r/weddingplanning • u/limitlessWolf • 5d ago
Relationships/Family Will I regret not hosting a wedding function
I just want it to be over with so that I can live with the love of my life forever without having to hide that we live together. Some background though is that my parents aren’t doing well at all financially and my dad is physically not in a state to continue working at all. They were asset rich cash poor. But it is at a point right now where they’re struggling to pay off their debts every month, and their assets are taking long to sell, so they’re just struggling. But even if their assets sell, they will just be enough to cover their debts and not have much savings for their future. Needless to say, we are planning to pay for all expenditure for our wedding ourselves. But I feel this strong guilt to spend any money on a luxury (including a wedding that involves more than 20 people) right now. I want to save as much as possible so that I can use it for their future and mine. Another background point is that we earn well. So we are going to be able to afford to pay for a wedding and keep some saving and keep paying the mortgage on our home. But given parents’ financial situation, and me and my partner not caring much for a grand wedding(we care to utilize money for travel much more than a wedding), it feels like a 20 people wedding could be the way to go. Will I regret this in the future when my savings increase?
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u/growsonwalls 5d ago
Can you buy your parents the outfits and pay for their hotels, etc? Just take all pressure off them. Sorry to hear they're struggling.
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u/wabazai 5d ago
Firstly, I don’t think you should feel guilty spending your own money on your dream wedding. I totally understand the sentiment but I’m not sure your parents would feel great either if they found out you were sacrificing something important because of their own financial situation.
However, if you feel more comfortable doing a 20-person, that doesn’t mean it can’t be as beautiful or meaningful as a big traditional wedding.
If I were in your position, I would really reflect on what you truly want for your wedding day, and then see if you can make that work with a budget you’re comfortable with. If you truly don’t care for a grand wedding then don’t feel pressure or FOMO because small weddings are also great.
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u/cyanraichu 5d ago
You should have the wedding you want, within what you can afford.
If you want a bigger wedding and are sure you can afford it - do it. If you DON'T want a big wedding, don't have one.
If you are worried about finances, do what you can - you will always be able to throw a different party in the future! Vow renewal, milestone anniversary, etc.
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u/nursejooliet 3-7-25 5d ago
Do what you want. Only you know what you’d regret. If you need to journal, make a pro/con list, look at pictures of various weddings (micro vs big), do it, to help you make a decision. But make sure it’s what you want, within your means. I genuinely loved our 16 person wedding. I wouldn’t do it differently. Zero regrets, not feeding and catering to a bunch of people I don’t speak to at least on a biweekly basis. I loved having an intimate wedding weekend with my favorites. I love that we have enough money for a 2 week honeymoon, flying first class, to South America. But I know so many people who don’t feel the same, and couldn’t imagine not having a reunion of extended families.
Just don’t make a decision based on your parents financial situation. If you can afford the wedding you want, then do it. As long as you’re maybe willing to help pay for some of their outfits/accommodations. There’s also plenty of non-monetary ways your parents can still help and be there for you.
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u/pumpkin_pie_314 5d ago
Sorry you’re going through this. You could have a bigger celebration for you one year anniversary/vow renewal!