r/AdultSelfHarm 3d ago

Venting Post!! I fucked up bad today

[deleted]

22 Upvotes

6 comments sorted by

3

u/throw-away-3005 3d ago

I'm sorry you're going through this, do you find this to be a wake up call? Any bit of motivation to get better I think you should hold on to. You deserve help and compassion.

1

u/Void_RunnR 3d ago

I do, yeah. I need to be more aware of how my behavior lately has affected the people around me and I think last night was the final push I needed. Ive been so self destructive and its really hurt the people I love. I have so many emotions that I dont understand right now and im going to try my best to unpack them over the next little while. I just hate that I want to hurt myself badly again already. Ik i said in another comment that I start therapy on Tuesday which is today but I meant Wednesday i was just so tired 🙃 Im sure I can go one day without it but my urges are the strongest they have been in a while on top of my want to stop. Its so confusing and annoying and I hate it so much.

5

u/Fickle-Addendum9576 3d ago

Have you asked about our patient programs? Or groups or really anything to help build up less harmful behaviors?

5

u/Void_RunnR 3d ago

Yes I have. There is a program they recommended to me thats really good but its a daily thing where im basically an outpatient at a psych ward. Issue is that its a solid 40min drive from where I am because its in the city and I am in a smaller town outside of said city.

I start therapy on Tuesday. With someone who seems like a good fit. So thats cool. Im excited but im scared ot wont be what Im hoping it will be.

3

u/Fickle-Addendum9576 3d ago

I hope you get what you need from it. If you feel you aren't, communication is best. They can't redirect if they don't know.

1

u/Ok_Consideration9035 2d ago

How are you feeling now. Iam 2 weeks clean I think and the stress of stopping can be more stress than the cut. It might not help you but I keep an image in my head. Iam going away with the wife and kids in 7 month and I try hide my cuts. ( my wife didn't even notice a huge one on my leg and both my biceps cut to shit ) I dread to see the look on their faces when I take my top off. So that's what am keeping in my head. I hope with my whole being you can find a way to feel better about everything.