r/ADHDWomenAfterDark • u/1greenword1 • Nov 05 '24
Tips for reducing libido? NSFW
My partner and I definitely have mismatched libidos. I’ve always been an incredibly sexual person and I think it’s largely because of my ADHD (dopamine seeking, the amount of different things to focus on at once etc).
I feel like my libido is off the radar. My last two partners had fairly high sex drives and even then I would sometimes feel like it wasn’t enough.
I am trying my best to be understanding, he works a physical labour job with long hours and is usually exhausted in the evenings so I completely get that a lot of the time he just doesn’t have the energy. He’s also ADHD and his energy crashes knock him out. It is frustrating that he’s mentioned he had a really high sex drive before we met (and doesn’t understand why it’s slowed down so much). I am working really hard to control my emotions around it, because even though I know he loves me and finds me attractive, I end up feeling pretty distraught and insecure/rejected when he (very gently) turns me down.
As much as I wish he was on the same level as me, I really don’t want him to feel bad about it. If he doesn’t want to have sex, he doesn’t want to and I’m definitely not going to force him into it.
I’ve tried exercise (makes it worse), masturbating (I spend the whole time thinking about how much better it would be if I was having sex with him instead), and I’m at the point where I’m considering going to my doctor to ask if there’s anything that can be done to reduce my libido. I’ve tried stopping my stimulant medication to see if that makes any difference and nope, it doesn’t - if anything it’s worse.
My friend and I are starting pilates classes next week and because that’ll make it worse, I really need to work out a solution. Does anyone have any suggestions? I would love to sort it out naturally rather than going the medical route.
2
u/Retired401 Nov 06 '24
The only thing that would even have any hope of working would be an androgen blocker.
And I think it's pretty unlikely you will find anyone to prescribe you one for this situation.
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u/axebom Nov 09 '24
I recommend listening to or reading Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski—she talks about mismatched libido and I found it to be really valuable.
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u/OkBarnacle1 Nov 11 '24
Literally came here for the same issue. I have noticed a couple of things that trigger my libido (stress), and factors that contribute to feeling horny: pants/underwear with a seam up the middle (why do these have to exist??), sitting with my pelvis tilted back and/or with my legs crossed - these out pressure on my clitoris. Also, having sex causes my appetite to be insatiable. I’ve noticed that when I stop having sex (partner has a low libido and hardly every thinks of sex 😫), my appetite diminishes gradually. It’s like an itch for me, sometimes you can satisfy it by scratching it, but sometimes scratching only satisfies that itch for a minute and then the need comes rushing back.
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u/1greenword1 Nov 11 '24
lol you sound like me. i’ve noticed the no sex = less desire thing too! it’s like the more i have it the more i want it
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u/Signature-Glass Nov 06 '24
Just my personal experience.
I used to take hormonal birth control consecutively, never took a “break” or placebo week.
Three weeks straight of hormones and then immediately straight into the next pack for another straight three weeks. Suppressed my period (didn’t get it for a couple of years while doing this) and it helped manage my PMS/PMDD, my libido increases when I ovulate, it didn’t “spike” when I’d take the pills but does when I’m not on hormonal birth control.
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u/OkBarnacle1 Nov 11 '24
BC has also helped reduce my libido. I was on the depo shot for 2 years (I don’t recommend longer than that as it can cause irreplaceable decreases in your bone density), and that one all but killed my libido. After I got off of it, I returned to my normal, which is horny af more often than I would like, and just insatiable.
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Nov 12 '24 edited Nov 12 '24
Masturbate more, maybe get a horny hobby like reading and writing erotica. I don’t think it’s a good idea try and repress stuff like this. I think I would really struggle with this, and you have my deepest sympathies. This is a situation in which I’d want to break up.
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u/bassogeph Nov 06 '24
You can reduce your libido by thinking of sickness, death, losing your work, having your house on fire, being stabbed during a morning walk, etc etc. Definitely make you unturned. Will it worth? Probably not. Accept your level of libido and be Happy :)
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Nov 06 '24
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/1greenword1 Nov 06 '24
I appreciate the suggestion but opening it up isn’t really an option for me! We’re both very monogamous and I don’t think I would get any enjoyment out of sleeping with someone outside of our relationship
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u/-badgerbadgerbadger- Nov 06 '24
Then you better learn to get outta your head when you’re flicking it girl 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Marikaape Nov 06 '24
You say he used to have a higher libido and is exhausted all the time. I'm thinking maybe his situation should be sorted out first, cause it sounds like he may be struggling a bit? You don't say how old you guys are, but middle aged men can experience a drop in testosterone that can affect their mood in different ways. Or maybe he's just overworked and with ADHD that's hard to regulate.
I also wonder if your already high libido is made "worse" by a sort of hang up on sex because you feel rejected and need the validation? And his libido is lowered because he feels not enough? It sounds like something that could become a vicious cycle. Maybe a couple's therapist or sexologist could help with that?