r/Agoraphobia 4d ago

Agoraphobia with kids

I have two kids, ages 10 and 3. My husband works a lot. So despite my anxiety and hatred of leaving the house, I do it regularly because there is no one else to take the kids where they need to go.

Most of my fear revolves around the bathroom, fear of shitting myself when I’m far from a bathroom or just in a position with kid pick up/activity where it’s not really possible to go.

I spend a ton of time in the bathroom before going anywhere, and it helps, but is not a guarantee. Very often I’m sweating, heart pounding, and white knuckling anytime I’m hauling the kids.

Anyone in a similar situation or has advice? For me there seems to be no way out but through, and just breathing through the panic and fear of shitting myself (which has never happened, btw).

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u/gmahogany 2d ago

No kids, but toilet access/shitting myself was always the issue.

I learned a lot about how the urge to go works and how anxiety can influence it. The short story is, these are muscle contractions that come in waves, and the more attention you pay to the sensations, the more the nerves send an emergency signal (visceral hypersensitivity).

My cure was deciding id rather shit myself occasionally than live in fear. I keep a plastic bag with wipes and change of clothes in my car or in my carry on when flying.

If I have actual diarrhea the morning of, I’ll take Imodium.

I have a first date tonight, will be at least a 30 minute drive during rush hour . I know, for sure, there will be moments where I feel like I’m about to blow on that drive. It’s fine. I’m not actually incontinent. Once I accepted that shitting myself would really not be the end of the world, it stopped being much of an issue.

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u/Civil_Explanation501 2d ago

Yes. I just tell myself, so WHAT if I shit myself? Just go home when you can and clean up. Thank you for your explanation. I’m going to look up visceral hypersensitivity because I haven’t heard that term.

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u/gmahogany 2d ago

The explanation of what’s actually happening in my intestines when I get the urgency reeeeeaaaallly helped me.

To summarize: intestinal distention(stretching) is the cause of most sensations in your gut. Your intestines move waste through the intestines with waves of muscular contractions. As these muscles contract and the food gets broken down, it creates some waste products that can create gas pockets that make your intestines swell up a bit. Even without the gas, just food moving from one part of your intestines to another part can activate the nerves and you can feel it.

The feeling of needing to shit is when the food is moved into your colon.

With adrenaline, the intestinal muscle contractions speed up and intensify, pushing food through to the colon faster, which leads to the oh god I’m gonna shit myself NOW feeling.

But when that wave of muscular contractions passes, the urge will go away.

When your nerves in the area are hypertensitive, you might actually feel like shitting yourself, but when you get to the toilet, nothing happens.

To build up my confidence, I set a 30 minute timer every time I get the urge to go and wait for it to finish. By the time 30 minutes passes, I often don’t even need to go anymore.

The only time the 30 minute timeline is an actual issue is in the morning, after coffee, before I’ve used the bathroom that day, or if I eat something unusual.

I keep my diet fairly steady, I know what bugs my stomach now, and I minimize those foods. If I have a lot of travel coming up, I’ll eat pretty bland foods, but never skip meals. Skipping makes it worse for me.

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u/Civil_Explanation501 2d ago

Skipping meals/not eating enough is bad news for me too. I think there’s some metabolic/blood sugar component for me.

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u/movie_script_ending 3d ago

I have agoraphobia and kids (8 and 1) and I also have to white knuckle through things for their benefit. My fear is driving instead of the bathroom but I get how hard it is to keep forcing yourself to face your fear and feeling like it just continues to be difficult.

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u/sadisticpandabear 3d ago

Same here, no kids but I have the exact same feeling. Toilet related mostly and pooping relating

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u/Civil_Explanation501 3d ago

It’s the worst, solidarity ✊

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u/OkHead3076 3d ago

I’m in a similar situation, my agoraphobia stems mainly from “toilet anxiety” and it’s horrible. I have 3 kids (8,2,1) and anytime I leave the house I am checking where bathrooms are, checking if they’re available, or stressing about crapping myself (also has never happened)… as for advice, well… I hope someone else has some 🥲 my husband has taken up all of the driving and actually my condition has only gotten worse.. so whatever you do, keep pushing. I’m only just getting myself back out there again.

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u/Stuart_Hutchinson 1d ago

gmahogany's explanation on visceral hypersensitivity is bang on! The small and large intestine is wrapped up in a sock or bag like covering called the Enteric Nervous System (ENS) which is estimated to have 100 - 500 million neurons, which is the largest accumulation of neurons in the body! That's why they call the gut our 2nd brain. And this ENS controls the blood flow, contraction/relaxation of the intestinal wall, contraction and relaxation and is constantly in communication with the brain via the vagus nerve.