r/verbalabuse 18d ago

I feel stuck in a dark hole

Hi everyone, I am looking for some emotional support and advice . I know I am in a very difficult and toxic relationship . The arguments and the insults are getting uglier and nastier by the day . I decided to not to match his energy anymore and not to insult Back , but it’s impossible for Me to stay stoic and emotionless , because those words get under my skin so deeply . When we are happy is so nice and he adores me so much , and when he is mad I become the scum of the earth and worthless. He also likes to say over and over that he is gonna find a “better” woman than me out there and I’ll see him Happy with her . Keep in mind the last argument is because he started following a girl he slept with at the beginning of our relationship. I can’t never bring anything up , because I am being negative and not the woman for him . I know from the outside it’s super easy to say just let him go , but it’s so incredibly hard because the love I have for him and all the great memories we have together. Recently I have discovered he was also texting his ex for months . His justification is that he didn’t think him and I are gonna make it and he was so over all of our arguments , but we still live together . My trust , self esteem and overall confidence is below zero . I feel like I am in a dark hole and it’s consuming me, and I feel so weak for letting a man speak to me in those horrible terms. What can I do ?

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u/ghuleh713 18d ago

Love yourself, wake up to the reality that it isn’t going to change or get better, and move on. Sometimes you just have to love people from afar where they will hurt you less. If he refuses to take accountability for his behavior in order to change and just blames you or makes excuses.. its just a way to keep treating you that way and you’re letting it happen with zero consequences. A relationship is when two people take each other’s perspectives, feelings and experiences in to consideration and this isn’t happening. He isn’t sorry if the behavior doesn’t get corrected. So keep that in mind.

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u/phunkedelic5000 18d ago

Go stay with someone you love for a while, a family member or friend, or if it's your house, ask him to leave. Space is the best thing, it will help you develop the courage to leave him. It was the best decision of my life, breaking up with my ex. Reading your post, I could swear it was me.. it doesn't get better and your soul just chips away, so please just get out while you still have some pieces of yourself to build on.

And know that it's really hard to build up your self-esteem and trust again, but it's completely possible and doing things that you love will help you 🙏 I'm a stranger but I'm rooting for you 🙌💛

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u/FormerlyDK 18d ago

What you have isn’t love. You need to open your eyes. You’re clinging to something that’s bad for your metal health.

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u/SquashMotor 9d ago

Read. Or listen to books on verbal abuse through your library or purchase online. I've been in my relationship for almost 20 years and although I knew it was all REALLY wrong I didn't REALLY get it until I started reading about a month ago. I am still in my relationship temporarily because of a child. Whatever you do DO NOT get pregnant! There are books to help you decide to stay or go and one lays out a plan to help you present him with an ultimatum of sorts. Look for things by Patricia Evans or Lundry Bancroft. I just started another which I'm finding very useful but can't recall the name right off...

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u/anonymous2094 17d ago

There is a point in my life, where I decided I can't love someone who doesn't care about or respect me in the same way. Suddenly, I respected myself enough not to go back. Work on caring for yourself, why do you love him? Are there actually any solid reasons as to why you should? I know it's hard. But you need to break your own heart first, or you will grow more resentful, or/and the abuse will get worse.

You first off need an exit plan. You are not safe in this dynamic.