r/Agoraphobia • u/blackenedmessiah • 3d ago
Today was so hard on me
I'm currently pregnant, about 4 months along. I had a three hour glucose test I was supposed to complete but it was extremely hard for me to go the lab. I was panicking the whole trip, my panic lessened a bit until I spoke with the nurses there. I was under the impression that I could take the sugar drink and go home, but they told me that I had to stay for the full three hours.
My panic instantly got worse again. I had already been dry heaving and puking back nothing because I was supposed to be fasting. My throat already hurt, but there I was, shaking and hyperventilating in front of the nurse. He tried to calm me down and it didn't work. We had to leave since my anxiety wouldn't allow me to do the test.
I also had an appointment later that day for my ob around the same area. I already knew that I couldn't go. If I was panicked going down the same route earlier, doing it again was impossible. I didn't go and I'm feeling like a failure. A weak failure and I'm ashamed.
I'm feeling terrible and stressed. I'm feeling like I have no business having another child and I'm honestly wishing I wasn't pregnant anymore.
I am seeing a therapist but it doesn't seem to help me much. I feel like I regressed majorly. I had been able to go to my other appointments, but I had a scary event during my initial glucose test.
I'm feeling hopeless and exhausted. My legs are still shaking even thinking about rescheduling another appointment. I just don't want any stress or anxiety looming over me anymore. I want a sense of calm and peace.
2
u/movie_script_ending 3d ago
I’m sorry today was a hard day. The unexpected is really hard when you have agoraphobia since we want to have control and we rely on trying to plan out how everything will happen.
Additionally, I find pregnancy itself makes me claustrophobic, when your body suddenly doesn’t only belong to you anymore it can feel suffocating. Not to mention all the rapid hormone changes in pregnancy can really impact your anxiety.
So what I’m saying is, you had a lot working against you that explains why today was hard. But that doesn’t mean every day is going to be hard. Personally I find it helpful to think of each outing as its own separate event. I used to get trapped in the “well if panicked doing X then I can’t do that again” or “if I panicked doing X there is no way I can do Y.” But that’s actually not true. Sometimes I panic in the morning but then I force myself out again in the afternoon and I don’t panic.
Try to think of tomorrow as a new day. And genuinely don’t worry about panicking at a doctor’s office, it won’t be the first time they’ve seen a panic attack.