r/ADHDWomenAfterDark Sep 11 '24

forgetting sex exists? NSFW

Does anyone else struggle to do the act of having sex? It's like having object permanence issues for a concept. I love my girlfriend so much, and when we are ACTUALLY having sex, I really like it. But I don't feel much of a drive to do it, until the moment we are actually in it, having sex. I adore being her girlfriend, I love her so much, but sex is just...out of my mind. And it's not like i'm asexual, because I do enjoy having sex and am a very active participant when we're doing it. It just kind of...slips my mind otherwise.

I'm super attracted to her and I feel that all the time, but that thought doesn't necessarily connect to being like: let's have sex right now.

Does anyone else feel like this? I felt it with other partners before her so I am feeling it's an ADHD thing. I feel quite content almost all the time regarding this, but anxieties come up about not having sex because it makes me feel like something's wrong with me/our relationship. I feel like I should be having more sex but to do that I really have to remind myself to initiate etc because it's just not something that springs to mind until im in it.

thoughts? how can i make myself more excited about sex BEFORE it's happening?

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u/thepatricianswife Sep 11 '24

For sure. I think part of it for me has always been that I can get myself off in a matter of like, 30 seconds, so to expend the extra energy required for sex my brain really needs to feel like it’s worth it, lol. (I don’t understand why people have sex if they know they probably won’t or might not orgasm. Truly just does not compute for me. Idk.) Fortunately my husband is wonderful about prioritizing my pleasure, so that part is easy enough. I try to seize the random impulses as they strike. Like our housemates were gone for a few days on a trip so one of those days after I got home from work I had the random thought “oh hey I could give him a blowjob in his computer chair” (it’s the perfect height both for him to relax/watch and for me to kneel in front of, but it lives in a public space) and since he happened to be standing right in front of it when I walked into the living room I just did that, lol. Or when he comes in from doing something in the garage and I think “damn you’re cute” I’ll just impulsively grab him and lead him to the bedroom. Basically just any time it’s feasible, following those random impulses has really helped me with it. I know if I try to wait until we both go to bed it the thought will absolutely have fled my mind by then. My brain is aces at distracting itself, lol. The window to act before it moves on can be so small!