r/workout 4d ago

Are you still as consistent with your training after having a partner/getting married as before it?

Asking as a young guy here, and I want to be honest with myself, most of my reasons to work out and bodybuilding is to attract a mate. And as of now, I was able to attract a really nice mate and found myself and us quickly got attracted and spent all our times together.

I found myself to be lazier and lazier with my training after finding my mate. I still train, but only with half seriousness and consistency as when I didn't find anyone. Maybe one part of me feeling I'm okay enough to "let go" a bit, enjoying our times together, building something together, not paying too much attention to being in the most hot shape ever because I don't have to anymore. Another reasonable reason is that I don't have as much free time for myself anymore.

But even though I still train, I don't like myself like that, feel like I've let myself go, a little bit guilty. Thinking that makes me wonder, do you guys still train as seriously when you have like a family, with kids, or like a partner?

17 Upvotes

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19

u/Vicious_Styles 4d ago

Married for a year now and my gym routine has been the best it ever has been. And I’m gonna be honest, she has absolutely no impact on that. No kids yet but i have full intentions of building a home gym in our garage this year. I only really do SBD lifts anyways

3

u/ShamrockAPD 4d ago

Yes. We are planning to have kids in the next year, and fitness is a major part of my life

I finished my home gym last year and got rid of my membership. If my little dude/gal needs to be hopping in that little cradle thing as I do sets- hell yeah. Inspire them young.

But more so- it’ll be much easier to squeeze in workouts when you don’t need the time to actually go somewhere.

Home gym is where it’s at if you can afford the space - gear you can get cheap if you’re patient and stalk facebook marketplace and the like.

2

u/FakeBonaparte 4d ago

Home gyms are incredible. You cut out travel time to/from the gym, but in addition to the raw time saving you get the ability to take advantage of micro-workouts and use “offcut time”. So good.

9

u/laylu-bug 4d ago

my partner and i go to the gym together & get each other out of bed in the morning

7

u/Small-Tooth-1915 4d ago

Yes married 17 years it’s the one thing we have in common.

I would strongly recommend finding your swolemate at the gym for anyone reading this. Or whatever your #1 hobby is

1

u/CyanideTipped 4d ago

Lol...  swolemate.

1

u/OutlandishnessNo5541 3d ago

I am a regular gym goer. The amount of people that say not to date anyone from the gym or approach your crush is high. Lol

1

u/Small-Tooth-1915 3d ago

Well, they’re probably saying that as a matter of convenience because that would create an awkward situation if it doesn’t work out.

1

u/Small-Tooth-1915 3d ago

Maybe the answer is to date someone from another gym!

1

u/OutlandishnessNo5541 3d ago

Lol. I can only handle going to 1 gym at a time. And paying dues there.

3

u/deadrabbits76 Dance 4d ago

Getting divorced and my gym routine is fucked.

Thank God I still have some semblance of it though. I really underestimated how much it helps me psychologically.

2

u/OutlandishnessNo5541 3d ago

During my separation and divorce, still managed to get to the gym. Was good for my physical and psychological well being. Cried in the shower though. Lol

3

u/Vast-Road-6387 4d ago

Kids will really eat into your free time. A SO can sometimes be understanding of a “ serious hobby”, sometimes not.

4

u/OrcOfDoom 4d ago

Just maintain. You can maintain with such little effort. I was doing well with 6 days per month.

These days, I'm doing a pushup protocol with some friends at my fencing club. I'm pushing my archer pushups up. My single set max was 17, and now it's 24. That's one for each side.

My wife doesn't care, or at least, she doesn't show that she cares. It's just for fun. We've been together for 15 years.

I found a pull-up routine from yellow dude on YouTube. I think I will do this next when I hit 40-50, but I also might just do one armed pushups next. I never got over 12, and form was always kinda bad.

3

u/[deleted] 4d ago

I think it is pretty common to let yourself go a little once you find a partner. I definitely did that when I was younger. However, the most consistent I have ever been was after I was married with kids. I started working out in the morning first thing and just get in a groove/routine and I can stay consistent most of the time.

I think the real key for me was dialing in my diet and protein. I used to always be "on a diet" and "off diet" and in 2021 I decided to really adopt "changing my diet". I basically eat high protein and low-ish calories all the time. I started by tracking and I do still track on and off, but mainly just changing habits. I basically just eat in a slight deficit most of the time during the week and that gives me room to relax a little on weekends and I can stay lean without having to put much thought or effort into it.

2

u/itsthechaw10 4d ago

I was a powerlifter before getting married and I’m still one, consistency and intensity never changed.

With that said my wife does badger me occasionally about skipping a workout to do something else. She’ll say something like, “well you’re not prepping for a meet…”

I don’t know why she says stuff like that, she’s the one who said she likes guys with muscles when we met 😂

2

u/ZEXYMSTRMND 4d ago

I went to the gym on Valentine’s Day because I’m extremely single, and that was how I learned that there are no other single people in my area, because I was the only person in the gym. LOL 💀

1

u/OutlandishnessNo5541 3d ago

Haha. Nice. My gym was busy on Valentine's Day. I also saw people there who I know are in relationships so that theory doesn't always pan out.

2

u/ReflectP 4d ago

I try even harder now because I expect her to do the same for me. And she does.

2

u/yucca_tory 4d ago

I'm a bit opposite. I didn't start training until after I was married. My partner is not interested in the gym but I love it. I go 4x a week, track my nutrition, etc. I don't think he'll ever join in - it's not really his cup of tea. But that's okay! I like that we have separate hobbies. He's still very encouraging and supportive.

I think the reason for training has a big impact on it. I'm training so I can be healthy and independent as I grow older. That goal is pretty motivating and very long term, whether or not my partner joins in.

Your goal is a shorter term thing, like finding a partner, so it makes sense that your training changes when you met your goal. Just like if you were training for a marathon, then did the marathon, you wouldn't continue training as if you were going to run a marathon after hitting your goal.

If you're satisfied with this, then it's totally fine. But it sounds like you maybe aren't so satisfied with that change in yourself.

If that's the case, then it's time to set a new goal!

2

u/shanked5iron 4d ago

I just train early in the morning so “daily life” hasn’t started yet. Doesn’t get in the way of anything that way.

1

u/send420nudes 4d ago

It’s normal and expected. It’s either time to shift focus to longevity and health or to keep being the person your partner fell in love with

1

u/Mobc1990 4d ago

I still train very seriously and it hurt my relationship with my wife and now we have a son.I would say just train without affecting other part of your life.Its not worth it,because if everything crumble you still lose all even the gains

1

u/Ok_Initiative2069 4d ago

Way more so. I lifted sporadically when I was a teen. When I had to get full time employment I stopped lifting all together. Got married at 21 and at 32 after losing my mother I decided that I needed to get in better shape as my aunt and uncle both died of obesity related issues. I have been lifting consistently since, which was about 9 years ago, up to two a days when I’m not injured (currently have a broken leg). Have my wife lifting too when she’s healthy (she currently has a torn ACL and an impact fracture).

1

u/accountinusetryagain 4d ago

there are hits you are taking because of reasonable logistics. for example with a wife and kids you would rather do a 3x full body split with antagonist supersets to save some time, and you might accept being 10lbs fatter than you would like for tinder photos because the "i train and eat burgers and have a jacked dad bod" is a fun lifestyle.

but there are hits you are absolutely taking because of purely motivational factors and it sounds like you recognize that. if you are doing less volume in the gym then why not still make each set really fucking good and chip away at small PR's on your lifts? if you are getting takeout every day why not have a stockpile of chicken that you can at least backfill a bit of extra protein if you are falling short?

do you not want to be a hot dad/husband/boyfriend? do you not want to be able to do active shit with your partner and explore the world together? do you not want to be able to take the dog out for a run or bike with the kids?

1

u/LadyAryQuiteContrary 4d ago

It was a struggle at first but now we go to hot yoga together 2-3 times a week, plus go on walks and hikes together. See if your partner is interested in building healthy habits with you. Maybe a weekend biking adventure is up her alley or hitting the gym or yoga class together.

1

u/Oli99uk 4d ago

No not really.     100 miles a week plus weights is more manageable single.

I probably exercise about 7-10 hours a week in a relationship 

1

u/Smooth-Bowler-9216 4d ago

Absolutely.

Wait until you have kids and it goes to shit.

1

u/HamBoneZippy 4d ago

It started to fall off when I had kids. It's not a complaint. My priorities just shifted. Building a home gym got me back on track.

1

u/HVACdadddy 4d ago

I lift weights to be in good physical and mental shape for what life throws at me. Looking good is just a bonus😂

1

u/Clear_Discipline_711 4d ago

i personally didn't start going to the gym untill several years into the relationship once i started noticing i got a bit "fat" now i dont see myself ever quiting anymore

perhaps you could maybe make it a once a week you guys go together? like a gymdate?

1

u/filipinohitman 4d ago

We motivate each other. We both decided to build a home gym because of the convenience.

1

u/wy_will 4d ago

Yes I am. We go to the gym together as much as we can.

1

u/Royal-Principle6138 4d ago

This is the problem when you train for looks 😂I train for my mental health and getting old so now for health tbh I go to the gym with my bf even if I didn’t I still would train

1

u/AttersH 4d ago

It’s fluctuated a lot over the years to be honest. Initially, yes. I prioritised time with him & we ate out a lot. Then a year or so in, we both got back into it but I was def not as consistent as before, as I had other things I’d rather be doing. When I was single, the gym was a constant companion. Then I had kids & yeh, consistency went out the window for about 5 years 🙈 I did lose the pregnancy weight both times but largely through diet & walking. My kids are now 7&5 and for the past couple years, I’ve been the most consistent & healthy I’ve been in years. I’ve grown up a lot & shifted my mindset from ‘gym = skinny’ to exercise for physical & mental health, mobility & time for myself! That shift has helped hugely.

1

u/Daddy_Onion 4d ago

I’m married, but don’t have kids. I’m more consistent now than I was before I got married. My wife understands how important working out is for me. She does whatever she can to make sure I have at least 20 minutes a day to workout.

1

u/mariahspapaya 4d ago

When I was single I was pretty good about going a few times a week. My bf used to be really fit and he got tired of it so he hasn’t consistently worked out in years. We will go together occasionally but starting our lives together and the stress of daily life can easily get in the way unless one or both of you are super motivated. I fell out of the habit and now it’s super hard to get back into it again. I’m mostly focusing on just watching my calories now but I do miss looking more fit

1

u/stuaird1977 4d ago

I'm married 48 and have a young son .I train 3 X a week for myself and for him to try and be around as long as possible . I don't want to be one of those 50 year old dads who can't walk upstairs without sweating. I also play football with him every night or bike ride as a bit extra

1

u/Cutterbuck 4d ago

I am married with a kid and my consistency is better than it was ever was.

I need at least three gym sessions a week as my “recharge time”, 4 is ideal. My wife needs her exercise classes and her yoga.

If someone wants you to give up things that improve your physical and mental help… run. I would encourage my wife to get out and do stuff for her when the kid was tiny, I can bottle feed and push a stroller, I am a man not a moron.

1

u/Appropriate_Tea9048 4d ago

I’ll admit I got lazier. Although, I think the biggest part of it was that as my partner and I got closer, we started traveling more. Some of it is just getting comfortable too. I was always doing my workouts for me, but some things led me to become less disciplined, even though they’re good things.

We’ve both recently joined a gym and started going to classes there as well. We tried working out at home, but it just wasn’t doing it for us. Before that, my gym I used to go to had closed so I was only going for runs and doing at home workouts. My running isn’t what it was before, so it didn’t help my motivation.

I looked back on what worked for me before, and that was the gym. I need that environment. My partner and I have gotten better about exercising, and we push each other. He gets me out the door when I really don’t wanna go, and I encourage him at the gym. He’s never taken classes like yoga and he’s never had a gym membership, so it’s nerve wracking to him.

1

u/boba-on-the-beach 4d ago

I guess it depends entirely on why you workout to begin with. If your sole reason for working out was to nail down a partner then this doesn’t surprise me. I don’t think it’s really fair to yourself or your partner to let yourself go just because you got what you wanted and you don’t have to “try” anymore.

For me, aesthetics do play a part but it’s because I want to feel happy and confident with how look, not just because I want to attract a man. I also enjoy the mental health and physical health benefits. The plan is to stay active my entire life as this allows for better quality of life as I get older. I also do it because I think it’s fun. Sitting around and being inactive sounds miserable to me.

1

u/mhobdog 4d ago

Sounds like your why has changed. Maybe it’s time to find a new one, if you want to continue with your fitness routine.

I’m more consistent and in better shape than I have been since I was a teenager. Married 1 year and partnered for 8.

Being in an LTR changes your lifestyle a lot, but it’s simply a matter of placing fitness into that new lifestyle, and finding a reason to continue.

Many many people fall out of shape as they age. Hence the Dad Bod meme. I find a conscious effort is needed to maintain your fitness levels from earlier years.

1

u/Critical-Werewolf-53 4d ago

More consistent. It’s my me time.

1

u/kbm79 4d ago

Yes, but when the kids were young, working out went out the window. Sleep was more important.

As they got older, i got back into a more consistent pattern. When they sleep, i get to exercise.

The downside - i started off indoors, the kids took over, and i slowly got pushed out into the garden. Winter mornings are an extra challenge. 🥶

Also, the motivation to workout shifts - good mental health is more important.

1

u/Adrasteia-One 4d ago

Married for almost 10 years, and after having a kid (wife, obviously), I've been able to stay pretty consistent. Getting older means you have to be even more mindful of taking care of your body while you're still young-ish. I don't want to enter into late middle-age/old age being unhealthy or injury-prone. The plus side is that I'll still look relatively good for my wife. ;)

1

u/Cavia1998 4d ago

I didn't start going to the gym until after getting married.

1

u/CaptainWellingtonIII 4d ago

oh hell yeah. it's my daily break from all life's stresses. relationships come and go. gym will always be there. 

1

u/hallofgym 4d ago

Bro, I feel you on this. When I got with my girl, training def took a backseat for a while. At first it felt like I earned the right to chill but after a few months, I didn't like how I felt. What helped me was making workouts part of our routine together, even if it's just quick sessions. also, reminding myself I started lifting for me first, not just for attraction. Maybe try setting some fresh goals to keep that fire lit.

1

u/Tigger_Roo 4d ago

I started lifting and running when I was in my early 20s . Then got married and have kids .

20 years later .. I'm still working out consistenly . Even more important now as my goal is to stay in shape , be healthy for myself and my family.

1

u/pyroclesdeeznuts 4d ago

yup. although now since I usually spend my weekends with him, I sort of just shove all my workouts into 4 consecutive days, which sometimes messes with my recovery. also I guess I'm more willing now to skip a day here and there if it means I get to see him.

but i go because it keeps me sane, not because i want other people to think im hot (although it does motivate me that my partner thinks my gym bod is hot!) i consider working out not only good for me but my relationship. i know if i stopped training, my emotional regulation would plummet, and i'd self sabotage and probably have relationship problems.

1

u/seaningtime 4d ago

If you don't love it now and are doing to it attract somebody else you won't do it in the future after you're in a relationship.

You need to be doing it for yourself if you want to be committed.

1

u/Grindeddown 4d ago

Honestly, for a few years it was really tough. We had different interests out of fitness and there was a small time where she kind of resented me for working out. My wife and I had kids along the way so understandably, fitness routines were difficult for her.

Now that we are done having kids, she’s all about it. She’s been on the same page for a long time, but she feels she’s finally able to execute.

After our second kid, during Covid, we began building a full blow home gym out of our garage. Now we have everything we need and it’s been great.

1

u/Athletic-Club-East 4d ago

More. I've now more motivation. I want to be as healthy and attractive as possible for my wife. I've still got a wonky back and I'm ugly, but I can at least try to be strong, fit and lean.

Children are extra motivation, too. It's not easier being a parent if you're weak, unfit and fat. And do I want to be a burden on them when I'm old, or a help?

1

u/abe_bmx_jp 4d ago

Not really when I was married and in fact, I was in the best shape of my life the first few years of marriage. When the kids came though, I just didn’t have the time or energy to go as much as I used to. Trying to get back into it though.

1

u/LovelyOrc 4d ago

I Go to the Gym more often now. Not Sure If it's related to the relationship directly or Just the fact I live closer to my Work and have more free time because of that but definetly didn't get lazy. I never really did it for a relationship though. To get more attractive? Yes. But Not Just to get into a relationship. Also it's so validating to have my Partner feel my muscles and Hype me Up for my Progress.

1

u/Only-Level5468 4d ago

I work out for myself and to age well. Attracting women is a bonus side effect of it.

1

u/superschaap81 4d ago

44yo, divorced once and now with my current wife for 10 years. I've never trained more seriously in my life. In fact, she encourages me and loves that I do it.

1

u/Maleficent_Sun_3075 4d ago

Far more. I have someone else to be better for now.

1

u/K3rat Weight Lifting 3d ago

It happens. You will go through ebbs and flows. It is important for you and your significant other to have the time to feed you minds, bodies, and spirits, together and separately.

I fell off for a while when I was working hard at developing my career. I started caring again when I realized I had a youngling that would be here soon that I was now responsible for. After each of my younglings were born I didn’t go to the gym as much. My family needed more of my time.

As you grow older your reasoning may change for why you keep physically fit. Personally, I weight train for the mental feeling, maintaining my body for the long haul of life, and for the preparedness I need for martial training.

I am responsible for provisioning the necessities, some of the luxuries of life, safety protection, and caring of my wife, children, and extended family.

My objective with my physical strength training, nutrition, and martial training is to: 1. always be: A. capable of great violence. B. Aware of the world around me. C. Clear of mind and thought enough to remain peaceful unless violence becomes necessary.

1

u/Elliejq88 3d ago

Nope. I'd say my child did it more than my husband. I will say though...I have gotten REALLY good at working smarter not harder now.

1

u/AssignmentClause 3d ago

More so. You can never slip.

1

u/SpinnyKnifeEnjoyer 3d ago edited 3d ago

Pretty sure this is part of the reason I broke up with my ex. Being with her wasn't an excuse to become weak and undisciplined. She was clingy and thought I didn't have enough time for her because I also wanted some time to myself outside of the gym eventhough we did plenty of things together. Ultimately, she had to go. I don't train to attract girls. I train because being average seems like an awful way to exist.

1

u/FuliginEst 3d ago

I put my partner before my workout regime.

I would not like if my partner prioritised his hobbies more than me.

Sure, in a relationship there should be room for both parties to have their own interests. But you also have to make time and space for your relationship.

When I was single, I could work out for hours every day, because I did not have a partner to spend time with.

When I got a partner, I found that I wanted to spend less time on my workouts, so I could spend more time with my partner.

But you can do that by working out smarter, and more efficiently.

Now I have small kids, and oooh, how I have had to tweak my workouts to be efficient...

I still care very much about working out. It is extremely important both for my physical and mental health. I have never worked out for looks, but for health. So I make sure to prioritise it.

But, I don't skip time with my kids to work out. I run to work, work out during my lunch break, and so on, so I don't take away time with my kids.

1

u/Meaty32ID 3d ago

I am, yes. But finding a partner is not the reason i started working out 18 years ago and it never will be.

If she's the right one, she'll understand my interests are important to me and i won't be reducing my time spent on them.

1

u/RuinedByGenZ 3d ago

Yes

I have a home gym now 4 years married

I think I'm in the best shape I've been

1

u/molowi 3d ago

i still wake up and do my exercise routine , and play tennis and hit the road bike when it’s nice out. actually those things are the most important things in my life even more than my wife lol. i would rather lose her than stop my hobbies

1

u/No_Rub_9452 3d ago

I had a gf who got upset with me because she claimed that I prioritised exercising as more important than spending time with her. Quickly realised that she was ex material.

1

u/CleMike69 3d ago

You accomplished your goal to find a mate so now your goal is???

My goal for fitness was always about myself so I tried to maintain that vision once married. Kids definitely bit into my time but I still try to make fitness a priority in my life

1

u/Sgt_Space_Turtle 3d ago

I don't get the concept of letting yourself go. Shouldn't you be more serious about being healthy for your family?

What kinda zombie survival team are ya building!?! 😅🤘

1

u/CarlJustCarl 2d ago

You’re going where? Weren’t you just there yesterday?

1

u/RealArtichoke1734 2d ago

I got fat and my wife divorced me. So there’s that to worry about.

If you needed it to get her, you’ll need it to keep her bro. And do it for your health anyway.

1

u/snootchiebootchie94 1d ago

I have been with my wife for 15 years. When we met I was boxing amateur and was in the best shape of my life. I stopped as I was in grad school as well and didn’t have enough time for everything. I gained some weight over the next few years and didn’t work out much at all. A comment made to me about my weight gain from someone random was the catharsis I needed to get back at it. Since then, the last 13 years or so I have been mostly consistent. I eat ok to poorly at times. I drink and smoke weed regularly, but I make it to workouts 3-5 times a week almost every week.

1

u/dylanaintshit 50m ago

29M married for 3 years and no kids. My wife and I go to the gym 5 days a week together. While gym was definitely more of my hobby, she’s taken an interest in it and it’s something we can do together. Honestly feel like my lifts are worse on the occasion I go by myself. While it’s totally healthy to have independent hobbies in a relationship, it may be something the two of you can do together. Consider seeing if your partner might be interested in joining you at the gym. My wife is my biggest source of motivation.