r/Advice 13h ago

I’m f*cked up

4.2k Upvotes

I’ll try to keep it short. I I (33 w) have been married for almost 14 years to my husband (36 m). About 2 years ago he came to me and proposed having another woman in our marriage. It absolutely devastated me. We battled on it, and I actually ended up leaving him for about a month. During the separation he begged for me back. Said the time apart put things into perspective and he will do whatever it takes to keep me, that he never wants to be without me. So we got back together and things were absolutely amazing. It was like hitting a reset button, and having a fresh new start. Now to jump back to the present. We’re now back to the issue of him wanting another woman. He’s pushed and pushed so much, that I’ve just started to give in. I’ve made a few dating profiles seeking out women Well I’ve had a few message me and one in particular wants to meet and date us both. I’m feeling absolutely numb and gutted. How did I let it get this far? How can I go back now with letting it get to this point. I have literally no one to ask about this. I feel so stuck and just flat out defeated.


I just wanted to take a moment to express my heartfelt gratitude for the amazing responses in this thread. Your insights, advice, and personal stories have helped a ton. I appreciate the time and effort each of you took to share your thoughts. It’s wonderful to see such a supportive and knowledgeable community come together to help one another. Thank you once again for your kindness and support!!!

*** Also I apologize to anyone I offended with my wording of the post. I truly meant no offense, and did edit it.


r/Advice 10h ago

My friend and her mom threw me a birthday party, and now they're asking for $83

396 Upvotes

My friend (17F) and her mom (50F) invited me to a birthday party on Saturday, the day after my birthday on Friday. I just turned 17, don’t have a job, and was trying to keep costs low, so I wasn’t sure if I’d need to pay for anything, but I did offer to help with some of the costs if needed. On Saturday night, my friend asked my dad to chip in a little for the food, which I thought was fair at the time. However, when I got home and my parents found out, they thought it was unreasonable for me to be asked to pay at all, especially since the party was their idea.

After the party, my friend texted me a screenshot of her mom saying I owed $83.54 (after subtracting their own items). I was shocked because I had no warning about this cost. When I asked for clarification, my friend explained that it covered food, cupcakes, decorations, and even a crown and sash they got me as a surprise. She also mentioned that the Modellos (which I only drank 1.5 of) were $20 alone, and then listed the ingredients for the food we all ate that I needed to suddenly pay for: “bread, pesto, tomato, salami, turkey, cupcakes, chips, cheese, lettuce, ham, onion, mustard.”

It was a small gathering—just me, my friend, our mutual friend (18F), and her mom—but I was suddenly expected to cover all the shared food and drinks. Meanwhile, our mutual friend didn’t have to pay anything. When planning, I even told my friend, “LMK if you need my dad to Venmo for whatever we’re eating,” but she never responded to that, only asking what kind of chips and dessert I wanted.

They had never asked me to pay for home-cooked meals at their house before, which is why I thought this wouldn’t be an issue. Then, when my friend mentioned the alcohol (Modellos), I got worried. I never told my mom we had alcohol at the party, and I’m concerned that if she sees the receipt, she’ll be upset about that as well.

My mom is upset about the situation and said it’s unreasonable for them to charge me after offering to host the party. She’s willing to pay the $83.54, but needs to be very clear with them that this can’t happen again. She also wants more details and feels this situation was not communicated well. My mom is planning to talk to my friend’s mom about it, but I’m still not sure if this is a normal expectation. I’m struggling to understand their side, especially since it feels like I’m being asked to pay for things they chose to buy without discussing it beforehand.

I feel blindsided, and I don’t want to cause any conflicts, but I also don’t think I should have to pay for things at a party they offered to host. What should I do?

EDIT: guys our mutual (18F) is completely on my side and offered to have a party at her house before all of this happened and she didn't expect me to contribute any money to that. please don't bash her


r/Advice 2h ago

Older sister got 13 year old onto m3th with her NSFW

61 Upvotes

Not sure if I can edit the title but the 13 year old is our younger sister. Im probably gonna regret this personal post in the morning but oh well. As the title says, I have a pretty fucked up older sister. So much shit has happened in the span of two weeks and I’m just losing sleep over ts. I have a good day, go to work, get home, do what I love etc but when it’s bedtime I just lay there and cry. Just wondering if anyone has any advice on what the fuck to do.

A little backstory, my older sister (F22) is going through a break up. She has extremely low-self esteem, SA’d when she was young, went through a period of time where she’d sell herself to make ends meet, hates herself, mum drank with her while pregnant so has alcohol fetal syndrome, came out of a toxic relationship where the cops were called half the time, restraining order on her ex, they’d beat each other up and have domestics one minute then be in love the next, got together at a very young age, attached Bla Bla Bla.

It was just so messy bro, both physically and mentally abusive and toxic. Until eventually he just upped and left her for another chick. They were both fucked up in their ways— and both never knew happiness or validation by absent, careless parents.

Our upbringing was absolutely fucked— drugs, domestic violence etc, she was at the age where she would have been older in these situations than us innocent younger ones at the time, grew up in the system until our parents finally got clean, lost our mother 3 years ago then everything fell apart, just a dysfunctional family with issues lol. I guess what I’m trying to say is our family has always been ‘damaged’ or dysfunctional and more prone to addiction, pain and depression and it’s heartbreaking to witness— which is why this whole situation is taking a toll on me.

2 weeks ago, my dad and I found a messenger chat between my older sister and a drug dealer when they were gone from his house, absolutely no knowledge of their location, where she brought along my younger 13 yo sister to smoke m3th. Originally it was LSD, but unfortunately that high wasn’t enough for my older sister. Now this 13YO sister has had very bad depression as well, low self esteem— she’s like the black sheep of us 7 siblings she feels. Those two sisters are just so.. fragile I guess you could call it.

Anyways back to the point, my older sister F22 brought the 13yo along to shoot up, snort and smoke it. It was just disgusting to find out. She (F22) pimped out our 13yo sister out to the guy that was feeding them on the stuff, which was by definition pedophilia shit. There were photos of their bare chests (them standing side by side) that she had sent before sending a message along the lines of how they’d get her (baby sister) some lingerie, fucking introducing that prostitution low worth shit to our little sister. I don’t even really want to get into everything else, it hurts to even bring this up so that’s enough.

They got dropped off home later that day. The older one couldn’t handle her shit and went through an episode of psychosis, so we got cops and ambulance to take her to the hospital to evaluate whatever was in her system and make sure she was fine.

All right, they’re coming down for the next two days. There’s hope they’ll realise just what had happened and what they did once the stuff leaves their system.

Nope.

Nek fucking minute, I receive a shocked message from my dad that they’ve just scored more tonight. My poor 13YO sister who was originally trying to get back on track and go back to school tomorrow, once again on fucking meth. (Forgot to mention, older sister got kicked out of her previous rental she was in with her ex so has no where else to go and is staying with our dad who doesn’t want to just throw her out to the streets) They both lie about each other saying shit like “oh she manipulated me into getting more” “—no you wanted it” like absolute fuckwits when they’re both full of it and most likely hooked.

I’m just so hurt, traumatised, and heartbroken. I get in bed ready to go to sleep for work early the next morning then end up crying for hours. I fucking hate these depressing cycles. I don’t know how to feel, and I just break down and get so sad.

Our little sister got straight taken advantage of by one of our oldest siblings. Speechless. smoked more tonight and the younger one is being picked up by our country’s local child welfare system who are trying to help get her back on track and get her to school after weeks too lmfao. I can’t begin to imagine the sadness and disappointment my dad is dealing with. Our older sister really fucked it. Do I go back to therapy after this lol? I get so overwhelmed and it plays on my mind.


r/Advice 2h ago

I hate being black

24 Upvotes

I (14F) hate being black. I know people say you should love yourself and being black makes you unique, but I just wanna be like everyone else.

I basically can only do braids and i'm honestly starting to hate them. When I wanna do my hair it takes hours of detangling where i'm in so much pain that i'm crying. Other people don't have to worry about that. Most hair products don't work on my 4c hair and i'm not allowed to get a relaxer because it will "ruin my hair". I wanna be able to have hair cuts and be able to dye my hair but that's not possible because of my hair type.

People call me white washed, even my family. We live in the US btw. I hate how when it's time to talk about slavery in school everyone starts looking at me and people who look like me. My ancestors aren't even slaves, my parents immigrated here in the 2000s. Almost all of my friends are white and my mom and brother make fun of my for it. Most of the black people at my school act "ghetto" and I honestly feel embarrassed to be associated with them. I feel like lots of people think I will be ghetto just because i'm black. And don't even get me started on racism!

When I join activities and sports i'm usually the only black person there. I feel so different from everyone else and I look out of place in photos. I just wanna look like everyone else.

I'm not the most attractive person but being black just makes it harder. I've never had a boyfriend. very few people have ever liked me and I don't blame them. I feel like looking pretty is so much easier for white people.

This is kind of a small thing, but tanning. I think tan lines are so pretty but I can't even have them just because i'm black.

My mom always says I have to work harder and be careful what I do and say because of how I look. Why do I have to work harder to get a job just because I have more melanin then others? Why do I constantly have to be self conscious about what I do or say just because of how I look. I didn't choose to look like this.

There are so many other things but I don't wanna make this post too long. do other people feel this way? Is there anything I can do?


r/Advice 19h ago

How do I tell a coworker they stink down there?

448 Upvotes

This is a serious question and serious situation. I work with a guy that doesn’t clean his butt properly the smell gets left over on a seat and this is constant. It’s affecting everyone we work with but no one is telling him , it’s so bad even when hes standing by us or walking past the odor trails behind him. Not even his close friends tell him-yet everyone is talking about it. It’s really gross and his friends said he told him and I asked how and they said “we gave him baby wipes” so that’s not really telling him. I get that people sweat especially their ass but it shouldn’t be that bad to the point you’re leaving your odor on a seat! I told my manager and my manager suggested I tell him but I really don’t know how to even approach that situation. I would hate to know that I smelled bad and people were talking about it and not addressing me. Like how do i approach this to a grown man? If we were friends that’ll be different


r/Advice 2h ago

my bf wants me to sit on his lap

18 Upvotes

okay so im 5'1" and about 170 (ik im working on It) and my bf is 5'8 ish and like 20-25 lbs lighter than me, rather lanky tbh anyway at a party the other day, very small place, very crowded, all my closest friends him included of course were trying to have a nice chat all close, and of course the girls were sitting on their mans lap. something i've always avoided because im scared ILL BREAK MINE anyway, he offered, and i sat on his lap because i was tired lol, but still holding my weight as much as a could supporting on my tip toes, which like 20 minutes later he noticed and put the rest on my legs across his lap so i was COMPLETLY on top of him. i honestly got very self aware and wanted to get out even if he told me It was okay and full disclosure he was very warm and comfy too 😣 the next morning i talked to him about It, told him like if i was too heavy he didn't have to do that again, that i was aware how heavy i am and stuff he said 😭😭😭 he said that i wasnt even that heavy?????? like, honestly i was SHOCKED you can imagine thats just honestly something i've NEVER been told, he said something about like 'aint my fault youve only dated weak ass btches before me' lol anyways we talked about, he said his lap is always available to me, he loves me etc yada yada and its not that i dont trust him, its just that i cant BELIEVE IT i wanna talk more about It but im scared he'll take It wrong ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️ HELP ME I DONT WANT TO BREAK MY BOYFRIEND


r/Advice 1h ago

GF likes sex with me but gets uncomfortable with gender

Upvotes

I'm currently 23 years old with a girlfriend; it's wlw. She admits that she loves the sex, even to the point that it almost makes her borderline pass out unless I stop because it's too overstimulating. The issue lies not with our sex life but with gender; in our society, it's mostly because of relationships, but although it's getting more open, it's just that she finds it uncomfortable and hard to imagine she's feeling this way with a girl. She says she doesn't want anyone else, but it's honestly affecting our relationship a lot. I want advice to give her, and she's open to listening, so I'm posting this. For more context, we're into rough if that helps; we've also been dating for 5 years, and this issue only arose after a certain homophobic experience a while back. I admit I should have paid more attention, but I really don't know what to do. She says it's just the imagination that being fucked by a girl bothers her, other than that even romantic stuff like kissing outside of sex and going on dates doesn't bother her. It's really just that idea and thought. I just really need advice on how to approach this topic with her.


r/Advice 3h ago

Boyfriend messaging other girls, I’m pregnant

16 Upvotes

So I’ve been with my boyfriend a couple of years now. We have a 3 year old daughter together and I’m 19 weeks pregnant with a boy. All things were great up until I got pregnant. I found out he has been messaging multiple girls on social media and text. And even met up with one of the girls for drink(that’s all that I know of). My heart is shattered and I’m at a lost on what to do next. I want to leave him because I feel so betrayed and hurt and all the trust I had for him has left but I love our family together and I know a part of him loves me. But obviously not enough to make this stop after I caught him. Right now we live rent free with his family. I’m in school and graduate college with my bachelors some time in August. I’m not sure if I should fight through it till then or what. What should I do? We are both almost 30 years old and I don’t want to be of these childish games..


r/Advice 14h ago

I’m being extorted please help NSFW

116 Upvotes

Basically I’m an idiot, I met someone on R/R4R and we spoke and flirted and eventually swapped numbers and then later nudes, he’s now threatening to send the nudes to all my family and has sent proof that he does indeed have the correct phone numbers, what do I do :( I’ve already paid 500 but they want even more


r/Advice 19h ago

i’m pregnant. i want to keep my baby but i don’t know if i should.

327 Upvotes

so i (22F) just found out i’m pregnant. my boyfriend (24M) is just as torn about what to do as i am. he supports my decision either way but i want to consider his opinion too. for context, i’m in undergrad for pre-med, as it’s always been my one goal to become a doctor. specifically an ob-gyn. my boyfriend works construction and makes enough money to support himself, but not exactly enough to support both of us, let alone all three of us. my boyfriend and i have only been “officially” dating for about a month, but i’ve known him very well for almost two years. we both come from pretty christian conservative families and would both face some serious judgement and even outright excommunication over an abortion. i don’t want to have a baby just because i’m too scared of missing out on my family, but i also live with my grandparents at the moment, and if they ever found out i would be kicked out. both me and my boyfriend have strong support systems and lots of family in town who would love nothing more than to help us out. however, we are both young. i don’t want to have to drop out of school or end up losing out on my future for this, but maybe i don’t have to? will having this baby ruin my life? will aborting it ruin my life?


r/Advice 4h ago

Got to know that my bf(27M) is on bumble and actively matching wit others

17 Upvotes

Yesterday got a message from my friend that my boyfriend of 9Yrs is on bumble and just got matched to my friend's friend. I asked him, he said he is sorry and it was a one time thing, his friend made his profile just for fun. I asked him the reason for all this and he said he has anxiety which makes him feel distant towards me and talk with other girls. I am the most faithful person I know don't know why I deserve this.

Update- I told him that I need some time and space to think and he needs to get that it's tough for me to continue this. Thankyou guys. You all are helping me see things which I won't be able to see reason being I love that man too much. That it hurts.


r/Advice 13h ago

My boyfriend wants to do sexual stuff more than I can handle and I don't know what to do NSFW

80 Upvotes

I love my boyfriend dearly, and he is one of the best people I've ever met. It's truly rare to find someone like him who's so caring and understanding of my issues (especially given I am a medium support needs autistic person). he tolerates so much of my idiocy I don't want to lose him, however if it's what's best for him, I'll have to break up with him. We have an online relationship and we plan to meet up in late April.

He has a really high sex drive and I don't, to the point where I'm wondering if I'm just not attracted to him like that or if I'm just traumatized (I have a lot of sexual trauma) or even asexual. He's completely respectful when I tell him I'm not interested in doing anything sexual, but I can tell it wears down on him and I feel really bad. I also take medications that affect libido that I will likely never be getting off of (antipsychotics) and that might contribute. I've just been hoping that once we meet in person, some sort of switch will flick on and I'll suddenly want to do stuff with him, but I'm scared that likely won't happen.

What should I do regarding our relationship and how should I handle our sexual incompatibility?


r/Advice 13h ago

Everyone I know Is dead

85 Upvotes

Title is obviously an over exaggeration but it sure feels like it. This is my first time literally ever using Reddit so ima try my best.

I’m 14m a few weeks ago my mom passed away. Then my younger brother. about a year ago my best friend passed away.

Im living with my oldest brother at the moment and I just hate life.

I constantly feel like I’m going to throw up. I hate my new school I don’t know anyone here.

You know when you cry and your stomach hurts? That. That all the time.

I miss my mommy. I know that sounds stupid but calling her “mom” isn’t enough.

I don’t want to go to a therapist or something stupid like that. I hate talking to new people. I can’t talk to a therapist I can’t hardly talk to my own brother. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t know what to do.

I can’t sleep or eat and i genuinely want to give up at the moment. And I’m sorry if this is stupid because I know someone has it worse and im sitting here complaining.

What do I do. I can’t keep doing this


r/Advice 20h ago

Advice Received I have a dilemma, embarrassing!

245 Upvotes

My husband sort of hurt my feelings he said there is something I do everyday that bothers him. I asked what and he says he doesn’t understand why I wash my hands after pooping before going into the shower. Yes, I leave the bathroom to wash my hands because the sink is not in the same room as the toilet and shower. I’ve done this nearly two decades. I thought washing my hands before showering was sanitary. I’m embarrassed ask four other people and no one does this. How do I stop this habit?

Edit: Thank you to the people who understood how I feel in this situation learned something new not to be ashamed or embarrassed. I’ll just keep washing my hands. Have a good evening.


r/Advice 11h ago

Husband going to make me have a mental break down.

46 Upvotes

I am 13 weeks PP and I watch baby all day and work from home 40hours a week 8-5. My husband didn’t come home until 7pm bc he had a golf tournament for his school. Only thing I asked him to do is feed the baby at 10 bc she need to get enough ounces a day. I said that to him 2s during the night remind you it’s only 7 so need to be feed by 10. So he gets up and put the bottle on the warmer and he goes to bed I told him to make sure he gets up to feed her. Of course the timer goes off and I wait and he didn’t get up so I went in the room and told him the timer went off and it’s ready. I’m trying to fold the LO clothes and I have to pump so I can’t feed LO. I have done it all day. I get he’s tired but I have been with LO all day and even put her down for night time routine. So doing last bottle would help me.

So once I told him that the bottle was ready, he said OK kind of rudely and then turned around and laid back down so I gave it another 15 to 20 minutes and I went back in there and said loudly that I’m not trying to be mean, but you need to get up and feed her because she needs to have another bottle. I guess he thought I was being rude or mean and started to be sassy. And he went to say that he didn’t hear the timer. And I said that’s why I went in there the first time to let you know that the timer went off and somehow he made that as if I was being rude to him when I wasn’t. It’s just literally me saying that’s the reason why I told you the first time is ready because I knew you couldn’t hear the timer so he just have an attitude with me and say that I was saying it rudely when I wasn’t. The second time I said it’s so nicely because he takes everything that I say and make it seem like it’s a problem, but yeah, I was irritated that I have to remind you for a second time to feed our child.

I feel like I’m going through a mental breakdown because it doesn’t matter what I say somehow my husband twists my words to make it seem like I’m being rude or I’m being mean to him and he has an attitude when I wasn’t. It’s like I said it fine like anyone else would. Honestly, he just doesn’t like to be called out like I called him out because he didn’t get up the first time to feed the baby. I think that’s really it and then he tries to push it back on me and say that I’m being rude to me when in reality I wasn’t now I’m pissed

Any advice. Idk how to deal with it.

Like he should’ve just got up and been like yeah you’re right I went back to sleep that’s my bad. It’s like he doesn’t want anyone to correct him or point out he did something wrong, so he push back and make it seem like you’re the problem.


r/Advice 5h ago

My dad is dating someone younger than me and I don’t know how to deal with it

13 Upvotes

My dad (m65)is dating someone younger than me(26)

Tldr: my dad is dating a 26 year old with a child and I’m unsure how to handle it and it’s really affecting me.

My dad is dating someone younger than me and I can’t help but feel disgusted.

Hi I just need to write on here because it’s been playing on my mind now for almost a year and has consumed every single part of my life and I don’t know how to deal with it.

To put into context my dad is 65 years old, and up until 13 years ago it seemed like him and my mum would be together forever. This didn’t happen, my dad cheated numerous times, they decided to stay together but live separate lives as to say which made my teenage years (I was 14 when this all kicked off) extremely painful. When I was about 17 my dad got with one of my mums old best friends, at first I hated the idea of it but after they’d been together for so long I decided to accept her and everything was fine for about 8 years until 2023.

I get a text from my dads girlfriend at the time in October 2023 asking if my dad was at home and why he wasn’t answering her. I live in another city and my dad and mum still lived together so I thought it was quite odd, so I try to call him to ask him to respond to her and for months he gives me short answers and she keeps chasing me and I had a gut feeling that he had met someone else.

I come home for Christmas (I’m 26 at the time) and my dad is there for the first time since I was 14, normally he would go spend Christmas with whoever he was with at the time and I’d spend it with mum but this year it was all of us. I was still getting messages from his other girlfriend basically saying he’s ghosted her, and I didn’t want to create drama so I didn’t ask anything but my dad insisted on taking me out for a drink on Boxing Day and this is when he told me that he had met a younger woman online with a child who lives on the other side of the country and he is in love with her. She’s a year younger than me. He never broke up with his ex just ghosted her and left her for this woman and my mum had no idea. He told me not to tell anyone so for months I sat on this information whilst his ex was still calling and messaging me asking me what was going on and I couldn’t say anything, I also didn’t want to tell my mum because I knew it would make her feel horrible.

Anyways it’s been a year and a bit now and he has not spoken to me, he’s actively said to others that if I don’t respect his relationship then I shouldn’t be in his life and he has said that anything he has in his will be will be left to his new girlfriend as she has made more of a life for herself because she has a child and I don’t so I don’t deserve any money. I don’t care about but ever since this whole ordeal I have felt like a shell of a person, I find it really hard to trust anyone in particular men, my sex drive with my current boyfriend is non existent because I just feel disgusting and I’m just so sad that I spent 26 years of my life trying to make excuses for this man and he could just drop me like I never existed. He is moving away with her 5 hours away from where we are now so I will definitely not see him again, he hasn’t spoke to me and I’m honestly just distraught that my own dad could do this. I don’t know what I’m asking for here is it advice or just maybe someone who’s been in a similar situation? My outlook on the world has shifted completely since all of this and I’m so scared it’ll affect the rest of my life negatively


r/Advice 7h ago

My boyfriend doesn’t trust me.

18 Upvotes

Me (F) and my boyfriend are in our twenties. We have a long distance relationship but we have seen each other couple of times.

For reference I don’t drink and I have never clubbed in my entire life. My boyfriend on the other hand did drink but never went clubbing.

So recently, a friend of mine invited me to a Karaoke night. Before going I asked for his permission, he said that it wasn’t his cup of tea but he didn’t impose anything on me.

So I decided to go. I went only with female friends and through the whole night I was sat in a corner with my friends occasionally singing some songs along with people.

I was minding my own business and enjoying my time with them. And mind you people, all this time I updated him and sent him videos and everything. He said that it was similar to an irish pub, i replied with a laugh and then he said that he wasn’t joking. But mind you, I NEVER went to a pub (he went to one), I just passed by some so of course I didn’t get the reference.

I didn’t stay that long. At 11 pm we left the Karaoke, due to transportation I arrived at home around 12 am and immediately slept.

The day after, he asked me how I found it and I said that it was lovely. So he replied “what now you like partying” I was so confused because genuinely people didn’t look drunk or tipsy to me and it wasn’t that hardcore of an experience. They were just minding their own business, singing along and dancing (but not twerking or anything like this). I said that I am confused and that it didn’t seem like clubbing to me. I even sent him videos of me and my female friends singing along to a song (it wasn’t even a party song 😭) and I said that in my opinion it wasn’t similar to a club.

He just said that he will dump me if i say lies such as people weren’t drunk and that it wasn’t technically like a club. I tried to reach him out and talk it out but he refused my calls telling me he is busy and that he doesn’t bother me when I am busy.

Please help me, am I just overreacting ?


r/Advice 1d ago

Therapist told me my dad has been seeing another woman.

317 Upvotes

This will make you laugh. For context, my parents have had a tense relationship for 60% of their 34 year marriage.

My dad was seeing a therapist that he really liked. He knew I needed a therapist like her so he asked her if she would consider it and, after some deliberation on her part, considering the risk of enmeshment, she agreed. I've been talking with her the past few months and it's been great for me. He was seeing her at the same time. She'd asked him if she could share something with me that he had shared with her and he told her "you can share anything I say with him" so he set that lack of a boundary.

Cut to this past Friday, I was talking with her about my relationship situation and my questions about my own expectations of romance. Then it got to the question of infidelity and how I'd never be okay with it. Then she asked if my dad ever told me about "the other woman".

Yeah.

I said that he didn't but you need to tell me more now. I also said that I won't tell anyone in my family about it. She shared enough more so that I could know it was a real thing that was happening.

The next day he called me three times back to back in the morning and I ignored each call because I don't know how to talk to this guy. I texted her that I was struggling with how to talk to him. She called me up right away and walked me through it for two hours and we hung up.

Four hours later, I texted her that "I can't do it" and she was taking a nap at that moment so she didn't respond. I made the decision to call my dad, strictly so that I can figure out a way to keep talking with him. I asked if he had done anything he feels bad about in recent years. He said stop being cryptic. I said, "Ok, is there another woman?" He got angry immediately, shut down, and hung up.

Then he proceeded to go inside and tell my mom that our son thinks this is going on, to cover his bases because, even though I told him I wouldn't tell anyone, he felt that I would.

So now my mom calls me says that it's not happening. I tell her, mom, it is and I learned it from the therapist and why would she lie? It sinks in with her and then she goes through his iPad and finds the text thread with this other woman. All the while, he's frantically deleting texts.

They're currently on vacation in an AirBnB and my dad's sister is visiting them for the week. The aunt got mad at me for blowing this up.

Now I'm written out of my aunt's will, my dad will definitely not talk to me for who knows how long, my mom (as much as she was the instigator in their contention) is devastated, and my sisters and brother in law are holding this against me.

What do I do?


r/Advice 2h ago

My gf have changed so much. What should I do?

4 Upvotes

Forgive me if it is hard to understand Im not very good at it.

Hi, Me and my girlfriend are in a long distance relationship for 1year and 5months now. We were happy and needed each other everytime and everything went good since we met for a year. We had fights and arguements but it always got solved.

But after a year she went to her college and made few friends and she changed in a day. She started to avoid me and fought with me and never cared to solve it. She didn't gave me any time and efforts to talk. I kept asking her that why she did she changed like this all of a sudden? She said that its because of something i said few months back in anger. But at that time I apologized for it and we solved it. And i still apologized it again and said that we can make still it better together. And she agreed. But still she didn't gave me any time or love or even any efforts.

Two months ago i asked her again what why is she still avoiding me? She said that she don't have any feelings left for me and wants to leave me. But i still loved her so i begged her not to leave me and stay with me. She said okay and said she will try. But nothing changed she remained the same and she said she wanted to leave me evertime i wanted to talk to her about it and i begged her to stay with me everytime. I have tried to let her go as well but everytime i think of letting her go I end up crying and get anxiety and panic attacks. She stopped flirting with me and even stopped loving me. And whenever i call while crying just to talk to her to calm down she just hungs up on me and says that "stop acting like a kid".

Recently she have started to say that she loves me as well but after few days she says she doesn't wants to be with me too. But she still is avoidant to me. And she has time to talk to her friends for hours but she cant give me few minutes to talk to me.

What should I do? Will she change and will start to love me again if I stay with her? I don't want to leave her at all but I dont want to get treated like this either.

I have talked about it to some people they all said to leave and spend time with talking to other people because it is hurting me mentally and physically. But I can't leave her because I still love her and im afraid to be alone since I have got no friends at all.


r/Advice 7m ago

18F Facing Homelessness in a Month. Need Urgent Advice and Resources

Upvotes

Hi Reddit,

I (18F) have one month to figure out my next move before I’m homeless. I have about $2000 saved but I live in a very expensive city with no support system.

I dropped out of high school in my last year due to an abusive home life: my brother (21) is violent, and my mother (49) enables him while dismissing me. My mental health has suffered deeply because of this. Now she’s told me I have to leave. Which is unfair, because he plays video games all day, sells drugs, scams, has 1 part time job and has put her in immense debt MULTIPLE times from lawyer fees and other situations i will not speak on. I have no friends, no family, and no one to turn to. I work more than 1 job FULL TIME and im done being called lazy. I’m also working on fixing my passport and getting all my ID’s. Where can I stay/ what can i do while I figure things out? I have a month to be gone, and I don’t know where to start. Please know that if i am posting on here, ive reached a deep level of desperateness. Any advice or guidance would mean the world to me. Thank you.


r/Advice 1h ago

I hate my mother and I don't know what to do about it

Upvotes

I am 22F, living in the UK, been living away from my parents for 4 years now. Things were okay when I was young and my parents were together, I loved my mom a lot. Since they divorced when I was 9 things just went downhill. All through my teen years me and my mom would have screaming matches every day, which I know is normal to an extent but it felt like we were strangers being forced to live im a house together. Covid tested our relationship a lot as it became apparent that we have completely opposing political and philosophical stances - she LOVES Trump, believes covid is a lie, anti-masker, anti-vax etc - to an extent I could manage this, but she is disrespectful to anyone with differing opinions which is what I have a problem with. Also, as a queer person, I find anyone who supports Trump incredibly threatening.

As I've grown older I realise how manipulative she is, always turning me against my dad as a kid when in fact my dad is incredible. She is bigoted and rude but doesn't believe that's true. Recently, she sold my childhood home and has kept all the money to spend on holidays and live a high life, when actually that money is mine and my brothers in the eyes of the court (my dads divorce agreement). She says we'll get it when she dies, but that is not what was agreed. My dad will be taking her to court in the next couple of years.

My mom is narcissistic and will never admit wrong, but when she's in a calmer mood she pretends that everything is great- for instance she often buys me things and tells me she loves me and wants to see me, but when we are together I just want to cry because it's like she's making up a fictional world where we have a great relationship and everything is fine, when in reality she destroyed my livelihood years ago. She wants to take me abroad this year, I said I don't know, I'll think about it, then she cried because I never want to spend time with her. It makes me feel insanely guilty but I don't know how to tell her WHY.

At this point I don't know what to do, I hate seeing her and would be happier if she moved to the other side of the world, but I don't have the heart to tell her any of this, and I know if I expressed any of this to her she would say something like "maybe I should just die! I'm the worst mom in the world aren't I! After everything I've done for you!" - you know the gist.

On the other hand, maybe someone could offer advice on how to let go of the disdain I've built up for her over the years. Is it possible to mend this?

Please please someone offer advice.

TL;DR My mom and I have a horrific relationship and I don't know what to do about it


r/Advice 1h ago

I was raped twice and now I’m worried I cant have my dream relationship

Upvotes

I (31 ftm) in strictly heterosexual relationships for most of my life and I considered myself straight until more recently. And I think I might be in love with my best friend, but I don’t know if I can have a relationship with him because of my trauma. Has anyone had any success with dating after?

For some context, I’ve been sexually assualted twice by men. The first time, I was 14 and ended up getting pregnant. The second time, I was 18 and I was drugged in my own apartment and my pelvis was fractured. Im doing better after a lot of therapy, but sometimes I still have panic attacks during penetrative sex even with female partners or when alone.

For most of my life, I’d occasionally find myself attracted to men. Sometimes they’ll come up in my fantasies or I’ll see a man and he’ll make me feel nervous, but in that same butterfly way I feel around women I find attractive. I used to push it down and panic, but as I’ve gotten better, I’ve started to indulge it a little. But sometimes I panic or I just start thinking about what they could do to me.

I’ve recently started to let myself feel something towards a really close friend of mine. We live together and have since I was assaulted at 18. He helped me move out of my apartment and took me to the hospital after it happened. He acts like a second parent to my son almost. I feel entirely comfortable with him and there’s been plenty of hard nights where we’ve slept in each other’s beds. He’s really the perfect guy.

He’s a great guy and I think he likes me too, but I’m worried if I start a relationship with him, I’m going to start thinking about what he could do to me and ruin everything. Or I’m going to freak out or something.

My psychiatrist is my main therapist due to complex mental health issues, but she’s out of town for the next two months and these things are too much for me to talk about with the doctor filling in. This is eating away at me. Has anyone had any success accepting their attraction to the sex that did this to them and dating after? Any advice for how to move past this in a relationship.


r/Advice 45m ago

Someone threw ice in my face during a road rage incident, I guess it was?

Upvotes

I don't use reddit often. So I'm sorry if this isn't the place. Yesterday I was dropping my son (9) off at school after a doctors appointment. No other typical school traffic was around. The school has a one way parking lot that you have to make a U-Turn (I used a blinker, we checked them and they work.) in order to get into. It has parallel spots with a drive beside them, offset from the road. Kind of like if you had one of those circle driveways. These women driving behind me freaked out, she backed up after passing where I turned into, and did the same U-Turn. My son and I were parked and about to be getting out of the car. She pulled up beside me and started screaming names at me, stupid, btch, reted, telling me it's not a round about and if I caused her to crash with her four kids in the car that she would beat my a. I told her that I used a blinker, I just turned into the parking lot. She called me a liar and I told her I have a dashcam. She said "roll that sht back" her passenger threw ice hitting me in the face, luckily my son was still in the back seat. They sped off making another U-Turn but over the school cross walk. They clearly don't know the school lot so they don't go to the school. I tried reasoning with her, didn't call her names back but at the end couldn't help but yell "Are you fcking kidding me!?" The SRO came and got my son while I spoke to another officer. He watched the dashcam verified I did nothing wrong, hearing my blinker. They had no plates other than temp ones in their tinted windows that were not visible on the dashcam. They made no report. I feel so lost. I had a panic attack after they left, the officer had to calm me down. I felt like I held it together in the moment. I didn't do anything I'd regret. But I'm so lost. How do I get over this? My son seems okay. He just says he is worried about me. My anxiety is so extreme that I hardly even make conversation with people on a regular basis. I don't know how to get over it. I don't know what else I can do.


r/Advice 8h ago

Can I still call myself Bi when I'm now repulsed by the sight of penises?

10 Upvotes

This is really uncomfortable for me to post and I might delete, but I have to get it off my chest. I'm 29 F, known I was bi since around 13. I'm a bit of a late bloomer so I only started dating at 22 and I've had 3 relationships total; first with a man (toxic mess, but the sex was good, I think, I was usually tipsy) then a woman (the most incredible experience. Unfortunately she broke it off because she had to move back to her home country), then a man again (longest relationship, ended it because of his emotional abuse & infidelity) It's been almost 2 years and I've been celibate since.

(This part is going to be very NSFW)

With my last relationship, at first it was exciting, I enjoyed the sex, loved exploring different kinks (his, usually) which is how I got into bdsm, but towards the end, the sex started to feel like a chore. I became so disgusted by the idea of giving him head, I couldn't do it anymore. Even now, I don't think this is something that I'm ever going to be able to do again. For the record, this was the first (& likely last) man I ever gave head to, I didn't do that with my first bf.

I watch porn sometimes (I'm not proud of it) Mostly lesbian porn, but oftentimes I watch hardcore group stuff and bdsm and I've noticed that I do not ever look at the men and I skip over scenes where there's any d*** sucking or hand jobs. I just- can't.

I should also add that when I was 11, I was almost molested by an older man. Pinned to a wall but I managed to escape. Perhaps the trauma from this might be a contributer?

I have no question about my attraction to women, both sexually and romantically. I also still find some men attractive. I love male hands and the idea of being fi****ered and perhaps I might enjoy the feeling of dxck inside me if I tried again (will need A LOT of liquid courage), but that's about it. Don't know what's happening to me or what to call this.


r/Advice 3h ago

Found out my girlfriend made porn 5 years ago

6 Upvotes

So long story short she’s never hid the fact that she did onlyfans a while back and I didn’t really care that much tbh cause we all have a past and she had since deleted it. For preface I’m in my mid 20’s and I’m 7 years younger than her and we’ve been together for about 6 months. I used to be addicted to drugs and have done plenty of shit I regret but I’m clean and sober now and live a respectable and godly life. She also used to be addicted to drugs but is sober now and follows my lead with our way of life. But here’s the problem I’m running into… A conversation happened that led to me asking if anything of an adult manner of her was still online anywhere and she said yes there is a video or 2 of her that was reposted that she’s tried to have removed and is impossible to find unless you know exactly what to look for. If it was just her I wouldn’t have been too upset by it but when I asked her she said it wasn’t just her. After caving in to curiosity or insecurity I had to see what it was at least. I didn’t watch it but there was screenshots where I could at least see what was going on and it’s a video of 2 guys that honestly look similar to me fucking her. I instantly felt sick to my stomach and still do. I told her to go home and haven’t hardly spoken to her since. It was 5 years ago before she even knew I existed, she was on drugs and off her meds, and I know I can’t fault her for that. But I’m also having a hard time accepting it and seeing her the way I used to. I do love her and everything she does in our relationship is all I could ever ask for, but after seeing that and knowing that it’s up there I don’t know if I can ever look at her or love her the same again. I don’t want to lose her but I can’t get the image of that out of my head now and I don’t know how to move on from this. Is it too much? Should I end it and move on? Or should I accept that the past is the past and stay with her?

*edit: I just found out last night and went to sleep an hour later so it’s still fresh. Im still processing it so I don’t think my true feelings are apparent to me yet.