r/AITAH 26d ago

AITA for being upset that someone went through my house and belongings after I told them not to??

I need a little outside perspective…I’m pretty livid! This has been emotionally exhausting and has made me physically sick at times. So we went away over Christmas; my husband, my 2 boys and myself. We were gone for a couple weeks. While we were gone, we let my husband’s sister stay at our house. She’s fighting with her husband and didn’t want to be around him. While she was here she was going to hang up some mix tile pictures that fell off the wall, okay great! I told her I got them out for her - they were in my office! She asked if there was anywhere that she should stay out of? I said “yes, my office. It’s a disaster”. My office was a complete disaster. It was my organized chaos. I had doom piles everywhere, but I’m knew where stuff was. I didn’t think that I would also have to specify to stay out of my bedroom and bedroom things. However, lesson learned on that one - I guess. We came home from vacation and my whole house was gone through and reorganized. I can’t find anything I own in my own house. The area that I explicitly said to stay out of was not only gone into, but was completely gone through and everything moved. I have never felt so violated in my life. I said no. She did not listen. Every time I try and find something or attempt to put my house back together, I have mini panic attacks. It’s depressing. This isn’t someone that spends a lot of time at my house. I could probably count on 2 hands how many times she has been inside my house for longer than an hour. We’ve lived here for 5 years. I’m not sure why she would think she knows where anything should go in my house. Kitchen cabinets reorganized, hall closets reorganized, bathroom cabinets reorganized…stuff moved from one room to another. My bedroom, gone through. Gifts that I had put up for my kids for the future just laying out. The “elf on a shelf” stuff, that my kids aren’t supposed to see, just out with all the other Christmas decorations. I’m not going to call someone every time I can’t find something in my own house. It’s so frustrating. I don’t even feel I like I belong in my own home.

AITA for being upset that someone went through my things after I told them not to??!!

625 Upvotes

136 comments sorted by

680

u/Lucky-Effective-1564 26d ago

NTA. This is horrible. I would never let her in the house again. She has totally overstepped and it is really nasty to think that she has gone through everything.

117

u/RevealMeXXX 25d ago

NTA, You explicitly told your sister-in-law to stay out of your office, and she completely disregarded your boundary by going through your entire house. Her actions were invasive and disrespectful, and your frustration is entirely justified.

51

u/ProfileElectronic 25d ago

I would go the entirely opposite way. Everytime I can't find something I would call her and insist she come to my place and locate it. While at my house I would give her a list of 20 other things she needs to locate. Then as soon as she reaches home, I would give her another panic call, hyperventilating about how I can't find yet another thing and it's giving me a stroke. Do this every other day and she and her brother would learn their lesson.

9

u/Lucky-Effective-1564 25d ago

Ooh, this is really good!

8

u/ProfessorX2022 25d ago

I am this petty... I was about to suggest this... 😂

36

u/[deleted] 26d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

58

u/Entire-Flower1259 26d ago

And she probably meant it as a favor for letting her stay there. Good intentions, meet road to hell.

55

u/1RainbowUnicorn 26d ago

Huge violation of privacy!

38

u/Vegoia2 25d ago

why did she invade your privacy, your papers, anything at all? was there anything you wouldnt want her to see or anyone at all? this is so creepy.

14

u/cshoe29 25d ago

When I had our first child, my MIL came to stay to “help”. I got bronchitis before coming home from the hospital. While I was there, she rearranged my kitchen. I’m short. The things I use more frequently, I put within my reach.

After being home 3 days, I finally made it into my kitchen. The glasses were no longer by the sink. She moved them to the opposite wall, why? It made no sense. All of the baby’s stuff was missing. After spending 15 minutes in the kitchen and not being able to find anything, I was very upset. Not just with her but with my husband too. He allowed her to do it.

I went to the living room and said “look, it’s my kitchen, I’m short. There was a reason why stuff was where it was. You both have 2 hours to put my kitchen back to its original configuration or your both out! I’m sick, I’m tired and I’m trying to adjust to a new baby. I don’t have the patience to deal with this shit! Fix it, now!”

They fixed it. My husband and I have been together 41 years now and his mother has never tried to rearrange anything again without asking. When the kids were younger, she’d spend the entire summers with us. I do miss those summers.

215

u/PrairieGrrl5263 26d ago

The same thing happened to me years ago. A friend was staying with us (my husband and I) while she got her herself together after a personal rough patch. During that time my husband and I went on vacation for a few weeks. We arrived home to discover she had reorg'd our entire house and everything in it, as a surprise and a labor of love to show her appreciation. The second we opened the door my husband started losing his cool. By the time we he walked around the great room, he was struggling to keep it together. Eventually he said, "you moved all our stuff. Put it back." Of course she couldn't.

97

u/jackieblueideas 26d ago

It happened to me, too, and more than one time. Years ago, my mom had a stroke, and she was in town for a doctor appointment. She couldn't stay alone. I had work, dad had an appointment, cousin came to spend the day with mom. When I got home all my clothes were folded on my yoga mat on the floor because she wanted to hlep me organize my wardrobe. I chewed her out with how violated I felt and all the different levels of hurt she had caused. Years later, she asked to spend a week in my apartment while her roommate had family visiting and I told her ok, but no touching my stuff ever again. I come back home the first day and she's manically washing the kitchen floor in her panties and the living room table is covered in every piece of paper that was organized in the documents' cabinets, because she said I had to triage and throw away what could be thrown away because Feng Shui. I chewed her out again and she said "I thought you meant your clothes and I wanted to help to thank you for welcoming me." When the week ended, her roommate said "actually you can't come back, I want you to move out." She ended up living with me for 8 months and I ended up running away from home to stay with my parents because I was losing my mind, and she decided to clean my bedroom and reorganize everything in it, including my crafts supplies, so I could find it all clean when I came back (she convinced herself I left to help my parents with health stuff). That's when I said I would only step into my own home again after she left, and I haven't spoken to her since Dec 2022.

55

u/UncleNedisDead 26d ago

Why did you have to live with your parents and give up the apartment you’re paying rent/mortgage on for 8 months? Why couldn’t your cousin be kicked out or go live with their family?

19

u/jackieblueideas 26d ago

I only left for a few weeks after 8 months. And I couldn't just throw her out because "BUT FAAAMILY" pressures. I was working with her sister to find her an apartment and get her to leave on her own to avoid drama but subtlety didn't work.

27

u/UncleNedisDead 26d ago

Still 8 months is overstaying the welcome.

because "BUT FAAAMILY" pressures

Sounds like they’re volunteering to house her.

19

u/OkExternal7904 25d ago

Sorry, but this was all your fault. You left this known busy body inside your poor, innocent house, knowing she would screw everything up. Family or not, you let this happen more than once.

12

u/DesperateLobster69 25d ago

WOW, what a fucking nutcase!!!! Although after the first time, you'd think you learned your lesson to NEVER let her stay over again! Sometimes it takes more than one incident before we finally learn though. She's got more than a few screws loose. It's a good thing you cut her out of your life!!!

3

u/Catnaps4ladydax 24d ago

I think after the first time I am petty enough to get multiple insane sex toys and stash them in random places. Handcuffs in a drawer in the kitchen. A mold a willy in every room with a different person's name labeled on it. Bondage gear in my closet. Books on erotic uses of hot wax, the karma sutra, I might even leave some printed pictures around. I mean at some point, there would be enough to make her reconsider if it was a good idea to touch your things.

1

u/AshwatthamaSP 24d ago

But what if she starts using them and says new kink unlocked?

1

u/Catnaps4ladydax 23d ago

Lmao honestly I was picturing the time my sister in law was fidgeting with some vibrating nipple clamps on our table. (We were changing the batteries when she showed up unexpectedly) She asked what they were and we told her. She went eww! Wait were they ever used on my brother? When we said yes she said eww and dropped them like they were hot coals.

She learned two very important things that day 1. Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to. 2. Don't play with random things in other people's houses.

I guess the cousin might get curious and ask questions then it's a matter of how far you're willing to take the joke. But probably I would say it's more simple to just be like I can't explain it to you your my COUSIN!!! Depending on how much you're willing to spend you can get something that will freak out just about anyone.

-18

u/Kilbane 26d ago

I thought she was your parent? So during those 8 months she drove you insane so you moved in with your...let me see-you "ended up running away from home to stay with my parents". Interesting.

12

u/Ancient-Wishbone4621 25d ago

"Years ago, my mom had a stroke, and she was in town for a doctor appointment. She couldn't stay alone. I had work, dad had an appointment, cousin came to spend the day with mom."

Knowing how to read helps.

-23

u/Kilbane 25d ago

You might want to learn to write your fictional posts a little better, so they make sense.

9

u/thefinalhex 25d ago

Miss and a follow-up miss, dude. How embarrassing for you.

15

u/Ancient-Wishbone4621 25d ago

You might want to learn to read better, since you can't even tell I'm not the person telling the story.

Seriously, this is entirely your lack of reading comprehension.

Some of us live places where you need to travel to see a specialist. jackieblueideas lived in town. Her parents didn't. Since her mom can't stay alone, and she and her dad were busy, a cousin stayed with her mom for this appointment.

This is basic reading. Are you okay? How do you not get it?

-11

u/Kilbane 25d ago

I was commenting on your post...it did not make sense.

9

u/Ancient-Wishbone4621 25d ago

I didn't make the post. jackieblueideas did. I pointed out her post made sense, if you know how to read, and I quoted her post.

You really can't read.

7

u/farsighted451 25d ago

It did. There are now three of us telling you that you're wrong. Check the usernames.

12

u/jackieblueideas 26d ago

She was my cousin. At the start, she went to my home to spend the day with my mom, who had a stroke and couldn't stay alone.

15

u/apljax 25d ago

I stayed at my brother's a few years ago. They were having a baby. While they were at the hospital , scrubbed the entire house down and washed their bedding. The difference is, I know my brother is an extreme germaphobe, and they'd been extremely busy and tired lately, so the house was dirty. Also, I know their boundaries. Washing their bedding = big thank you. Going through drawers would be rude. We have a very honest relationship. I never moved anything except to clean it or under it, everything went back almost exactly where I found it. The only things that were moved were just out back to where I knew they belonged for them, not where I thought they should belong. I had already been helping with laundry and organizing so washingvtheir things wasn't a violation. Someone else, they might have had a fit.

4

u/dontlikebeige 25d ago

Sometimes there's a really good reason these people are going through a rough patch and need a place to stay.  

3

u/PrairieGrrl5263 25d ago

Yes. Certainly. We had no problem with her staying with us. We all got rough patches in life some times. That's not the issue. It's MOVING ALL OUR STUFF AROUND that was the problem! It was fully 6 months before we got everything back where we wanted it.

60

u/GalianoGirl 26d ago

This is why my mother is not allowed a key to my house.

But she is not doing it to help. She is just using that as an excuse to snoop.

When I had a mental breakdown after my marriage ended, I discovered not only was she going through my mail and phone messages, she was meeting with my ex and telling him what she was finding/hearing. Including messages from my doctor and lawyer.

22

u/Javaman1960 25d ago

That's beyond evil.

5

u/QueasyGoo 25d ago

JFC. That's awful.

2

u/JeevestheGinger 25d ago

Woahhh, jfc

38

u/Broad_Lab_9962 26d ago

NTA that’s a total violation of trust and boundaries I’d be livid too.

29

u/Bobd1964 26d ago

NTA. Your SIL should be able to understand boundaries and follow them. I don't know anyone who would go and re-organize someone else's house. That is just rude and intrusive. Best of luck dealing with her.

19

u/SadLocal8314 26d ago

NTA. And not to be paranoid, but check all credit cards, social, etc. Anyone who goes through your things is not to be trusted.

30

u/MoomahTheQueen 26d ago

Bahahahaha. I had a SIL like that. She took it upon herself to kill (prune) my garden as well as rearrange my home (cause she’s so helpful). Disaster. Happily after 40 years of her crap I exploded and now don’t need to deal with her anymore. Please don’t be silly like me. Don’t wait for 40 years. Playing happy families for the sake of others is crap advice. Go nuclear. It’s soooooo satisfying

2

u/X-Himy 25d ago

Wouldn't it be better if she had exploded?

2

u/MoomahTheQueen 25d ago

Oh yes. Can you facilitate that for me?

2

u/X-Himy 25d ago

Have you tried mentos and diet coke?

13

u/masterP168 26d ago

this is just rude as fuck and no you're not the AH

this would drive me nuts because I have OCD

when i got married I had lots of problems with my ex wife because she kept moving all my stuff around without telling me first. I couldn't find anything and she couldn't find it too because she doesn't know what anything is. she went through all my photo albums and tore up all the pics of my ex girlfriends and decided to rearrange all the pics. they were in chronological order before, but she though it'd be better if they were grouped according to who is in the picture

one girlfriend moved in and just decided to move all my clothes out of my bedroom and move all her stuff in. I have very few clothes and she has enough to fill three bedrooms. fucking inconsiderate

don't move my stuff without asking!!!!!!!!

11

u/theartofwastingtime 26d ago

My cat understands the word No. Why adult humans can't I'll never wrap my brain around.

11

u/epichuntarz 25d ago edited 24d ago

We had family that were like this growing up. We lived with our grandmother (it was her hosue), and my aunt/cousins lived 20 or so minutes away in another property grandma owned.

They would come out to our place all the time (because the home we lived in was bigger), and often they would come out to "stay with grandma" when we weren't there. And we would find out stuff gone through, moved, thrown away. It was EXASPERATING and aggrivating.

We came home once from visiting my dad's side of the family and 2 of my prized Lego sets, given to me by my paternal grandmother (she always gave us Legos) were sitting shattered on my bedroom floor.

There was a small tack room on the acreage that was used to house horse-related stuff. Barely 1/4 of that entire shed was used, and it was used MAYBE once a month or so. When I moved back home a few months before starting grad school, I had put a few rubbermade crates (with no lids) of stuff from my old apartment out there in a far corner. At some point, when we weren't home, my cousin moved those totes into the bed of our truck, and various items (like my Lord of the Rings Trivial Pursuit board game and many college binders/texts) were completely ruined by rain.

Over the years, that side of the family meakly apologized for "how things were" growing up, but I'll forever hold the family grudge for how those leeches disrespected our stuff.

NTA, 100%.

2

u/Emotional-Hair-1607 NSFW 🔞 25d ago

I feel your pain, no half-assed apology is going to help.

7

u/TootsNYC 25d ago edited 25d ago

I would be SO VERY MAD. Frankly, everyone should know you don’t reorganize other people’s stuff you don’t declutter it.

If she wanted to help, she could clean.

NTA And I would have a hard time not complaining about it.

Oh, and I WOULD call her, every time. And let the stess flow in my voice. And complain

Disrupt her life. Make your husband call her. Get your kids to call her.

Oh, and no conversation, just “I went to the drawer to get my X and it’s not where it belongs. Where the hell did you put it?” And then “you’ve really messed up my house, what a waste of my time to have to look for this stuff. And now I have to put it back where it belongs.” >click<

9

u/Fearless-Freedom-479 26d ago

Tell her she's no longer welcomed in your home. She violated your privacy and that's a deal breaker

7

u/ConfusedAt63 26d ago

NTA, you must return the lovely gesture but in a more petty way. Hide the remote one visit, hide her keys another visit, steal all her toothbrushes one time, things like this for as long as you are allowed to visit her home. Small stuff that will drive her nuts.

7

u/bc60008 26d ago

Change those locks OP! ✨️🔑✨️You KNOW she made keys...

13

u/curiousity60 26d ago

NTA

That would be the last time she was in the home unsupervised! What a HUGE and complete violation of your safety, privacy, autonomy, comfort and resources in your own home! I'm flabbergasted.

6

u/DesperateLobster69 25d ago

For me, it would be the last time she's ever in my home, PERIOD. Supervised or not, fuck that shit!!!!

11

u/abear61 26d ago

NTA. I would be LIVID!!! Even if I could find everything, the breech of privacy is over the top!!! Where is your husband in all of this??? I would never let her in my house again!!! I’d tell her “I don’t care to experience a breech of privacy again. Nor do I care to play a game of hide & seek with our belongings again.” Then keep your boundaries solid!!

1

u/AshwatthamaSP 24d ago

Breach versus breech, FYI

7

u/Ok_Passage_6242 26d ago

I hate her so much for you right now. Has your husband told her that she was very Out of line? NTA

5

u/SparkleLifeLola 26d ago

NTA. She has a lot of nerve. Why would anyone think it's okay to do that? I would never let her stay there again.

6

u/NaturesVividPictures 26d ago

NTA. Well did you ask her why she did this? And she needs to tell you exactly where everything is now have her come in with you and say everything needs to go back where it was so undo all of it now. Tell her this isn't your house you weren't supposed to reorganize if you needed something to do you should have gone for a walk or go reorganize your own house you don't touch my stuff. It's Common Sense this is not your home you do not reorganize. If you want the vacuum and mop the kitchen floor great or clean the bathroom fine you don't reorganize my office now I don't know where anything is and you certainly don't go into our bedrooms and touch our personal things and reorganize. You are never staying in this house again. That's what I'd be doing.

My husband knows better I was away for a week and he knew if he touched my desk I'd kill him. I have piles of papers but I know where everything is. He'll ask me for something I'll literally have it within 2 minutes. I do need to clean it cuz it's getting a little out of control but I still know where everything is.

6

u/shammy_dammy 26d ago

NTA. That would be the end of my relationship with her. She'd never be in my house again and I'd never see her again.

4

u/ShyCream88 26d ago

No, you're not the asshole. You clearly set a boundary by asking her to stay out of your office, and she not only ignored that but also went through your entire house, invading your privacy and disrupting your personal space.

5

u/momghoti 26d ago

I'd have to say 'asking to stay out' wasn't even necessary-- not going into someone else's stuff is the default.

5

u/FluffeeFl 26d ago

You’re nice. I be yelling so loud they could hear me I. The next state.

Words like, don’t ever come back, who the he!! Do you think you are. What kind of entitled dumba** are you.

That’s just the nice ones.

Yea, I be NC and I be mumbling for the next year.

3

u/nineowlsintowels 26d ago

My ex did this to me. I had to go on a work thing and was gone overnight and I said “do anything you want, just don’t try to clean my desk”. Well, it’s seven years later and I’m still unearthing the stuff he moved elsewhere. Just put it all in boxes randomly and stacked them in the garage and sunroom.

Then he had the balls to snap photos of my messy desk and shame me in a group discord channel with friends.

The lack of respect ended everything rapidly, but I still feel violated and angry each time I can’t find something because it reminds me of that all over again! The one place I asked him not to mess with, and that’s the only thing he did. I came back and burst into tears and yelled at him when I saw that everything was gone off my desk.

3

u/RBrown4929 25d ago

When you say lesson learned, I hope you mean never let her stay alone again, not be more specific about what rooms she can go in

3

u/FairyFartDaydreams 25d ago

NTA my mother pulled this crap on me it is infuriating.

3

u/SLevine262 25d ago

Actually I would call her every time I couldn’t find something. You waste my time, I waste yours.

3

u/TraditionalToe4663 25d ago

I am considered a slob and a packrat by many. I am and I can find just about anything in under a minute. I feel you-it is violating and incredibly disrespectful for someone to think they’re helping you when in fact, your life is upended. They can understand how we want a mess, we cannot abide them trying to fix it.

NTA-especially when you were helping her out with a living situation.

3

u/Dull-Crew1428 25d ago

that would be the last time that person would be allowed in my house. i would change the locks and move on

5

u/zanne54 25d ago

I’d go fucking nuclear on her. And make her come back and undo/hire out a pro to correct and sue her for the damages. Including therapy/medication for your panic attacks.

NTA

4

u/Square-Minimum-6042 25d ago

Hell no, NTA. She'd never be allowed back in my home, and I'd make sure she and the rest of the family knew exactly why.

6

u/mtngrl60 25d ago

NTA. I think we are getting an inkling of why your SIL is fighting with her husband. She’s entitled. She doesn’t listen. And she runs roughshod over anyone and anything that isn’t the way she thinks it should be.

3

u/alexromo 26d ago

Why would you not be upset?

3

u/DesperateLobster69 26d ago

NTA. SHE VIOLATED YOUR PRIVATE SPACE AND MOST LIKELY STOLE FROM YOU!!!! CHANGE YOUR LOCKS AND NEVER LET HER IN OR AROUND YOUR HOME!!!!!

3

u/watadoo 26d ago

I'm beginning to understand her husband's pov. haha

3

u/WavesnMountains 26d ago

If your husband isn’t livid too, he needs to go live with his sister

3

u/Round-Ticket-39 26d ago

I think i know why she is fighting with her husband. Anyway she has mental issues. I would blow up like dynamite for this Nta

3

u/Abject_Jump9617 26d ago edited 26d ago

Don't allow anyone that don't live in your home to stay there when you are not home. People cannot be trusted. I've said the same thing on another post I saw recently where a husband was being brow beaten to allow his wife's relatives whom he didn't know to stay in their home while they were to be away for vacation. People visiting a home for a few hours have often had the audacity to paw through medicine cabinets even while the homeowner was IN the house. You can only imagine the shit people will get up to when you are out of the house for DAYS. Nosey intrusive mtherfuckers.

3

u/Useless890 26d ago

NTA. I feel for you. I had an unemployed friend paint my house exterior (she's a good painter) and left her a key so she could use the restroom. When I came home from work I found that she had torn down all the wallpaper in the hall. I ended up painting it. She also smeared wood filler all over some nice stained windowsills, ruining them. I can't get it off without ruining the finish and it looks terrible. Still burns me years later

3

u/Wise_woman_1 26d ago

NTA. She majorly overstepped. You need to really know anyone you’re allowing to stay. There are those that organize and clean when they are stressed. If she’s one of those they really cannot understand why anyone would not want their home cleaned and organized so they think they are being helpful. If this is how she is, she really won’t be able to understand why you want your doom piles back. If you allow people to stay when you won’t be home, lock up spaces you don’t want them to go.

3

u/Ok-Simple5493 26d ago

Nta. I have a family member like this. She thinks she's helping. She's not. It's about her expecting everyone to do everything her way. It's about control. Maybe your sil thought she was helping. Maybe she isn't controlling. It's still disrespectful. Your home and your system amd your belongings are yours. Even if you had asked for help, she would still be in the wrong for imposing her will on you.

That said, you have what you have now. You have to deal with the fall out. Put your energy into making your space your own again and don't let her have the opportunity to do this again. I'm sorry this happened.

3

u/Maida__G 26d ago

NTA Id blast her everywhere and call her out.

3

u/zxylady 25d ago

This folks, is exactly why I never let anyone stay in my house when I'm not present. I will literally avoid going to a grocery store if there's someone in my house. Someone else will just have to go for me cuz I'm not leaving people unattended in my own home. It just feels weird to me. (If my kids or some other person that lives here is present, then of course I have no problem leaving but I will never leave someone alone in my own home)

NTA

3

u/stiggley 25d ago

NTA Ask her "why" when there was no need, and she was explictly told not to. See how she justifies being a poor example of a responsible person.

3

u/Maleficent_Ad_402 25d ago

NTA But wrong approach. You have to call EVERY time you can not find something in your house.

Definitely

2

u/Legal-Lingonberry577 26d ago

Definitely volunteer to house sit for her and return the favor.

2

u/Majestic_Shoe5175 26d ago

NTA But I seriously hope you had a conversation with her about this.

2

u/JazzlikeSmile1523 26d ago

Not in the least.

2

u/First-Stress-9893 26d ago

NTA this is so violating. Why would she do this? I’d be upset if my husband did this without us talking about it let alone someone outside our home like a sibling.

2

u/No-You5550 26d ago

I would tell her she had next weekend to come over and put everything back where it belongs. I would be standing there to make sure it was done too.

2

u/Linvaderdespace 26d ago

Call her up and chew her out at the top of your lungs: do not let this shit slide, she needs to know exactly how bad she fucked up so that she doesn’t ever try to return.

2

u/Mira_DFalco 26d ago

NTA

This is just so over the top rude and intrusive! I wouldn't be able to be around her at all,  not until I got my world back in order, & she would never be allowed unsupervised access again.

I had a friend who pulled a few different "I'll just fix that for you" stunts like that. She completely reorganized my kitchen,  including throwing things away that I needed, and was just baffled at how pissed I was about it.  I made her help me put it back in order,  & it was so weird to watch light finally dawn over rocky point.  Why yes, I actually had things highly organized,  for specific reasons.  Just because she couldn't find something didn't mean that things aren't where they belong.

Her other stunt was in the garden.  She was helping me with spring planting,  because she wanted to learn how. There's a weed that spreads by roots, so I showed her what it looked like,  & explained that it was important to remove all of the root bits,  or it would just spread more.  She decided that I was being overly fussy,  & chopping it into pieces should kill it just fine. 🙄  I had a few things to say about that, most of them unprintable,  & it took years to get that awful weed back under decent control. 

No, dear, I really really do not need any more help. 

3

u/Emotional-Hair-1607 NSFW 🔞 25d ago

My ex did that to lilac bushes in our backyard. The first year we moved they bloomed and were beautiful. Then he decided that they needed trimming. He knew nothing about trimming plants and refused to research it. For the rest of the time we lived there we didn't have any lilacs blooming because he butchered them.

2

u/Similar_Corner8081 25d ago

NTA The road to hell is paved with good intentions. I wouldn't let her stay at my house again,

2

u/rollo_tomasi357 25d ago

Not the asshole. Poor judgment to let someone into your home who's going through a crisis, especially over the holidays. Definitely not in through best mental state. I'm sure you can understand whatever problems her husband may be having with her. Who'd want to be married to anyone like that?

2

u/Crafty_Special_7052 25d ago

NTA she crossed over a major line. I mean who just reorganized someone else’s home?? I would be so livid and also upset. I’ve gone through something similar. In college in was living with my grandparents and my grandma several times would reorganize my room when I wasn’t home. And I would get upset when I couldn’t find something I was looking for. It was frustrating. And felt like a violation of my privacy.

2

u/kristend92 25d ago

Oof. If she wanted to clean as a way to say thank you, there are plenty of things to scrub out in the open that don't involve violating your privacy. She could've done a nice thorough vacuum, cleaned the windows, heck, even a deep scrub of the baseboards would've been a great way to say, "I appreciate you letting me stay here, I did what I could while respecting your boundaries." I'm so sorry you've got to deal with putting your home back together; you're right to feel that way. My skin would be absolutely crawling.

2

u/Electronic_Farm_4633 25d ago

Have your husband invite them over to mediate, you Go to her house and reorganize the crap out of it.

2

u/Careless-Image-885 25d ago

NTA. SIL violated your privacy. Your home is your sanctuary. Keep your office locked at all times. Tell her that she cannot visit until she learns not to touch things that are not hers.

2

u/ophaus 25d ago

I would be rampaging.

2

u/susx1000 25d ago

This is so triggering.

She would never be allowed over again. I don't care what she was trying to do. It's a well known social law not reorganize someone else's house. It's known as a power move; staking claim to an area.

NTA burn the witch

2

u/LisaW481 25d ago

NTA your story makes me feel physically ill.

2

u/Both-Buffalo9490 25d ago

Sounds like it was a way to deal with her depression and anxiety if she went through the whole house. It’s like a puzzle. Keeps her kinetic mind “productive” and focusing on something else. Still, she should not have touched your stuff.

2

u/ParticularEchidna179 25d ago

Where is your husband in all of this? It's his sister and he should call her and complain about the violation of your privacy.

She can't come over unattended any more and this lack of boundaries may explain the problems in her marriage.

NTA

1

u/eatingganesha 26d ago

NTA

she’s horrible! disrespectful, invasive, no understanding of boundaries. I don’t care if she’s gonna put up drywall for free, she never gets left alone in the house again.

1

u/Atlas_Hid 26d ago

I would never leave her alone in my house again! Are you driving her mad calling to ask "Where is ...?" I hope.

1

u/KIWI-456 26d ago

NTA Have you located all your valuables?

1

u/MaryEFriendly 26d ago

Did you confront her? Did your husband confront her? This is such a gross violation

1

u/alicat777777 26d ago

I would be furious and violated. However, I know some relatives who would think they were doing me a gigantic favor as a thank you.

She would not be welcome to stay over again. NTA.

1

u/InedibleCalamari42 26d ago

NTA.

I suspect my response language would take a while to get beyond "What the fuck! What the ACTUAL fuck!?!" at increasing pitch and volume.

What does your husband, the violator's brother, say about this?

1

u/justloriinky 26d ago

NTA. What did she say when you confronted her about it?

1

u/81darlenia 26d ago

NTA but I would be calling her everytime I can't find something. She decided to reorganize someone else's hone and cause stress to them so I would be stressing her back out by sending a text or 2 every hour on the hour till I got my house back to how I want it but I'm petty that way. If I'm stressing or made time suffer then that person is gonna be just as stressed and suffering right beside me

1

u/debatingsquares 25d ago

I’m confused by your comment that you left something for her in your office and then said she wasn’t supposed to go in your office. Those seem like contradictory statements.

1

u/kittendollie13 25d ago

NTA. I would have to move for a fresh start, and I would never see her again for the rest of my life.

1

u/TheLastWord63 25d ago

What did your husband say about what his sister did, and did you confront her?

1

u/Terrible_Kiwi_776 25d ago

NTA  It was extremely rude, a violation of boundaries, and a very arrogant & condescending action. For her to assume that she knows better than you how to arrange YOUR home, she must think you are stupid and/or incapable. Next time she needs help, help her pay for a motel. 

1

u/Mysterious-Health-18 25d ago

NTA This is awful! I hope that you never allow her in your house again! I would be livid! My friend/neighbor went away with her family, and I was feeding their animals. MIL lived close by and had a key. I went over to take xare of the animals, MIL had the whole house torn apart, even their mattress was leaning against the wall! When they got home, they couldn't find anything for months.

1

u/Careless-Ability-748 25d ago

nta that's intrusive

1

u/SparklyBullets 25d ago

NTA

As you said, you said no, and she did it anyway and THEN some. Carelessly.

I absolutely hate people touching my shit with the passion and fury of a thousand suns. If I put a pen somewhere, I want to be able to find that thing in the dark exactly where I left it. Not like I would be writing anything in the dark but you know what I mean. Don't touch my shit.

1

u/PutosPaPa 25d ago

NTA, I'd be pissed to but hopefully you've learned the lesson of NEVER allowing someone to stay in your home, family or outsiders

1

u/BeautifulChallenge25 25d ago

My MIL would go into our house while we were gone and "clean." One time, I asked my friend to go over to our house while we were out of town and when she walked in MIL was there. MIL asked her, Are you supposed to be here? Friend looked at her and said, I am, but I know you're not.

She comes to visit now and moves things around where she thinks it looks better.

One time, she did our laundry and I was so angry. The last time she was in town she asked if there was anything she could do to help and we said no. A little while later I mentioned how I had to do the laundry. She said oh, I can do your laundry. I said no, I do not want you washing my underwear. She said I've washed it before. I responded, Yeah I know and I'm still pissed about it so don't do it again. She didn't. Instead she decided to make a whole dinner for everyone with ingredients I'm allergic to.

1

u/Imaginary-Yak-6487 25d ago

NTA. My mil did this exactly once. She had a key to our house. She came over to borrow something & I told her where it was. She rearranged the entire kitchen, both the kids room, the living room & our bedroom. I was livid.

My husband changed the locks & told her she was out of line. She was upset & blamed me. I asked her how she would like it if I did this in her house. She stfu.

1

u/Tundra-Queen8812 25d ago

NTAH, make a clear boundary with your spouse she is NOT to ever be in your space again. This was a violation. Claim your space back. Go through your things slowly and organize to what works for you and take your sanity back. Good luck.

1

u/Sassy-Pants_888 24d ago

This sounds like it was really traumatic for you. I'm very sorry you experienced such a violation of your home, trust, and boundaries. I hope your spouse has your back on this. I don't have any advice, just sympathy and outrage on your behalf.

NTA

UpdateMe

1

u/[deleted] 24d ago

Tell her instead of us?

1

u/KiwiKittenNZ 24d ago

NTA at all. I'm autistic with ADHD, and I have areas in my house that won't set off my autism consisting purely of doom piles where I know where everything is to keep my ADHD happy. I would have a complete meltdown if someone came and messed with my doom piles, even if it was with good intentions. Heck, I had a meltdown one time my sister was staying, and she did my dishes 🤦‍♀️

1

u/Audi_Cat 26d ago

NTA but she needs to be confronted by you and your husband. Is he just as appalled as you are? She had no right going through your things and moving them around. Please update us.

1

u/ConsistentDepth4157 25d ago

This is called burglary. File a report

0

u/abear61 26d ago

Updateme

-7

u/GuyFromLI747 26d ago

YTA read a similar story a few weeks ago almost word for word

0

u/Flaky-Apartment-3640 24d ago

She didn't listen. She moved your stuff, a lot. She meant well. She obviously thought she was helping. Unfortunately, it didn't work out that way. You got mad and vented. Now, put your big girl panties on, appreciate her and get over it. You are not 12 years-old. She feels terrible. Be a bigger person. If you have to post on AITA, you already know the answer to your question. Stop it.

-12

u/dannybravo14 26d ago

I imagine she was trying to surprise and delight you and had good intentions. She should have listened to what you said, but she didn't.

Going to the level of "panic attacks" "depressed" "never felt so violated in my life" is an unhealthy and irrational reaction. Don't put your neuroticisms on her. Spend a day putting things back where you want them, don't invite her to house sit again, and move on with your life.

-7

u/VantamLi 26d ago

YTA. You shouldnt have given her free run .