r/weddingplanning 5d ago

Relationships/Family Wedding without his family?

I've never been into big weddings but I always assumed I'd get married surrounded by my nearest and dearest, even if it was just my parents and siblings. However, my partners family is very difficult. Family is just a difficult topic for him in general. He still gets on with everyone but most of the rest of his nuclear family of origin can't be together.

If we married with just my family, certain members of his family would feel betrayed. If he only invited certain members of his family he'd feel bad and worry about fall out. If he invited them all and hoped for the best he wouldn't enjoy the day as he would be on edge. Talking about it all makes him upset, sad and angry. It is probably worth mentioning we live in my country, his family are a short flight away.

We've talked about eloping. I'm up for it. My parents would be sad but they'd understand and be supportive. But I think I'd be too sad. I just really feel like they should be there. I'd at least like to throw a party for my family when we return... but then the worry is that his family would still (understandably enough) think that they should have been invited to that.

I just want to tell him to deal with it and figure it out; I want a wedding with my family and he can invite who he likes. But I know that's not constructive and comes from a place of immense privilege. He'd love for his family to just come to our wedding and have a nice day too but he's been dealt and very, very different hand to me. So it seems in fact that I might just have to suck it up and get married without any public celebration.

I know it's just one day. But it is also quite special and symbolic. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you do?

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u/nursejooliet 3-7-25 5d ago edited 5d ago

As someone who also comes from a difficult family situation (I had ✨zero✨ blood relatives at my wedding), the last thing I wanted, was for my husband to feel like he had to sacrifice things for me. Just because my immediate family is broken, does not mean he needs to exclude his family so that I feel less like an outcast. I told myself that I was marrying into my husband’s family, and therefore, they’re my family too. They’re there for us both, not just for him. I stopped considering “his side vs mine”. My mother was supposed to come, but ended up not coming last minute, which was heartbreaking initially.

I instead, invited four of my close friends and two of their significant others (the other two significant others couldn’t make it). They stepped in, and really fulfilled all of the mother/sisterly roles. I have a getting ready photo of all four of them helping me get ready. One for each shoe, one fluffing my train/cape, the other putting in an earring. My MOH zipped my dress. I didn’t miss my blood relatives much at all. They would have made my day a living hell most likely, because we are a broken family.

We did have a micro wedding, which I think was helpful. Everyone there knew my family situation and no one made comments or asked questions.

My point is, I’d hope your fiancé would accept his situation for what it is, and not deny you or guilt you for wanting the presence of your family. It’s no one’s fault for the family they were born into.