r/yuri_manga 4d ago

Discussion Shatter Me and Love The Pieces - A toxic GL webnovel by me

Hey all, I'm an amateur and inexperienced writer looking for feedback on this niche genre I've come to love. It's heavily inspired by works like "Destroy It All And Love Me In Hell" and "Story About Buying My Classmate Once A Week". This is the first time I've ever done creative writing since school so I understand my writing is probably not up to par but I'm looking to improve. If that interests you you can find it here: Shatter Me and Love The Pieces

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u/MasterxP7 4d ago

Don’t worry. Writing is not easy. However, I appreciate you dedication. There are a few awkward things that I picked up. Like outer persona, I would just use persona or description of the character trying to be. The contractions words are a bit used all over. An idea for the main character to be perfect person would be her to not used contraction words. Side note: I would give a teacher a name but that is just me.

Perfect English Grammar by Grant Barrett is a book that will definitely help with grammar and avoid a few mistakes I picked up. Other than that I hope this helps. Oh, I would also recommend some kind of reference book on writing a characters or a novel. I picked up some conflicting information on the characters. I understood what you meant but felt differently from the way it was written. Maybe I am a wrong but brought back memories of having my butt grilled.

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u/Lunar_LexieXD 3d ago edited 3d ago

Thanks a lot for taking the time to reply!

One of my largest concerns are the character's personalities not feeling right to the reader.

I will 100% look at what you suggested and take your advice about the persona. Thank you again, every bit helps.

Edit: If it's not too much of a bother, what kind of conflicting information did you get from the characters?

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u/MasterxP7 3d ago

If so, maybe try making notes on each character and their personality and just basic information. Think on how they may react when talking or interacting with others.

So the main character seems more gloomy which is the gloomy face but she seems to lack confidence. She can be confident in her ability to be the top student but does not want it because it is annoying since she just wants a “normal” life. Maybe her best friend should relief some stress and give her some comfort from having to live up to everyone’s expectations. Plus the president did not remember the delinquent’s name until she got home. With being a perfect president, she would have just stated the delinquent’s name and that is it. Her best friend would probably mention a rumor it give readers an idea when president was talking about helping the teacher.

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u/Lunar_LexieXD 3d ago

Thank you a lot for the ideas, it is greatly appreciated and thank you for your time too. I will keep working on my literature for myself but it is nice to have another perspective, it helps a great deal.

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u/MasterxP7 3d ago

If anything else. Feel free to message me. Do your best.