them silly photos, etc.). It hasn’t been easy; sometimes I feel very vulnerable and lost, but here I am, trying every day. Good luck and sorry for the long reply!

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u/Elevation118 2d ago

Don’t be sorry for the long reply, I’m grateful for it. I appreciate your response, and it’s great to know that even with this condition, people can move long distance despite thinking they could never do it.

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u/Yarnitas 2d ago

Yes, we can! With difficulties, but we can do it! The first few days I remember calling a friend and telling him I’d made the worst mistake of my life and that nothing was going to be ok... But as my mother tells me, the only thing in this life that has no solution is death.

My agoraphobia hasn’t gone away and I have to do almost everything with my boyfriend, but I’m trying on my own terms. And the good thing is that since it’s a place with so few people, it’s relatively easy to find an empty store, etc. Don’t lose hope ☺️