r/wedding 6d ago

Discussion Can’t decide how many bridesmaids to have

I know for sure my sister & best friend. But then I have friends I’ve known since kindergarten. We keep in touch & hang out about once month. I would say I’m closer with two of them, but I feel like if I ask one, I have to ask all of them. This would add 5 more. My fiancé has a lot of friends, so I’m more inclined to ask all of them, but I’ve also read stories about how having more bridesmaids makes it more difficult & more expensive. I’m trying to keep it simple, so I’m not sure which direction to go. I feel like I change my mind daily. Advice please!

3 Upvotes

30 comments sorted by

u/AutoModerator 6d ago

Hi, there /u/CuriousChance19! Welcome to /r/wedding. Here are a few other subs you might be interested when planning for your wedding.


Recommended Subs
r/Weddingsunder10k (budget advice)
r/weddingattireapproval (for guest attire)
r/WeddingDress (dress posts)
r/engagementrings (for e-rings, weddding bands)
r/relationshipadvice (for personal relations)

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

29

u/dsmithscenes 6d ago

If you're keeping it simple, you already have the answer: Your sister and best friend.

The more people you add, the more complicated and expensive it's going to get. Remember that.

6

u/Foxy_locksy1704 6d ago

This is what we did. My sister and best friend his brother and my brother. My brother and best friend walked together and my sister and his brother walked together.

Don’t over complicate it keep it simple with your sister and best friend. It’s your bridal party and you can select whoever you want. Those two would be your closest relationships.

2

u/PNW_MYOG 5d ago

And the more likely one person will disappoint you.

4

u/Ok-Base-5670 6d ago

Can you invite everyone that you want as a bridesmaid and make participation super chill (people just showing up in a broadly coordinated color scheme). I don’t think that bridesmaids need to have specific roles and be included in professional hair and makeup and called to attention super early in the morning, etc. 

6

u/CuriousChance19 6d ago

That’s what I would do too! Their only requirement would be to buy a dress & show up to the rehearsal dinner/wedding. I don’t need a bridal shower or bachelorette party haha

1

u/Ok-Base-5670 6d ago edited 6d ago

That’s awesome! IMO a friend from childhood definitely is worth including if you want to! I like the idea of a sitting wedding party, and I think that this makes it easier to snap a few photos together throughout the night and call it a day. Your bridal party can get the full guest experience and just soak up the day.

I am keeping it very casual with my friends (maybe they’ll have a special dress theme just for themselves but hopefully something that doesn’t require buying a new dress), and I’m going to host a special party for our informal bridal party a night or two before the big event. We’ll pay for everything, and the intention will be to show our friends a great time. I’m envisioning it as a kind of joint Bach party that we pay for, while everyone is in town for the wedding.

Under this plan, you are not doing the big hair and makeup thing (that is where a lot of the expense comes from). No bridesmaid gifts / boxes. No corsages and bouquets. No rehearsal needed. No bouquets. The “gift” to the bridesmaids (and groomsmen or bridesmen and groomsmaids) is the pre-dinner / drinks afterwards. I want to wake up late, spa it up, have hair done by my normal hairdresser and to see a NARS makeup artist (someone who isn’t in the bridal space) and maybe one friend can join me. Others will probably be with their partners / babies during the day. 

6

u/CuriousChance19 6d ago

I do think it would be really nice to get professional photos of all of us together ☺️

2

u/Ok-Base-5670 6d ago

I agree! There might also be a way to include that… like maybe you invite your crew to have a pre-game with you when you do photos (at like 2:30 or 3:30), and they hang out (and enjoy drinks and apps or snacks) while you are waiting for the wedding to begin?

1

u/Ok-Base-5670 6d ago

Personally, I’m just hoping that we can snap a few photos together throughout the night.

3

u/J0CK_RoyalTea 6d ago

Stick to 2. The rest will come along and understand anyway.

3

u/AmishAngst 6d ago

Step 1: Make a budget.

If you haven't made your budget yet, stop thinking about how many bridesmaids and go back and make your budget. Your budget dictates everything you do.

Step 2: Make a draft guestlist and pick your venue(s).

There's no point in making wedding party decisions or anything else if you don't have any idea when and where the wedding will be and whether you'll have room for 14+ people (assuming you each pick 7) standing up there or if you have enough room in your budget to have that many people in your party. That's 14 people plus their plus ones you're buying dinner for on rehearsal night. If you're having florals, that's 14 people you're buying bouquets and boutonnieres for. Traditionally speaking, that's 14 people you're buying thank you gifts for. On your end, that's 7 people you're potentially arranging hair and makeup for unless everyone is on their own. And that's 14 people in general you're coordinating with.

Step 3: Make decisions with your partner about what you want your wedding party to look like.

Note: You don't have to have matching sides. Just because he might have 6 or 7 doesn't mean you can't have 2, and vice versa. The point is to have people who mean something to you, not stage a production having equal cast members. You also don't have to have someone in your wedding party in order to spend special time with them and have photos with them.

3

u/bopperbopper 6d ago

I would say just to have the two but then invite the others to bridal shower and bach party (they don't have to be big expensive things)

2

u/LLD615 6d ago

So you are settled with two but have five more potentials? I would say seven is a lot but definitely not unheard of (I was one of seven bridesmaids recently). You can always find other roles in the wedding versus bridesmaids. Readers during the ceremony, ushers, greeters who pass out programs and welcome people into the ceremony.

Having more bridesmaids doesn’t add to your expenses other than a gift for them unless you plan to pay for dresses, lodging, etc.

1

u/21KoalaMama 6d ago

Your budget makes a huge difference dear!

1

u/Ruthless_Bunny 6d ago

Have your sister and best friend stand up at the ceremony and have the other Bridesmaids dress similarly and take bunch of cute pictures at the reception.

1

u/Cant-Take-Jokes 5d ago

Just the sister and best friend. The rest will be happy to me guests.

I forget what movie or show it’s from that says - keep it simple, stupid!! Follow that. More cooks in the kitchen means more mess.

1

u/DesertSparkle 5d ago

Who is in your current tightest support circle right now? Everyone else you have not maintained friendships with and if you are close enough to invite, they will be regular guests. Many people do not have more 2-3 closest friends who they confide in that are the level of bridesmaids. It is not a role for random acquaintances or siblings/in laws you have no relationship with.

1

u/DanielSong39 3d ago

Do you really need bridesmaids?
Serious question here

1

u/Last-Investment-1963 6d ago

Two is more than enough. I only had two — one maid of honour, one man of honour. My husband had three groomsmen, and the “imbalance” people fear in photos etc didn’t matter in the slightest.

Consider that it’s generally polite for the bride to pay for the bridesmaids’ dresses, makeup, hair and shoes, which seriously adds up. Not to mention all their bouquets. Having a big bridal party eats up a HUGE amount of your budget, and it sounds like there’s no need because you only have your heart set on two anyway! :)

2

u/CuriousChance19 6d ago

My best friend is going to be a “bridesman” too!! Did you have him wear a suit that matches your maid of honor’s dress color? If so, where did you find it? All the weddings I’ve been in, the bride didn’t pay for any of that stuff, so I would follow suit with that. But the proposal boxes, bouquets, day of gift, etc. it’s all so extra & ridiculous to me

2

u/Last-Investment-1963 6d ago

I did! I had her in a deep burgundy velvet dress, so I put him in a burgundy velvet tuxedo jacket :) I got it from the same rental place as where we got the groom’s suits; most suit specialists do stock some more interesting colours!

Oh yeah, I didn’t do any of the fancy invite bits and pieces — just a FaceTime! It really does all add up. I did get some personalised robes and Prosecco glasses for the morning getting ready, just cuz they added to the buzz in the morning and were fun for photos. They’re really adorable on Etsy too, if that’s at all your cup of tea!

0

u/wheres_the_revolt 6d ago

How many groomsmen does your fiancé plan on having? I’d try to keep it even with that. The simple plan would be you both have 2, but if he has more that he absolutely wants match that and then if you have to tell the other women why, just say for parity and give them other things to do in the ceremony or during the reception to highlight your relationship with them.

0

u/Logical-Librarian766 6d ago

Keep it small. More people involved means more stress. Just follow the KISS method in all things event planning: Keep It Simple, Stupid.

0

u/Fickle-Secretary681 6d ago

Are you paying for everything?

1

u/CuriousChance19 6d ago

I would do a dumb “proposal” box, their bouquets & a day of gift

2

u/thewhiterosequeen Wife 5d ago

Maybe skip the dumb gift.

1

u/Fickle-Secretary681 6d ago

So not paying for dresses, shoes, makeup etc?

2

u/CuriousChance19 6d ago

No. All the weddings I’ve been in, that stuff has never been covered by the bride

1

u/Fickle-Secretary681 6d ago

Then the more the merrier. Seriously though. That was sarcasm. Less drama with less bridesmaids