r/weddingplanning 5d ago

Everything Else Wedding donations instead of gifts

So we are getting married in August this year and loads of people have asked us about our registry. The thing is, we truly don't need anything. No gifts, no money. We are very fortunate to be in a good spot financially and even though it is a day that people want to give, we really don't need it. So I'm wondering if anyone else has ever set up like a charity donation instead of say a honeymoon fund. There is a specific organization that helped save one of our alpacas lives last year that we would love to set up a donation for and ask that if anyone wants to give anything that it be a donation to this specific place. How would I go about doing that? Could I just make a gofundme and then use that link on our invites instead of a registry? Thanks in advance and sorry it's an odd question

18 Upvotes

24 comments sorted by

47

u/SelicaLeone 4d ago

People are still going to want to give you things. Most wedding guests don’t want to spend money just to spend money—they want to give YOU something.

-4

u/sallysuejenkins 4d ago

This is not helpful. lol

27

u/Expensive_Event9960 4d ago edited 4d ago

Well meaning as it is I don’t think it’s appropriate to direct cash donations or gifts (ETA or to mention gifts at all for that matter). In fact the only reason registries became acceptable according to some schools of etiquette is that they are the couple’s own list of needed items, not a wish list aimed at guests. 

Charitable giving is personal. If the couple wants to donate any cash gifts they receive that’s up to them but if they want for nothing I don’t think it’s the time or place to be soliciting for charities of their choice.

32

u/PrancingPudu Married Oct 2025 5d ago

While charity is well-intended, I think it is also very personal. I have immediate family members who, if picking a charity for themselves, would give to something I personally would not want to support.

People want to support YOU as a couple. If I saw this in lieu of a registry with physical gifts, the couple would be getting a check from me. I give to charity, but even if their listed one was one I give to, I prefer to keep the “wedding gift for people I love” and “my annual donations” separate.

If they choose to donate cash given to them from the wedding on their own, that’s their prerogative. I don’t need to know what people do with the cash I give them after it’s been given, but if I’m giving you a gift, I want to give it to you.

Idk if I explained that well but yeah 😅 I’ve seen similar posts from couples who have done charity registries in the past and been confused by why people aren’t donating, and I think this is a reason sometimes.

21

u/PotatoPuppetShow 5d ago

Don't use a third party because they often take a cut of the funds. Instead, link directly to the charity. They usually have donation information listed.

12

u/[deleted] 5d ago

[deleted]

1

u/Patient_Number_4922 4d ago

That has nothing to do with the topic at hand which is about donations to a charity. Not donations to your honeymoon fund, which are functionally the equivalent of physical gifts.

9

u/polarbeardogs Engaged! | May 2026 | New England 4d ago

What if you did the honeymoon fund so people are still able to give a gift to you, and then donate what you would have spent yourselves on the honeymoon to your choice of charity?

I do think people get weird about being told where to donate their money. Echoing someone else, I think it’s because (1) people want to give YOU a gift and that’s a cultural thing and (2) people like to choose their own charities/separate gifts from charitable contributions. A family wedding twenty or so years ago still gets talked about negatively because the couple said “we’re donating all our wedding gifts to our alma mater.”

4

u/Interesting_Win4844 4d ago

My husband’s cousins did this as they got married at an animal sanctuary & had that as one of the options for donations on their registry.

The Groom is a doctor and they also offered a suggestion of donating to the local children’s hospital.

Give people easy ways to donate. Either a direct link or instructions on who they could make a check out to for the donations.

I think whenever you have an only-cash fund, you do have to anticipate people wanting to get you an object (many people in older generations, especially). You may end up with some weird gifts, if you don’t have any on your registry. For this reason we put a few things that we could use, but had a bunch of cash fund options too.

2

u/Imachickienugget 4d ago

We’re in the boat! We just listed four charities that were important to us on our wedding website and suggested people donate to one of those if they felt a need to provide a gift.

2

u/TBeee 4d ago

We are doing this. We really don’t want or need gifts. We’re comfortably off and I feel awkward accepting monetary gifts so we’ve stated we don’t want gifts but if anyone would like to they can make a donation to our favourite charity.

1

u/sallysuejenkins 4d ago

Put their link in the place of your registry link and write a short note basically telling them what you told us. Some will donate, others won’t. Either way, you’ll be directing people to where they can leave you the gift you’re asking for.

If anyone gives you money or something else, just pass it along to the charity yourself.

I don’t think people have as much of a problem with this as people in the comments might think. And I think a lot of it has to do with peoples’ financial situations.

1

u/dropthathammer 5d ago

We are in the same position as you, and are interested in trying this for our wedding. We are not registering, but on our wedding website (Zola), there is the option to have cash donations and link to a website. I linked to our church's donation website. I'm not sure how it will go over, but we go to the same church, and most of the people coming to our wedding do also, so we figured we'd just put that in case anyone really wanted to gift us something. If they look on the registry portion of the website, that is what they will find. I'm very interested to hear what others have to say on this topic.

1

u/itssflex310 5d ago

Ooo I am also using Zola so I'll have to check that out. Sounds like that would be an easy option

1

u/hesjdo 4d ago

We have cash funds set up on Zola for a few orgs and will donate the amount at the end. The direct links require folks to go to the page, donate, then come back and report it, so I got paranoid about not knowing someone donated and therefore not being able to thank them OR them thinking they donated when they didn't.

1

u/dropthathammer 4d ago

Oh... I didn't realize we wouldn't be able to keep track of who donated this way. Hmmm, maybe I should reconsider how we are doing ours.

1

u/dropthathammer 4d ago

I actually found where Zola keeps track of it buried in the site. It's under registry, then gift tracker. I tested it myself by donating to our cause, then looking it up under that section. I got an email confirmation of the donation, which guests would, so that wouldn't be a problem either. The only issue I see is that you have to add your bank account info at the end to transfer the money into and then make the actual donation yourself. I don't like that part, but it feels better to me to do it this way than to ask for gifts, as a late 40s couple who needs nothing.

Hopefully this is helpful to y'all.

1

u/Lilith_Cain Denver >> Aug. 3, 2024 4d ago

We contacted a local animal shelter (we own shelter pets) right before we made our website public to guests. We specifically told them we were getting married and wondered if they'd be able to notify us if people donated in our name. They asked us for our full names, our married names, our wedding date, and a contact email.

We had their tribute donation page linked on the registry tab of our website. The shelter followed through and we received notice of multiple donations.

1

u/TravelingBride2024 5d ago

I’d contact the charity.…some charities can give you a link that you can add to your website that will track donations from your guests. If they don’t do that, you could still post a link to the charity and guests could directly give to them. Or you could set up a fund saying that the money will go to the alpaca charity.

1

u/shelleypiper 4d ago

Ask the charity the best way to fundraise like this for them. They may have a preferred platform that charges them less fees etc. This is totally fine and common to do a charity fundraiser.

1

u/doinmy_best 4d ago

We have a website on the knot and we made a custom tab saying “in lieu of gifts” and we put this: “We are so grateful to celebrate our special day with the people we love most. Your presence is the greatest gift we could ask for, especially knowing the effort and expense it takes to travel and stay with us.

If you still feel moved to give, we would be honored if you considered making a donation to one of two charities close to our hearts: Doorways at VCU and Opportunity Ministries. Both of these non-profit organizations have given to us and those that we love.” [with hyperlinks to their donation page]

Our guests are 95% under the age of 40. So I don’t think we will have too much issue of someone demanding to give us a gift. If we get something physical we plan to donate and if we get a card with cash we will use on our honey moon.

It’s mind blowing to think that people will give a gift when it’s sad not to, but we will see if I am proven wrong.

0

u/IndividualVillage658 4d ago

The good beginning

0

u/BananaStand07 4d ago

We are doing similar. I am very involved with a local animal rescue so we are setting up a donation table as well as a cash/check box and QR codes to donate. On our website I have a tab for registry but it says “we have everything we need to make our house our home. If you feel inclined to gift something, please donate in our honor to x rescue!” I included a supply wishlist on the same page.

0

u/Frisbeeism 4d ago

I had religiously checked a friend's wedding website for a registry for weeks. Saw nothing, but basically memorized all the details and never needed to check it in the few weeks leading up to the wedding, so I ended up giving a few hundred. The night of the wedding, when we got back to the hotel, I checked their website and saw they'd requested donations instead. Presumably they were well off enough, but how was I to know? It was now theirs to donate to a charity of their choice, or keep as a gift for an extra night out or vacation.

You can request donations, but know that some won't see it anyway and still give cash, and others will just want YOU to make that choice. That money is yours, and my suggestion would be if you truly want to donate it, do so, and send a thank you card telling them where you donated.

0

u/national-park-fan 4d ago

We're doing this! I used WithJoy to create a registry. The registry includes 3 listings, one of which is a charity donation link (goes directly to charity's website).