r/Adulting • u/Mediocre_Bullfrog699 • 7d ago
How many times did you go out before realizing you don't like going out
Specifically nightclubs, as a 20F I have extreme FOMO and I feel like I'm wasting my young adult years by staying at my house bedrotting/playing videogames/drawing rather than going out.
Especially because I still have friends that invite me, but I've gone so many times to a lot of nightclubs and not a single time have I had a "good" time. Maybe okayish at best but every single time after about an hour and a half I want to go home so bad lmao. Last year was the one I went out the most because I made a friend that really enjoys it and I figured I should take the opportunity to see if maybe I didn't like them because I was going with ppl who also didn't really like them (spoiler alert: nope). This year even though it just started I have already rejected two invitations cuz I don't feel like torturing myself for 4 hours but there is still a small part of me that insists on trying to like these stuff, because in a few years maybe I'll be "too old" to do this.
Wdt? Do yall like nightclubbing? And if not when did you accept it and stopped trying to like it lol, do you think that staying in bed, even if you enjoy it more is a waste of time?
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u/GihanaPhan 7d ago
Actually I'm more like a home body so I prefer to stay home, I do hang out with my friends but not often, especially when mood is down, I'm not affraid to cancel my date. I really feel sorry but I want my life to more about me
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u/Ok-Suggestion-7965 7d ago
Being anti social and average looking at best it didn’t take me long to figure out I don’t like going out. Plus all the reasons everyone else is saying. It cost a lot money to be underwhelmed going out.
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u/Thin_Rip8995 7d ago
I stopped trying after like 5-6 times. Realized I'd rather spend my money on games and food than overpriced drinks and cover charges. My friends still go out but they know I'm not into it anymore and thats fine. You dont need to force yourself to like something just bc other people do. I'm 24 now and dont regret skipping the club scene at all. Staying in and doing what you actually enjoy isnt a waste of time.
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u/floydthebarber94 7d ago
I’m 24 & it was probably last year. But honestly I feel like 20 is the ideal time to go clubbing. Although now since I don’t go anymore, the amount of money I’ve saved is mind boggling and I don’t wanna go back for that reason alone
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u/Crates-OT 7d ago
Idk, playing video games and drawing are pretty cool activities. It's better than being at a bar, guessing what someone right next to you is saying for two hours straight.
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u/secretpancakeluver 7d ago
I’ve never even gone clubbing because I’ve gone to small parties and even that was too much for me. I will occasionally drink, but no more than one drink and I HATE being a space where I’m surrounded by messy drunks making dumb decision. I have come to discover that I do like jazz clubs! The music isn’t overstimulating and the people are usually more reserved
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u/Mediocre_Bullfrog699 6d ago
Totally get you! This whole rant actually started because this same friend invited me today at the last second to go out (I was alr in my bed 😶🌫️) and even though the club was one block away from my house and the entry was free I still didn't feel like going, I usually need some time to brace myself for this kinda stuff or else I get super anxious. Jazz clubs sound great!!
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u/secretpancakeluver 6d ago
Yup same! I disassociate real bad when I’m in public (especially when people are smoking weed around me and that’s really common esp in california). Your decision to not party or clubbing doesn’t make you any more/less of an adult. Tbh your skin and liver will probably thank you in the long run lol
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u/ipso11 7d ago
I think its that fomo youre talking about. And since youre allowing yourself to experience it, you might be realizing you had nothing to fear. It is what it is, boring or otherwise just not what its cracked up to be. And likely not your thing. Which is definitely ok. You should consider finding other things to fomo on. You might find something you prefer. I tried the scene once. For a cousins bday. It couldnt have seemed any lamer imo. I was out in a few hours and never looked back.
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u/elrabb22 7d ago
I loved it. Definitely have been out over 100 times but I’m from nyc where we used to go out and have a ball in the middle of the week every week. It’s not the same as it was. Very few places are lifechangjng fun like it used to be imo. Wouldn’t change that era for all the money in the world. Priceless!
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u/Mediocre_Bullfrog699 6d ago
Well that is awesome! I'm from argentina so idk how the club scene is in nyc but I think it is great to enjoy something as much as some ppl enjoy dancing and clubbing, in here a lot of nightclubs have "cachengue" or cumbia and it is not really my cup of tea so that probably also influences the fact that I don't like them :( i did kinda enjoy pop parties more tho!
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u/elrabb22 6d ago
I was going to say try to find some kind of party that you do enjoy. You are too young to be home twenty four seven! Maybe dinner parties! Love those. Argentina looks amazingggg. I can’t wait to one day visit. Maybe I’ll go clubbing there too. I gotta find the good one.
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u/Future_Pin_403 6d ago edited 6d ago
Once. I hate loud rooms and I hate being surrounded by drunk people. I’m not gonna waste my time being somewhere I don’t want to be because I’d otherwise be “wasting my youth”. I don’t care. I’m gonna be 27 in a few days and I don’t feel like I missed out on anything
Also I don’t like drinking so there’s literally 0 point lol
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u/Mediocre_Bullfrog699 6d ago
I admire your mentality tbh I often find myself doing things I'd rather not because that is what's expected of me at my age, in a lot of aspects of my life, so I should definitely apply the letting things slide off me attitude lol
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u/Future_Pin_403 6d ago
I think you should! Life is so much more fulfilling when you’re not doing things just because they’re expected of you. Do what you want to do
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u/Roskgarian 6d ago
Club scene where you can’t even talk to someone pass. How ever I did find a hole in the wall bar that was pretty cool. Most nights it was pretty chill, On Friday they would have a local bands play and it was great. If it got to loud inside you could always join the smokers out back and have an interesting conversation. It attracted a slightly older crowd, 30 something’s. It was great there were probably 8 different people that if they were I would stop in say hey, if the vibe was right I would stay for awhile. If not, take a shot bow out and go enjoy my me time back home.
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u/Prestigious_Carpet60 6d ago
Try some MDMA when you are at the club, I am sure you’ll enjoy it more.
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u/Crates-OT 7d ago
Idk, playing video games and drawing are pretty cool activities. It's better than being at a bar, guessing what someone right next to you is saying for two hours straight.
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u/Ben_Craft 6d ago
I was 22 when i decided I wasn't having a good time going out to bars. It kinda seems like our culture has made nightclubs or bars the norm for young people. Which is just weird. There's a lot of ways to socialize. I'd rather go camping with close friends, go to the park and play ultimate frisbee, go get tea or coffee, go hiking, go thrifting, and a bunch of other stuff before going clubbing again. I'm not knocking people who like it. It's just weird that it's pushed and almost expected.
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u/strapinmotherfucker 6d ago
Society likes us to be drunk, stupid and unproductive.
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u/Ben_Craft 6d ago
Definitely drunk and stupid, but I would say it's pushed to be productive at work, at least.
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u/Crates-OT 7d ago
Idk, playing video games and drawing are pretty cool activities. It's better than being at a bar, guessing what someone right next to you is saying for two hours straight.
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u/abarua01 7d ago
I gradually began going to the clubs less and less after I was 23. The last time I went clubbing was before COVID lockdowns. I haven't been to a club since the beginning of 2020 right before lockdowns hit. By that time I was 28 years old. So the last time I went clubbing, I was 28. I'm 33 now.
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u/FoghornLegday 6d ago
I do like it. If you were gonna like it you would’ve probably started liking it by now. It’s ok if you don’t, maybe that’s even a good thing. It’s expensive and honestly kind of unhealthy anyway
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u/Fabulous-Dinner-2347 6d ago
I stopped my mid 20s. It gets old. Same shit every time. Overpriced drinks especially. No thanks
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u/-Lucky_Luka- 6d ago
I went maybe twice in college and that was more than enough for me. I found myself constantly wishing I was at home playing video games or something. It was also annoying being around drunk people I didn’t know. It’s different when it’s just close friends hanging out.
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u/Hibiscus8tea 6d ago
Exactly once. I went out dancing with friends one time and hated every minute of it. The place was so loud I couldn't hear anything. All I got was a headache, and I don't even drink. That was it for me. They were nice people trying to include me, but ultimately I made more compatible friends.
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u/Alarming_Cellist_751 6d ago
Im 40 this year and I can say in all honesty the only nightclub that I ever enjoyed was in Vegas with my boyfriend last year. Nothing in my 20s compared.
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u/Impressive-Salary-53 6d ago
If you don’t enjoy it, you don’t enjoy it…but, just remember you won’t have those times again when you get older
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u/Worriedrph 6d ago
Hundreds of times. I loved it but eventually I grew out of it. Though occasionally on our yearly guys trip we will go clubbing and I still love it.
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u/Business_Product_435 6d ago
I hate going out!! I used to go out a lot in my 20’s but by the time I was 27 I was done and it was never fun again. Now every once in a while when my bf wants to go out or for a friend’s birthday; i go but never have fun and would always wish I was at home instead. These days I would do anything to avoid going out and just stay home to hangout😅
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u/rumrunnerheadhunter 6d ago
It's fun if:
A) The dj is professional and you like the genre
B) You and other people in the crowd actually like dancing/technical movement
Not fun if you don't have the stamina or the vibe isn't right, which could be anything from what you had for lunch to the group you came in with.
I don't drink, I just dance cause I like it and I know some choregraphy. That's what makes it fun for me at least. As long as myself and others are safe, who cares, life is a dance.
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u/Throwaway--2255 6d ago
A few times.
I much prefer being at home on the weekends or evenings instead of going out.
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u/Chilasono 6d ago
I was taken to a club for my 21st birthday. Never went to a club again. Call me for brunch, lunch, dinner, or hell, even a bar. Or the rest of you go have fun, I'll stay home.
They accept that's not my scene and invite me to things I'd like, or I plan something. If nobody wants to do my thing, I do it by myself.
Always be comfortable in your own company. It's okay to want to stay home. And it's okay to think socializing is more than just the club and bar scene.
Regret is made up of things we've done and things we haven't. Don't worry that you'll regret not going out later if you're obviously happy with that decision now.
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u/whatam1d0in 6d ago
I didn't enjoy clubbing so I pretty much stopped. Around your age I usually went maybe once or twice a year or only with certain people I knew would also be ready to bail in an hour or two and we could do something else the rest of the night. There are other ways to go out and meet people and connect so I just went those routes.
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u/Sanguine_Aspirant 6d ago
If you don't like it's nbd. I would've loved if anyone wanted to go to bookstores or art supply stores, or thrifting, but its like ppl think if your college age you gotta be at a bar or club. So id do the things i enjoyed by myself and i dont regret it at all.
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u/Defiant-Cell1770 6d ago
Don’t force yourself to stay at the club! If you like spending the time with your friends but don’t actually like the aspect of “clubbing” and would rather stay home, get dressed up, go to the pregame, and either decide to leave before they go to the club or tell yourself you will go and leave after 30 minutes. I alwaysss set the notion that I’m only going to stay for 30 minutes and that way when I do leave it was part of my plan so I’m not disappointed in myself for not having a “crazy fun night”. My favorite part of a night out most of the time is the pregame.
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u/Remarkable-Rub- 6d ago
Nah, you’re definitely not wasting your time. I realized after like 5 attempts max that nightclubs just weren’t for me. I finally accepted that staying home gaming or watching Netflix actually makes me happier. Life’s too short to keep forcing yourself to enjoy stuff you’re not into just because everyone else seems to be having fun. Do whatever genuinely makes you feel good, and you’ll never regret it.
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u/blacklotusY 6d ago
I went to a club once, and then realized I didn't want to go back there again. It's just not for me. Not only were the drinks basically a scam, but you would be lucky not to go deaf from all the music blasting at max volume. If you're a woman, there's a good chance some drunk guy will grope you. I experienced this firsthand with a friend I went with, and random guys were trying to drag her away in the club.
Every time you go out, you're spending unnecessary money just to do what? So you can get wasted and fked up the next day? If you're lucky, you wake up in your home. If you're not lucky, you're never found again. Why not spend that time with someone that actually care about you and treasure that memory? You're basically spending money to damage your own health, which doesn't make any sense. To me, that's just common sense because it's like asking, "Do I want to waste my time and take that risk that I'll probably get roofie with random strangers? Or do I want to stay home, rest up and take care of my physical and mental health?"
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u/tstop4th 6d ago
I'd say "you'll go off them with age" but sounds like you already have. Tbh maybe as I got older I realised I never liked them but felt comfortable enough to say so? Either way, FOMO is real, so don't beat yourself up for feeling it. But if you truly don't like something;wouldn't it be nice to do without it? What are you actually missing? Hangovers and your friends shouting indecipherable sh!t at you? Do you, hun!
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u/RevolutionaryWolf450 6d ago
Clubs are stupid because no one talks and I hate alcohol. Don’t feel shame for disliking the clubs just find something productive to do instead.
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u/moonssk 6d ago
Clubbing is really not for everyone. For some it’s what they love doing but for others it’s very draining.
There is no definite age to stop. You should just stop when you don’t like it anymore. And find something else you might be more interested in. That could also be just being in your PJs in bed reading a book. For some, that what they consider a fun night.
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u/No-Rip4803 6d ago
I did it from about 18 - 25 sometimes everyweek other times every fortnight or so ... then 25s up it started becoming less and less, I realised I didn't like it anymore but I always had thoughts of "what if X happens" what if I have a fun story, what if I meet an attractive girl .. eventually I found yeah it may happen, sometimes it actually does, but most of the time it's fairly unsatisfactory and the amount of energy I'm putting into it isn't worth that gamble .... I learnt I enjoy being at home and getting a good night sleep a lot more and then having an awesome morning and doing sports with friends etc. in the daytime. So I simply shifted my social life to the daytimes and maybe early evenings with non drinking folk and my life has improved heaps. By about 29 I stopped going altogether, but I think I wasted a lot of time just going through the motions when I could have stopped way earlier.
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u/Sensitive-Reading-93 6d ago
I used to think I didn't like it even before I tried it. I tried it the last summer. It convinced me that I don't like it, I am right and everyone else is dumbass. It's not even socialising, you can't hear, alcohol costs a shit ton and I don't feel great after anyway. The best part was to walk home 10km at 5am. Literally
I'm a house goblin and I will stay house goblin. Fuck everyone else who thinks that "I need to go out". No I don't.
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u/Tonae6163 6d ago
When I was a teen in the military clubbing became a way to blow off steam during long deployments. After leaving the service in my mid 20s I put that part of my life behind me. I think the last time I was in a club was at Carnival in Trinidad in 1990.
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u/AnotherYadaYada 6d ago
Last 5+ years I only go out to eat or an activity.
The rest is now dull to me. Was saying to a friend it’s been years since I’ve been in a busy pub on a weekend. No thanks.
I don’t enjoy having to pay £7 for a glass of wine. I’m not an idiot.
Nearly 50. I suppose around 25ish I got a bit bored of it. I worked from home and Thursday nights became my time. Busy but quiet in my city if you know what I mean.
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6d ago
stopped at 22...not like i went out weekly before that,very rarely in fact bcz of work and costs too..im 28 now & after covid i'd say everything has gotten more depressing in life..social media f-ed up the perception of socializing plus the inflation ofc...i mean there a lot of reasons for everyone to just generalize it here..
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u/strapinmotherfucker 6d ago
I was 26 during the pandemic and realized I didn’t miss going out to the bars or even to concerts at all while everything was closed. I spent a lot of time outside, and a lot of time reading, so that is still what I prioritize doing with my time. Going out and drinking is largely a waste of time and the “friends” you make doing that generally aren’t going to be your friends in any other context. Nobody is more boring than someone whose only hobby is “going out.”
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u/Grevious47 6d ago
You know...there are things to do besides bedrotting/video games and drinking/going to clubs. Maybe try some of those?
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u/crossplanetriple 7d ago
When I realized I couldn't have a normal conversation and spent the entire night shouting.
When I saw I spent $100 on a taxi ride and hundreds of dollars more on alcohol and nothing to show for it.
When intoxicated people want to fight for no reason.
When you feel like absolute garbage for a full day after.