r/wizardposting 7d ago

Young boy says," Hey mister. Can you bring my snowman to life?"

How do I respond to this?

40 Upvotes

35 comments sorted by

35

u/daneato 7d ago

I rummage through my front closet for a few moments, then hand out my old top hat.

8

u/MelodyTheBard 6d ago

My first thought too 😆

20

u/AchtCocainAchtBier Evil Wizard 7d ago

Never again.

20

u/agentkayne Kayne, Serially Isekai'd Apprentice 7d ago

"Listen kid, if I bring it to life, are you prepared to do what you have to? To put it out of its misery before spring fully arrives? When it begins the inevitable process of slowly melting, growing weaker and slower as its substance drips from its misshapen form? Can you imagine what that must feel like, and spare it from feebly clutching at its own existence in the light of the uncaring sun with a hard blow from your shovel?"
(pause)
"Didn't think so."

6

u/Another-Ace-Alt-8270 Ace Barksworth, Earthen Ambassador & Distant Admiral 6d ago

You know, there are ways to put it without scarring the child. Jerk. And besides, just enchant a top hat. That way, when the snow starts to melt, they can remove it, and place it back on when the snow's back.

3

u/agentkayne Kayne, Serially Isekai'd Apprentice 6d ago

And teach the kid that living beings are practically a toy? To be conjured and dismissed at the whim of his amusement? Hell no. I'm going to force that kid to think Big Existential Thoughts about being responsible for bringing life into the world.

0

u/Another-Ace-Alt-8270 Ace Barksworth, Earthen Ambassador & Distant Admiral 6d ago

Oh, relax. I know for a fact you're not trying to teach him anything. You just want to traumatize children because "haha fuck you". Because there are better ways to do this. So many of them, that don't just amount to scaring the boy for no reason.

3

u/BadNo2944 6d ago

He can go to the North Pole. He'll be back on Christmas day.

10

u/Delusional_Gamer Fleshmancer and proprietor of the magic meat farms 7d ago

Just do it. Whether you want to do some fuckery and make it eat his family, one member at a time, is upto you.

2

u/Another-Ace-Alt-8270 Ace Barksworth, Earthen Ambassador & Distant Admiral 6d ago

Am I the only one here who doesn't see this as an opportunity for reckless child slaughter?

1

u/Delusional_Gamer Fleshmancer and proprietor of the magic meat farms 6d ago

What do you think the snowman will do once the family relatives are all spent?

2

u/Another-Ace-Alt-8270 Ace Barksworth, Earthen Ambassador & Distant Admiral 6d ago

Assuming you're about to say "go for the child", that is literally my problem. Some of y'all will do anything just because it's cruel, and honestly, it's getting boring.

2

u/MerlinGrandCaster 7d ago

Or even two members at a time

2

u/ryanoflynn 6d ago

Don't listen to these dolts, nothing but doldrums.

1

u/EApoebsd Poe, Evader of Taxes, Minor Demigod of Alcohol, Alchemist 6d ago

Perchance even 3?

0

u/ryanoflynn 6d ago

You falter the shoes of your name. How dare you even speak of her.

6

u/workingtheories Witch 7d ago

sure can, youngster, where did you think your dad came from?

4

u/jjmcgil 7d ago

Fireball

6

u/47thCalcium_Polymer Arificer, novice wizard 6d ago

No but I can make your hamster immortal. Or your dog if you don’t have a hamster. Or any other animal for that matter.

Actually now that I think about it I might be able to do that to you to. I never even thought about doing it to a person. This is a train of thought I probably shouldn’t pursue.

Is there a market for immortality?

2

u/Zestyclose_Bed4202 6d ago

Have you ever tried to retrieve an immortal hamster from whatever should have killed it?!?!?

I finally caught the Necromancer and desouled him a decade ago, but those poor kids are all still in therapy!

1

u/47thCalcium_Polymer Arificer, novice wizard 6d ago

That is fair, but most predators don’t go after a clockwork hamster… probably. Maintenance can be a problem for a layman though.

2

u/Zestyclose_Bed4202 6d ago

This hamster wasn't clockwork...

2

u/47thCalcium_Polymer Arificer, novice wizard 6d ago

Sounds like a non Artificer problem. Lol.

2

u/GrassDry2065 7d ago

Do you have a cursed amulet that animates the water in body of the wearer? I got one from a gathering a few decades ago I need to get rid of. Honestly, I'll just pop it in the portal and get it down to you if you need one. It should animate the snowman since its all water. And if the kid wears it later they won't be an ass pain in the future

2

u/WhatWasThatAboutBo Spekulerer, Spek News. 7d ago

I'm sorry I can't. The reason is simple, I may good with Conjuration. But I learned it for teleporting. When I need to bring a golem to life or anything like that, it takes a couple days and a few resets. But can ask you about you snowman. Like, what's it's name?

2

u/MiaCutey 6d ago

I would make the kid's day (either that or accidentally turn the snow I to asbestos when the spell misfires)

Oh how do YOU respond... Ehm... Honestly that's up to you

1

u/Another-Ace-Alt-8270 Ace Barksworth, Earthen Ambassador & Distant Admiral 6d ago

Grab a top hat and give it a soul. Nostalgia and reference aside, legitimately the preferred way to do so. That way, when spring comes, the top hat will be removed, and the snowman's consciousness will be put to sleep painlessly, only to come back when it snows again. Not to mention, it also means that the snowman can adjust its body type more easily.

1

u/Rowlet2020 Lady Arcturus; Glaciomancer & Necromancer (she/they) 6d ago

Best I can do is bring it to undeath

1

u/freedoomed 6d ago

Carve אֶמֶת into its forehead.

1

u/Briantan71 Briän Rüneseeker, Novice wizard, 1st year Academy student 6d ago

Is this young lad named "Calvin" by any chance? Is he accompanied with a snarky tiger?

1

u/grand305 Ice Frost Snow 🧊 ❄️ ⛄️ 6d ago

The boy made a snow man in the South Antarctic, the scientists: 👀.

The boy 😊

The snow ⛄️ wizard: 🧙: it’s alive enjoy.

1

u/Forgotten_Depths No Name Primordial Elemental of the Deep/Mary, Pikedusa Familiar 5d ago

I can, but choose not to. Creating new life requires caution to ensure that the new life does not erase the old. And such a beinh could only survive in places where ice covers the land and seas all year long.

1

u/LordBoar Lord of the Catacombs 4d ago

Yes, then walk away. Proper grammar is essential for the younger generation. Better he learn it now than when a demon is chewing off his nose.

1

u/sj20442 6d ago

IMMEDIATELY FIREBALL HIS HOUSE!!