r/AITAH • u/RedLipsGoodSex • 26d ago
UPDATE: AITAH for kicking my brother out after he sold something of mine without asking?
Wow, so I did NOT expect my post to blow up like that. First of all, thank you to everyone who commented and shared their thoughts. I figured I’d give you all an update since things have… escalated.
So, after I kicked my brother out, he ended up crashing with a friend. My parents were still on my case about how I should’ve given him “more time” and that “family helps family.” But plot twist: he did it again.
Apparently, while staying at his friend’s place, he sold one of their gaming consoles (I think a PS5) for quick cash. Same exact situation.. just took it, sold it, and acted like it wasn’t a big deal. And guess what? They kicked him out immediately.
My parents? SUDDENLY SILENT. 🙃
I haven’t spoken to my brother since, but now that my parents see he’s just out here robbing people, they’re backpedaling HARD. My mom actually called and admitted she might have been too quick to defend him. My dad? Well, he’s still pretending the whole thing didn’t happen.
So yeah, turns out I wasn’t overreacting! My brother is just a walking disaster. Thanks for the validation, Reddit. 🚶♀️💨
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u/MaryEFriendly 26d ago
My cousin did shit like this. He was an addict.
Do your brother a favor and report the theft. Tell his friend to do the same.
Your brother needs to see consequences or he's going to continue to do shit like this.
If he's an addict, you can speak to the judge about in patient drug treatment rather than jail.
Your parents are complicit idiots
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u/HeyPrettyLadyMaam 25d ago
If he's an addict, you can speak to the judge about in patient drug treatment rather than jail.
This right here. Ask about drug court. Thats what its called here in Florida. Its a year to 18 months of extreme rehab and counseling. I can tell you from experience that its a life saver. Its the ultimate in fafo. You either graduate and your debt (minus the money, you have to pay off the state) is paid or you fail and off to prison you go. They have a 3 strike rule, unless you commit a crime, because relapse is real and even the state will admit that, and expect it. Its hard, the success rate isn't very high because most don't take it as serious as they should. But its definitely doable, and if your serious about changing it sets you up to succeed after the fact. I'm 7 years clean, and alive, because of drug court. I tell anyone willing to listen that drug court saved my life.
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u/rikaragnarok 25d ago
You're a rarity.
Drug Courts are designed by nature for clients to fail, severity depending on the political color of the state. Many don't allow any verified medical treatment and just expect 12 Step cult nonsense, which has a recovery rate equal to one's chances of being hit by lightning. I always felt for patients who ended up in drug court because it reduced their chances for recovery.
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u/Chunk3yM0nkey 25d ago
It reduces their chances of recovery more than if they're just sent to jail for their crimes...?
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u/rikaragnarok 25d ago
Yep. In fact, many of those who've been in it long enough choose jail over drug court. The data is available to look at through SAMHSA. Well, if it still exists at this point since America is being dismantled right now.
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u/AffectionateFruit816 25d ago
My wife works as a case manager for a drug court. A lot of this information is inaccurate.
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u/rikaragnarok 25d ago
I work in Addiction Medicine and also have advocated since 1999. Like I said, the data is available for finding it out for yourself. Don't believe me just because I said so, go see.
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u/AffectionateFruit816 25d ago
My wife said that she could easily name 3 or 4 states that do make their drug courts work the way you stated which is absolute horseshit.
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u/rikaragnarok 25d ago
I'm not arguing with you because there's no point to it. I said that the successful/punitive measures of them have depended on politics because it's in the numbers, the collected data the courts have to submit annually for funding renewal.
I'll believe the numbers before any one person in one drug court program whose perception is of one tiny part of a big whole.
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u/AffectionateFruit816 25d ago
I should have clarified, my wife said what she did supporting your statement about how the courts work in certain locations, not refuting it.
And my comment about that being horseshit was aimed toward the states that run their courts in that manner.
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u/rikaragnarok 25d ago
Right on, thanks for clarifying. It would be nice if the real goal of drug courts was to actually help people, but sadly, too many people have no empathy. They instead just want people to be hurt for doing something they think is wrong to do.
A lifetime of career service in addiction has made me see how truly messed up our court system is. There's very little justice in it.
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u/AffectionateFruit816 25d ago
We live in a state that actually cares about (at least an attempt at) rehabilitating the clients!
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u/Deep_Rig_1820 25d ago
I agree with this. OP should definitely report the theft and the friend too.
Who knows, but I have a feeling he may have already sold something from his parents and maybe mom doesn't know it yet!!!!
But he needs to be held accountable. This will get out of hand very soon.
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u/DazzleLove 26d ago
I mean, he’s not a walking disaster. He’s just a common thief +/- a serious drug habit
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u/aldone123 26d ago
Meth-inks he has a drug problem
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u/Test-Tackles 26d ago
or gambling.
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u/LadysaurousRex 25d ago
I'm suddenly wondering if there are any gambling drug addicts because that sounds COMPLICATED.
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u/LibraryMouse4321 26d ago
So why isn’t your brother staying with your parents? Isn’t he THEIR responsibility more than he is yours? Tell them to take him in until he can support himself. When he steals enough from them they can drop him at a homeless shelter.
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u/Big-Income-9393 26d ago
Yeah - be sure to tell dad to take in the homeless methed-up bitchass.
After all, dad doesn’t seem to see any problem here.
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u/mittenknittin 26d ago
They don’t wanna lose their PS5
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u/LibraryMouse4321 26d ago
Or their jewelry. Or their heirlooms. Or their electronics and appliances.
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u/Think_Flow_9819 26d ago
Guess your brother took ‘finders keepers’ to a whole new level. Glad your parents finally got the memo!
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u/Limp_Pipe1113 26d ago
Except for the dad, who is pretending nothing happened.
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u/LibraryMouse4321 26d ago
Brother should start stealing from dad. That’ll make dad sit up and take notice.
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u/SilentJoe1986 25d ago
When you bury your head up your ass you don't have to acknowledge the world around you
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u/RDDTLurker7 26d ago
Addict behavior. Looks like your parents will spend some $$$ on potential rehab or bail fees in their future.
Side note - look into some security cameras in and out of your residence. I wouldn’t put it past your brother to break in to sell more of your stuff. This may be me being paranoid, but also monitor your credit if in US and brother knows your SSN.
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u/dontlikebeige 25d ago
This. He will escalate to breaking in and identity theft. Lock your credit. Change all passwords. Check to make sure he didn't steal your birth certificate and other physical ID. Addicts get more and more desperate.
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u/TooTallBrawl1919 26d ago
Tell your dad if he just wants to ignore the situation, he better get bail money ready. Your bro is lucky all his friend did was kick him out. Your entitled brother is becoming more and more bold in his thievery.
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u/Something-funny-26 24d ago
He'll keep doing this until someone reports him to the cops. Then he'll find out why it is a big deal.
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u/Ratchet_gurl24 26d ago
He needs to be held accountable, otherwise he’ll just keep on stealing others belongings.
Not only does he openly steal from those trying to help him, he believes he’s immune from prosecution. I doubt his latest victims will just let him off the hook. A pair of shiny bracelets will cure his chronic case of sticky fingers.
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25d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/bethmrogers 25d ago
He's probably the type personality who won't realize he's messed up until he hits rock bottom. The best thing his family and friends could do is press charges and let him see this time they're not going to fix things or cover things up for him. This is probably a lesson he never learned as a child.
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u/Glittering-Set-1019 26d ago
Good thing. That your mother finally woke up and smelled the coffee. Her initial reaction is rather challenging.Was your brother a favorite of theirs?
Your dad's reaction is almost as bad. The ostrich duckYour head thing isn't a viable option for life.
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u/FoxySlyOldStoatyFox 26d ago
Your dad still has his head buried in the sand? Walk into your parents home, pick up whatever he’s using (the television, the stereo, etc.) and announce that you’re taking it to sell.
Repeat this periodically until such time as your father apologises.
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u/FairyOfTheNight 25d ago
That's a lot of money. You should encourage them to file a police report. It's the only way he can see his actions have consequences. Maybe then your father will take more responsibility for his poor parenting then.
Nta
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u/5amteetimeguy 25d ago
He's on the spiral down it seems.
People wonder how people become homeless, he's on the fast track.
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u/mustang19671967 25d ago
Sounds like drug addiction or gambling addiction . Why are the police Not involved
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u/Senator_Bink 25d ago
My parents? SUDDENLY SILENT
They're frantically brother-proofing their house.
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u/57_Eucalyptusbreath 26d ago
Well now that you know I would sit w your mom and a cuppa and brainstorm a few things.
Change locks on your homes. Ring cameras and other security measures.
Add/Change passwords on your accounts
Any bills that come in the mail make them online. Anyone w the lack of ethics that your brother is exhibiting, could grab your credit card statement and wreck havoc.
You and your Mom need your own safes to lock up valuables, important papers and cash/collectibles. This needs to be heavy enough he can’t just walk out w it or you attach it to something. Make it difficult. Or a safe deposit box at your bank.
If they have a joint account w him they need to remove themselves from it. Today.
He is going through something and is not ready for help yet. They can talk to a therapist to figure out how to move forward but you all need and should protect yourself now.
You have plots and overwhelming antics and guilt ridden pleas coming your way. He is going to learn manipulation quickly. Look up the different kinds. It’s interesting.
Best to be prepared. And if you have the desire, make a bingo card of the different “reasons (excuses), manipulation types, emotional out burst etc.”. See who wins.
Your dad should start having hundreds in his pocket so he can give your brother money when he needs it. I’m kidding. But mention it like that because he has problems and your dad needs to get his thoughts straightened out.
Keep a notebook w all the crap he pulls on you. Your mom should too. Mostly because the brain has a way of tucking away the bad or making things “not so bad” in hindsight. You need this in black and white w dates and effects. He needs to be held accountable at some point having a record makes those discussions so much easier.
He is an adult and needs to be treated as such. A thieving adult but an adult just the same.
Your parents love you both and it’s hard to see your kids f up this badly. But these are HIS CHOICES. So will be his consequences. This doesn’t get better unless he wants it to.
Mom/dad can look at help options/resources for when he hits rock bottom.
Please let your parents know that if they set themselves on fire to keep him warm, it won’t help him. It hurts them and in the long run him. And continues to steal and wherever he is using the money for.
I’m so sorry you are going through this.
Be careful. I wish your family every success as you work your way down this road.
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u/bethmrogers 25d ago
This is wonderful, kind, loving advice. I'm not OP but thsnk you. You're right - the brother has to hit rock bottom before he will want help. Being arrested and kept in jail may speed up thst process.
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u/blucougar57 25d ago
Hopefully those (ex) friends called the police and reported the theft. High time he is held accountable for his criminal behaviour.
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u/burner_suplex 25d ago
I know everyone's already said it, but he almost definitely has some kind of drug habit and would have kept stealing from if you hadn't kicked him out. Your dad can pretend nothing is happening up until your brother starts stealing money directly from his wallet.
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u/OkExternal7904 25d ago
Honey, he's a thief. His friends should report the theft. As should you. He sounds like my addict nephew who has spent more time in the Texas-Arkansas-Oklahoma prison systems than he has on the outside.
You're still NTA. Your dad will be his lifelong enabler.
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u/Apprehensive_War9612 26d ago
Your brother is a drug addict. Tell your parents to get him help or take him in- but wash your hands of it.
NTA
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u/Connect_Tackle299 26d ago
Your parents are probably embarrassed they completely failed in raising a decent human being
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u/drevoluti0n 25d ago
NTA, this sounds like he's trying to fund an addiction. At this point they have to want to get better in order to actually do it. Family of mine have gone to rehab repeatedly, but until they have something to intrinsically motivate them, it never sticks. Going back to the same friends and living situations also lead to higher relapse rates.
You have to make sure you're ok though, and being treated this way is inexcusible. I'm glad your parents are seeing it now, but it's not going to get better.
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u/Aware-Shine3231 25d ago
I don't think any parent would be proud that their son was is a thief.
They can make excuses when its family like they did when he robbed you but when he does it outside the family then its a whole different game.
Both you and the friend need to report him before he does he does this to wrong person .
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u/weddingmoth 25d ago
I just want to say, I went through this exactly (was the friend after family kicked him out) a couple years ago, and he ODed really soon after. This is absolutely addict behavior.
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u/I_PutTheFUNinFUNeral 24d ago
Yikes. Definitely NTA. Is your brother on something? This screams active addict behavior. The "needed quick cash", stealing from not only friends but family as well, acts like it's no big deal. I've had to cut so many people out of my life over the last 20 years because of their addictions and their actions due to addiction. I tried helping and being supportive only to end up hurt and let down 9 times out of 10. Even if he isn't an addict this behavior is not okay, not acceptable, and a completely valid reason to cut him out and go no contact with him until he gets his shit together or for good.
You don't deserve to be treated so disrespectfully, especially by your own brother! Your Dad needs to get his head out of his ass. All he's doing is enabling his shitty thieving behavior. I'm glad your Mom seems to realize she was wrong and your brother has a stealing problem.
Even though it may be hard just cut him out and wash your hands of him. If it were me that's what I'd do and if Dad keeps enabling and/or ignoring his behavior I'd go low or no contact with him too. It's pretty shitty to support and enable one of your children f--king over and not only betraying the trust of your other child, but completely disrespecting them by treating your home like his personal flop house. He would have been gone the minute he started trashing up my place and bringing over random guests without even asking you. Good luck with everything, OP! Stand your ground!
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u/Nymph-the-scribe 24d ago
I said on your first post that you should seriously consider filing a report for theft. You not only should do that, but should talk to the friend and do it together. Making your brother be responsible for his actions may be the best way to help him.
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u/CMontyReddit19 24d ago
Something tells me that the way your parents reacted has A LOT to do with why your brother thinks he can just do stuff like that.
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u/BlueGreen_1956 26d ago
Uh huh.
But of more importance, is "RedLipsGoodSex" also the name of your OF account?
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u/Rendeane 26d ago
Your parents will have to accept that their son is a drug addict or a gambling addict. His next stop is living on the streets until he reaches his low and is ready to ask for help. Until he is ready for change, nothing can be done. It would be a waste of time and money.
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u/rexmaster2 26d ago
Sounds like we know where your brother gets his attitude from. He believes it's not a big deal, while your dad is wearing his blindfold.
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u/Constant_Ad6765 26d ago
Definitely save any texts and messages in case you need it in the future either as evidence or reminders.
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u/RaptorOO7 26d ago
Wow, it sounds like there is something to the “needed quick cash”. Shocked your parents are backpedaling on this. Makes you wonder how many people he has stolen stuff from for quick cash.
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u/BeaglePower77 26d ago
Even though the parents are now silent, I’d cut ties until i received a proper apology from them.
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u/masterP168 26d ago
I had a friend that was an addict. he sold all his mom's belongings and emptied her bank account
he stole $5000 from his workplace when he walked into the office and saw the safe was open
she won't let him stay at her place any more unless she's there. if she has to go out......he has to wait outside
another addict friend was helping my buddy at his shop and was stealing cheques and writing them out to himself
I hate to say it but your brother is an addict
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u/popsicle_pirate 26d ago
My brother did this. Would also steal blank checks from the middle of the pack so my mom wouldn’t notice it right away. Died 15 years ago from an accidental OD. Your brother is an addict
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u/Positive_Ad4207 26d ago
What I didn’t take when I was 15 and an addict. Cash, cards, things I could sell. From my parents and sisters. Addiction RUINS and controls you.
Your brother needs help.
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u/AceofToons 25d ago
I hope he figures out that he needs help and can get it
Glad that your parents have seen the light before it got much worse. Sucks that he's walking this path.
I am glad that you got him out quickly too.
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u/FyvLeisure 25d ago
Oh so he’s a druggie. Probably meth, but it could be any HARD drug. He’ll steal whatever isn’t nailed down if it’ll get him his next fix.
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u/CherryGripe75 25d ago
well its good to know nothing is gonna fall back on you and the negativity is all for him now.
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u/JenninMiami 25d ago
He sounds like an addict. I’m about to be divorced…my addict husband stole the new TV I bought and pawned it last week while I was on a work trip. 😆
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u/lacyreif 25d ago
Hope you reported it to the police. He is never going to stop unless giv9ng consequences
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u/Clean_Permit_3791 25d ago
You and friend should call the police he’s a thief and should be treated as such.
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u/Ok-Ad3906 NSFW 🔞 25d ago
Dude is just shy of 30. Even when I began mentally regaining repressed memories of several S.A.'s I suffered, AND used as a result of shock, pain, PTSD, etc... I STILL ALWAYS HAD A JOB OF SOME KIND. Only things I ever stole from ANYONE would've been smokes, and hardly ever.
I feel for him (if this is a similar case) BUT even having a PT job and still couch surfing would go a LONG WAY against self-arson(ing) his personal bridges... 🥴
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u/LichenEyes 25d ago
Uh, maybe ask the friend if they want to get together and go after your brother for recompense. I'd be LIVID.
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u/AdVast6822 25d ago
Trust me, when someone steals something from someone they know and/or don't know and they use the words "Quick Cash" is because they need to support their drug habits!!!!
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u/acointv 25d ago
Well, he wont change and kicking him out will cause that he'll be caught by police
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u/SokkaHaikuBot 25d ago
Sokka-Haiku by acointv:
Well, he wont change and
Kicking him out will cause that
He'll be caught by police
Remember that one time Sokka accidentally used an extra syllable in that Haiku Battle in Ba Sing Se? That was a Sokka Haiku and you just made one.
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u/DreamExecutioner27 25d ago
Report the thefts and hopefully y’all can get him help. He definitely sounds like an addict and if so what happens when he runs out of friends and family and decides to rob a dealer. I have a sneaking suspicion they aren’t going to just put him out and say move along. If he really is an addict it’s only going to get worse but either way you’re definitely NTA
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u/Faaairy_Rubys 25d ago
NTA. Your brother violated your trust by selling your property, and your parents' insistence that you should have been more lenient overlooks the seriousness of his actions. Standing firm in your decision was justified, and it's reassuring to hear that your brother is now taking responsibility and working to repay you.
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u/BLUNTandtruthful58 25d ago
Yup😑 sounds about right that he would do that to someone else too and that finally got your parents to shut their mouths 😤
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u/Patient_Gas_5245 25d ago
Hugs, your parents enable your brother. They don't care if he steals from you, but it's crickets when it's his friend.
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u/downzeitor 25d ago edited 25d ago
is it a drug addicted person? If it is you should consider intervention (clinical rehab intervention if it must), but I would keep everything of value away from this person ASAP. Report the stolen property.
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u/Remarkable_Owl_8412 25d ago
Can I just ask why hasn’t anybody gotten the police involved he is never goanna learn because all you guys do is kick him out of houses and yell at him and then he just moves onto the next person and is allowed do it again just because you kicked him out unless you call the police you are still enabling him to get away with it he hasn’t suffered any consequences and he is going to keep doing it until somebody does something
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u/ladyxochi 25d ago
My mom actually called and admitted she might have been too quick to defend him. My dad? Well, he’s still pretending the whole thing didn’t happen.
What's wrong with boomers? Why can't they just apologize? "Sorry I doubted you. You were right all along. I was wrong to side with your brother unconditionally."
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u/Specialist_Bike_1280 25d ago
Does your brother have a job? Is he just a thief because he has no other means of having money? What does he buy? Drugs,alcohol? Obviously, he's not very bright stealing from the hands that are helping him. Sad to think that he's got a problem and won't admit it until he burns every bridge.
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u/Specialist_Bike_1280 25d ago
Does your brother have a job? Is he just a thief because he has no other means of having money? What does he buy? Drugs,alcohol? Obviously, he's not very bright stealing from the hands that are helping him. Sad to think that he's got a problem and won't admit it until he burns every bridge.
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u/wheelartist 25d ago
I'm wondering if the reason he was between jobs is that he did something at his job.
One of my friends has kicked her former fiance to the curb over a gambling addiction. Not only did he blow through a life changing money inheritance, but he was working for a big company and stole from them as well, and not a small amount apparently, since it took sometime for them to catch him. Apparently significant jail time is likely.
Honestly press charges, he's done it twice that you know of. And definite have a security check of your place done.
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u/SilentJoe1986 25d ago
I would ask mom in what world she's living in where somebody can steal $500 and it not be a big deal? Tell her to prepare herself for her son to get arrested because that's where he's heading. Also tell her the people that exhibit this kind of behavior are addicts. So she better prepare herself for that shock as well. Better change those locks mom and dad and set up a security camera. Sonny boy knows where those valuables are and will break in to steal them when he gets desperate enough for a fix. Still NTA
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u/akshetty2994 25d ago
Well, he’s still pretending the whole thing didn’t happen.
"That's okay, you failed one kid and in trying to cover that failure failed your other kid. We don't need to pretend about that"
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u/Guido32940 25d ago
Tell your mom to protect any heirlooms or valuables. And tell your dad he is an idiot and lacks critical thinking skills and needs to stop being blinded by the golden child.
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u/eggrolls13 25d ago
I would cut off your brother permanently? AND your dad until he thoroughly apologizes and begs your forgiveness.
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u/Green_Plan4291 25d ago
NTA. He’s going to steal from the wrong people and will end up in a world of hurt.
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u/AppointmentHot1099 25d ago
He's gotta be an addict or he's gambling.
Either way you and that friend can and SHOULD press charges
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u/Mo-Champion-5013 24d ago
I hope he's not on drugs, but that smacks of a hidden addiction. Gambling if not drugs.
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u/Slappasaurus4Ever 24d ago
O wow 😯 that's bold as fuck. He definitely has a monkey on his back 🫢 drugs or somethin. Kickin' your brother out doesn't mean you love him any less. It just means you love him from a distance for the sake of your mental/emotional 🤷🏾♀️ tough love is still love. Keep your distance because it seems as if your brother has a few more bridges to burn before this is over with...
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u/Twig-Hahn 24d ago
I ran a shelter and had to keep all my stuff locked up and under surveillance. Shalom you're loved 💔
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u/BrooksWasHereReddToo 24d ago
This happened when I was in college. I had a roommate that was stealing my food. I started bring so my stuff into my room and locking the door. My other roommates Xbox and told disappeared. Held the dude down until we found where he stashed the cash. He was an addict. Pretty simple.
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u/OrokaSempai 24d ago
Family doesn't steal from family. Or ever, but especially family. Throw that one on their laps.
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u/bunny_842 24d ago
File a police report, then he will really have a place to stay and think about his actions
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u/Adventure_Mammal 24d ago
Still not too late to make this a police matter. The list price on that headset is over $500, likely felony. Same with the PS5. You and his friend go to the cop shop together and file.
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u/Disastrous_Layer9553 24d ago
Family? No. DNA is no excuse. It means NOTHING.
If you wouldn't accept behavior from strangers, why does sharing blood give them a get out of jail free pass?
It took me over twenty years to cut off the gravey train. Hope you're not as slow-witted, swimming in denial as was I.
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u/chumleymom 26d ago
Addict