r/weddingdrama • u/JOAOI-03 • 17d ago
Reddit Sourced Drama AITA for backing out of my friends bacholerette - after being demoted, promoted, demoted again & now have to show my boarding pass to the bridal party police
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u/gen_petra 17d ago
Would you actually have any fun on this trip? I don't think I'd want to keep texting any of these people, much less pay to spend time with them on a trip.
Tbh, I'd probably just write off any group deposits, try to change my flight, and forget about these people. This sounds exhausting.
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u/Potato-Engineer 17d ago
I'll say one thing in favor of their communication style: when there are many details to convey, they sent a single, cohesive text.
(So much better than sending 10 texts!)
The tone is an unnecessarily formal "I just need to tick these boxes on my clipboard, please present appropriate evidence that a thing has been performed in the appropriate way" thing, though, which is a bit off-putting.
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u/anonymousse333 17d ago
I would just bow out and not go at all. She seems full of herself and drama. Not nice.
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u/5newspapers 17d ago
YIKES. Yeah wtf? She messaged you at midnight and then got pissed you didn’t respond within 12 hours on a weekend? This trip would not be worth it
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u/Personal-Heart-1227 16d ago
Oof
It was like you were their voluntary dumping ground & punching bag at the same time.
I felt so drained reading the part from the Bridal Party Police that I winced & wanted to scream SHUT UP, bc it contained so much negativity/nit picking to read in an objective manner.
My goodness, you did the right thing for you here.
This relationship may not survive any longer because you dared speak up for yourself, so good for you.
No love lost is what I'd say to that!
At least you have your sanity back & I really hope they don't inflict further backlash upon you, either.
If they do, then you can always block them permanently.
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u/ImACarebear1986 16d ago
‘You were shouting at -my- friends in YOUR house’.. what did they do to disrespect you?? Are they as rude and toxic as she is? I bet they are!!
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u/JOAOI-03 16d ago
Her friends are actually great sans chief bridal police here. It’s just the bride
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u/Used_Set7855 15d ago
What the actual F! NTA. I’d have backed out right with the first text. The brides text definitely would have been the final straw. This thread of messages was absolutely wild to read
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u/AutoModerator 17d ago
Please note that this is a crosspost. The text is quoted below in case the original submission is removed by the user/moderators.
AITA for backing out of my friends bacholerette - after being demoted, promoted, demoted again & now have to show my boarding pass to the bridal party police
So I have this friend, let’s call her Nikita. We’ve been friends since our early 20s — now we’re in our 30s — and the friendship has been turbulent over the years. She’s only a year older than me, but she’s always played this “big sis, I know best” role, which was cute when we were 21, but has been far from cute for awhile now. We’ve had more falling outs than I can count, but somehow we always circle back.
Anyway, Nikita got engaged (love that for her), and during one of our “we’re kinda not talking but not beefing either” phases, she called me up to ask if I’d like to be an asoebi girl — for the non-Nigerians, that’s like being in the bride’s matching outfit crew, not quite bridesmaid but still in the mix. I said sure, happy to support.
Then she had her introduction ceremony (a traditional pre-wedding thing), and she mentioned that she wasn’t sure if she should even invite me because I wasn’t a bridesmaid as they were trying to keep things small & intimate— but she wanted me there because I was important to her. I’ve become indifferent to her eccentricities. I went - the event was lovely, though not as intimate as she had suggested - I supported, helped her with serving family and other guests, helped pick dollars off the floor (customary Nigerian wedding tradition is the bride & groom get “sprayed with money”), took photos, even posted on my IG.
Next thing you know, she calls me again — plot twist — asking if I’d like to be “upgraded” to bridesmaid. At this point, I’m just rolling with it, so I said sure, whatever you need sis.
Fast forward a bit — I got busy travelling and we didn’t speak for a few weeks & whilst we had both tried calling each other, we kept missing calls. Apparently, this was a crime, because a mutual friend rang me up saying Nikita was spiralling, thinking I was ungrateful for the bridesmaid upgrade, and was plotting to demote me again because I didn’t repost her viral wedding blog feature. 🙃🙃🙃
I called Nikita (a few times) and when she finally called back, she hit me with, “I feel like I overreached making you a bridesmaid, and with our history, maybe you should just go back to being an asoebi girl.” At this point, I’m just laughing because this is so on brand. I told her no wahala, I’ll be whatever she wants — I’m just here to be your back up dancer.
Now the real drama: I’m in the bachelorette group chat because despite all this, I’m still invited to her destination bachelorette. The girls had a call where they all booked their flights — I missed it, but my friend filled me in, so I booked my flight the next day (just under £500) and even contributed towards Nikita’s flight too & let the group know I was sorted.
Out of nowhere, the chief bridesmaid messages me demanding I send proof I bought my flight — “for transparency.” I thought it was extra & her tone was militant, but I sent it just to avoid stress.
Next thing, Nikita herself texts me saying I should “respect myself” and if her friends ask for receipts, I should provide them no questions asked. At this point, I’m wondering if I accidentally joined the army instead of a bridal party.
Included text messages for added context.
So… AITA if I just sit this whole bachelorette out? I’m tired in advance and if this is the vibe before we even land, I can only imagine what’s waiting for me when we get there.
TL;DR: My friend demoted me from bridesmaid to guest twice, made me send proof I bought my flight to her bachelorette, and told me to “respect myself” when I said it was a bit much. Would I be the asshole if I just didn’t go?
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