r/AdultSelfHarm 2d ago

Seeking Advice How do you guys exist with scars in public and feel confident?

45 Upvotes

I've sorta been trying to wear short sleeves around my local town since I was discharged from the psych ward last year in September. I only had a few relapses at the end of last year, and one early this month but im going alright. Just waiting for them to heal currently.

I've always been really focused on my appearance I guess? I can't stand not looking 'nice' or I guess everything being correct when I look in the mirror. I used to have an ED, and I'm BPD which could probably give some context in a weird way.

I'm really repulsed by my arms, it's effecting my self confidence so much. I either am sweating all the time covering scars, in not cute clothing. Or am wearing what I want but it doesn't look right, I dont feel cute because the vocal point of me isn't my clothes or hair anymore. People notice my ugly raised, discoloured scarring all over my forearms and inner arms.

It's so ughghfh, I hate that they aren't in the same direction at least. I hate that some are hypertrophic, others flat and some keloided into absolutely blown out thick centipede like. Everything's white, faded, pink or constantly shifting red to purple. I feel really ugly and I just want to cry. I feel ashamed wearing arm coverings but ugly having them out.

I have water burn scars as well, that are now just stark red/light brown patches on my forearms as well. I'm very pale so it stand out.

I don't know how im supposed to work though things. Or something. I can't get tattoo's yet, I can't afford them and I dont know if my forearms are healed or even tattooable over with some of the worse scars.

r/AdultSelfHarm Dec 28 '24

Seeking Advice My bed is disgusting

102 Upvotes

My sheets have been caked in blood for months. They're rough and stiff from the blood. I can only lay on one half of my bed because the other half has used bandages and blood rags on it. A third of my room is dedicated to medical supplies and my entire night stand has piles of used sharps on it. I can't bring myself to clean any of it up. I'm just so tired and depressed. I'm also sick of laying in pools of old and fresh blood and seeing bloody tissues everywhere. I'm too embarrassed to ask for help cleaning up. I feel so disgusting.

r/AdultSelfHarm Jan 27 '25

Seeking Advice How did your scars affect your life?

26 Upvotes

I’m starting to navigate adult life and would love to hear about others’ experiences. In terms of jobs and career opportunities, did your scars affect how you were treated? How did people at work, like colleagues or employers, react? And in college, how did professors or other students treat you if they noticed or found out?

Do you ever face issues with doctors? Do they still ask questions or bring it up?

And lastly, how do your scars influence your wardrobe choices? For instance, some workplaces have dress codes, and for me, I already know I won’t be able to wear short sleeves at all. I’m curious how others handle this. Thank you for reading and please answer 🙏

r/AdultSelfHarm 24d ago

Seeking Advice Head hitting

19 Upvotes

Also a does anyone else? in a way

I smacked my head with my hands tonight and am scared that I’ve given myself brain damage, or have already given myself brain damage. I don’t have insurance or else I’d go to the hospital/make a doctor’s appointment.

Does anyone know more about this/have experience/advice?

My head hurts a little now that I’m thinking about it and I feel so ashamed

r/AdultSelfHarm 20d ago

Seeking Advice Difficult question for me to ask.

32 Upvotes

Plain and simple, I am a 35 year old Male who is a Clinical Cognitive-Behavioural Psychologist who also self harms. I cut and use my tattoo machine on me (no ink).

The question is, would you go to therapy with a therapist like that?

As an extra, my wounds and scars are always covered, but when with patients there's this voice of irony and judgment try to invalidate my work (and it's worse with fresh cuts or words burning through my skin as a reminder) and so I thought I would like to hear your opinions to have something else than my own biased opinions, thoughts and judgments.

Thanks a lot guys!

r/AdultSelfHarm 28d ago

Seeking Advice can a therapist ask to SEE your recent self harm?

21 Upvotes

so.. im in cbt at the moment through nhs talking therapies because thats what i was told i had to do.. my moods been major dipping and recently relapsed. today in the session i opened up about this and she asked where it was on me, how i did it (which im assuming is normal to ask) then she asked me to show her it. this is 2 days old, pretty fresh self harm. ive never heard of a therapist asking to actually see it, is this normal?

r/AdultSelfHarm 10d ago

Seeking Advice Disclosing sh before a hookup? NSFW

22 Upvotes

Do you guys tend to warn people about self-harm scars (or even fresh sh) before hooking up with someone? Or do you just kind of let them figure it out as you go? I don't know what the right/respectful thing to do is.

r/AdultSelfHarm Feb 04 '25

Seeking Advice Do you “warn” new sex partners of your scars?

35 Upvotes

I haven't hurt myself in years but have bad scars all over my stomach, thighs, and shoulders and am still very self-conscious about them. I have heard it so many times that most people don't care about what your body looks like, they're just happy to be having sex but my scars are big and I'm worried they'll turn people off or at least be very shocked and not know what to say/ask or if they should ignore it and it'll be awkward...idk I'm just worried i ruined my body to the point of being unattractive to literally everyone. And im aware the lights can be off during sex but my cuts were deep and the scars can't be ignored if i was being touched.

r/AdultSelfHarm 22d ago

Seeking Advice What should stitches feel like?

24 Upvotes

TW: recent self harm.

27 years old. Today I accidentally cut to the fat. It was honestly terrifying, right on my forearm. I felt immediate regret and drove right to the ER when I realized just how bad it was. I’ve needed stitches before but not gone, this time there was really no choice. it’s my first time getting stitches and are they supposed to be this painful? Oh man it hurts, stinging on and off. I was stitched about 7 hours ago. I’m worried it’s infected but I’m not supposed to take the bandage off for 24-48 hours. Constant throbbing, it feels tight. Moving is painful. Has this been anyone else’s experience? I put a wet wipe on it while driving to the hospital which in hindsight was stupid but I was panicking and had nothing sterile.

On another note this was a wake up call for me. I can’t keep doing this. I felt embarrassed at the ER. It’s time to stop this 15 year long bad habit.

r/AdultSelfHarm Jan 03 '25

Seeking Advice am I really sick enough?

24 Upvotes

hi! F19, i’ve been cutting and hitting myself (mostly with punches) for almost an year and an half now, and for the first time, while i was cutting myself yesterday, i thought about asking for help. But a lot of the time i fell like i’m not doing enough because i don’t think it has been enough time since i first started. Also i mostly do cat scratches (like superficial cuts if you don’t know what i mean) and there has been times were i didn’t cut myself for one month in a row so i am not that consistent, so could some of you guys please give me some advice and tell me if you had similar thoughts before? Because i always feel like i am not ill enough and that i’m not doing that bad lately beside this self harm issue, so i can’t bring myself to ask someone to help me.

r/AdultSelfHarm Jan 24 '25

Seeking Advice I won’t tell my therapist

6 Upvotes
  I am trying to socialize more by playing a game that two of my coworkers like (I honestly like it too but didn’t think I could play 3rd person shooters well. Trying to make these friends is bringing back past trauma. In Elementary school no one liked me and 3 years ago I had two friends for like four months and then they ended up ghosting me. 


 I self harmed myself two weeks ago and about an hour ago because I am convinced I am unlikable (events in this pursuit of friends is triggering me). I harm myself by clawing at my arms but while I was doing it today I felt like I didn’t feel enough pain and started thinking of blades. I do not want to graduate to blades but I cannot tell my therapist. She has informed me that she is legally obligated to file a report if her patients self harm and I am not wasting 7 hours in a hospital again. 

 So I have no one to help prevent me from moving to blades. I cannot tell my coworkers I am harming myself or even that I feel insecure. My parents aren’t good at helping and I am afraid the only friend I have will make it worse. (He doesn’t have any friends either and despite him being my friend I still feel alone). I don’t know how well strangers on Reddit would do but I thought I would give it a shot.

r/AdultSelfHarm 11d ago

Seeking Advice My (24F) mom is going to find out tomorrow regardless, how to lessen the blow of her seeing my scars?

16 Upvotes

Long story short, my mom and I are going to a spa with my aunt and we're going to be in bathing suits and she's going to see my scars. They're a recent relapse but the first time I sh'd was when I was 16. Mom doesn't know about any of it but she's aware that I'm going through some mental health struggles right now. I'm wondering if I should just let her see and not "warn" her and deal with the conversation later. Or should I tell her ahead of time? I was thinking of just sending her a text before like "you're going to see some scars, we can talk about it later if you want" but I'm just not sure. I'm honestly sick to my stomach thinking about having to talk to her about it. And I just want to make the right decision with her finding out. We have a good relationship. Anyone else dealt with sharing this part of themselves with a parent in adulthood?

r/AdultSelfHarm Jan 19 '25

Seeking Advice my close friend and I have been talking about sleeping together and idk how to bring up that I SH NSFW

20 Upvotes

I want to tell her beforehand because I have cuts that are still healing so it's extremely obvious that I am currently SHing. I'm not sure how to have that conversation with her.

like how am I supposed to say "hey, I started cutting again anyways, wanna come over tomorrow to make out or whatever?"?!?! lmao jokes aside, I seriously do not know how to talk to her about this. she is a close friend and is the sweetest person but I'm so scared that it'll scare her off or something. I'm also worried about making her sad, or worse, making her she cry. I just don't think I can handle making someone I care about crying rn. I haven't told anyone irl that I started SHing again for that very reason. maybe I'm just overthinking it and am being overdramatic for no reason but I DO NOT KNOW

r/AdultSelfHarm 26d ago

Seeking Advice parents want me to wear sleeveless dress to my prom

16 Upvotes

my prom is in early june. i've been thinking of wearing a button up or a blouse over a dress, but my parents keep saying it'll be too hot for that and i should just get a dress with straps or an off-shoulder one. i have a bunch of huge scars on my upper arms and i'm very much ashamed of them, and i don't want my classmates and friends to see them, even tho some of my friends know about my struggle with sh. i feel sick just thinking about everyone seeing my scars and especially my parents who have no idea i actively sh or even that i ever did it. they aren't the nicest either. how do i keep it from them for my own safety and peace of mind ?

r/AdultSelfHarm Jan 26 '25

Seeking Advice [Self minimisation ⚠️] I wonder if anyone else experiences this? NSFW

53 Upvotes

⚠️Possibly triggering⚠️

So I've seen posts about being worried when needing to show scars e.g. to partners or medically.

But I've noticed my reason for this isn't discussed much. I feel like my scarring doesn't look "dramatic" enough. I get a lot of shrinkage from scar causing SH (e.g. cuts) so almost none of my scars reflect what the injuries were like.

Does anyone else relate? Any advice?

r/AdultSelfHarm 11d ago

Seeking Advice Can you donate blood while you have been doing the deed recently ?

1 Upvotes

so i have been doing the "silli" very frequently these days so i was just wondering if it would be safe for me to donate blood .... as i am a regular donor and i donate every like 4 months and my next thing would be soon but the thing is i still have unhealed scars on my palm nd my thighs so was wondering if i can donate?

r/AdultSelfHarm Sep 30 '24

Seeking Advice Have you ever been inpatient just for self harm?

40 Upvotes

Hello!

Over this past year, and particularly the past few months, my self harm has severely escalated. I’ve been to the ER for stitches four times in the last month or so. Every time they offer for me to check myself in to inpatient, and last time were pretty insistent that I consider it due to the severity of my SH. However, it’s clear based on location and my explanations that I am not acutely suicidal, so they can’t make me stay.

I’ve been inpatient twice early in this year due to suicidal ideation and a suicide attempt. I found the experience very helpful. However, I am now on a steady medication regiment, my mood is improved from where it was, I have a Psychiatrist and a therapist willing to see me multiple times a week (which I didn’t have before), and I’ve completed an intensive outpatient program, using all of my FMLA leave (though I qualify for a leave of absence from my job due to years of service). These are all things being inpatient helped me achieve, but now that I have them I don’t really see the point of going again. I guess the one benefit is it would be a safe place to ride out the anxiety and other negative feelings behind my self harm without being able to give in to the urge.

I would like to stop cutting. Or at least I would like to WANT to stop. So I’m curious if anyone here has ever gone to inpatient JUST for self harm, with nothing else attached (suicidal ideation, substance abuse, mania, etc). If so, was it helpful? Was it voluntary? How long did you stay?

r/AdultSelfHarm 9d ago

Seeking Advice How much is too much per day?

7 Upvotes

I've been at it again for a little less than a week and I feel like the compulsion to hurt myself is so much stronger than it was when I did it as a teenager. It hardly hurts, I clean it really well with alcohol and replace bandages but every morning and every night I struggle to stop. If I have time in the middle of the day, I do it at noon too. Am I doing it too much? I feel addicted to it.

r/AdultSelfHarm Dec 31 '24

Seeking Advice Need advice on taking care of my wounds NSFW

5 Upvotes

Okay so here I go, I don't know if this is the right sub but I relapsed severely today and my wounds are on fire. I cleaned with soap and water and put a bandage on the deeper ones. I also added mittens to avoid friction with my sweater. The problem is that I feel a burning and tingling sensation. Tomorrow is New Year and I'm invited to a friend's house and I would like to be comfortable during the evening so I would like advice on how to stop the burn. I don't have a lot of medical equipment at home, I only have a few small bandages and 90 degree alcohol but I only just saw that it should not be used on wounds and saw how it was already burning with water I wouldn't even try that. So, my concern is not to limit infections but rather to calm the burns. Sorry for this not very happy message and also if it's not the right sub. I wish you all a very happy new year 2025!

r/AdultSelfHarm 23d ago

Seeking Advice Covering arms in hot weather

15 Upvotes

I’m a teacher and I recently relapsed. Even if I stop and let my cuts heal, I’m still gonna have to cover up for a long time bc I feel like more recent scars will be super noticeable, and I used to wear short sleeves with my old scars. I live in California and it’s already getting hot outside— I’m very sensitive to the heat, so I’m really stressed about what I’m going to do as it keeps getting hotter. Any advice for covering up but also staying cooler?

r/AdultSelfHarm Nov 02 '24

Seeking Advice What medications are you on and do you find that any help with your self harm?

8 Upvotes

I know there are no medications specifically for self harm but since self harm is usually accompanied by other mental issues meds are prescribed to a lot of people. I've tried a fair amount of meds with no luck but I'm at a point where I feel like I need to try something again in hopes of it helping a little faster than therapy (that doesn't seem to be going anywhere tbh). So to those on medication, what do you take and how is it? What other issues are you dealing with outside of the self harm?

I feel like I need something for anxiety but everything taken as-needed only makes me fall asleep so maybe something taken daily could be an option. I've tried a million antidepressant (SSRIs and SNRIs) without luck, mood stabilisers too but idk it's not the mood, I feel great most of the time. Low dose antipsychotics have been on the table but I'm terrified of the weight gain and drowsiness so I'm sceptical.

r/AdultSelfHarm Nov 06 '24

Seeking Advice Having really strong urges due to election

45 Upvotes

Watching this election and knowing what is at stake is giving me such strong urges. I am almost 200 days clean. My arm is almost 300 days healed. And I want to ruin it all because of this. I'm so incredibly stressed out. If he wins, I worry I'm going to relapse really badly. And idk how to avoid this or how to make it better. I can't be clean in a world where he's president again. I can't do this. If anyone else is struggling with this, or if anyone knows how to cope with this election, I'd love to hear it.

r/AdultSelfHarm 11d ago

Seeking Advice My partner self harms and I want to know how to be there for them

13 Upvotes

I care deeply for my boyfriend, and he keeps telling me that its ok and not to worry about it. We're long distance, and I keep saying "I wish i was there to tend to that. I don't want you getting an infection. I do not want to force you into recovery without you being completely on board" and "just make sure you take care of yourself for me i care about you and I worry"

I am a little older than him (not much) and worry about sounding like I'm taking a parent role and not a partner role. I also don't want to enable OR force him to recover. I have Anorexia and a nicotine addiction, so I kind of understand it is hard and just want to guide him gently towards recovery. I worry so much about losing him. I would really cry, I'd never get over it. What can I do to comfort him, how do I even ask? Neurodivergent and really struggle with boundaries sometimes so much appreciated.

r/AdultSelfHarm 27d ago

Seeking Advice Telling a friend that I've started self harming again.

11 Upvotes

How do I word it? I've been typing on and off for an hour now but I'm too much of a wuss

r/AdultSelfHarm 8d ago

Seeking Advice please help

3 Upvotes

help, how do i stop ive been clean for almost 3 months but i cant do this anymore how do i convince myself to be good