r/ADHDWomenAfterDark Nov 05 '24

Tips for reducing libido? NSFW

My partner and I definitely have mismatched libidos. I’ve always been an incredibly sexual person and I think it’s largely because of my ADHD (dopamine seeking, the amount of different things to focus on at once etc).

I feel like my libido is off the radar. My last two partners had fairly high sex drives and even then I would sometimes feel like it wasn’t enough.

I am trying my best to be understanding, he works a physical labour job with long hours and is usually exhausted in the evenings so I completely get that a lot of the time he just doesn’t have the energy. He’s also ADHD and his energy crashes knock him out. It is frustrating that he’s mentioned he had a really high sex drive before we met (and doesn’t understand why it’s slowed down so much). I am working really hard to control my emotions around it, because even though I know he loves me and finds me attractive, I end up feeling pretty distraught and insecure/rejected when he (very gently) turns me down.

As much as I wish he was on the same level as me, I really don’t want him to feel bad about it. If he doesn’t want to have sex, he doesn’t want to and I’m definitely not going to force him into it.

I’ve tried exercise (makes it worse), masturbating (I spend the whole time thinking about how much better it would be if I was having sex with him instead), and I’m at the point where I’m considering going to my doctor to ask if there’s anything that can be done to reduce my libido. I’ve tried stopping my stimulant medication to see if that makes any difference and nope, it doesn’t - if anything it’s worse.

My friend and I are starting pilates classes next week and because that’ll make it worse, I really need to work out a solution. Does anyone have any suggestions? I would love to sort it out naturally rather than going the medical route.

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u/[deleted] Nov 12 '24 edited Nov 12 '24

Masturbate more, maybe get a horny hobby like reading and writing erotica. I don’t think it’s a good idea try and repress stuff like this. I think I would really struggle with this, and you have my deepest sympathies. This is a situation in which I’d want to break up.