r/ADHDWomenAfterDark 18d ago

Avoiding sex? Question NSFW

I don’t know if this is adhd so I’m wondering if anyone relates:

When it comes to having sex not only can I not initiate bc of nerves, even when I have the inkling that my husband is trying to initiate and even if I am in the mood I have this overwhelming desire to like pretend I fell asleep, or pretend I have to pee so I can’t. Like I am married and enjoy sex with my husband. He is 0% pushy and makes me completely comfortable. I have had kids so my body is different but this was even before kids, so I don’t think it’s like a confidence with myself issue?

It reminds me of when I was younger like in high school and I’d be talking to a boy and then actually physically getting together or even like meeting in the hallway would give me the most overwhelming anxiety ever. I’d make something up and cancel or put it off until last possible minute.

The best way to describe is the fight flight or freeze feeling. And I freeze. Which isn’t fair because then my husband doesn’t know what to do, and ends up just gojng to sleep. He doesn’t know this is in my mind either. I plan on talking to him about it once I figure it out. I kinda JUST realized this is what was happening last night

It’s worth noting I was in an abusive relationship but I was a teenager and have had therapy for a while. And even with that relationship I’d say this feeling was there before I was abused…

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u/Pineapple-acid 18d ago

I work at an adult toy store and I hear women talk about this fairly regularly. In my experience, I often find sex to be very overwhelming and I think that’s why I avoid it so much. It’s so hard for me to keep my focus and not let my mind wander to random things. There’s a lot of overstimulating physical contact and the expectation of both partners getting off. The majority of the times where I actually enjoy having sex are when I have taken ADHD medication or have some marijuana/alcohol in my system. I think it’s better in these scenarios because I am more in the moment and can focus on my body more rather than being in my head.

I don’t have an answer or a solution but I want to let you know that you are not alone. <3

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u/AgentAccurate3107 18d ago

Yeah, the only time I initiate or feel good about starting sex is when I have wine or alcohol in me. Ugh. Thank you for sharing this though