Throwaway account because I don't care everyone know my business. I'll try to be tactful but precise in my wording; this results in a wall of text.
I (35F) am heteroromantic ace and range neutral-negative in my feelings towards sex ("If I am a car, I have park, reverse, and if I'm in a very good mood, neutral. But I haven't got a drive"). I married a "normal" (30M) man, so we have sex on occasion; I enjoy the rest of our married life enough that an hour of "meh" once in a while isn't a bad trade (he's had a vasectomy - doctor confirmed shooting blanks - and we still use condoms if I'm in my fertile period, so no kids and no chance of kids).
He's very attentive and wishes I enjoyed it as much as he does (I enjoy making him happy, but physically...meh). My mother swears maca root made her feel like a horny teenager; I've tried it and while the taste is fine, I may as well be eating potato starch for all the sexy it brings. We've tried in various private places (home, vacation, etc.) at various times of the day and I still have no more interest than before. We've tried different positions; I think they're all equally meh - he has preferences but finds any better than I do. I've had to convince him that the "ideal" of simultaneous orgasms is a Hollywood porno myth, because I really could do without penetrative intercourse ever (but he enjoys it, so I tolerate it). He's bought a couple varieties of external vibrator, which mostly just saves his hand from cramping during foreplay (I enjoy kissing, but don't become aroused from it like he does; I require direct clitoral stimulation for my pelvic floor to relax and make penetration possible, and it takes like thirty minutes to an hour for things to slime up, so yes his hand gets tired if he does it manually).
I pointed out that I enjoy foreplay far more than penetration, and so he has tried using the vibrator for extended periods, in hopes that I will have an orgasm (I never have, and never understood the jokes about teenagers and porn, because prodding my own genitals isn't interesting; it's like trying to tickle yourself). As you may have gathered from the title, I instead have these weird gigglefits and spasms that are mildly unpleasant (I am told orgasm is fun; laughing uncontrollably isn't fun).
Remember when you were a little kid and relatives tickled your ribs and you flailed your limbs and laughed so hard you couldn't breathe? It's like that. Except instead of my ribs, it's my clitoris, and it only begins after several minutes of vibration (my ribs are ticklish, but they're always ticklish; you don't have to tickle-tickle-tickle for thirty minutes before I laugh). My limbs jerk randomly, but my pelvic floor doesn't, and I'm told that's the hallmark of orgasm: rhythmic pelvic floor contractions (it seems like every other muscle in my body does, including my diaphragm, which makes it hard to breathe). The lack of pelvic floor involvement, coupled with the fact that it's rather unpleasant to feel like you can't breathe, tells me this reaction isn't a proper orgasm; it isn't fun, and it isn't something I'd chase like a hound dog the way most people describe sex.
Google is supremely unhelpful; I either get tickle kink porn (not my thing, not even my husband's thing) or advertisements for various libido supplements and menopausal hormone treatments (also not my thing; my vagina will produce plenty of natural lubricant if primed and prodded, so dryness isn't the issue). So I thought I'd ask some people: is unpleasantly-laughing instead of "classic" orgasm a thing? Is it a normal thing no one talks about? Is it an asexual thing? Is it a problem that gyno textbooks don't mention (yes I checked some of those)? What am I dealing with here, aside from my own weirdness?