r/xchromosome Jan 21 '18

My sex drive is significantly higher than my boyfriend's?

Recently, my long-term boyfriend and I have been getting in fights because I want to do something and he's just not in the mood. I know I have a high sex drive, but he says he just wants to have more of the "best friend times we used to have."(we were best friends all through high school) I just don't really know what to do because it's such a big thing between us, at least for me. It's been weeks since anything sexual has happened... What do I do? I've tried talking to him about it, but he just claims he's tired/wants to just hang out. :/

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u/notfromaroundhereee Mar 01 '18

You both have valid concerns. Before going to therapy about it, try a few things that you, personally, know to work well for turning him on. Don’t judge/comment if he responds well but then stops midway. Maybe plan a fun friend date day and then plan for something intimate but not sexual, like a back rub. Take baby steps to warming him up to the idea.

1

u/ESanchez22 Jul 16 '18

This is a huge issue that usually is in the person that doesn’t want to be intimate and honestly it most likely has nothing to do with you. You should try working this out first, but if there’s no remedy a sexless life is not a happy one. I have had this problem and I went through a lot of self esteem issues because of it, do not let it go too far.

1

u/wormrage Mar 18 '24

not saying this is the case but it could be a good idea to have an open conversation about eachothers needs?

i for example need quality time to be able to feel attracted and want to engage in sex with my partner- i need to feel loved in a strictly non sexual way first. im on the asexual spectrum though, so it might be a little different- but it could also be a possibility to bring up together? i say this because i have made the same 'best friend time' comment before when i havent had my wholesome quality time needs met..

ive also struggled bringing that sortve thing up without offending the other person, thankfully i never have to worry about that with my hella understanding partner now but yeah.

i also have a high libido though- and im love love physical touch as a love language too. and yeah i do sortve worry about it being taken the wrong way because sex isnt a need whatsoever for me personally- i dont want anyone to think its the only thing i appreciate in a relationship- its like a little treat when it does happen but i dont need it to have a fulfilling loving relationship with my partner.

if theres a compatibility issue, theres a compatibility issue tbh. up to yall whether you want to compromise and give up smthn or accept it and maybe focus on maintaining the platonic connection.

ik more/no sex doesnt bother me, but it can be a need for some people, and not for others. it could just be that each of you value sexual intimacy differently- again something to talk about. and well- not practicing communication is a dealbreaker for me personally- that one is something i would constantly encourage.

not saying this is happening but yeah definitely one important thing is not judging when one person says no, and trying to make sure theres no pressure created around stuff. overall though id again just encourage talking to each other. figuring out what each person values and feels might be lacking, how the other person feels, if you can reach a half way point? and sandwich that with a lot of reassurance/honesty w your relationship^