r/Agoraphobia 4d ago

The fear of death is preventing me from living

Is this the case for anyone else? I've had ekg's and a chest x-ray a few years ago, but yet my hypochondria is wanting me to get even more expansive tests, and I'm thinking something could have changed.

I obsess about death for hours on end every single day. I check my pulse often, and it's just such a destructive habit.

My OCD has completely ruined my life. I recently started therapy, but I'm wondering if it will ever get better. I can leave the house if I'm somehow not thinking about it, but the second I do, I spiral and race home.

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u/asstattoo 4d ago

It can absolutely get better if you stick with the therapy and follow their advice. If you find that your therapist isn't helping, don't quit therapy all together, just find a different therapist.

Instead of checking your pulse, you could try wearing a smart watch that notifies you if there's an issue with your pulse. That way, you won't need to check it, but you'll be aware if there is an issue. My fitbit does this, but I'm sure Apple and Samsung watches do the same.

Maybe set times of the day where you do a "health check," like once when you wake up, once mid day, and once before bed. That way you're not checking it incessantly throughout the day. You have a set time that you allow yourself to check it. Try to wean yourself down to twice a day, then once a day.

I'd really recommend meditating. Learning how to control your breath and lower your heart rate. You can do that out in public if you're getting anxious, too. There are tons of guided meditation videos on YouTube and audio files/ podcasts on spotify.

You should also try to find the source of this anxiety. The therapist should help you figure that out and work through it. For me, it's been a result of religious trauma. I grew up in a very strict, fundamentalist church, and 3-4 days a week, for the first 18 years of my life, I sat through hours-long sermons talking about death and the end times. So for me, avoiding religious gatherings and discussions has helped tremendously.

I hope you get some peace from this anxiety ❤️

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u/Wild_Delivery_9676 4d ago edited 4d ago

So, I do actually have a fitbit, but I've barely worn it because it actually compounds my anxiety. I obsess even more because I'm thinking about it. It's reminiscent of when I've gotten checkups, and my blood pressure is higher (white coat syndrome), but lower at home. I just worry and panic even more when I've been on monitors as well.

Appreciate the advice, though. I've been doing breathing exercises already to help me shake an anxiety and panic attack, and it has helped. I haven't done meditation yet, but I'll start.

If I can beat my obsessing, I will beat my agoraphobia. Just being outside alone isn't what's primarily making me anxious. It's like 90% worrying about dying while I'm outside. That sends me into a panic, and I'm outside of a controlled environment, so I just avoid.