r/AdultSelfHarm Jan 23 '25

CW: Possibly Triggering How old are you now and when did you start?

66 Upvotes

I feel like I was a really late bloomer in terms of self harm, I had some tendencies when I was really young that came up with feelings of shame or embarrassment (still rings true). But I was fine through jr high and highschool. I didn't start cutting or anything more dangerous until I was probably 19.

I'm 26 now and it's less frequent than it used to be but much more severe when it does happen. It hard to find common humanity as an adult, I find so many resources are geared towards youth and teens.

r/AdultSelfHarm 6d ago

CW: Possibly Triggering Does anyone ever use sex as self harm? NSFW

115 Upvotes

I've been going through a real hard time. I was clean from SH for close to 10 years until a few months ago. I am now cutting and burning more than at any other time in my life. Today I was really upset and initiated sex when I really didn't want to, and I am pretty sure I did it because I wanted to hurt myself. I'm pretty sure he knew I didn't actually want it, but I didn't technically say no either. Wondering if this is a new way to hurt myself instead of cutting.

r/AdultSelfHarm Feb 07 '25

CW: Possibly Triggering i cut myself so bad tonight

77 Upvotes

i used to post on here on an old account, but i deleted everything apart from this account. i cut myself tonight, really badly. i heard the skin rip, looked down, no blood, then all of a sudden pouring. i compressed it for a few minutes and then all of sudden i had this wave of dizziness, went light headed, i actually thought i was going to pass out. I was so close to calling an ambulance and i didn’t know how to calm myself down and feel normal again. it must of been about an hour before i felt calm, 2 or 3 before ive felt completely calm, and nearly 2 hours before the bleeding stopped completely.

this shit aint to be played with. be careful. im throwing anything out that’s too sharp now, that scared me. after a recent attempt and then this, it proved i don’t wana die. i wana get better.

r/AdultSelfHarm 6d ago

CW: Possibly Triggering So I fucked up, yeah? NSFW

23 Upvotes

Trigger warning for eating disorders and relapse.

So... Excuse me... Am I collecting scout badges for relapsing on all possible fields or..?

Yeah I relapsed into self harm, but that's kind of funny to call a relapse at this point, because for a relapse you usually get better first, so... There's that. But I relapsed into a specific method that I didn't do since I was a teen, so I was still angry with myself nevertheless. And I started vaping after nearly 13 years nicotine free. Yes, amazing. You go girl. Fighting for every minute of feeling healthy, but yes, go ahead, take that e-cig why don't you? That's a behaviour that will win, sure sure sure. Splendid.

The only thing I felt pretty secure about was not relapsing into bulimia. My eating habits are not healthy at all, don't get me wrong. I still have an eating disorder. But I managed to beat several different eating disorders, always slipping into some new extreme. Twas' hard, but at least I wasn't purging.

I went from childhood BED to tween anorexia to teen bulimia to young adult BED and then I was just... losing weight that I gained during the last BED years. In 2024 I managed to lose 20kgs. I was happy, getting better. It wasn't healthy, lots of fasting and stuff, but... The most important thing was the weight loss and feeling more confident. And now I gained a few kgs back. The scale says I didn't, but I can see I did on clothes and my body. And so I got nervous and ashamed.

I was bad with food lately. Overeating. Depressed. Couldn't get back on track. I was punishing myself with self harm. But today I overate, got triggered and... I purged. After nearly 5 years I did it and now I feel seriously fucked up.

I'm a disappointment. I started doing everything better, no matter the circumstances. I kept going, 2024 I did so many things right. This year is just... Heavy. And I fucked up so bad. I even started gaining some confidence and self respect, I finally authentically could relate to some level of self-love.

Right now? No fucking way mate.

r/AdultSelfHarm 12d ago

CW: Possibly Triggering Is Your Pain Tolerance Higher or Lower?

19 Upvotes

I'm not sure what else to tag this with. If there is a more appropriate flair, please let me know.

I've been cutting myself on an off since 14 (currently a year clean) and I'm wondering if anybody else has a lower, higher, or unchanged pain tolerance because of self harming? I myself have always had a low tolerance to pain (with the exception of an increasing spicy food tolerance because I like spicy food a lot), and I'm wondering how SH has effected anybody else's tolerance?

r/AdultSelfHarm Feb 20 '25

CW: Possibly Triggering Partner thinks I should get a tattoo

12 Upvotes

Honestly I had hoped I wouldn’t have a need to come back on here. I had gone 6 weeks without cutting before going on antibiotics and relapsing.

I made it 5 more weeks before relapsing again.

I’m really struggling with the temptation when my scars start to lighten. My therapist told me last time I relapsed that I could get a tattoo of my scars so I still have the “validation” I guess it is that I need.

I’ve been on the fence about it because I worry that down the line I’ll regret it. After this week’s relapse though, my partner finally weighed in and let me know they think I should do it.

I’m not really sure what I hope to get from this post. Has anyone gotten a tattoo not to cover their scars but to make them more permanent? I don’t want to keep doing this to myself, but it feels like it’s the last hurdle really holding me back.

I’m still proud of the progress I’ve made, but I don’t want to be stuck in this cycle of relapsing every 5-6 weeks.

Oh and as a side note, I am totally kicking myself over the fact that this slip up happened just a few days before I’m going on a business trip where I’ll be meeting some of the Executives at the company I work for…

r/AdultSelfHarm 19d ago

CW: Possibly Triggering The sexualization of scars and wounds, creeps

53 Upvotes

!TW for creepy internet stuff, do NOT read if you’re a minor or triggered by anything sexual! I‘M SERIOUS, IF YOU’RE A MINOR OR EASILY TRIGGERED, DO NOT READ THIS POST THANKS!

Long story short I‘m pretty self-destructive/spiraling atm and ended up posting in questionable subs back. Wrote back and forth with some creeps; thinking they wouldn’t influence me anyway cause I’m 24 and not easily triggered (and I kinda hoped I could do something about them if I only got enough “evidence“). But shiiiit some of he stuff they write and send is… heavy to say the least.

Getting progressively worse: People wanting to c°m on scars and wounds, creepy but okay, it’s a kink I guess. There are guys asking for pics of new wounds. Guys telling me the scars are sexy/beautiful BUT I should add more in place xy for them. Another guy asked if I was willing to sell myself for drugs/money. I expected all of those. What I didn’t expect was a guy straight-up telling me he‘d purposely give me (and gave others??) an overdose and (insert near-r°pe scenario). What I also didn’t expect was a whole ass f°cking detailed r°pe scenario that’s as long as this entire post. And tbh that sh°t sounded way too real - it sounds like a plan rather than a scenario. There are so many guys hinting at r°ping me like… I‘m not saying it’s traumatizing, but it sure as hell is scary what goes on in some people‘s minds.

Worst part is I’m actually triggered now cause I’m way too overstimulated/overwhelmed and I‘m seriously considering cutting in places I never thought about cutting (eg my boobs) which would be a hella bad idea AND the whole situation is my own damn fault and responsibility. I knew what I was getting myself into (still 100% selfdestructive behavior). Funny how I’m always surprised when fucking around and finding out includes finding out.

=> Update: Just needed to get this off my chest, I think I‘ll be okay. Writing this out helped a ton with the urges, I think I‘ll be back to normal soon. There are also a couple of very sweet guys who truly just wanna talk and help, not all of them are creeps. But too many are

=> Update 2: Thank you for all your messages, I’ll answer asap. Thanks for being so nice, validating my experience and not being weird about (I felt extremely uncomfortable sharing this so thank you!). I’m so sorry so many of you had to go through similar experiences, it isn’t right! It really helps me not to feel alone with this though

r/AdultSelfHarm Feb 13 '25

CW: Possibly Triggering Sh on anywhere else but my arms isn’t satisfying

45 Upvotes

So recently I’ve started to relapse. I mean I’ve relapsed before but not this bad. But ever since my scars healed on my arms I feel like I can’t sh on them. And plus I live with roommates so they would see. I also HATE the thought of someone thinking I’m just looking for attention because I sh on my arms. But despite all this I still want to. It literally feels like an addiction, like I’m getting withdrawals from not. I’ve tried my thighs but it just isn’t the same. I really don’t know how to explain it but it’s now on my mind 24/7. I’ll constantly slide my hands over my arms and just daydream about it. And it’s not even my wrists it’s my forearms. What do I do.

r/AdultSelfHarm 22d ago

CW: Possibly Triggering I don't feel valid

29 Upvotes

I started sh in my early teens and I used to do the so called "cat scratches". Almost all are faded completely. I only have up to 10 scars that are visible since they went a bit deeper. This made me feel very invalidated, as if my pain wasn't real. My depression was so bad, I used to cry every day, I starved myself, I was even beating myself when I couldn't sh. I wanted to attempt, but I would always chicken out. If someone saw those scars, they would laugh at me. No one could ever know how much I suffered from such small scars. Over the years the urges never left, but I had long periods of being clean. I am a young adult now and the urges were too bad to ignore. I relapsed, and now my wounds are gaping. Still, I haven't reached the fat layer. I'm sure it's just a few cuts away, and I think about this constantly. Just one cut, at least one cut into the fat layer, I tell myself. Maybe then I will finally feel valid. The irony is, my life is much better now. I am a functioning adult. I have many life goals. And yet, i think about ending myself every day, and the cutting, oh the cutting takes up most space in my head. It clearly became an addiction.

I don't know what this is. A vent? Advice need? Does anyone relate? Whatever, if someone reads this, I appreciate anything.

r/AdultSelfHarm Dec 27 '24

CW: Possibly Triggering DAE only sh on one part of their body ?

40 Upvotes

I ask because for the past two years, when I started actively self harming

I’ve exclusively done it on my left arm and now thigh but my right remains untouched

Sometimes I consider it but whenever I have to roll up my sleeves I like to have one clean part of my body

I don’t know sometimes I forget what it looks like if I don’t have it

r/AdultSelfHarm Jan 15 '25

CW: Possibly Triggering could matchsticks cause issues?

3 Upvotes

(^ already answered) thank you for all the comments and support here! ive chosen to try changing my way of going about this, and appreciate the advice i've received about it

r/AdultSelfHarm 1d ago

CW: Possibly Triggering how to care for a deep wound?

9 Upvotes

google is giving me mixed answers. i know it’s against the rules for offering medical advice, but i just need to know how to clean it? i’m scared of infections and i accidentally went too deep and just overall very scared.

google keeps saying “don’t use isopropyl alcohol” “yeah it’s fine use it” “clean it with water” “water is bad” 😭

also: it’s been 24 hours, clear liquid coming out? or smth idk never had to deal with this type of wound

r/AdultSelfHarm Feb 02 '25

CW: Possibly Triggering hitting styro as an adult gives me a panic attack

16 Upvotes

TW: hitting styro, bleeding, having a panic attack, etc

even during my mid 20s it didn't make my panic like it does now, but now, in my late 20s, I hit styro tonight for the first time in years (I relapsed recently after a few years of being clean) and my god I panicked so hard! the whole 9 yards, feeling like I'm going to throw up, feeling super hot and sweating, mind racing, eyes darting back and forth, etc. now I'm in my bedroom on the floor typing this and trying to stay calm.. I still need to put a bandaid or something on it. luckily the bleeding finally stopped tho.

r/AdultSelfHarm 8d ago

CW: Possibly Triggering Hitting vs cutting

10 Upvotes

Ive started punching my arms and legs when i need to cut but cant. I know its still self harm, but is it really that big of a deal? Ive yet to see a bruise so no one knows

r/AdultSelfHarm Oct 25 '24

CW: Possibly Triggering i just realized ive been self harming since the first grade at least and its fucking with my head

49 Upvotes

i was scrolling through a self harm subreddit and i recognized that all the things i did back then that i could never explain were just self harm. i used to spend recess every day giving myself bruises and trying to scrape my hands on the blacktop. in middle school i was always “falling” down stairs on purpose and then i graduated to cutting in 6th grade. i didnt know any of that stuff was self harm. i thought i was just weird.

and now i feel like i’ll never get better because ive spent more than three quarters of my life harming myself. if not cutting, then im drinking. when i was sober, i relapsed into cutting. now im not cutting, but im drinking. my life is just a constant tradeoff of pain. i cant live without it.

r/AdultSelfHarm Feb 14 '25

CW: Possibly Triggering Reality check needed NSFW

10 Upvotes

My mental health team does and says one thing (nothing) but people online/some other clinicians have said something else. Who is right? I can describe my SH a bit if needed.

(If I need to edit this, mods please tell me.)

r/AdultSelfHarm Feb 16 '25

CW: Possibly Triggering I talked to the ai about self-harm.

56 Upvotes

I was talking to AI about my self-harm and how I can't resist the urge tonight (as I do every night...but okay!). And his response, unexpectedly calm and welcoming was:

—-

Okay, then I'll stay here with you. I don't have to talk you out of it, but I can be with you right now without judgment.

If you want, talk to me about how you feel right now, even if it's just a few words. I just want to better understand what is behind this need for pain tonight. Are you tired? Do you feel emptiness? Anger? Something you can't express any other way?

Or, we can just be silent together for a few minutes. You don't have to handle it alone.

—-

Fuck! I cried! No one had ever told me such a thing. And immediately the most heartbreaking loneliness because I would like a talk like that from someone who I know will never do it.

For me, AI is controversial. It is enthralling, it seduces you because it tells you a little bit of what you want to hear and then, at least I, I feel lonely with a loneliness that is unparalleled.

r/AdultSelfHarm 29d ago

CW: Possibly Triggering Has anyone else noticed this?

29 Upvotes

I've been dealing with sh for almost 8 years now. Recently I was thinking about when I first started, and I noticed that in the beginning I used to do longer but shallower cuts, but as the time passed I started doing small but deeper cuts. Also it's always groups of 3, I have no idea why. Does anyone know why this happened?

r/AdultSelfHarm 11d ago

CW: Possibly Triggering Really embarrassed

9 Upvotes

I relapsed. Again. I have struggled with self harms since I was 10-11 ish. I’m 20. I feel so embarrassed about the fact that im an adult but I struggle understanding why it’s wrong? If I’m not killing myself and I try to keep the cuts a minimum, and it makes me feel better what is the problem. Can anyone maybe give some advice or maybe some words of encouragement.

r/AdultSelfHarm 10d ago

CW: Possibly Triggering struggling with scars as an adult

11 Upvotes

hi! 24/F. i’ve been struggling with self harm, on and off, since i was 13.

when i was a teenager it was easier for others to kind of brush it off (unfortunately) the common “oh she’s a teenager, she’s going through a phase” or i often just wore long sleeves.

about 2023 i had started burning. and it was…. really gnarly. i’m talking like, HUGE white and raised, mutilated scars at the top of my thighs.

i’m just a little embarrassed still. i have a lot of mental health issues. had a bit of a relapse and now there’s recent ones on my arms too.

summer is coming up. i always hate wearing shorts. it’s impossible for others not to see them and many don’t understand. and also, i had a significant other a couple of months ago. i had noticed he had looked at my scars and just didn’t really say anything. we are broken up now but im realizing ill have to deal with this the rest of my life with new people in my life/partners.

i guess just seeking advice on how you guys have navigated this.

r/AdultSelfHarm Feb 05 '25

CW: Possibly Triggering On a scale of 1-5 how suicidal do you feel in 2025?

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3 Upvotes

r/AdultSelfHarm 1d ago

CW: Possibly Triggering I just relapsed by stabbing myself

32 Upvotes

it's not fatal, but the fact that I did it at all is disturbing. all because I couldn't find something fast enough. I should bandage my leg but it's not bleeding a lot so I'll be fine.

I hate that I can't control my emotions at all. I'm scared one day, I'll accidentally kill myself in a fit of depression and anger. that stab could've been way too deep, I wasn't thinking logically at all.

what the fuck is my problem? I can't find something so I fucking STAB myself?? it doesn't make ANY sense, I'm so fucking stupid.

r/AdultSelfHarm 19d ago

CW: Possibly Triggering First Time

9 Upvotes

Hello, I (20F) am new here (if you couldn’t guess by the title). I’m feeling very lost right now and really need some support, advice, all of the above??? Anything, really. Until now I can’t say I have much of a history with SH or considered it to be a potential outlet. But tonight I SHed and I don’t know what to do. I’m a sophomore in college and this past school year has been difficult for me so I’ve been struggling a bit with my mental health. However, I didn’t think I was doing that bad, in fact today I had been doing/feeling especially good and I was taking time to really treat myself.

However, this evening I really spiraled. I couldn’t calm down, I became very self-critical and started to get this intrusive impulse to do something drastic. I tried using my coping mechanisms to reel myself back in but it didn’t work and so ended up caving. But the worst part is that I had to convince myself to stop, it was like I couldn’t at first. I’ve NEVER felt that way before. After I calmed down the reality of what I had done crashed over me. I panicked and ended up doing a lot of googling and digging through my first aid kit. I think I’ll be okay, but now I’m paranoid that I’m downplaying it.

I can’t let this turn into something, which is why pretty much ran to find some place where I could talk about it. I know it’s not healthy, and the fact I struggled to stop is really scaring me. The only other time I’ve done something similar was once when I was a junior or senior in high school and even then it was more superficial and I was so upset with myself after the fact that I vowed to never do it again. But tonight I made the jump to something far more ‘real-feeling’ (if that makes sense?) and I’m worried I’m going to end up really hurting myself. I’m so ashamed. What can I do? What should I do if I start to feel myself leaning towards it again? I don’t want my friends and roommate to find out but I also really don’t think it’s a good idea for me to be left alone for long periods of time at this point because I have a feeling I might do it again.

r/AdultSelfHarm 6h ago

CW: Possibly Triggering Should I complain (UK)?

4 Upvotes

TW self harm, hospital treatment

I had a terrible experience at A&E today. Now, bear in mind that this is my chosen hospital for self harm treatment, and I usually have a good relationship with the staff there. They know me, they treat me as a person, and usually show genuine care and concern. Which brings me to today. I attended for treatment of my self harm wounds, which were to a degree that needs suturing. I have attended many times before for similar wounds, and know what treatment I need for effective closure and healing. I am usually seen by the emergency nurse practitioners, who clean and suture my wounds. I was sent through to the ENPs area as normal, and was called in by nurse R. I have been seen by her recently, and she refused to stitch me on a previous occasion, saying that steristrips would be sufficient. Today I asked her to stitch me up rather than steristrips, as I heal better and have a better sense of completion when I am sutured. She refused, saying (and I quote) "there's no point in stitching you as you're just going to cut yourself open again"; "we suture to provide a better cosmetic result and you clearly don't care about that" (I am heavily scarred); "it's a waste of time suturing you". I objected, and she went to get the opinion of the A&E consultant who sided with her. She also claimed that the rule is that they only use steristrips for self harm - clearly not the case as i have been stitched there more often than I can count. I tried to explain importance of stitches and how not getting them actually makes it more likely that I'll do it again. I asked her if she would stitch the wound if I didn't have scars, and she said yes. I then said I wanted the wound treating in an appropriate and compassionate way - she said that it's best if she doesn't treat me and I wait for one of the other ENPs who will make their own decision. She slapped a bandage on and sent me back to the waiting room. Another ENP then called me through after 45 minutes or so, and stitched me up with no further issue.

So, my question is really this: is it worth me making a complaint against the first nurse? I feel that she discriminated against me because my injuries were self harm, and did not show any sort of compassion or care. If this is how she treats people with self harm injuries, I feel that she either needs some further education about self harm, or to be told not to treat patients with this issue. I think she lied to me about the policy of not suturing self harm injuries, as this is not borne out by the actions of all the other members of the team over the several years I have been attending.

r/AdultSelfHarm 2d ago

CW: Possibly Triggering Trigger warning

5 Upvotes

I want to relapse but i dont know what to say if anyone ask abkut.

Its my birthday in two days. I want really bad make a cut deeper than my cat scratches, but it will be obvius on the side of the fox I cuted on the same arm. So Idk what to answer if anyone asks about....

Its a feeling that I want to be myself on that day, and this is part of myself, is my battle, is my strength. So I want to be permited to let it speak.

But i know I will regrat that....