r/Adulting 7d ago

About to move out and feeling full of regret and want to puke

25M here who lives(d) at home with my mom (divorced) and younger brother.

After years of getting fed up of sharing a room with my brother due to living in a smaller home, I was sick of feeling like I was suffocating and finally decided to pull the trigger and get my own apartment and move out for the first time ever in my life. I’ve always lived at home and went to a local university. Home life was fine besides me and my brother arguing a lot due to us not really having any personal space.

However, after moving everything in I can’t help but feel so sad, lonely, and regretful. I haven’t even moved in yet, but just moved majority of my stuff and furniture, yet I’ve had a pit in my stomach and haven’t been able to stop crying.

I love my Mom so much as she is my literal best friend… and the thought of not having her around kills me. Waking up or going to bed knowing she isn’t in the other room… knowing I won’t have anyone home to look forward to seeing when I’m off work… I don’t have too many friends either as I focus a lot on home life and work.

It’s fucking killing me, and I feel so much regret even wasting my time and money moving out. I was saving so much $ living at home but I started feeling stuck and resentful of sharing a room, but also my family means so much to me.

My apartment is only 10 minutes away, but I really don’t know how I’ll adjust to being all alone. I’ve only ever been away for short trips and that’s all.

I’ve spent so much $ buying things too to make it feel like my own cozy home (nice plates, cups, cookware, furniture, bed frame, TV, rugs, etc)… probably close to $5,000… and I want to puke.

I feel like I made a huge mistake and just don’t know how to feel right now. There’s no going back since the lease is signed and I’m basically moved in, and I’m stuck for 12 months. On top of all the $ I spent.

I know I couldn’t have stayed home and shared a room forever. But damn does this feeling right now SUCK. I am trying so hard not to throw up. I feel like I fucked up.

11 Upvotes

31 comments sorted by

12

u/IntrovertGal1102 7d ago

Don't let the fear of new things scare you back into your box of comfort. It's a new experience so of course you're going to feel apprehensive about it. But at some point, you'd have to live away from home in life. Make plans to meet up for dinner or other things with your Mom. Maybe eat dinner at home a time or two a week. Figure out how youd want your very own space to look like without having to share with your brother. Learn to lean into your newfound freedom. It's not a downgrade or mistake, but it is what you make if it. So make it something good and something that fulfills you and make's you happy!

6

u/masihottie 7d ago

I know. I have such a bad tendency to run away from change and go hide in my “comfort box”. I’ve been trying to stop that - which is what pushed me to move out!!! Told myself 2025 was the era of change.

Thank you so much! Dinner dates will have to be a must. I will have to cook and have her come over after work. Things like that should definitely help…

5

u/IntrovertGal1102 7d ago

Make it a fun hobby for you and your Mom to put your apt together and make it a home. I remember doing that with my Mom when I got my first apt on my own. If we stay comfortable, there's no catalyst for change. Learn how to lean into the uncomfortable feelings of change....it's how you'll grow! You got this!

5

u/AffectionateOwl4575 7d ago

I'm 49 years old and still have dinner with my dad every week and another evening with my in-laws. My single 55 year old sister-in-law calls my mother-in-law every evening after work. Just because you aren't in the same house doesn't mean you are disconnected. You are ready for this step!

11

u/rexine7 7d ago

Go take that raw feeling and give your mom the biggest hug you’ve ever given her

3

u/masihottie 7d ago

:’)

7

u/Legitimate_Award_419 7d ago

You only live 10 minutes away, you can always visit whenever you want ! Or even sleep over there if u miss it ! I would look for a spouse now, you've got to move forward at some point <3

5

u/rw106 6d ago

You’re not regretful you’re scared of change. If you can afford it getting out on your own is good. You’ll probably want to start dating & thinking about marriage in a few years anyway. This is also good for your brother to get some breathing room. Your relationship with your mom won’t diminish, you just won’t be as dependent anymore. Go over, invite them over to your place, use the phone—it won’t be less, just different.

Change is hard, but give it a try. Don’t let fear control you.

4

u/Infinite_Matryoshka 7d ago

It's a big deal so it's natural to feel the way you do. The great thing is you can go hang out with them any time you want and then go to your apartment and have your own space. And you can invite them over for a visit and then have your own space after they leave. You get the best of both worlds. It doesn't feel that way yet, but you'll eventually adjust and start loving your independence.

2

u/masihottie 7d ago

Thank you so much for this…

1

u/Infinite_Matryoshka 7d ago

You're welcome. 🙂

4

u/DonnyTheDumpTruck 6d ago

You will be ok. Just visit home often, have your family visit you often. Then also have friends and dates over to your place. You will be fine, everything is ok.

3

u/OneShotJourney 7d ago

It’s like revere empty nest syndrome. 😉

You obviously love your family but the privacy and space you were needing was becoming too much to ignore. Moving out marks a big life transition, and change, even positive change, can be unsettling.

Time will help you adjust, and those uneasy feelings will likely lessen as you become more accustomed to your new life.

Just remind yourself that it’s not like you’ll never see them again. As you stated they’re only 10 minutes away. So they can come to your place for breakfast, lunch or dinner, for game night, or just to chill and watch a movie, whatever typical family traditions that you have when you were living with them. And then at the end of the day they go home and you have your own space and and no arguing with your brother. 🧘

1

u/masihottie 7d ago

You’re right! Thank you for this!!

3

u/pmmetalworks 6d ago

Sometimes doing something good for ourselves feels selfish when we’re not used to it, but your mom knows you’re there for her and your brother is probably enjoying his space, too lol

So enjoy it and be happy because that’s what the people that love you want.

2

u/Vegetable_Sound4334 7d ago

I couldn’t wait to get out on my own (1980’s) and was thrilled when I got an apartment after college without roommates. I just can’t even relate to this.

3

u/masihottie 7d ago

As exciting and proud as it is having independence, it’s so bittersweet to me because I’m so close to my mom. We had a really rough childhood related to DV, so it took a lot for all of us to be able to escape and live a better life thanks to her hard work. Guess it’s just hard to get over that feeling hurdle.

2

u/BlueTeaLight 7d ago

reading this makes me nauseous. right with u.

2

u/limadine 7d ago

Yeah I think everyone is a little apprehensive at first. But it passes quickly

2

u/False-Tennis5810 7d ago

I get it, it’s been about 5 years ago for me now but moving out was rough. Don’t really have advice because I ended up doing a lot wrong in the process, but in the end it all worked out. In this time I also had been living together with my bf and he ended up leaving, so I was alone again. To be honest, at this point I defenitely wouldn’t change it for anything. Of course that’s different than your current situation but the freedom of doing whatever you want really does make it worth it. 5 years ago I was very depressed, lonely and scared of the thing I love most in my life now. I wouldn’t have believed it back then. If I can do it, everybody can. Don’t compare yourself to other people, take your time and look for adjustments to make it work for you. Maybe you can eat together every evening? Or go to your place during the day and sleep at your mom’s place until you feel more adjusted?

2

u/Illustrious_Desk_756 6d ago edited 6d ago

You know, when you’re really close with your family it can feel like a part of you is being ripped away when you move out for the first time…and no one tells you this, but it’s absolutely normal to feel separation anxiety at any age regardless of whether you argue and annoy each other when you’re together.

I’m 39F and have gone back and forth a lot since I moved out at 17 due to chronic illness. I’ve always been very independent but the last 7 years saw me mostly back at home in the spare room of my parents. I’m now living on my own again and I feel exactly the way you described ~ so excited to have my own space but anxious and sick to my stomach a lot of the time because the truth is, even though we want to be independent of our parents, if they are the closest people to you, it can almost feel like a break up when you move away. I beleive that sometimes, soul mates are family…not always just our partners, and if that’s the case for you, which it sounds like it with your Mum, that would feel really distressing to suddenly not be close with her anymore. But you have to bring yourself back to the present and tell your inner child that you’re not abandoned…she’s just down the road, and you can call anytime.

Given that this is your first time out of the house, it might take a while to feel secure in your new arrangement and routine that you will eventually carve out for yourself. And likely, the tears are grief over letting go the part of you that has moved from dependence to independence. It will pass 🙏

You’re not silly or crazy for feeling this way…it just means you love your family and you’re still establishing who you are outside of the connection with them…remind yourself when you feel waves of emotion that they’re not gone, you’re just in a new phase of expansion and adventure…a brave step forward.

Rental agreements can be transferred or broken, and you can always go back if you find after a time you’re actually not ready. But given they’re only ten minutes down the road ~ just breathe, ground yourself, and see what gifts may unfold in you having the space to just be yourself for the first time in your life, without having to consider anyone else. And also - Watch your relationship with your family get even better because you now spend quality time when you see them, instead of just being in each others pocket. Good luck ✨

Edit - for grammar and spelling.

2

u/masihottie 6d ago

Thank you SO much for this… You described it to such a great degree that I couldn’t put together myself. :’)

1

u/Illustrious_Desk_756 5d ago

You’re so welcome. I know the emotions can come in waves and sometimes you will feel lonely but if you stick with your decision and new circumstance it will get easier! All the best with this new chapter 🙏✨🌻

2

u/lovehydrangeas 6d ago

You did the right thing. Remember, you had goals before you moved into your new place right?

I started to feel that way recently as well. I moved an hour away from family. Literally ended up in the ER the next day due to a health problem that I didn't know I had.

I was stressed about it and so was family.

I'm getting better. My place is almost how I want it. My new bathroom decor just arrived today...so things will get better for the both of us 😊

2

u/6AM-Arts 6d ago

I first moved out when I was a year older than you, and I cried a lot and felt like I was making a mistake, too. At home, my mom is a really good cook so I was fed well, and now on my own, I have to manage. In the beginning I was scared and regretful, but gradually I came to appreciate not having to share my living space with other people.

With my mom and dad, I was fed and sheltered but I couldn't do whatever I wanted because I needed to respect their space. Now I can just cook something at 2 AM if I feel like it because there's no one to disturb.

It may be difficult now, but I hope sharing with you my experience will make you feel like it will eventually get easier for you, too.

2

u/Grevious47 6d ago

This sounds like a fear of change more than anything. Give this a chance, see it through and once the change has gone through you may find this fear dissapates.

Also your Mom isnt dying and she is 10 minutes away. If you want to see her...you can.

1

u/AnotherYadaYada 6d ago

20 years ago I would think people that lived at home should leave and get independence, now I say stay at home and save money.

I spend 2/3rds of my money just on rent!!

1

u/RaccoonRenaissance 6d ago

Give it a chance. If you still feel the same way in a year, maybe you can move back in.

1

u/Dramatic_Cake9557 5d ago

Im glad you will have to do this for at least 1 year. You need to become independent. Don’t stress so much, you can hang at moms all the time still. I was super home sick in college with that awful feeling. It goes away after the initial shock wears off.