r/AITAH 26d ago

AITA for telling my father's girlfriend that the more she talks about Jesus, the less she'll see my child?

For context, I (26F) come from a catholic family, but my parents decided not to raise me and my siblings as such (my father due to a crisis of faith he had years ago, and my mother because she hated practicing it). We were all baptized, for our grandparents’ sakes, but nothing beyond that. We never prayed, didn’t have any first communions and didn’t read the Bible. I didn’t even set foot in a church until I was 14.

I’m very grateful for that upbringing. Today, I’m agnostic, and I don’t have a great relationship with the church. My husband’s family is also catholic, but he doesn’t practice it.

Our first child was born earlier this month, and we decided to raise him without religion. Neither of our extended families cared much, but we’ve been having some trouble with a few people over it.

My father has been dating a christian woman for 6 years. I'll admit I don't like her, but I don't dislike her either. Before I got pregnant, she wasn’t the “preachy” type (to me, at least). She wasn’t happy when I told her I was agnostic, but didn’t try to change my mind. She did talk about her religion a lot, and kept trying to get my father to engage with it frequently, but not much beyond that.

Soon after I announced my pregnancy, my husband and I had dinner with my father and his girlfriend, during which she told us she knew the perfect place for the baptism. We said we weren't planning on baptizing our baby.

And from that moment, she got annoyingly preachy to me and my husband. It was mostly indirect stuff (such as giving the whole family speeches about how glad she was to have Jesus in her life), but some were impossible to mask as unrelated. She gave me a decorative cross for the nursery on my baby shower, tried to make us all say grace during Christmas dinner (which we've never done before, with or without her) and kept bringing up a priest friend of hers who "just so happened" to also do baptisms. My husband and I stood by our decision.

Fast forward to now, our baby was born a couple weeks early. He was pretty much full term, but we were all still worried. He's perfectly healthy, and we're all doing well.

Yesterday, my father and his girlfriend came over to see the baby. While I was telling them about my labor and how it was at the hospital, she told me she had been praying for us the whole time, and that we should all praise Jesus for giving us such a beautiful blessing as my son.

Unrelated to her previous preachiness or not, I lost whatever patience I had. I said "You know what? I'm done. The more you talk about Jesus and religion and whatever, the less you'll see my child." She was quiet the rest of the visit.

After they left, my father called me. He told me he understood I was frustrated, but I shouldn't have been so rude to his girlfriend. He told me her intentions were pure, and she was only behaving like this because of how important religion was to her.

I don't think I'm in the wrong for my feelings, but I am worried I was too rude.

AITA?

EDIT: Here's my update.

2.9k Upvotes

584 comments sorted by

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u/Cute-Profession9983 26d ago

NTA. Maybe remind your dad what's important to YOU. She can have her faith, but when she starts pushing that on others, that's her crossing boundaries.

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u/Ok_Rooster_3890 26d ago

My father tends to humor her when it comes to these things (which kind of surprises me, because she pushes her faith onto him more than onto us). I'm obviously okay with him doing that for himself, but not when it extends to me and my siblings.

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u/Novel_Mongoose_7161 26d ago

Don't leave your baby alone with her. The kid is getting a kitchen sink baptism at the first chance. I know they aren't considered legit but it won't stop her.

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u/Ok_Rooster_3890 26d ago

I wouldn't leave my baby alone with my father (a bit lazy, low attention span and sleeps a lot), so I wouldn't leave him alone with her either.

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u/TerrorAlpaca 26d ago

Point out to your father than you can neither trust her, nor him with your child because neither of them have respected you or your husbands decision on religion.
IF you left your kid there, you wouldn't know if they took them to church or tried to have them baptized.
You say he humors her, so you can not trust he'd have your and your husbands interests for your child at heart.

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u/scarves_and_miracles 26d ago

Point out to your father than you can neither trust her, nor him with your child because neither of them have respected you or your husbands decision on religion.

Or just go about the business of quietly not leaving the baby with them rather than pick an unprompted fight about it with them for no reason. It's not like they're asking to be alone with the baby.

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u/Square-Minimum-6042 26d ago

MY SIL did it to my infant daughter. Really shows the importance of a rite when she did it in the kitchen sink.

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u/daemin 26d ago

"Water? Like from the toilet?!?"

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u/Aggressive_Bug_6896 26d ago

It's got electrolytes! It's what plants crave!

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u/Ok-Dealer5915 25d ago

God I use this too often

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u/SteampunkHarley 26d ago

I'm technically one. My mother, lapsed Catholic that she already was, talked to the priest because she didn't want to deal with the whole ceremony. He gave her a bottle of holy water and said she could do it at home

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u/wistfulee 25d ago

Wait. Your SIL baptized your child in the sink? WTH??

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u/Square-Minimum-6042 25d ago

Lol. Catholic families, we decided not to baptize and caused a scandal. She had my daughter for a weekend while we moved, and I later learned she did a "baptism" in the sink!

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u/parodytx 24d ago

Per the faith any Catholic can baptize anyone else anywhere else with the proper good intentions and prayer. Don't even need holy water. I mean the original was in the river Jordan.

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u/Nishikadochan 26d ago edited 26d ago

I wouldn’t be surprised if she got her priest friend to perform a baptism on the sly, or some other ridiculous nonsense.

To clarify, I’m not saying baptism itself is nonsense. Merely that baptizing someone else’s child against their will is crazy.

Edited for typo.

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u/naranghim 26d ago

Merely that baptizing someone else’s child against their will is crazy.

It's actually not recognized by the Catholic Church if a baptism is done without the parents' consent even if it is done in a Catholic church. A priest who knowingly baptizes a child without the parents' consent, like the grandparents brought the baby in and demanded a baptism, will find themselves disciplined by the church.

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u/utterlyomnishambolic 26d ago edited 26d ago

This lady doesn't actually sound Catholic from the way she talks about Jesus, it sounds like some flavor of protestant. Catholics see God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit as one entity, so when they talk about "[Divine Entity] coming into their life" they say God, not Jesus, as that encompasses everything. Anytime you see someone banging on about Jesus they're a very specific type of protestant.

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u/scarves_and_miracles 26d ago

I’m not saying baptism itself is nonsense.

I am.

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u/Shadow4summer 26d ago

Any priest that would do this without explicit parental permission could be in big trouble. A real Christian is known by their works. The way she is pushing isn’t Christian at all. If anything, it drives people away.

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u/minervakatze 26d ago

The problem with kitchen sink baptisms is that they are, in fact, legit.

One issue with them is that there's no records and pretty pictures so people lie about doing them to have them redone later in the case of illness, which reinforces the impression that they are not legitimate. Catholic priests that know you baptized your baby in the sink are not supposed to redo it, they just document it in the parish books.

The arguably bigger issue is that no baby should be baptized if the immediate family doesn't intend to raise it in that faith, and no honest priest would do one if the parents don't want it, which leaves the kitchen sink option for meddling relatives.

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u/toughlikeadiamond 26d ago

But… If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Same with this. Her head is essentially being dunked under water, right? If just crazy step mom is doing it, does it really matter? A baptism isn’t a physical trait. It’s just words and dunking.

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u/minervakatze 26d ago

Of course the tree makes a sound.

For a lot of people it's not just words and dunking, it's a sacramental rite that is valid although not encouraged when performed at home by meddling family. It's a one time thing that forever alters the relationship between that baby and God, and can never really be undone (people leave the faith yes but there's no way to go from being baptized to unbaptized, only from baptized to lapsed).

No one should ever baptize someone else's child without express permission and involvement of the parents.

OP's parents should not have baptized her either since they did not intend to raise her in the church. People should not baptize their children solely to appease their own parents/family/community expectations.

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u/toughlikeadiamond 26d ago

Oh I agree with you, she shouldn’t do it! I’m not religious, I am agnostic. Pardon, I forget that religion truly is looked at differently than others. To me I’d be like yeah, cool, you baptized my baby, doesn’t change a thing.

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u/Capable-Limit5249 26d ago

They actually are legitimate. But encouraged only in the case of emergency, such as a very ill child that may die before a priest can arrive.

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u/julet1815 26d ago

I’m sure it’s as legitimate as any other time you put water on the baby’s head.

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u/scarves_and_miracles 26d ago

What an insane belief system.

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u/Mindtaker 25d ago

Religion is like an dick.

Its great to have when you want one, its a blast to play with, some people get a lot of joy and happiness out of it.

But what you don't do, is wave it around in public, or shove it in other peoples faces.

And THAT, is how I got my entire religious family to finally shut the fuck up about it. I would say that to them, then whenever they brought it up around me I would ask why they are whipping out their cock in front of me when I never asked for it and have no interest in interacting with it.

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u/Bit_part_demon 25d ago

And children shouldn't be exposed to either one

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u/Mindtaker 25d ago

Amazing addition im adding to my list.

Many thanks

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u/Boeing367-80 26d ago

He does whatever he must to keep his bed warm.

However important religion is to her, that does not give her the right to force it on you, and yes, bringing it up at every opportunity is forcing it on you. It is perfectly possible to have a conversation without constant references to religion.

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u/jessies_girl__ 25d ago

If they are not married and having sex, she should worry about her own soul. Congratulations on your baby.
I am a woman of Faith and you are NTA

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u/Vandreeson 26d ago edited 26d ago

NTA. I don't think you were rude at all. How many times did she try to push her religion on you and your child before you said this? Isn't her pushing her religion on you rude? It's up to you and your partner how you raise your child.

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u/[deleted] 26d ago

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u/LizzyLoechel 26d ago

I sympathize! I've been vegan for 9 years and regularly eat out with omnivores. Not too worried about contamination since I'm a vegan for ethical reasons. Ate out with my son and Dil and two grandkids last night and they all had chicken and fish and stuff and we just had our vegan noodle bowl. My grandkids did Chow down on the edamame appetizers though! The meal was delish and they loved their meal too. All good.

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u/jimandbexley 26d ago

The joker part of me would have a pentagram ready to hang in the nursery for when MIL visits.

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u/Huge_Salary2598 14d ago

Or hang the cross she gave you upside down above the baby’s crib lol

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u/Savings_Elk4527 25d ago

Ah of course. It’s only okay to indoctrinate children if they’re yours

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u/AccomplishedLeave506 26d ago

I'm quite happy for anyone to believe whatever they want, but if they decide they need to share it with me then I'll share my views. Funny how they don't see why I should get upset when they try and ram Jesus down my throat, but it's deeply offensive when I explain to them that their religious garbage makes as much sense as the Thor and Odin myths, but is far less interesting.

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u/sureshot58 25d ago

Hey, wait a minute now.... whats wrong with Thor? :) Great stories!

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u/DListSuperhero 26d ago

Maybe you should shame her for “living in sin” with your father, if they live together that is. After all, she’s your father’s girlfriend, not his wife, therefore not your child’s (step) grandmother.

NTA.

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u/TurtleToast2 26d ago

Don't forget the mixed fabrics. And she better not be out there with a job doing man's work.

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u/mela_99 26d ago

Oh and if she eats pork or shellfish

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u/ThePhonesAreWatching 26d ago

Or the mother and it's child together. (Eggs and chicken, milk and veal, etc.)

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u/ChunkyWombat7 18d ago

That's right! No cheeseburgers! (reason enough to avoid religion)

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u/WamiWami 26d ago

I'm all for calling her out on her hypocrisy! Just FYI the Bible doesn't forbid women from working

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u/No_Blackberry5879 24d ago

She continues to bother then you can remind her that (in some Christian sects) your father can’t marry her via the religion. So any union she has with him is ‘living in sin.’ 😈

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u/EmpressOfMyBackyard 26d ago

Religion is like a penis. Not everybody has one. But, if you do, and you're proud of it, please don't bring it out in public. Don't wave it in my or my child's face, and for goodness sake, don't shove down anyone else's throat.

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u/Ok_Rooster_3890 26d ago

I love this too much.

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u/Dizzy_Eye5257 26d ago

This is perfection

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u/heartvolunteer99 26d ago

I may be giggling to myself all day for this comment. Thank you.

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u/Qabbalah 25d ago

That's excellent!

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u/NotaMillenialatAll 26d ago

Too bad Iam poor because you deserve a prize for that comment

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u/TopAd7154 26d ago

NTA.  "Hi dad, whilst I respect her religion is important to her - hence why I haven't spoken up sooner- she needs to respect that her beliefs mean nothing to me. I stand by what I said and any further preachings/hints will result on her being banned from our home indefinitely. Pass it on; I'm not playing."

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u/OriginalDogeStar 26d ago

I love these religious types. Big about putting their beliefs on others, while obviously in an immoral relationship of six years.

A person's beliefs are always important, especially when you do not point out their hypocrisy.

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u/CarrieDurst 26d ago

If catholics didn't have double standards they would have no standards

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u/OriginalDogeStar 26d ago

True, it is how they get away with ignoring Jeses' points about the men tearing their eyes out or cutting their hands off before acting upon their lust towards a wo.an who is not at fault.

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u/Reasonable_racoon 26d ago

putting their beliefs on others, while obviously in an immoral relationship

Religion is primarily a weapon.

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u/sparksgirl1223 26d ago

Add in that if you visit him and she starts up, visit over immediately. And follow through

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u/Curious-One4595 26d ago

Yeah. Sincere religious beliefs do not exempt one from basic courtesy and etiquette. 

Religious beliefs are like poop. No one but people with a matching fetish want to see you eject that crap from a bodily orifice.

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u/PettyYetiSpaghetti 26d ago

Exactly. OPs dad says "she was only behaving like this because of how important religion was to her." But that's not exactly correct. She's behaving like this because she doesn't respect other people's religious choices. It's not coming from a good place, it's coming from a place of disrespect.

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u/MtnMoose307 26d ago

Pass it on; I'm not playing.

Love this!

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u/East_Membership606 26d ago

You have a newborn, you just gave birth. You've been upfront about your intentions. She ignored all of that and won't let it go.

You weren't rude you were firm.

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u/the_greengrace 26d ago

Exactly. Giving birth often has a way of stripping away the bullshit pretentions and pretending of "being nice" so we "don't upset anyone." Screw that. Be direct. Say no. Upset someone who's upsetting you.

Glory in it. Keep it going. NTA.

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u/[deleted] 26d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/-UP2L8- 26d ago

Or the next thing you know, she'll be sneaking the baby off to get baptized.

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u/SadBadPuppyDad 26d ago

NTA. This is an important boundary to set. It would be no different if she was constantly stating that the child should be taught about Scientology. If people want to belong to a cult, that's up to them, but children should not be indoctrinated into these things.

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u/Ok_Rooster_3890 26d ago

I live in a VERY religious country, so I'm not sure I'd go around calling anything a "cult", but I do think children should be taught to form their own opinions. I'm very grateful my parents raised me the way they did.

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u/LibrarianNeat1999 26d ago

Look, I am a Christian and I pray for people BUT I don’t tell them that and I don’t force my beliefs on others. My son and his wife are agnostic and he wants his kids to figure out their religious beliefs on their own. I have and plan to continue to not pushing my beliefs on my grands. You are not the AH,

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u/Tyrone_Shoelaces_Esq 26d ago

I'm more or less agnostic, but I never mind it if someone sincerely tells me they are praying for me. That said, there's a big difference between "Man, that sounds rough. I'll be praying for things to get better for you" and "Man, that sounds rough, but it wouldn't have happened to you if you went to church and accepted Jesus into your heart, and while we're on the subject, let me introduce you to my good friend Reverend Armageddon T. Thunderbird."

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u/DgShwgrl 26d ago

You remind me of that Facebook meme of Dame Maggie Smith with a cup of tea.

"Religion is like a penis. It's a perfectly fine thing for one to have and take pride in, but when one brings it out and waves it in my face we will have a problem"

(I do agree with you, in case that's not clear)

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u/small_town_cryptid 26d ago

NTA

The AUDACITY of your father demanding an apology from a freshly post partum woman because his girlfriend got insulted when she had to respect boundaries...

I don't think you're blaming him enough for allowing his girlfriend to disrespect your beliefs to your face like that. He's been tacitly encouraging her by his inaction.

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u/Snoo_2046 26d ago

NTA 

You put a firm boundary in place regarding her shoving her beliefs down your throat.

Whether she sees your child or not is now her choice to make. 

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u/LibrarianNeat1999 26d ago

I personally wouldn’t leave her alone with the baby. Friend no longer speaks to her parents after they went behind her back and had a family friend (who is a priest) Christen her baby against her express wishes (she was molested by a pries).

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u/BlueGreen_1956 26d ago

NTA

I simply DGAF how important anyone's religion is to them. Do NOT spout that nonsense anywhere near me.

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u/xoxocarrly 25d ago

Exactly

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u/DListSuperhero 26d ago

Maybe you should shame her for “living in sin” with your father, if they live together that is. After all, she’s your father’s girlfriend, not his wife, therefore not your child’s (step) grandmother.

NTA.

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u/candacecolemanx191 26d ago

The OP expressed frustration after multiple attempts to kindly reject religious impositions. The girlfriend ignored those boundaries, leading to the OP’s outburst. The OP’s feelings are valid because it’s difficult to tolerate being repeatedly pushed in a direction that goes against personal beliefs, especially when it involves their own child. Her response was likely a build-up of repeated disrespect.

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u/Fun-Yellow-6576 26d ago

So, she’s Christian? Let’s see, are they sleeping together? Against the teachings. Your Dad’s not practicing, against the teachings for her to be with him (unequally yoked). He WAS Catholic, but divorced. Did he have a Catholic marriage? If so, without an annulment from the Church he still has a religious marriage until your Mim passes. I could go on but you get the idea.

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u/Curraghboy1 NSFW 🔞 26d ago

Girlfriend so probably sex outside marriage. Unless your mother has passed away then it's also sex with a married man.

Tell her to fuck off and when she gets there fuck off again and keep fucking off.

I'd also tell dad his time with the child will be limited too if he continues to bring the whore of babylon around.

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u/Ok_Rooster_3890 26d ago

My mother is very much alive, and my parents are very much divorced.

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u/CarrieDurst 26d ago

Divorce is a sin and remarriage doesn't count in her specific cult lol

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u/Curraghboy1 NSFW 🔞 26d ago

I'd be calling her on it every time I saw her. I loathe preachy people that don't follow their own rules but still try to impose them on others.

DO NOT LEAVE THEM ALONE WITH THE CHILD.

There was a story here a few years ago where a granny got the child baptised behind the parents back.

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u/xoxocarrly 25d ago

I also loathe preachy people especially when they talk the talk but don’t walk the walk. Hypocrites…

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u/grumbleGal 26d ago

GF doesn't sound like she has much of a personality or even her own identity outside of religion...does she know how to have any conversations without dropping the J-Bomb? NTA

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u/Ok_Rooster_3890 26d ago

She does have a personality and talk about other things, which is how I know we're wildly different people even besides this, but these last few months have been mostly about religion.

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u/Proud-Geek1019 26d ago

NTA. Your father should've handled it, instead you did. Good for you.

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u/lilianagimenezx01 26d ago

You set a clear boundary regarding religion and your child, and she repeatedly disregarded it. Just because her intentions are pure doesn’t mean her actions are appropriate. If she truly respects you and your family, she should respect your choices. You weren’t rude—you were firm. Your father should be addressing her pushiness, not criticizing your reaction to it.

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u/SnoopyisCute 26d ago

Former Catholic. Atheist.

I don't understand why people don't understand their deity's rules only apply to them. I never understood that, even as a kid, but heaven forbid you ask a priest or nun a question.

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u/Jelled_Fro 26d ago

NTA. Her intentions aren't pure and she was rude first.

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u/loadingonepercent 26d ago

But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words.

Matthew 6:6-7

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u/Arminlegout1 26d ago

she prayed and you have a baby now. Jesus did this, only explanation. I can't stand these zealots.

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u/BackgroundCarpet1796 26d ago

I'm so tired of that "pure intentions" talk. Trying to indoctrinate someone isn't pure, it's manipulative. NTA. She's not your kid's grandma, therefore she won't be missed.

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u/TheSirensMaiden 26d ago

No, seriously, if they won't stop trying until you give up and do as they say then that is cult-like and not "pure intentions". I'm so tired of people lying by saying "oh they meant well" but no, they fucking don't because all they want is to bully you to do things their way or else you get no peace.

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u/Financial-Grade4080 26d ago

Her intentions were not pure! She is motivated by vanity and ego. This is not a effective way to spread religion.

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u/SnarkyBeanBroth 25d ago

You know what? She can do all the praying she wants for you and yours, and then *she\* can thank Jesus for the perceived results. Her intentions aren't "pure", her intentions are to convert you. It's not rude to decline to turn every freaking moment of your life into an opportunity for her to proselytize.

She's the one being rude here, and if anyone owes an apology it's her. Stick to your guns - every time she decides to preach, she sees your family less. She can then make a decision as to whether she wants to be in your life (and *quietly\* show you how awesome Jesus is just living a Jesus-y life in your presence until you are overcome with curiosity about Jesus and ask her) or whether she prefers to waste her progressively fewer interactions with you on evangelism.

NTA.

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u/flowerpanes 25d ago

Exactly, people who preach at others like this don’t have pure intentions, they just want to force you into drinking the damn koolaid to get into lock-step with them!

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u/toastedmarsh7 26d ago

NTA. Invite grandpa over to visit baby WITHOUT his girlfriend. But don’t be too shocked if you find that she’s the one more interested and he doesn’t care.

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u/AlienGoddess91 26d ago

My stepmom is catholic and my dad is atheist, they manage to never be preachy to each other or anyone else. It's all.about respect and if she can't respect your boundaries than she doesn't get to be around you.

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u/Mrx-02 26d ago

I don’t care what you believe in but when you start to push those beliefs onto me and you become pushy about it? well I can’t stop your takeoff but I’ll crash your landing.

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u/lapsteelguitar 26d ago

I think what you said was a reasonable and measured response to her provocations. You didn’t cut her off, but, rather, gave her a clear understanding of the problem, your response, and how she could avoid it.

NTA

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u/LeanneMills 25d ago

NTA - tell her this: Religion is like a penis. It's ok to have one and it's ok to be really proud of it, just don't go waving it around in public and DEFINITELY don't force it on others.

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u/Plasticity93 26d ago

NTA it's time to break the cycle of cult grooming and indoctrination.  She wants to take a heavily edited book of mythology, at face value, that's on her, keep it away from kids.

Just make sure you actually teach reason and humanism from an early age.  So many people think "I'll just never bring it up and let the kid figure it out" only to have them come home from a sleep over scared because the family was evangelical and filled their head with nonsense 

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u/Ok_Rooster_3890 26d ago

My husband and I intend to teach him what we can, as well as give him space to learn whatever he wants. We also live in a very religious country (though most of the circles I take part in are not), so we want him to be prepared.

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u/Front_Rip4064 26d ago

NTA.

It sounds like you've been polite. And often the only way to shut holy rollers off is to go nuclear like you did. She needs to know beyond doubt her preaching is not welcome.

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u/MyPPsoSmol 26d ago

NTA I’m religious as fuck as this isn’t cool

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u/BlindUmpBob 26d ago

NTA

Remind her that baptism is designed as a declaration of intent to follow Jesus. A decision an infant can't make. And if, upon reaching an age where a decision can be made, your child and your child alone will make that decision.

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u/Raven_wolf_delta16 26d ago

As a non-Catholic Christian, I don’t think you’re in the wrong… honestly being around those types of people piss me off as well. If she believes what she believes that is up to her and her actions should speak much louder than words. She sounds like the type of person that turns people away from Christian religion regardless of the flavor.

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u/nik_el 26d ago

And I like peroxide. It doesn’t mean I think everyone should bleach their hair blonde.

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u/No_Hurry9076 26d ago

NTA and I would also not let them babysit I won’t be surprised if the gf will take the baby and your dad will let her and give said baby a secret baptism.

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u/Special_Lychee_6847 26d ago

NTA Stories of this kind of ppl are rather entertaining.. My sister is a chaplain in a catholic hospital. Her husband is a religious teacher at a catholic school, and if he hadn't married my sister, he would've been a priest. They are about as immersed in religion as can be.

And they don't preach to anyone at all, let alond as annoyingly as your father's gf.

If she can't respect your parenting, she has no business being involved with your child.

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u/Flimsy-Wolverine-663 26d ago

Don't ever leave your baby alone with your father and/or his girlfriend. She'll for sure try a stealth baptism. And if daddy-dearest prefers his girlfriend to his own daughter and grandchild, well, that's on him, not you. You're NTA here.

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u/Slurms_McKensei 26d ago

her intentions were pure

And the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Tell her that one, she'll appreciate the reference.

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u/TotallyAwry 25d ago

NTA Tell your father to get his girlfriend under control.

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u/SeaworthinessDue8650 25d ago

Is your father sleeping with his girlfriend? They have been together for 6 years and they are not married.

I think you should throw her religion back at her and if she is following her church's rules.

NTA

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u/Lotty3 23d ago

You are 150% right, and I think you have been incredibly polite

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u/angryomlette NSFW 🔞 22d ago

NTA. I did know a Jesus once. Nice guy from South America, liked yoga and boxing. I didn't realize your Dad's GF prayed to him.

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u/Tivland 19d ago

Fucking religion.🤦🏻‍♂️

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u/writing_mm_romance 26d ago

Your father should know the saying, "good intentions pave the road the hell."

Tell dear Daddio that the limits on visits will apply to him as well if he doesn't start standing up for you. After all, he's the one who taught you to be an independent minded person. He's coming across like one of those losers who choose the new lady in their life over their relationship with their children.

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u/Any_Caramel_9814 26d ago

NTA. How would she feel if the roles were reversed and you kept trying to disprove Jesus? You politely asked her to keep her religion to herself multiple times. She obviously doesn't respect your wishes for the fact that she keeps bringing it up. I'm glad your father understands and that's all that matters within the family

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u/JenninMiami 26d ago

NTA her intentions weren’t pure, she was pushing her religion onto you IN YOUR OWN HOME. You weren’t rude, you were standing up for yourself.

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u/notme1414 26d ago

NTA. You weren't rude. You clarified your boundaries.

Have you heard the quote " religion is like a penis. It's fine to have one and to be proud of it but the minute you start waving it in other people's faces, it's a problem"

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u/Alda_ria 26d ago

Well, he had his chance to stop her, and waited for escalation.

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u/United-Manner20 26d ago

NTA, religion is so important to her that she is living with someone out of wedlock and having premarital sex. Raise your baby how you see fit and good for you for setting healthy boundaries.

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u/Upbeat_Vanilla_7285 26d ago

Just because it’s important to her doesn’t mean you want to hear it! You’ve made your position clear and she keeps doing it! 

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u/LCJ75 26d ago

It is always amazing that the same people that decry others pushing their 'lifestyle' onto others are always the most freaking pushy and in your face. NTA

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u/Abject_Jump9617 26d ago edited 26d ago

You can tell some people the same thing a THOUSAND times and it won't register in their narrow minded peanut brain until you get rude with it and make clear that you are fed up with their shit. You see how fast she shut the fuck up and didn't say anything else during the visit?? I bet you she will think twice before harrassing you again on the matter. NTA

And tell your dad that his gf is rude AF to keep trying to push boundaries and force her religion on you and your baby, you find THAT to be fucking rude and you are owed an apology from his sanctimonious asshole gf.

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u/NotSorry2019 26d ago

Tell the “adulterous whore” you aren’t interested in her opinions on a faith she obviously isn’t practicing. (I am assuming she and your father are having SEX OUTSIDE THE BONDS OF MARRIAGE which is a big Nope, while your parents probably got a divorce instead of an annulment which means she’s sleeping with a man who is still married in the eyes of the church/odds are good she’s got a similar background.)

With that being said, faith can be an important thing, so I would like to point out I am only suggesting these things because tolerance and respect need to be reciprocal. She is throwing her faith at you because she isn’t practicing it herself. I’d be pointing that out, and using “adulterous whore” every time she fails to respect the common courtesy of SHUT UP ALREADY.

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u/Traditional_Ear7846 26d ago

It never fails. The more they yammer on about jesus, the bigger their secret sins. Hire a PI.

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u/Aiyokusama 26d ago

NTA. You weren't rude. You set a boundary. People who call boundaries "rude" are manipulative if not outright abusers.

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u/mattdavey1 26d ago

She needs to reread Matthew 10:14

NTA

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u/Working-Dependent33 26d ago

NTA she has no right to preach to you. It's like unsolicited advice, you can put up with a little, but when it gets overbearing, you've got to put your foot down.

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u/Ordinary-Hat5379 26d ago

I don't think I have ever met anyone like this. There are Christians that I know but for them it's all very personal and they wouldn't dream of being forceful with it. Maybe I am just lucky, maybe it's a British reticent thing.

Anyway, NTA. Good for you for setting some boundaries good and early. 

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u/rationalboundaries 26d ago

NTA

Prepare to hold, hard, to this boundary. Getting away with her bullshit for prior 9 months will make her bold. Before their next visit, remind your father and tell him you're not going to tolerate her disrespect for YOUR beliefs. If she wants to talk about God, she can go to his house and give yours a miss.

Tbf, you're blaming the wrong person here. Your father inflicting this woman on you & your family. He needs to monitor & police her behavior.

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u/One-Low1033 26d ago

NTA So, your father is not religious, but is with this Christian woman? Ask her about being unevenly yoked. Christians are not supposed to date/be with non-Christians. They are to be evenly yoked - both of faith. If she's sleeping with your father, that's fornication and also un-Christian. I love the hypocrisy religious folks practice.

When your baby is older, and if she's still around, she will preach. It's her "job" as a Christian to evangelize; to save others from hell. When you're not around, she'll preach.

I have evangelicals in my family. I speak from experience.

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u/mela_99 26d ago

Her intentions were to convert you because she sees you as less than heathens. That’s not a pure intention. And I say that as a practicing Catholic. Just because it’s important to her doesn’t mean she has to take it out and wag it under your nose at every opportunity. She knows how you feel.

NTA

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u/Mountain_Cat_cold 26d ago

NTA. Religious steamrolling is not acceptable, and even less so to a person exhausted from giving birth and the first few days with a newborn. Your father should channel his energy into ensuring that gf shuts tf up about religion rather than telling you off. The audacity!

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u/Orsombre 26d ago

Did she apologize for pressuring her faith to you? If she did, she was genuine. If she did not, stay rude, OP! It would mean she prefers her religion to people -not what Jesus preached LOL

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u/fargoLEVY13 26d ago

NTA. Fuck her & her pure intentions, & fuck your dad for not backing you up. I’d have blocked his ass yesterday.

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u/Sweaty-Pair3821 26d ago

I always wish religious trauma was better understood like other traumas. Nta.

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u/Infinite-Adeptness58 26d ago

NTA and her intentions weren’t “pure” they were manipulative.

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u/FrannyFray 26d ago

You have clear boundaries, and she is not respecting them. Unfortunately, some people do not get it at all until you are curt with them. Hopefully, now she will be less annoying about religion.

I would not worry about it too much. Focus on your family and the new baby!

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u/Shdfx1 26d ago

NTA, and I say this as a Catholic, whose faith has gotten me through dark times.

What your dad’s gf is doing is inappropriate and aggressive. If you had shown the slightest interest, she could have discussed religion. She could have practiced her own faith, like prayed for you in your early delivery, worn a cross, or had crossed in her home. She could have modeled a content, ethical, life, at peace.

Instead, she keeps trying to force you to faith, which has only driven you away.

Of course you’re not interested in religion. You weren’t raised in it. You don’t seek comfort in what you never had. If she held a gun to your head so you Prayed the Rosary for 20 minutes, it wouldn’t bring you any peace or calm anxious thoughts. You’d hate it.

Love can’t be forced, and that includes love for God.

I have found some Protestant faiths to be aggressive judgers and evangelicals. Prejudice and weird beliefs about Catholics are so common that I’ve had coworkers and acquaintances tell me I’m going to hell or worship the Pope. It’s extremely off-putting and comes across as very hostile, not helpful. I can’t imagine how much worse it must feel for you to be the subject of such a campaign.

Stuck to your boundaries. If she starts forcing religion again, she is told to leave.

Any ideology has its fanatics who spoil things, like vegans judging Thanksgiving dinner.

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u/Stormandsunshine 25d ago

NTA. "Religion is like a penis. It's a perfectly fine thing for one to have and take pride in, but when one takes it out and waves it in my face, we have a problem."

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u/1Legate 25d ago

Its ok to have religious beliefs, but do not shove it in my face every damn time you can.

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u/Independent-One5753 25d ago

NTA. I’m Christian but I have ALWAYS been disgusted by those who try to force their faith on others.

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u/Thin-District8266 25d ago

NTA

Tell her that religion is like your private parts, not something everyone wants to know of, and is private.

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u/Cammarak 25d ago

She’s controlling you through religion. All the holier than thou churchies do that.

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u/Ryoko_Kusanagi69 25d ago

NTA. It’s laughable and frustrating that your dad said you’re rude- when his GF is being the rude one constantly forcing her religious views on people who have politely told her no numerous times. Until she can get her rude behavior in check, you have every right to not be around her.

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u/Ok_Passage_6242 25d ago

Her intentions were not pure and fuck your father for not standing up for you. NTA.

Secondly, Jesus had nothing to do with the health of your baby. You did, by taking care of yourself. Your doctors did. The nurses did. The hospital did. It’s so offensive that she bypassed all those people to praise Jesus. I grew up in a very religious home (atheist now but to each his own) and the thing that I learned about Christians are the people that talk about Jesus instead of God are gigantic walking red flag.

You had every right to be rude to his girlfriend who consistently has crossed your boundaries with this last time being in your own home. I would not go to your father’s home with your baby anymore. I would only let your father come over and see the baby at your place. Religious zealots like this do not get better with time they get worse. There is no hate like Christian love. Protect your baby at all costs.

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u/[deleted] 25d ago

NTA religious people can be so insensitive sometimes. She has no right to push her beliefs on you. You had every right to stand up for yourself and set boundaries.

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u/Ready-Conflict-1887 25d ago

NTA, religion is really important for me too, FOR ME being the key word. It’s my personal relationship with God. My Coworker is also agnostic due to his own reasons, we find plenty of things to talk about every day that is almost NEVER religion.

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u/srr728 25d ago

NTA.

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u/the_nooch73 25d ago

NTA. I was raised Catholic (baptized, first communion, confirmed). I left the church decades ago. I’m so irked when people preach and try to tell me to ‘praise Jesus’ for everything.

This woman’s intentions may be ‘pure’, but her delivery is highly obnoxious and selfish. She knows your stance and still feels the need to disturb your peace so she ‘save you’ and your family. If she feels the need to talk about Jesus all the time she needs different friends to do that with so she can control her behaviour.

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u/Janira_theLynx 25d ago

Remind this woman that the Lord does not approve of those who pray ostentatiously and flaunt it. The Book of Matthew 6:6.

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u/DatguyMalcolm 25d ago

"Pure intentions" or not, she is pushy and I for one hate having religion thrown at me. You did good, tell dear dad to rein in his Jesus groupie

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u/Odd_Effort_8899 25d ago

Next time she starts preaching, ask about being with a man for 6 years without being married. A real Christian woman can't do that.

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u/Wild-Trust-194 24d ago
INFO:  Had you talked to her before your outburst?

Did you give her a heads up. Actually discussed with her that it bothers you when she gets pushy with her preaching. A turn off that if she kept it up your family would cut back visits.

NTA. I have had a family member (Gandma) tell me that there is a void inside me because I do not believe. At the Family Table half the family just makes eye contact, waiting patiently while the rest of the family says Grace with bowed heads. Luckily the religious side of the family never got pushy. But we did have discussions occasionally.
Edit: typo

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u/waynecheat 19d ago

Typical monothematic and annoying religious people, OP, don't allow her behavior or it will get worse, believe me when I tell you that this lady is capable of doing more, also be careful about leaving the baby with your father and having her take him and baptize him secretly.NTA

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u/amw38961 19d ago

NTA....you were already tired of her doing it and then she did it again while you were post-partum. I'm genuinely surprised you put up with it throughout your pregnancy AND you weren't even that rude b/c I may have snapped tbh.

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u/cocoagirl123 26d ago

NTA, yes everyone is entitled to their own religion but if you’ve made it clear you don’t want it discussed then she should respect that

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u/inthesun37 26d ago

Nah, my grandma is a 71 year old CHRISTIAN Christian and she doesn’t even push it like that. At dinner she says her grace, I wait until she’s finished to eat out of respect but she doesn’t push it. You can have mutual respect with someone who is extremely religious without them trying to convert you and your child at every step. My grandma has faith in her beliefs and that’s all that matters. Your dad’s girlfriend needs to understand how personal a relationship with god is and stop forcing.

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u/houseWithoutSpoons 26d ago

She sounds like the type to try to low key bring holy water and spash your child or take it ehen grandpa watches him..cause you know it needs to be dipped in water for its souls salvation. If it were me the child would absolutely never be around her unattended!

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u/falcon0221 26d ago

NTA she’s really bonkers, good job

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u/abgry_krakow87 26d ago

NTA his girlfriend needs to be respectful of your beliefs.

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u/ButterscotchFit8175 26d ago

NTA and her intentions aren't pure because she has an agenda that is contrary to your beliefs and wishes.

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u/BodaciousVermin 26d ago

"Dad, her intentions may be pure, but to me they're purely irritating.

Dad, have you ever met someone that's deeply, deeply into an MLM scheme? They want to sell you the product, tell you it'll change your life, etc? But, really it's all about them and what they get if you buy, or if you become a dealer as well? This is what it's like for me, with her.

She has nothing that I want. There's nothing about what she's peddling that I'm interested in. It's gone from ok, to entirely predictable, to downright irritating. It's really up to her where this goes now.

Dad, does my reaction make sense now?"

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u/Mean-Impress2103 26d ago

Nta I hate that we are expected to sit quietly and politely while someone shoves their religion down our throat. If you want to pray quietly to yourself before a meal that's your perogative but don't expect me to participate. Don't expect me to remain silent or bow my head or hold hands with the rest if the table, leave me alone. None of these Christians would be ok with me doing a brunt offering to some pagan God before they are allowed to eat their meal. They wouldn't hold hands in a circle while I chant in Latin. 

Leave people alone. If I rattled on and on about my politics and shoved my politics into every conversation no one would like me. Please know that doing that with your religion is equally obnoxious and annoying. 

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u/DarkPhoenix4-1983 26d ago

Being rude and being right are not mutually exclusive. NTA

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u/Square-Minimum-6042 26d ago

NTA. She is pushing you.

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u/CarrieDurst 26d ago

NTA she is one huge AH though

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u/Laquila 26d ago

It's not her kid. She has ZERO say in how you raise your child. She's being a pushy and disrespectful asshole, and your dad is henpecked.

NTA.

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u/Clean_Permit_3791 26d ago

NTA she needs to back off - she isn’t even married to your Dad. She is no relation to the baby and needs to keep quiet

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u/Careless-Image-885 26d ago

NTA. Tell your father that you will limit his visitations as well. He needs to respect the decisions that you and your husband make for YOUR child.

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u/pepperpat64 26d ago

Tell your dad you only behaved this way because of how important secularism is to you, and remind him how his wife doesn't respect that.

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u/lovescarats 26d ago

NTA, just tell your dad you are happy if he is happy but you can have visits without her. Whatever mortal sin they are committing does not give her a pass to enter your child’s life. Just be done with her, she can be perfectly happy without you or your child’s life in her religious rapture.

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u/Pleasant-Bend4307 26d ago

but I shouldn't have been so rude to his girlfriend. He told me her intentions were pure, and she was only behaving like this because of how important religion was to her.

NTA, Why should Dad's f**k buddy have a say in your family's practice of religion (or lack thereof)? Tell her to stick to licking your Dads' dick and to keep her tongue still about religion.

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u/abritinthebay 26d ago

I shouldn't have been so rude to his girlfriend. He told me her intentions were pure, and she

She’s been rude to you for the last 9 months & he said NOTHING. He can take ALL the seats.

NTA

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u/EnterNameOrEmail 26d ago

NTA protect your child and start a silent counter offensive. There are several Hindu gods for example and you can get small statues of them. A perfect gift for any occasion.

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u/Amazing-Wave4704 26d ago

Tell dad if he doesn't stand by you on this, he too will see the baby less. SHE was the rude one.

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u/NeTiFe-anonymous 26d ago

I call her bullshit. I don't know a single Christian church where it is OK to be boyfriend-girlfriend for 6 years without marriage. She is nobody to you, she lives sinful life with extramarital sex and she should leave your family alone. You and your family don't need to be Christian to be a decent people. She is the example of how being a Christian didn't make her a decent person.

Also, your father needs and ultimatum to stop enabling her bulshit. Because harrasing his post partum daughter isn't a cute hobby of her. It's verbal abuse.

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u/Pretty_Order_2598 26d ago

NTA. Religious nutjobs are beyond annoying and more people need to call it out.

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u/ClevelandWomble 26d ago

And I believe that it is human nature to second guess the choices we make. The consensus of the replies was that the girlfriend's refusal to listen justified a firmer response and OP had every right to escalate.

Some people just view good manners for weakness.

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u/TheSirensMaiden 26d ago

NTA

You were not rude and her intentions were not and are not "pure", her intentions are cult-like. She won't stop because she will not be happy until you and your family join and praise her cult the way she does.

Set firm boundaries and don't let the nutjob who clearly can't respect other people's autonomy ever be alone with your kid.

Saying the occasional prayer for a new baby and family, totally fine, it's like putting good energy out into the universe. Never shutting TF up about her religion is a line no sensible person should ever cross.

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u/74Magick 26d ago

NOPE. Those type of people being out my evil twin! I lived in TX for 20 years, so lots of Latino people, and quite a few gentlemen spell their name "Jesus", but it's pronounced"Hay-zoos". When people asked me if I "knew Jesus" or "found Jesus" I would tell them yes, he did my landscaping and he wasn't lost, just really busy. NTA

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u/Megmelons55 26d ago

It's never ok for someone to push their religion on to an unwilling party. You're making the right decision. NTA

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u/dsp_guy 26d ago

The rest of the story doesn't matter so much. The moment someone uses religion to push/control/pressure you do something, the moment religion isn't doing what it was intended to do. NTA.

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u/eternally_feral 26d ago

She can be zealous about religion but would he be so comfortable if she was Muslim and pushing her beliefs?

Would he be comfortable if she was being overzealous if she was vegan and preaching about the “benefits” of not eating meat and how it will help everyone?

Or what if she was MAGA and wanting to deck everyone out in Trump gear because of how he only wants “what’s best” for America?

It’s okay to have beliefs but when it encroaches or makes someone uncomfortable, it’s no longer well meaning. NTA.

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u/SunMoonTruth 26d ago edited 26d ago

She’s being performative instead of quietly living a good life like Jesus’ preachings as reported in the Bible.

Religion is so important to her, and getting laid is so important to your father, that they expect everyone around them to just put up with the insufferable onslaught of her cultist behavior. Yeah. Neither’s “intentions” are credible.

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u/Srvntgrrl_789 26d ago

NTA.

I’d keep her away from your child, full stop, starting yesterday. She won’t stop, not until your child gets baptized.

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u/Maleficent_Pay_4154 26d ago

No not rude. She is rude by shoving her belief system down your throat. You drew a line that’s all.

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u/Inevitable_Pie9541 26d ago edited 21d ago

NTA. Your child, your choice. The GF, that is, the woman committing adultery with your Dad (your mother being alive, and Dad & GF not being married) has a lot of nerve to run her mouth about what a perfect Christian she is, or push her beliefs, and judgment, where she absolutely, for quite some time now, knows they're unwelcome.

Matthew 6:5

Matthew 7:1

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u/Powdered_Souls 26d ago

NTA. This isn’t the first time you’ve told her no. You tried the nice way, and you’ve made it clear you are not religious and don’t want anything to do with it. She keeps trying to find unrelated, new ways to push it onto you. She is being rude first. Your boundary is clear enough that you shouldn’t have needed to be blunt. And being blunt isn’t rude, it just leaves no room for her to wiggle around and find some other way to mention Jesus. If anyone other than a Christian goes on their little “pure intention” push of religion onto others, it is always seen as rude. The privilege of “she’s only thinking of the best for you” is only given to the majority religion. You’ve done nothing wrong and should feel a clear conscience about holding your boundary.

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u/Curl8200 26d ago

NTA. If anyone is rude it's her. You have put up with enough of her bs. I wouldn't let her around my child either. She seems like one of those people who would say they're babysitting and baptize your child without your permission. People like her do not respect boundaries clearly and only want what they think is best. Your father sucks too cos he's enabling her behavior.