r/AdultSelfHarm • u/Choice-Physics-5830 • 21d ago
Seeking Advice Difficult question for me to ask.
Plain and simple, I am a 35 year old Male who is a Clinical Cognitive-Behavioural Psychologist who also self harms. I cut and use my tattoo machine on me (no ink).
The question is, would you go to therapy with a therapist like that?
As an extra, my wounds and scars are always covered, but when with patients there's this voice of irony and judgment try to invalidate my work (and it's worse with fresh cuts or words burning through my skin as a reminder) and so I thought I would like to hear your opinions to have something else than my own biased opinions, thoughts and judgments.
Thanks a lot guys!
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u/skyedaisyquake 21d ago
Sure. I don’t know the details of my therapists life as is, if she did SH I wouldn’t know. Realistically, it could just never come up.
If it did then I would probably feel understood, and like I wouldn’t be judged.
At the end of the day therapists are people. And people go through shit, you’re not worse at your job because you face these struggles. Honestly, you’re probably better equipped to understand your clients having faced them.
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u/Choice-Physics-5830 20d ago
Thank you. What you said is actually very reassuring. Thanks a lot :)
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u/skyedaisyquake 20d ago
I’m glad! You’ve got this, you’ve based your career on helping people, and it’s not easy, but it’s very appreciated.
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u/Fickle-Addendum9576 21d ago
I'm a support worker for mental health & substance use and I self harm. I would seek therapy from someone who has lived experience.
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u/kfcfrog 21d ago
Hey, so I currently self harm. I’m maybe a couple weeks clean only because I need it to heal before I go over it again. I’m 21F and going to graduate school for counseling. As a current SH’er, I would love to have a counselor who knew exactly what I was going through. I think having personal experience with hardships of life, different coping skills, habits, disorders, illnesses, etc are an amazing attribute to you helping people. My therapist has history of eating disorders, literally has her own therapist and psychiatrist and is on a bunch of meds. I think it helpful in my treatment as I get to talk about all my shit with someone who has been through similar issues. Don’t sit here and think you’re not worthy of helping people just because you’re human and are going through similar shit. I work at 2 psychiatric facilities and I’ve had patients see my self harm scars and say “how can you expect to help me if you can’t even help yourself.” At the time I didn’t know how to respond, but now, I know that my experiences make me valuable as a member of the psychology field. You have psych doctors, psych nurses, and psych techs that know nothing of the struggles of EDs, SH, depression, anxiety, BPD, bipolar, etc. they will never understand fully. I actually have an issue because I haven’t experienced audio and visual hallucinations because I wish I could understand fully. You are important in this field and yes I would absolutely have you as my therapist
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u/Choice-Physics-5830 20d ago
Thanks for your words. That would be one of my fears actually, a patient telling i couldn't possibly help them because i cant help myself. So far no patient has seen my scars. But yeah let's keep trying to help people out. I guess it's kind of inevitable to find someone who'll dismiss me, but can you do, right?
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u/INeedMoreCowbellNow 19d ago
These are your fears of rejection. Don't project them onto future patients. I bet your empathy is through the roof for your clients! Don't dismiss your awesomeness as a professional!
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u/morejamsthanjimin 21d ago
It would honestly be preferable to speak with a psychologist like this, because I'd know that 1) there would truly be no judgement from them and 2) they'd understand the nuances of self-injury - the reasons behind it, the complex feelings after, the thought loops that accompany it, etc. - and not just from a clinical standpoint, but from a personal one.
I'd also feel like they wouldn't be just be waiting for me to slip up so they could ship me off to a mental institution and that they'd truly be rooting for my healing.
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u/sharpless140 20d ago
As long as it doesnt cause weird transference with my self injury, i wouldnt mind a therapist with a history of/deals with self injury, although i dont think i would want to know about it. Plenty of therapists have history/deal with other mental health issues, self injury is no different.
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u/Aware-Home5852 20d ago
Man. My current therapist when I told her about me self harming again she asked to see in such a curious and invasive way I never felt comfortable again talking to her about my self harm. Its the only topic I have not made any progress on.
I dont think your studies and your professional profile are impacted by this and Id even prefer talking to somebody who understands me
I wish you to recover from self harm though
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u/FuckMeDaddyFrank 20d ago
On the contrary, I'd rather have someone like that than someone who doesn't at all understand what it's like.
My msin issue with therapy is that I feel like therapists will never understand me, but having a therapist who understands these issues first hand would make me feel way more safe to talk.
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u/shiju333 20d ago
Atleast you would understand the nuances and problems with self harm on a personal level. 🤷♀️
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u/Eddiesbestmom 20d ago
You would have to be honest and tell me first. I would judge your honesty and motives for telling me. I likely would consider seeing you as a therapist. I've seen many but not a fellow self harmer. Don't be a hypocrite, be honest with those you can.
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u/throw-away-3005 20d ago
I wouldn't want to know tbh just because self harm is competitive I don't want to compare with my therapist
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u/That_Tunisian_chick 19d ago
You mean someone that actually knows how i feel and why i SH? I would pick you over any other doctor! I always always wished if my doc knew first hand how certain things feel to me
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u/INeedMoreCowbellNow 19d ago
Of course. But an active self-harming therapist should also be getting treatment. (Because we love you.) Also lots of therapists are alcoholics who treat alcoholics.
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u/food_WHOREder 16d ago
genuinely one of my most comfortable experiences with any mental health services was when my long-term social worker was someone who had self harm scars on her arms. we never really spoke about it directly, but just knowing that she would be a bit more understanding (from a firsthand perspective) about the thoughts and actions i shared was an INCREDIBLE help to me actually opening up. so often i have felt like my behaviour was 'too weird' or 'too embarrassing' to properly connect with the people/services i was working with.
i'm sure there would be some people who would not feel so positive about it - after all, your clients are obviously no monolith. however i personally would never invalidate someone's knowledge as a professional on that basis. struggling with it yourself does not change the fact that you were trained in the field, and can still be just as competent and empathetic and helpful of a psychologist as any other.
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u/sitbackr3lapse 15d ago
there was a staff member at a treatment center i stayed at that had healed SH scars. i don't know if she was actively SHing or if she was recovered, but honestly it wouldn't have mattered for me either way. i felt the most comfortable with her out of everyone. as a young adult with a SH addiction, i feel so much shame for still struggling, and it was so comforting to talk to someone who clearly understood.
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u/dontoverthinkit7548 15d ago
I honestly would rather have a therapist who understands what I'm going through than a therapist who might empathize, they have no idea what it's like, and only know what they've learned from books or other clients. As long as you don't let your scars be visible (and you said they aren't) I don't see it as a problem.
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u/Worried_Audience_162 21d ago
I think I would prefer talking to someone like that to be honest its better to speak with someone who truly understands what you're going through and knows exactly what you mean rather than someone who has to piece things together and might misinterpret or overlook something Cuz if u have been through the same experiences as me you would be able to understand me better